Blackmail or quid pro quo? - Page 7

Originally posted by: SRKLuvr

But would the Singhs have acknowledged their mistake in that case of performing the child marriage? Would they have set him free without anger knowing that it was their mistake in the first place? I mean when Jogia told Bhairav he wanted to marry Gauri what did he do? Immediately broke the hospital and all of its equipment and then disowned Jogia. Would he have done that still if Jogia had approached them before?

I think Singhs would have had a problem even if Jaggu has said that he wants to leave anandi before marrying Gauri...more due to the reasons he gave...Anandi is not the typical ganv ki chori like Suguna...she is educated and is more forward thinking and adaptable...If she had to live in mumbai...she would have dressed in more modern attire and studied too...she is so sharp in such things she would have surpassed jaggu...So I dont think bhairon will be able to accept his reason of Anandi not being fit for him...If he had told that i am not fit for her and her ideology in life and towards people does not match mine then it would have made sense...

Originally posted by: hima_123

If i were in Jagya's plac even I would not have continued marriage with Anandi when I believed I could not love her. I would not have lived in Jaitsar either...if my ambition would be to live and work in Mumbai.

But this is what I would have done...once I knew I loved Gauri and not Anandi I would not have waited for 6 years, I would have gone back to Jaitsar and spoken to Anandi honestly in the first year itself, that I do not want to keep marriage with her and that I would whole heartedly support her education and would help her move on in life. Her heart would have broken, she would have been shattered, but I would have tried to help her as a friend to put her life together again...and my family would have hated me, but I would have taken the flak, put up a brave face and dealt with it. I would have timely gotten my marriage annulled--before even starting a new relationship.

I would have worked to be a doctor and would have married Gauri still. Before getting into a relationship with Gauri, I would have told her that I got my child marriage annulled and if she was ok with this.

So perhaps I would have done exactly the same things Jagya did...with the only difference being that i would have been honest, and communicative about my choices right from the beginning...and I would have helped Anandi right from the beginning so that she can also get free from the clutches of child marriage and can live a good life of her own!

Hima, had Jagya really nehaved the way you have mentioned, hardly anyone would have had a problem. We all oppose his methods, more than his choice. It is perfectly OK if you can't get along with your partner...I don't think we've ever said that no matter what Jagya is obliged to stay with Anandi.

Had his approach been right, I am reasonably sure, even his family would have reacted differently

Vasuja
I think Singhs would have had a problem even if Jaggu has said that he wants to leave anandi before marrying Gauri...more due to the reasons he gave...Anandi is not the typical ganv ki chori like Suguna...she is educated and is more forward thinking and adaptable...If she had to live in mumbai...she would have dressed in more modern attire and studied too...she is so sharp in such things she would have surpassed jaggu...So I dont think bhairon will be able to accept his reason of Anandi not being fit for him...If he had told that i am not fit for her and her ideology in life and towards people does not match mine then it would have made sense...


The little Anandi was spunky and adaptable. The new Anandi is quite a puzzle.

Sugna was not that gaon ki ladki type. Her interaction with her first husband was quite brave in her circumstances. And her acceptance of Shyam after some initial hesitation was quite modern, This new Anandi would never dream of being that spunky and adventurous. She is sort of dull, too mature for her age and too idealistic for her own good. I long for that younger Anandi who was full of life and zest for life.

But this what I would have done if I were Bhairav. So I think not just Jagya, Bhairav too could have done things differently :

First of all I would never let Anandi stop her studies. No matter how much she would cry and would want to sacrifice for dadisa...she is still a child. If a child cries and is obstinate about not studying its the parent's/guardian's job to not give in to it. I would be strict with her that she has to go to school and that's not a choice, that's an order. Even when she had gone for 5 years to her parent's place...I would have spoken to her parents and ensured her studies...

When Jagya would tell me he doesn't want to join agricultural university...but wants to go to a medical school...I would put my wishes aside to help him out without him having to struggle for it. It would help my son confide in me...and be more honest to me. I would have made arrangements for sending Jagya and Anandi, and would have asked Anandi to join a college in Mumbai while Jagya goes to medical school. They don't need to stay in separate college hostels, they could stay in a rented apartment together. Two people who are expected to stay married should not be separated for 6 years!!

I would not have got any hospital made for Jagya without his permission. I would have given him any other surprise but not this!! He deserves to have a say in what he wants to do...

And even after sending Anandi and Jagya together to Mumbai, and making Anandi equally educated...they would have come to me for a divorce...I would calmly talk to them--give them time to think over, and leave the final decision as theirs...then I would figure out what is the right legal process...and what is the right alimony that Anandi should get. Alimony is her right...even if I'd care about her as a daughter I'd make sure she gets the right alimony. Also I'd insist on professional education for her...so tht she can also stand on her own feet.

Originally posted by: hima_123

But this what I would have done if I were Bhairav. So I think not just Jagya, Bhairav too could have done things differently :

First of all I would never let Anandi stop her studies. No matter how much she would cry and would want to sacrifice for dadisa...she is still a child. If a child cries and is obstinate about not studying its the parent's/guardian's job to not give in to it. I would be strict with her that she has to go to school and that's not a choice, that's an order. Even when she had gone for 5 years to her parent's place...I would have spoken to her parents and ensured her studies...

When Jagya would tell me he doesn't want to join agricultural university...but wants to go to a medical school...I would put my wishes aside to help him out without him having to struggle for it. It would help my son confide in me...and be more honest to me. I would have made arrangements for sending Jagya and Anandi, and would have asked Anandi to join a college in Mumbai while Jagya goes to medical school. They don't need to stay in separate college hostels, they could stay in a rented apartment together. Two people who are expected to stay married should not be separated for 6 years!!

I would not have got any hospital made for Jagya without his permission. I would have given him any other surprise but not this!! He deserves to have a say in what he wants to do...

And even after sending Anandi and Jagya together to Mumbai, and making Anandi equally educated...they would have come to me for a divorce...I would calmly talk to them--give them time to think over, and leave the final decision as theirs...then I would figure out what is the right legal process...and what is the right alimony that Anandi should get. Alimony is her right...even if I'd care about her as a daughter I'd make sure she gets the right alimony. Also I'd insist on professional education for her...so tht she can also stand on her own feet.

I was not raised in US...I belong to a small place, a village particularly, and I am very, very grounded to my roots! I have grown up watching people who've hailed from villages, and moved out and excelled like anything. I have been very, very, very close to a village life.

I know people in villages better than the creatives do...so please do not tell me that I am judging Bhairav on some city parameters . People in villages don't get electric shocks when their child doesn't want to live with them. This kind of possessiveness is very characteristic of this generation of parents in urban India/China... because the urban parents in modern India had to lead a child-centric life because of competition on the resources. As far as villages are concerned, people still have a cooler attitude. I know more than one people who have broken the custom of child marriage...I know hundreds of people who have chosen to live in the cities and are big shots today. They tell their parents that's what they want to do...and that's what they will do. Parents are cool...they understand the modern city wives, and let the child who wants to progress do what he likes, and live the way he wants...

Parents in villages understand better than city parents... that husband-wife who are separated for 6 years will fall apart. You don't need to be a city person for knowing this...you have to have an understanding of the way conjugal relationships work.

I have found faults with Jagya also...which I don't think I need to explain to you. You can pass whatever judgments you want to pass on MY INTENTIONS (shielding xyz, blaming abc, protcting pqr)...duhh...sorry but it doesn't matter!


I have seen all kinds of life...I have been with people who wouldn't think beyond their community and local values...and I have been in a very, very inter racial climate. I used to run across narrow gullies in a village, the parks in Indian cities, and the Central Park...and equally enjoyed each experience. I love to sit down and make missi rotis in mitti kaa chulhaa in my village while gossipping with other women folk in the family ...I love to drink and party hard in the New York clubs with my white and hispanic girl-friends! I EQUALLY love my conservative village friends and very liberal friends here!!

I don't hate anything...or any kind of people...I don't label or typecast people, OR defend ONLY a specific TYPE of characters!!...I judge their reactions in situations given on my parameters of what is right and what is wrong!!

I like the way I analyze things...and I do not like the way you do...but I am not asking you to think my way..Maybe I think you're too stuck up...but that's upto you...I am not cross examining your thought process...you don't examine mine.

how does jagya have a share in the property? you can only automatically have a share in inherited property, not earned property. if dadisa has earned the property herself, and it very well looks like she has, its entirely her choice what she wants to do with it.