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bips

@bips

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

#51

Waise, is there something called the "mahanta" complex ... because anandi has it.

For all her strengths, she like to be kicked around and then take the high road ... All that ainwaye things she used to do for gauri, helping her out, giving her that religious book for baby's health, keep on inquiring about her was utter nonsense ... a step back and total indifference would have been more dignified ... but she has this - check me out, i am so nice but so satayee hui thing going

Same with her initial outburst with shiv ... was the school her private property ? ... he is the collector ... it is his job to work for the betterment of the village ... but naaa! how dare he impinge on her territory ... i was like "what the hell! "

... and same thing yesterday ... the guy said yes to marrying you ... how do you go from there to he pities me ? ... why would someone tie them self for life to a person they don't like ? ... is shiv going to get a medal for marrying a divorcee ...

or maybe it is something that SHE would do - hypothetically (really really hypothetically) ... if there was a nice boy who no one wanted to marry because he was a divorcee and his wife left him for another man ... i can totally see anandi riding in like a bride-in-shining-armour, saying I will marry him ...while all the time yelling to the villagers - toh kya ho gaya if he is a divorcee, what is his fault ?? ... doesn't he have a right to be happy ... :)

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#52

Originally posted by: bips

... and same thing yesterday ... the guy said yes to marrying you ... how do you go from there to he pities me ? ... why would someone tie them self for life to a person they don't like ? ... is shiv going to get a medal for marrying a divorcee ...

or maybe it is something that SHE would do - hypothetically (really really hypothetically) ... if there was a nice boy who no one wanted to marry because he was a divorcee and his wife left him for another man ... i can totally see anandi riding in like a bride-in-shining-armour, saying I will marry him ...while all the time yelling to the villagers - toh kya ho gaya if he is a divorcee, what is his fault ?? ... doesn't he have a right to be happy ... :)

Bips -- this part is brilliant!!! -- yes, in psychology it is called "projecting" 😆😆😆 where we view people through our own filters. We attribute to them motives/actions/intentions which we have because our mindspace doesnt allow any other view. You have hit the nail on the head. Once bhairon had told gauri, that she has jaundiced eyes, so she sees everything as yellow and since she has chal kapat in her heart, all gauri can see is chal kapat in others.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#53

Originally posted by: bips
Waise, is there something called the "mahanta" complex ... because anandi has it.

For all her strengths, she like to be kicked around and then take the high road ... All that ainwaye things she used to do for gauri, helping her out, giving her that religious book for baby's health, keep on inquiring about her was utter nonsense ... a step back and total indifference would have been more dignified ... but she has this - check me out, i am so nice but so satayee hui thing going

Yes, actually, a "mahanta" complex does exist... It is called Martyr complex in psychology.

Anandi's behaviour till now with gauri exhibits all traits of a Martyr complex. 👍🏼

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bips

@bips

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

#54

Originally posted by: tinoo
Yes, actually, a "mahanta" complex does exist... It is called Martyr complex in psychology.
Anandi's behaviour till now with gauri exhibits all traits of a Martyr complex. 👍🏼

ya of course! ... thank you... totally forgot about that one ... i was thinking in hindi so the english equivalent didn't register (if that makes sense)

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#55

Originally posted by: bips

Same with her initial outburst with shiv ... was the school her private property ? ... he is the collector ... it is his job to work for the betterment of the village ... but naaa! how dare he impinge on her territory ... i was like "what the hell! "

actually, the school *is* her private property -- the girls school she runs is her own, which she started by herself with bapusa's help for infrastructure -- it is not the government village school where she jagya, phooli etc. studied.

and i think she was trying to do a lot of things on her own and private schools dont get grants easily, as compared to government schools -- but the collector moved his clout and pushed up her application for funding which had been languishing for a long time in some government file...

I agree with her irritation to a certain extent ...because she doesnt want to take favours and felt that he might be generating some obligation that she will have to repay in the future, but i also feel at the same time, she should have been appreciative of his help ... for the sake of her ego should she keep the girls deprived of infrastructural facilities?

Tomorrow, if they dont have life-saving medicines or machinery in the singhs private hospital, and shiv can move a few files swiftly and put in a few phone calls and get medicines for the hospital, then is it right to let ego come in the way and say "the medicines will come in their due and natural course, and people can keep on dying till then, but i dont want collectors help."

That is not morally correct... and the role of the collector is precisely to ease government red tape or bureaucratic functioning for various social development initiatives.

What she should have said is just thank you... and then if at any future date, he tried to collect back a favour from her, or raise the matter in a way that made it seem she was under his thumb, THEN AT THAT POINT, if she were rude to him it is understandable... but yelling at him as a pre-emptive strike against some insult that he may give to her in the future is not correct.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#56

Originally posted by: AnjanaYYZ

She didn't want it lost in daadisa's translation😆😆

Her betrayal was two-fold. Yes. Her family kept this from her, but so did Shiv! And in so doing, he betrayed her trust. They are grown adults...Shiv should have spoken to her directly instead of bhajaing dhol😳 Yes. He wanted to give her time, but that means she needs time!

Anjana,

anandi only has the right to feel insulted if shiv initiated the conversation with dadisa ... then yes, anandi can say we are grown adults .. what for does he need to approach my dadisa?

But shiv had no such thoughts in his mind to go ahead and speak to her directly. He was suddenly put to the test when dadisa bounced this out of nowhere ... he was honest to dadisa and said yes (BASED ON HIS FEELINGS ALONE -- but that doesnt mean that he was disregarding anandi's feelings -- his feelings are independent of the other's feelings)... actually if you ask me, he took a very big emotional risk in saying yes without knowing her feelings.

He delayed it -- but he did not delay it to give her time -- he did it to give himself time. He did not want dadi to discuss it just yet because he had to discuss it with his parents first. He did not perceive there would be any seen problems with his family, but he also has to make sure to ensure that there are no unseen problems.

He is very clear that he doesnt want to go ahead in defiance of his parents wishes -- which means he needs time to get their buy-in on the off-chance that they dont agree.

Why should he talk to anandi now, and open the topic when it is not a complete yes from his side? (complete yes means BOTH parties have to agree -- he himself, and his parents -- currently with his own yes, it is just a partial yes).

If his parents dont immediately agree, and it takes another three months to convince them, then does that mean that he has to leave anandi hanging for another three months, after speaking to her? That would be very impolite and more hurtful to say "my parents dont like you anandi, so i am trying to manao them"

As I said, every occurrence has a series of steps, and he is navigating them step by step.

The time would have come when he would have indeed spoken directly to anandi, but only after making sure that all ducks were in a row from his own side ... and then if she said no, he would gracefully have accepted it too. He would not ride roughshod over her no.

But it was too premature for him to speak to her.

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aparnauma

@GoodDoc_2105

Trailblazer

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

#57

Anandi was very right in not wanting to jump into another relationship.

She also wanted to make it clear to Shiv that she doesn't want to get married to him or anybody.That's what she told him.

But what she said after informing him about her decision where is the need for to go on and on about his intentions regarding her and as well as his relationship with Ashi?

When she is clear in her mind that she is not interested in getting married to Shiv why should it matter to her whether he accepted DS's proposal out of pity for her out of love for her?

If she is not interested in getting married to him why should it matter to her whether Shiv reciprocates Ashi's love or not?Why should it matter to her at all?

Why is she poking her nose into their relationship?

Does it mean that she is saying No when she wanted to say Yes?

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madhubala.fan

@madhubala.fan

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

#58

Originally posted by: apjk

Anandi was very right in not wanting to jump into another relationship.
She also wanted to make it clear to Shiv that she doesn't want to get married to him or anybody.That's what she told him.

But what she said after informing him about her decision where is the need for to go on and on about his intentions regarding her and as well as his relationship with Ashi?

When she is clear in her mind that she is not interested in getting married to Shiv why should it matter to her whether he accepted DS's proposal out of pity for her out of love for her?

If she is not interested in getting married to him why should it matter to her whether Shiv reciprocates Ashi's love or not?Why should it matter to her at all?
Why is she poking her nose into their relationship?
Does it mean that she is saying No when she wanted to say Yes?

i think our anandi is a typical damsel in denial. look she clearly saw shiv in her surya badal. but maybe she is too stressed out to actually contemplate it and her desire to be mahaan is preventing her from accepting her own feelings. other wise ashi ka kya hoga . lol

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Nach_Baliye

@Nach_Baliye

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

#59

Also Anandi's words were a bit misleading for Shiv. On one hand she talks about her faith in marriage and what elders do for their kids is right, how was Shiv to know that Dadisa and the family's yes is not Anandi's yes. He probably thought that since Anandi's views on marriage were her belief in the arranged marriage process, how was he to know of her resistance. He barely spends any time with her, what does he know what goes on in her life and her family. Dadisa sprang this on him, not even waiting for him to sit down, right in the middle of his B'day party, what was he to do. He said yes. Then she springs on him that she hasn't told Anandi. So he wants to wait till Dadisa speaks to Anandi, not realizing that her views are different from what she said previously when he had brought over Ashi for dinner, not Anandi's fault since she went through so much pain, but no way for Shiv to know. So he is not at fault here. He himself was caught in the middle and went with it.

As for Anandi, ideally she should not have yelled at him. But I like it when she yells because she reveals another layer of herself for Shiv to understand. He is the ONLY person she is herself with.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#60

exactly, i am sure that when dadisa brought it up, shiv has assumed that dadisa has looked into anandi's willingness to get re-married (re-enter the state of marriage in general)... though she may not have checked with anandi about shiv specifically... he presumes that she is in readiness ... why else should dadisa raise the topic if she is not ... how is shiv to know that dadisa is operating only from wishful delusional thinking in her mind ?

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