She finally met herself

woman11 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#1
It was a new day for her.

For long her heart had known only to bleed. It bled when he went away to the city, it bled when he refused to acknowledge her as his wife, it bled when he called her an useless rustic housewife whose hands only smell of spices, it bled when he insulted her even on her day of achievement, it bled when he uttered those deadly words over the phone---"I don't love you"

Since then it had known only to bleed. The sharp stab that she felt when she saw him walking in with another bride, the pain of seeing another woman claiming her husband as her own, the unbearable agony of seeing another woman shutting the door to be intimate with the man she loved more than her life, the wounds of the numerous abuses and insults from them that reminded her over and over again how worthless, how undeserving, how vermin like she was. How she is held responsible even for a death of an unborn child, how her life can be traded off in exchange of some property.

And yet she kept going. She had died as a person and reborn as a people's leader. She could lead a thousand villagers and fight against all evils, but she still refused to meet herself alone. The one who led the crowd was afraid of solitude.

And then he came. Invading her dreamscape, forcing himself into her solitude. His eyes pulled her, her heart had started to skip beats again. She was part of a duet that she could no longer escape, their steps fell in harmony, together they created music. And then he took out her bleeding heart. He tended it with utmost care, healing it with a compassion she had never seen in her life. Yes, she has been praised before. The villagers praised her for being a great leader, Sumitra praised her for being a great daughter, teacherji praised her for being a great student, dadisa praised her for being a great beendni, Phooli had praised her for being a great friend.

But nobody had praised her only for being herself. Nobody praised her for being Anandi. As he led her to a new dawn, she was no longer afraid to face herself. The heart has finally stopped bleeding, the windows are finally open. Let the new light in.



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khusi_* thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#2
aww antara...so lovely..i feel exactly the same today...but i cant express it so welll..the way u did...love it...
Edited by khusi_* - 13 years ago
shalluuu thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#3
anandi piche ki mat socho aage ki socho...piche dard tha aage marham...

yes anandi go ur future is in front of you..


wonderful line use by creatives...
sush_ thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#4
Wow very touching post antara 👏
NoOne12 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#5
So beautifully expressed Antara 👏. I love all your post . Cannot add anything to above. ⭐️
woman11 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#6
thank you guys. I am feeling very emotional today, it was a very very touching episode...a beautiful moment of healing and hope
tinoo thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#7
both the scene as well as your post are beautiful.
Yes, anandi for the first time has achieved alignment with who she really is.
With Jagya, she always had to "do" something to be good enough ...and unfortunately, no matter what she "did" it was never good enough ... so she always felt the gap between who she was and whom she thought she could be. What could she do? what could she do? Could she pass her 10th. yes, but still not good enough for him. Could she earn first rank, still not good enough for him. Could she learn english ...yes, but still not good enough for him. Could she win a trophy...to show him she is indeed worthy. Yes, but still not good enough for him.
And here comes shiv and tells her she doesn't have to "do" anything to be worthy in his eyes. She can just "be".
and she realizes for the first time that she is not a human doing but a human being.
He likes her for who she is just as she is. He doesnt even want a slightly 'better' version of her. Not anandi with christmas lights. Not anandi who is two shades fairer or who has two more academic degrees.
She can just exhale now and yes, there is no more gap between who she is and who she wants to be.
She has realized she is enough. Just as she is. In this time and in this space.
And the sum total of her experiences is something that shiv accepts just as it is. Not wishing something could be different or altered.
It's such a relief when that happens.
She has indeed met herself. There is no gap to fill anymore between who she currently is and whom she must become in order for someone to love her or accept her.
woman11 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#8

Originally posted by: tinoo


And here comes shiv and tells her she doesn't have to "do" anything to be worthy in his eyes. She can just "be".
and she realizes for the first time that she is not a human doing but a human being.
He likes her for who she is just as she is. He doesnt even want a slightly 'better' version of her. Not anandi with christmas lights. Not anandi who is two shades fairer or who has two more academic degrees.
She can just exhale now and yes, there is no more gap between who she is and who she wants to be.



Loved this part, lovely writing👏
tinoo thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#9
I remember the day I finally met myself... and realized I was enough just as I am.
It was pure heaven and delight. 🥳... happened two months ago 🤣
I literally just collapsed into myself -- my ego and my spirit became one.
monamie111 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#10
Wonderful post woman11 and so touching...u expressed her feelings so well 👏 ⭐️ 👏

i loved the below lines most!! 😳


Originally posted by: woman11



And yet she kept going. She had died as a person and reborn as a people's leader. She could lead a thousand villagers and fight against all evils, but she still refused to meet herself alone. The one who led the crowd was afraid of solitude.

And then he came. Invading her dreamscape, forcing himself into her solitude. His eyes pulled her, her heart had started to skip beats again. She was part of a duet that she could no longer escape, their steps fell in harmony, together they created music. And then he took out her bleeding heart. He tended it with utmost care, healing it with a compassion she had never seen in her life. Yes, she has been praised before. The villagers praised her for being a great leader, Sumitra praised her for being a great daughter, teacherji praised her for being a great student, dadisa praised her for being a great beendni, Phooli had praised her for being a great friend.

But nobody had praised her only for being herself. Nobody praised her for being Anandi. As he led her to a new dawn, she was no longer afraid to face herself. The heart has finally stopped bleeding, the windows are finally open. Let the new light in.



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