My Grandad was watching me from above:KARISMKapoor

Karisma talks about her first Filmfare Best Actress award

I'm still in a bit of a daze. I'd wished and prayed that some day I'd walk onto the stage to receive the Filmfare trophy. And now that it has happened, I'm at a loss for words. That night I had to pinch myself several times to convince myself that I wasn't dreaming.

It has taken me five-and-a-half years of hard work and dedication to reach here. And believe me, these years haven't exactly been a cakewalk for me. I've always believed that it's much more difficult for a star child to make it. The inevitable comparisons weigh you down. I had to live up to the reputation of my parents besides fulfilling the public's expectations of the Kapoor family. It was an arduous task, but it's been worth every minute.

Now, I've passed the test of fire. On the way, I did receive a lot flak, which was uncalled for at times. I suffered a lot of humiliation but I maintained a dignified silence.

There were so many attempts to pull me down. It was said that I wouldn't make it' it was felt that the audience wouldn't identify with my western looks. The verdict was given: Karisma Kapoor was no-hope candidate. Well, this award is a hard slap on the faces of my detractors.

I remember at the awards night, I had blanked out. I didn't pitch my hopes too high because I didn't want to be disappointed. The Best Actress category was keenly contested, I told myself that all of us stood a chance. But, strangely, everyone right from my bania, chemist and video library man to my colleagues and friends in the media felt that I deserved the award. They told me that it would be unfair if I didn't win. Their expectations made me nervous. It was as if the entire world wanted me to win.

I tried to stay cool. It was only when Raja Hindustani bagged the Best Film Award and the Best Actor Award that I felt a bit nervous. Because by then my expectations had soared. But, at the same time, I told myself that if I didn't win I should take it sportingly. When my name was called out, I wanted to cry with happiness. There was so much chaos around. I didn't know what was happening. I turned to my mother and hugged her tightly.

But for mum, I wouldn't be anywhere. I'd like to take this opportunity, since I couldn't speak on stage, to thank her for her support and inspiration, for instilling the right values in me. She's stood by me during tough times, she told me never to give up hope. You know, this is the RK studios' 50th year and I've won the award. It's almost as if granddad were watching me from above. This award is his blessing. I know he wants me to keep the RK Banner flying high.

The minute I won the award, the news spread like wildfire. I got calls from all over the world. A cousin called from mid air to congratulate me. My mobile kept ringing. By the time, I reached home, the answering machine was chock-a-block with messages. I couldn't sleep at all that night.

The next morning, the house was jampacked with flowers. There was no place to move about. My chemist sent me a huge cake. My favourite restaurant sent me a lovely bouquet. The first call I got that morning was from Madhuri Dixit. I was touched. Govinda sent me a really huge bouquet. It was brought in a van and could hardly be carried through the front-door. Dilip uncle and Saira aunty sent me a beautiful card with a lovely message written on it.

My staff got very emotional. They'd seen me grow from a naive teenager into a confident actress.

They say it's only when you are down in the dumps you realise who your real friends are. But now I also believe that when you are successful you realise who's really happy with the fact that you've made it.