Marriages - Page 6

Originally posted by: Arshi67

The dynamics do change between a couple once they are married. There are a different set of responsibilities that come into play. Also, each individual evolves and matures over time. It isn't necessary that both people in the marriage have the same trajectory. But, that's when both have to work at finding things that are of common interest. A healthy marriage means both have the freedom to pursue their own interests as well as doing things together. You have to respect the other's choices. Imposing your will never works in the long term (much as I wish it would!!!)

Adi would rather play football than go to a poetry soiree, and that is fine. Pooja would rather go to that soiree than watch him play football, and that is also fine. The problems start when you don't make an effort to find things that you can do together. In my opinion, I don't think Pooja had a proper conversation with Adi to tell him how much it would mean to her to have him there with her. Had she ever really spoken with him, and not just mentioned it as a matter of course? I feel communication is essential in any relationship.

From the limited information we have about their marriage, it's apparent that Adi was very emotionally dependent on Pooja. Did she feel that she couldn't do the same because of his emotional fragility? She was his happy place, his constant. Had she felt that would be jeopardised for him had she burdened him with what she was feeling? That's not to condone it, it's just an attempt to understand her state of mind which led her to stray.

This is where I ve a prob with Pooja. Did she genuinely try 2 find any common interests. They practically grew up together, dint they do any stuff together like movies or beaches or Italian food. I wont say Adi is emotionally fragile or dependent on Pooja. He merely had trust issues due to his dad's affair. But he did trust his wife implicitly so much so tat her affair was a total shock to him. In my marriage it was reverse. My hubby is extremely practical while I am v impulsive, dreamy & whimsical. So much so tat my hubby never used 2 share his probs with me. When I felt hurt he was like u behave like an immature kid. How do u expect me to share my burden with u. So I changed myself. Starting behaving more maturely, starting making extra effort to pry out stuff out of him. Now v r in a happy place. He is more open with me, shares his views frankly. Similarly he has also adjusted. Takes me & my kid out more often on vacation. Helps me with my household chores. So its a give & take frm both sides. Both the husband & wife need 2 put an effort 2 make the marriage work. Here I cant believe tat Pooja tried everything possible bef giving up on her marriage.

Ugh! Nvm.
🥱
I'll go and slam my head against a wall instead.

Originally posted by: Angels11

This is where I ve a prob with Pooja. Did she genuinely try 2 find any common interests. They practically grew up together, dint they do any stuff together like movies or beaches or Italian food. I wont say Adi is emotionally fragile or dependent on Pooja. He merely had trust issues due to his dad's affair. But he did trust his wife implicitly so much so tat her affair was a total shock to him. In my marriage it was reverse. My hubby is extremely practical while I am v impulsive, dreamy & whimsical. So much so tat my hubby never used 2 share his probs with me. When I felt hurt he was like u behave like an immature kid. How do u expect me to share my burden with u. So I changed myself. Starting behaving more maturely, starting making extra effort to pry out stuff out of him. Now v r in a happy place. He is more open with me, shares his views frankly. Similarly he has also adjusted. Takes me & my kid out more often on vacation. Helps me with my household chores. So its a give & take frm both sides. Both the husband & wife need 2 put an effort 2 make the marriage work. Here I cant believe tat Pooja tried everything possible bef giving up on her marriage.

Originally posted by: Angels11

I have read lots of Posts here about how Pooja felt neglected in the marriage. We are yet to see Yash pov. Reading all these made me wonder how many people in this forum are married. Because unless you are married it's difficult to actually understand the issues being shown by the cvs. Women are emotional and romantic while men are practical and unemotional. For example during my periods I suffer severe cramps. My husband will be like what's the big deal. Immediately I start crying remembering my parents. Even then rather than feeling guilty he will be like come on act mature. Just take a pain killer and try to sleep. Rather than the pain I cry because I feel lonely, neglected and unloved. Once I just exploded and since then he doesn't say anything insensitive. He understands that I am in pain and hence irrational. Men are that way. So people saying that adi dint even listen and was busy playing games must be mostly unmarried. Men need to be literally clobbered on the head to get our message. Subtlity doesn't work with men. Here i feel Pooja was being subtle. She should have been direct. Even then I feel it's too silly to walk out of a marriage due to varied interests. They could have spoken and tried to find a middle ground. Also passion always reduces over time. Even if she had married yash she would have faced the same issue after a few years. Did she really try to add passion instead of blaming Adi. It takes 2 hands to clap

Most of the arguments between married ppl r coz of money, family equations n d other gender. Marriages r nothn but compromises. I don't agree dt Adi giving 5 crores to Pooja without asking any questions is not huge. Itz a really huge thing. Generalization is not gud, but yes most men act certain way n most women act certain way n thr r only few exceptions. Coming to Adi n Pooja, i can understand both their pov n i feel both were at fault in some way. Since communication is supposedly the key to relationships acc to many, i do agree but don't agree too. We may communicate, but if your partner is a serial liar n says yes he/she is gonna do dis or dt n never do it?

Originally posted by: Angels11

Both of us at least agree on 1 point tat Cheating is not OK. Thank God for tat. I brought out those quests to show tat even if a guy & a girl ve a good understanding bef marriage post marriage same happy state might not continue since all these other factors come into picture.

Reg the pt bt Men dont understand subtlety & sometimes might "SEEM" insensitive IT IS A PROVEN FACT. As I earlier said there r numerous studies on this. Every1 saying my hubby is like this, my dad is like is just talking bt their individual experience. Not all men come under this group. Its like outliers. In many cases they might seem 2 b supportive coz they know its imp to the girl though they personally may not believe it. That is the adjustment tat I was talking bt from both sides. The guy might think its silly but since its important to the girl he plays along. Almost all men dont care much bt Bday, anniversaries etc. Saying no there r so many men who r sensitive, they celebrate blah blah. Yes they celebrate for the sake of the woman coz it matters to her. Like gng 4 the odd poetry session & sleep thru it. Tats where maturity comes into play. Also i used the word SEEM insensitive coz they r not deliberately like tat. For most men best evening is watching Champions League or EPL in a Sports bar. Many w'd actually support Adi & not coz he is a guy but coz they also behave the same way.

Originally posted by: Angels11

You can b as sarcastic as u want but experience definitely matters. At 18 even I used 2 view the world & life thru rose tinted glasses. Now at 36 I am more practical & grounded. And its wrong 2 quote egs of parents or any1 else. Noone & I repeat NOONE knows wat happens bet a husband & wife behind closed doors. I know friends who thought their parents loved each other & were so perfect only 2 learn later that they actually loathed each other & kept the pretense bef kids. I am not saying tats the case with ur parents. They might love each other madly, god bless them. All I am saying is most of the ppl speak & comment as if they ve seen the entire world when their own experiences r extremely limited. Classic eg is the prev poster whom u agreed with. I can tell confidently that most of the points tat she has mentioned is absolutely not possible in a middle class Indian set up. Prob in educated upper middle class. Even there I know egs where things ve not worked out. I can give u guys countless egs. Similar debates used 2 happen in IPK1 & EDKV forum as well. Ppl outside India used 2 b amazed at the stupidity being shown on TV not realizing tat these things do happen in Indian families. Degree & extent might vary but yes all the kitchen politics stuff do happen. I ve faced the same & so ve most of my colleagues & friends.

P.S I did mention tat those quests were extremely personal & I dont expect u 2 answer. Tat was just 2 point out the additional factors tat come into play in a traditional marriage setup.

Please stop tower-quoting. It's hard to follow! Thanks.

Was about to say the same thing as MrsAkyurek.