when does forgiveness erodes self-concept?

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dolly

@tiny15

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#31

@tinoo gud topics !! 👏i always like wen u open such topics though sumtimes i might/may not've agreed wid u!!bcoz even i was/m bugged by such quesns & sumtimes just bcoz of laziness i don't even try 2 do it!! but i never stop thinking on these issues & its a wonder that wenever i ask or think such confronting situtns & start pondering on it i found ans either in the ppl like on this forum's posts or widin myself!!

so sumtimes i never posted/s anything bcoz there is nothing 2 say more!!

and abt this revenge & 4giveness i think this is related more 2 our spiritual aspect!! ppl having less spiritual quotient like us may want revenge whether in any form but oders choose 2 ignore it & move on in their life.e.g is me & my parents(though now my father is not anymore but i know he wud'd done the same thing still now)wenever i get hurt i want revenge whether by myself or God but my parents & in case my mother r like that leave this as why shud we take the baggage of "karma" of revenge wid ourselves & that even thinking abt the prsn who caused the hurt means giving importance 2 that prsn which he/shes not deserving!!

but still even i m sumtimes found myself doing this thing like 4giving the prsn causing me hurt/harm & i at that time i think wat i m doing & i shudn't do it?? but after a long time i think oh it was really gud i 4give them bcoz now i m free of this "baggage of karma of revenge" as it makes me more happy!!😊

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Purva

@-Purva-

Dazzler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#32

For me the definition of self-respect is different. I can forgive myself from making an error in judgement - that is not being able to gauge whether a person was trustworthy or not. But I refuse to live like a victim.

If someone hurts me, then I would rather pick up my life and forget that incident as so much water down my back. The main purpose of a person who hurts you is to bring you down. If you keep thinking of the injury they caused you then you make them win because they stopped you from being all what you could be. Same goes for revenge, the amount of time I spend pulling someone down I can spend building myself up. So why should I bother with people who are not worth my time, attention or thought? They are pathetic beings who lead limited miserable lives, why should I bring myself down to their level?

So sometimes forgiveness is not a weakness, it is a bigger slap on the person who hurt you, because you are telling them that while they are obsessed with you, in your own life they do not even merit a thought, a backward glance or even a momentary discussion.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#33

Originally posted by: gangubai1
For me the definition of self-respect is different. I can forgive myself from making an error in judgement - that is not being able to gauge whether a person was trustworthy or not. But I refuse to live like a victim.

fantastic distinction gangubai -- between the actual incident -- and our reaction to the incident over a long period of time.

Its one I didnt have 👏

what bothers me is not the actual incident or even the impact on my life. I dont care about that so much as the person thinking that they got away with something.

Like what bothers me in the Jagya case is that he has completely taken anandi for granted and told gauri atleast two-three times "anandi wont do anything against me. she wont do anything against me -- because its ME" ... strutting around like a peacock knowing fully well that anandi is still in love with him.

Even if anandi doesnt do anything against him, I would want him to always live in the uncertainty of knowing that she MIGHT do something to him. Forget the actual doing of something to get revenge, atleast anandi can behave in a way that introduces some uncertainty in his mind.

Granted there was a child marriage -- and she may feel that he was as much a victim as she was.

But he could have broken it off in a decent way rather than bringing in gauri while anandi was still at the haveli and marrying her without breaking off the first relationship.

She doesnt have to punish him for his actually choosing a different spouse. But the way he did it was indecent.