AnSh FF: NO GREATER LOVE: Chapter 15 p42 12/06 - Page 28

A long overdue update..but a warning I feel as if this is the weakest thing i have ever written so I apologize in advance and any feedback you might have is appreciated.

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Shiv turned the lights off in choti ma's room, finally having put her to sleep. She had been hysterical and it had been gut-wrenching for him to see. He had held back his tears, brought not only from the pain within his heart, but also from the pain he could see in her eyes. Shiv walked as if in a daze; to his parents' room. They were trying to be strong but he could see the grief, pain and agony they were feeling mirrored in their eyes.

'Papa, mom, please get some sleep. We have to make preparations for the funeral. How will we manage if you do not rest? Please take care of yourselves; you are both so important to us.'

Ira looked into the storm billowing across the sweet natured face of her son, the pillar and purpose of her life. She knew how attached he had been to her father in-law; she was aware of the pain, the hurt he was trying to conceal so bravely even though she knew, as all mothers would, that it was a facade of strength he had on, one that would crumble very soon. Ira hugged her son then, and Shiv held back his tears comforting her instead. He could not fall apart now. Asking his parents to get some sleep again, Shiv left the and went to look for Anandi, knowing that she was the one person he could show all his pain and tears to and her love would heal the ache etched in his heart.

****

Anandi fought to clear her mind of the relentless, petulant buzzing that plagued it, clouding over any possibility of calm, clear-headed thinking. Her head felt leaden under the weight of a gigantic beehive, emiting half-baked questions, suggestions that she did not want to hear, a horde of honeybees flocking about them erratically, until Anandi did not know which one to rivet her attention on, which emotion to give priority. Yes, that was the issue at hand. Kneeling beside the bed where she had just finished gingerly tucking in the reposing figure of her sleeping sister-in-law, Anandi was having difficulty pinning down one emotion from the many weaving criss-crosses in her mind.

She was worried. She was flummoxed. She was wary.

She had received a call from Jagya. His evil laughter, his threats, infused an almost agitated drive in her, leaving her stiffening; her nerves overworked, at a complete loss of what to do, what to anticipate.

This dread, which wound loops and loops of unease about her, constricting her heart, her lungs, her throat, could be accounted for well enough. Jagya was the one person who could destroy the happiness that she counted herself blessed with, the happiness that she devoutly thanked Devi Ma for every day. Shiv.

A vindictive spider spun its treacherous web of fear about her heart, entangling her will to speak, to demand answers, within many fine strands of pure panic.

She walked towards the glass doors that led out to the balcony, sliding them open, and the sudden rattle of the panes ruptured the almost tangible quiet of the room before she disappeared through them. Her eyes raked the sky frantically. The stars weren't out. They hadn't been out all night. The night sky was completely hidden from view by the brickwork of granite, so opaque were the layers of clouds carpeting the night stars.

As a little girl, Anandi's teacherji had told her stories of loved ones turning into stars, when they passed and watching over those they left behind. Anandi had held onto this belief strongly when her own mother had died. She had looked up towards the sky whenever she needed her mother and she had found the star she believed to be watching over her twinkle the brightest of all. She had wanted to tell Shiv this but had held back perhaps thinking he would find it silly and childish but deep down she knew it was a matter of faith. She had thought to tell him today that dadu had joined her mother in heaven and they were both going to be watching over them and show him another twinkling star just for them. And now there were no stars, so how was she supposed to console her Shiv and show him how dadu would always watch over him. How would she ask him to keep faith? How would she then share her fears with him?

Anandi felt then as if everything she had done, every sacrifice she had made was turning out to be completely worthless.

She remembered his words again; words he had said to her just an hour ago when he had called.

Cool, composed words, their menace by no means subtle, bounding and rebounding inside her skull, echoing and re-echoing until the cacophony nearly deafened her.

'I killed him Anandi. I was angry. I wanted Shiv to feel the same pain I was feeling. There will be more pain Anandi. I will ruin him. You will see. I have the police on your father-in-law's trail. I will ruin Shiv's career. I will ruin you all. I will take their Kesar Bagh away. Do not underestimate me. The only person who can save them is you. Return to me. Come back. Leave Shiv and everything will be alright again. You see, right now you are the root of all the unhappiness in that family, Anandi. Their happiness depends upon you. Alok Shekhar's reputation, business, ancestral home depends on you. Shiv's career, his happiness, his future depends on you. If you make one wrong move, you will destroy your family's happiness a second time round, as well as the happiness of the man you are trying to protect by keeping me away. One wrong move, and you'll be homeless, rejected by your parents-in-law, rejected by your so-called husband. Come back to me Anandi. PLEASE.'

And he had hung up.

It hurt. The pain was almost unbearable. But Anandi could not cry. No matter how badly her heart was torn and shred and ripped apart, no matter how profusely she bled, how raw her wounds, she could not cry. The urge to weep, to succumb to the sobs erupting like rounds of explosives within her chest, was almost overpowering. But Anandi had to swallow back each sob, had to choke on them, until the walls of her ribcage ached under the strain.

And still she could not cry.

She could not let Shiv see her like this. It would tear him apart. He would shatter. She could not let that happen.

There was no where she could go. Nothing she could do.

Not without jeopardising everything that counted in her life, everything that made it worth living in the first place.

And as she looked up at the night sky, she realised even her mother, the star that constantly watched over her had abandoned her tonight.

Preoccupied in her thoughts, Anandi did not realise how much time had elapsed by the time the slight creaking of the door alerted her to the arrival of her husband. He stood by the glass doors following the direction of her gaze, searching for something in the night sky. Anandi looked at him, her breath catching in her throat. He looked exhausted and all she wanted was to hold him in her arms and shower him with all her love.

It was with the same intensity that Shiv watched his wife. He had come to her, needing her love, wanting to spend some time in her arms so that she could soothe away the storm within him, ease the pain in his heart as her soft hands wiped away the tears he could cry only in her presence. The one person he could cry in front of. A fear gnawed at him as he looked into her eyes. The eyes he had learned to read. The eyes that always had love, care, affection, peace now held a strange fear, an unexplainable sorrow, and emptiness. Shiv continued to look at her, his sorrow forgotten as he tried to place the emotions he could see in his Anandi's eyes.

He walked towards her, and when he got to her she whispered

'The stars still aren't out, Shiv. They haven't been out all night. I've been waiting for so long.'

Shiv detected a ring of desperation to her voice. Something he could neither place nor account for.

'Teacherji had told me something when I was little Shiv; something I held onto all these years especially since my mother died. Those we love, when they die, she said they became stars, the brightest ones in the sky, Shiv. She said they watched over us. I used to find my mother Shiv when I watched these stars and I could tell her everything. She twinkled the brightest Shiv, the night I married you. She watches over us, Shiv. I was going to show you dadu today. He would have been right up there, with my mother. They aren't out there today...I just...I wanted to talk to them.'

Shiv had listened to what she had been saying to him, the fear in his gut growing stronger. Something had happened. Or maybe it was her reaction to the sadness around her. Maybe losing dadu had reminded her of her mother's death. Shiv found himself reciting these explanations to himself like incantations, almost as though trying to convince himself of their truthfulness.

'Is there...anything- particular- that you want to talk to them about?' Shiv inquired, as casually as he could manage.

'I just felt- very lonely...' Anandi answered slowly, looking away as she answered, her words growing steadily fainter before disappearing into the night.

'Why did you feel lonely, Anandi?' Shiv whispered to her, putting his arms around her and kissing her forehead.

'I am right here, I am always here, I know a lot has happened and I have been really upset and emotional and needy...but you can always tell me what is bothering you...we will deal with it together...so please tell me...has something- has something happened?'

Shiv did not need to see it to note the immediate change in atmosphere, as though the invisible connection between them, their brand of communication, which had never required words, had suddenly changed frequencies.

He could sense Anandi retreating within herself, warily, like a bird scared into hiding, watchful and guarded.

'Anandi, please tell me what it is...don't let this come between us..I can't bear to l..lose..y..you', Shiv had whispered quietly, holding Anandi closer.

Anandi marveled anew, at the difference between these two men that had come into her life. And she thanked her Devi Ma once again as she dwelt on her sheer good luck, on the honor and the blessing that had been given to her when Devi Ma had sent this particular man, her Shiv, for her partner. A deeply honorable man, a man who had given her an anchor to ground her down as she soared and discovered her own potential, a hand to hold on to while she reached for the stars, a rock to rest against as she battled her fears and her foes. Shiv was a partner who would never control her but would show her, firmly, gently, with love and passion, that being apart was not the answer for them-- he would always be there for her--and she? She would always need him, and have him for her own.

'Shiv...mujhe aise hi thame rehna...apne se door nahin jaane dena...' she said to him.

Shiv knew then, something had happened and he had wanted to ask her to tell him everything, not to hide anything when there was a knock on the door. They pulled apart and noticed Nathu standing there:

'Bhaiji, bhabhiji, jaldi aayi..police aayi hai..papaji ko lejane..woh factory mein kuch hua hai..jaldi aaye' and saying this he walked away quickly as Shiv walked behind him, failing to notice that his wife's face had gone as white as sheet.

...to be continued...

Originally posted by: Payali09

Been so long since there's been an update...please please update soon