when does forgiveness erodes self-concept?

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

I really struggle with this question when I see anandi.

The only thing I really see when I see anandi is a doormat -- she need not fight to get jagya back okay fine, but she can punish him according to legal norms and she can stop (or could have stopped at the time) sending him money for his expenses.

However, she seems to have moved on and seems to actually have a high degree of self-esteem.

For me, forgiveness erodes my sense of self-respect. I feel "man, he did all that to me and I did nothing back" -- and i am not talking about others' respect -- i am talking about self respect -- i would fall in my own eyes and see myself as a wimp. Consequently, i am a vindictive, vengeful person (to a certain extent -- not all the way).

The same with phooli -- bharat did all that and she did not even once put him behind bars or anything -- she fought a limited case for getting custodianship of her son -- and then she left him at that. And Phooli too appears to have a high degree of self-esteem.

My question is what paradigm of self respect and self esteem are these women using? How do they forgive so easily in a way that keeps their self concept intact?

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Anmol Jain

@intruderfast

Trailblazer

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

anandi does not have the attitude when it comes to taking a stand for herself

and now that jagya has saved her life from those goons , she is again back to worshipping him

she could have easily said i saved ur life , u saved mine, chal hisaab barabar ,ab kalti ho yahaan se😆

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

hi intruderfast --

the recovery from the kidnapping happened just recently -- she was like this 'forgiving' for a long time before. since the time jagya walked into the haveli hand in hand with newly married wife gauri.

Edited by tinoo - 13 years ago

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Anmol Jain

@intruderfast

Trailblazer

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: tinoo
hi intruderfast --

the recovery from the kidnapping happened just recently -- she was like this 'forgiving' for a long time before. since the time jagya walked into the haveli.

i am just saying ab jyaada bad gayi hain😆😆

she is like jagya;s guardian angel😛😆😆from childhoood

u see old habits die hard😛

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

okay -- forget anandi -- you are right old habits die hard.

but now look at phooli -- she now has the added burden of a child (even if she loves the child) and this sort of erases hope of her finding another man to marry her (unless she finds a rare case such as shyam) --

and she was not bharat's guardian angel since childhood.

still she conducts herself in a dignified manner and does not go about trying to inflict revenge on bharat and her ex-inlaws. she is not vindictive.

she is loving towards her child and she is doing her school teacher job and moving on with life.

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Suchi-

@Suchi-

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

Anandi a doormat?

wow! amazing.

Tomorrow if she becomes the minister even then she will be a doormat, why?she did not punish jagya..

She does not want to give a hoot about Jagya.

She wants him to live his life and her, her own!

I feel bad for Anandi that no matter how much success she might achieve in her life , she will be still judged by 'jagya's influence' in her life.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

@suchi -- this is my point.

it just doesnt get into my head. Not the fact that she doesnt give a hoot... but

How can she not give a hoot about jagya?

How can phooli not give a hoot about bharat and her mother in law?

do you understand my question?

I would love to not give a hoot about the people who "said" or "did" stuff to me -- but even if i stop for one second to recount the incidents -- i feel like i am doing a disservice to myself and that i am falling in my own self estimation. i *have* to keep it alive.

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Monamie

@monamie111

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: tinoo
I really struggle with this question when I see anandi.

The only thing I really see when I see anandi is a doormat -- she need not fight to get jagya back okay fine, but she can punish him according to legal norms and she can stop (or could have stopped at the time) sending him money for his expenses.

However, she seems to have moved on and seems to actually have a high degree of self-esteem.

For me, forgiveness erodes my sense of self-respect. I feel "man, he did all that to me and I did nothing back" -- and i am not talking about others' respect -- i am talking about self respect -- i would fall in my own eyes and see myself as a wimp. Consequently, i am a vindictive, vengeful person (to a certain extent -- not all the way).

The same with phooli -- bharat did all that and she did not even once put him behind bars or anything -- she fought a limited case for getting custodianship of her son -- and then she left him at that. And Phooli too appears to have a high degree of self-esteem.

My question is what paradigm of self respect and self esteem are these women using? How do they forgive so easily in a way that keeps their self concept intact?

Tinoo..phooli's case is different and anandi's is different..

in phooli's case no one was with her..it was not that her husband cheated her and her father-in-law and mother-in-law was supporting her..in phooli's case everyone was against her..they did some conspiracy against her and it was planned!!..how come she would forgive them and let them go who stole her child??..i think if anandi was in that situation she would have behaved like phooli only..she would never ever forgave the culprits!!..like she fought for phooli..she would have fought for herself too...

now..why do u think that she forgave jaggya?..she herself told him "jo apne mere sath kiya..main uske liye aapko kabhi maaf nehi karugi"

second is..yes she haven't dragged jaggya to court for what he did!..i don't know if it has damaged her self respect..😕..but i m sure this action of her gained herself a lot of respect from others!!..specially from her family..and may be from jaggya too..🤔

if she would have dragged jaggya to court..made him punished..then what more she would have got than what she is getting now?..she has started her studies again..she is the sarpanch now..everyone of J's family loves her..trusts her!..they think that she is the "beta" of their family..

what more she would have gained by punishing jaggya?..mental peace?..selfrespect?..i think no!..she wanted love from jaggya!..he left her for another gal..he insulted her!..so when she didn't get the thing she wanted actually..i don't think that making jaggya punish can give her that!..🤔

moreover..so what her husband left her?..she got so many more things from life!..why she will spoil all those good things and will waste her time in just punishing jaggya or asking for legal rights?..she is not G..so she knows what is the value of life and the value of those respect and love she is getting now!!..aren't those things r more important than jaggya?..she has already sacrificed so many things for that guy..now why the hell she would waste her time for the guy again?..there r so many things to do there..

i m happy that she has moved on in her life without caring what J could have gave her..what he didn't gave her..etc etc..who cares!!??..

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

Monamie --

I did not say anandi needs to fight to get him back. I felt she has to fight to teach him a lesson.

But she doesnt give a hoot.

Phooli too filed for custodianship of her child only. I felt that she should have fought to put her naata husband in jail.

But she doesnt give a hoot.

Neither of these women give a hoot for the people who have wronged them. what mental paradigm are they using?

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Khusi

@khusi_*

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

Coz that's not their priority!
Anandi's priority to get an identity and phooli's priority is to get the baby back...
They found more happiness in that!

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when does forgiveness erodes self-concept?

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