KYA BHARTI BANEGI BHASKAR?FF-the end-index in pg1 - Page 5

Part 7:

In Payal's house:

Payal is thinking about Bhaskar, there is a very cute photograph of Bhaskar and Payal in her hand. She remembers the day when Bhaskar left Gwalior. Payal was not a DJ that time, she was a simple college girl, dreaming to become a DJ in a renowned all India radio channel.

The past:

[ The door bell rang, Payal opened the door. She saw Bhaskar, with a huge smile in his face. Payal knew that Bhaskar was leaving for Mumbai, she was weeping all through the night and couldn't sleep, her eyes were swollen.

Bhaskar: Good Bye yaar, main chalta hu.

Then he stopped, he noticed that Payal's eyes were swollen.

Bhaskar: kya yaar ro rahi thi?

Payal just couldn't say anything.

Bhaskar: Payal, yeh dukhi hone ka waqt nahi hai yeh to khush hone ka waqt hai.

Payal: lekin Bhaskar….she stopped.

Bhaskar (he never stopped smiling): Tujhe yaad hai hum dono ka hamesha se yahi khwab tha ke hum Mumbai jayenge aur apna apna sapna pura karenge. Aj se hamare sapne ki shuruyat hoti hai.

Payal: tum apna sapna pura karoge aur main yaanhi, is Gwalior mein reh jaungi, waise hi papa kehte rehte hai ke Mumbai mere liye bohut unsafe jaga hai (she was just about to cry again)

Bhaskar: Chill babe, don't worry. main waha jaunga aur pura Mumbai ko tere liye safe bana dunga.

Payal gave smile and started crying again.

Bhaskar: chal yaar, ro mat. Abhi main chalta hu, tu jaldi i Mumbai mein hogi mere saath. ]

Payal thinks that how Bhaskar gradually climbed up the success ladder. It was because of him her parents agreed to let her come to Mumbai and follow her dreams. She started crying staring at the photograph.

In the mean time Armaan Bharti and Jia has finished their dinner. They left the restaurant. Jia was feeling sleepy so she fell asleep on Armaan's lap.

Bharti: Chalo tumhara ghar aa gaya.

Then she looked back to Armaan. She felt so good to see Jia sleeping in Armaan's lap, she didn't know the reason. She was thinking "may be this a glimpse of the "heaven" people talk about."

Armaan came out of the car and took Jia in his lap.

Armaan: thanks a lot Bharti

Bharti: dinner ke liye thanks tum bol chuke ho Armaan, kitnibar bologe?

Armaan: dinner ke liye nahi. Actually you know, main aur Jia, we were a complete family, tum se milne ke bad yeh lagta hai ke yeh family kahin na kahin adhuri hai.

Bharti knew that this time he was not trying to flirt, this time he was telling the truth. She gave a smile and said "Bye, goodnight". She started the car. Armaan waited there still the car went out of his sight.

After a while in Payal's house: The door bell rang. Payal opened the door.

Payal: Bhaskar…..her eyes were swollen.

Bharti: kya yaar ro rahi thi?

Payal said nothing and hugged her.

Bharti: kya hua Payal?

Payal: Bhaskar, tumhari yaad aa rahi thi.

Bharti looked into Payal's eyes. She was shocked. She had seen the same thing in Armaan's eyes some moments ago.

She thinks "KK, what is this? What is there in their eyes? I don't know what is it, but what I know is that it tortures me"

Love was an everyday game for Bhaskar, but ironically he was not able to identify it.

Originally posted by: Rin03

Hi kaninika,

Sry for the late comment but I have been busy so I will try to comment on your chapters, Anyway the chapters are really good 😃
But one single thing is that isn't everything happening a bit too suddenly? I mean if your going to keep it as how it is in BB than there would be problems and the romance would go a bit slowly but still have a lot of sweet moments. Payal's sudden change in behavior, I mean she suddenly started missing Bhaskar so much and she has become a bit too emotional, Payal usually is the happy person no matter how sad a situation is.

Sry, Anyway it is your fic 😊 You can make it anyway you want just telling you what I thought. I can be a bit of a critic when the charcters or story becomes to OCC. Anyway it's still good, Your comedy is good and the romantic moments too.

Originally posted by: kaninikabasuray

Thanks a lot Rin

I am really happy that you are not only appreciating but criticizing as well. (That means when you are appreciating, my right up is really good. 😆).

Actually I am not keeping my FF parallel to the actual story. I think there is some misunderstanding😕.
May be I am not able to make it clear.

The Part 1 of my story started from the situation when Bhaskar's parents came to live in Mumbai, and they found out that Bharti is Bhaskar's wife. From then on, I have written my own story. It is not related to the current story line. The characters remain same but I am not following the current BB story track. May be I should write an longer introduction before part 1 so that nobody is confused.

I hope you understand what I am telling.

About Payal's character, I know I made her little emotional. But in actual story her thought about Bhaskar is never shown, so I just wanted to add some cute moments between Payal and Bhaskar. In actual BB everyday we are busy with Bharti's problems, I just wanted to show that what is happenning in Payal's mind. Which probably she hides in front of Bharti because she knows that already Bharti is in big problem.

Whatever, these are my own thoughts. I will not stretch my story very long. I want to write new FFs 😳.So you may find that it is moving fast.

I hope you got your answers.

Thanks a lot again. I will be happy if you comment everytime I post my story. I really need a good critic, and you are perfectly fit for the role.😛


Take care

Kaninika

Originally posted by: Zoya_01

Totally your opinion dear as it is your ff

I love it anyways

Take Care

ZOya

Originally posted by: Dew-drop

To tell u the truth ....at the bgining I too found it a little similar to the original BB...
but now I like it ....& i dont find the pace of the story fast ....its okay ...& as 4 the Payal character ...I just luved her in the 5th & 6th part ...Infact i liked the idea of u also showing , wats going on Payals mind ...her emotions ....her missing Bhaskar & all ....
Ur FF is going gr8 ....I just love the way as it is going on .. ....👏

Best of wishes ..
Take Care..😃