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642126

Hibernated

Posted: 14 years ago

#21

@parri

I have more problems about talking behind someone's back and not confronting them. Why talk in other threads? And sometimes, without even reading someone's post, why mock them and declare I did not bother to read your post?

And more so why make assumptions about a person's thinking or attitude?

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642126

Hibernated

Posted: 14 years ago

#22

@andv

I know all that! I know we are all different and watch serial for different reasons. But can everyone understand this and stop targeting others directly and indirectly?

Or making assumptions about person's thinking, attitude, age or lack or excess of awareness? Or keep questioning their ''stance'' even despite incessant clarifications?

I would like to MAKE IT CLEAR I did not make this thread to complain or sulk or cry out as some victim! I just wanted to ask what expected code of conduct is out there.

Yes I feel stifled. Maybe I am missing something. So I wished some well-meaning, learned and regular members to enlighten me.

Let's have some amendments to forum rules by taking a referendum from members. Or have some members to spell out an Expected Code of Conduct which can be followed by everyone.

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Picasso9

@Picasso9

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#23

I see. Thanks for clarifying your viewpoint. I know the forum has been somewhat quieter lately and even though I am not watching the show I try to keep up with member posts and 'like' those that appeal to my sensitivities. Without specifics of course I cannot recall any mocking posts towards you. And well we simply cannot speak of Pm's. I do know that I really look forward to your posts even that monster (lengthy) one on television serials today which I took the time to painstakingly read thoroughly and even agreed to every word therein.

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Picasso9

@Picasso9

Dazzler

Posted: 14 years ago

#24

I think if one posts on a forum of this nature and one is ready to put forth their opinion or stance they they should be expected to be targeted directly or indirectly. You are in this forum with the explicit knowledge that not everyone will agree with you and some may disagree vehemently to the extent that it may look like targeting but they are also standing by their convictions. All we can do is debate as long as we have the stamina or stomach to do so.

In fact I think anyone on a public platform or even members only platform should expect to to challenged or criticized regardless of method (direct/indirect). I even have issues with the rule that we can't criticize the actors like boney/sridevi even though relevance with BV is blatantly there. Why can't we discuss them. Afterall they are public figures and even role models to some. Why should they be exempt from this. Aren't public figures fair game?

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642126

Hibernated

Posted: 14 years ago

#25

@Antara

Thank you very much for simply taking a few words and trivializing the intent of my topic.

Do you think it's all about the likes I get? 😲Just tell me you think my topic is rubbish or you're not interested in discussing. Please at least don't make it look silly by picking out words which I used as an example to illustrate some other point!😵

Or perhaps it is my faulty communication skills and poor expression that I am NEVER able to convey anything properly and end up giving distorted impression. 😔

- I clarified earlier too - that I neither want attention, nor support nor number of ''likes'' for my posts. I DO NOT care if people agree with me or not! I don't take that to heart! So why are you telling me those things which I already clarified I don't want to discuss or even care about?

- I would have been okay if it had been a normal thread. Not if such commentary is given even in a thread which already carries disclaimer of being funny, tongue-in-cheek. Plus, I used it ONLY AS AN EXAMPLE in my previous post!!

I am all fine with people's reactions if they CONFRONT me, openly talk to me in that thread, reply to me. And talk DIRECTLY, referencing me or my post.

But I am NOT OKAY if I or some of my ilk are being talked about in a SNIDE manner, indirectly in other threads.

If anyone disagrees with me, REPLY TO ME, THERE AND THEN! 😳

I think I made this point very clearly in my previous post. But you again made points about having problems with disagreement. Looks like you ignored what I had already written!

- I don't say people should like my posts always. I don't expect everyone who liked, to be a permanent patron and like my posts FOREVER! 😲

I call it double standards - if you indirectly talk about it in OTHER threads!!!

Ignore me, my posts. Feel free NOT TO like them or read them. But why indirectly refer to it ?- and ALSO make personal judgements about my mood, thinking or attitude or lack or excess of patience or understanding???!!😲 EVEN INSPITE of my attaching disclaimers that it's all supposed to be fun and please don't come after me?!

Why only about me? It's also about some others posts, which I've seen being ''indirectly referenced''. I gave my own posts ONLY as an example and ONLY because I don't want to use other people's names.

Kindly don't assume that I posted it since I am sulking about reaction towards my self only. Or I did it for attention-seeking or playing a victim or pointing fingers at some other members!

I am curious. I am tired. I genuinely want people to CLEARLY SPELL OUT what they want or expect - rather than talking behind back, or making ''indirect references'' which are just too obvious to understand who they're pointing towards!

- I have seen people indirectly talking whether there is a funny post or a serious one.

- Do you think I talked of AAA post really due to likes? Wow! Thanks a lot for distorted view again.

It is not about likes. I talked about likes or reaction as just an example of a larger context of nature response. Same day - at same time - I saw some members lamenting about apathy towards Anandi or expecting too much - in ANOTHER thread.

Why are you writing in ''bold'' or capitals to remind me that people are not bound by some law to like my posts? You thought it was just about a trivial issue of getting likes? Shame on me then for my sheer inability to convey what I actually wanted to convey!😲😕

I don't expect any appreciation or popularity!! I don't bother if someone ignores me.

Your post is AN EXACT EXAMPLE of the concern I raised! Once again, some sentences or words, which I basically used ONLY and SOLELY to explain some other situation, have been taken out of context, distorted and AGAIN, there are ASSUMPTIONS being made about my psyche or needs!😕

You are wrongly assuming that I am angry for not getting likes, appreciation or posts in agreement. Or assuming lack of appreciation as censorship! I am not that naive or juvenile.

I am talking about posts indirectly referring to that particular post or those words (written by me or some others) - in some other threads!!

Why so? By ignoring, or not liking or not reacting much - you've made it apparent and clear that you perhaps can't take a joke or even a concern of portrayal in Anandi's case. It is PERFECTLY FINE by me! I understand that! But why talk indirectly, behind back, indirectly and snidely referring obviously to that very post or those very words in some other threads?!

I daresay it is ruder, feels more insulting and makes one regret why he/she chose to speak in the first place! This is passive coercion! 😲

- I don't get bothered by criticism - but why criticise in a funny or light hearted thread? Why accuse someone of ''going after'' someone or advise them to be ''kind to someone'' even in a funny thread? Or why not criticise openly and directly in a serious thread? Why talk behind back? WHY MAKE PERSONAL ASSUMPTIONS?

Personal assumptions hurt. It hurts me if someone talks about my patience or knowledge or understanding. And it equally hurts me if I see someone else being pointed out in a personal context!

I don't see logic of certain members' posts. But even if I argue or counter-argue with them, I simply say I don't understand them. But refrain and hold back to the best extent possible to not to write personal remarks on their own thinking. [Now don't assume that I mean to say that I want everyone to behave the way I do! It is not the case.]

You speak as much as you want about my argument - its flaws or merits of reasoning. Attack a view, but why directly (and worse indirectly!) attack a person by assigning adjectives to a post-writer's thinking, behaviour, stance etc.?

- I do not expect agreement. I do not even say that people should go their own way and never cross paths with each other.

But the way of disagreement - it could be free from personal assumptions, and be open and DIRECT.

- Laughing about ''behind the back''! Very good. Again you took it all out of context and made a joke of it.😕

Even you know what does behind the back mean in a larger context. I know you do!

Talking in some other thread which is supposed to be neutral and generic. Making indirect references in language. Not exactly quoting the exact post or the member but referring to some members' posts in an obvious fashion. What is this? It is a snide way!

Forums have no real persons or backs. But language is the instrument which conveys everything.

Don't think I or anyone else is so naive to not to be able to sense obvious stuff which is going on.

- I did not start the topic out of feeling of rejection, being ignored or not getting enough attention or enough likes or appreciation. If that is what you think then I am sorry to have given a wrong impression. But that is clearly not the case. Please don't trivialise the concerns. Or make it a case of ''me-me-me'' or ''kyun-kyun'' type attention-seeking on my part.

- I don't care about agreement. But at least let others express themselves. I am unable to tolerate sneaky ways of mocking someone and WORST - making assumptions about the person's sense or other attributes!

If someone is too angry - kindly report the post, disagree openly or spell out rules na! That in a funny thread too - we only tolerate jokes about certain characters but take jokes about other characters as frustration or unkindness.

In case of a thread which is merely supposed to be sarcastic and tongue-in-cheek look at lessons given out by BV (especially its current track) - some seem to find it offensive or puking out frustration or at WORST making assumptions about impatience, too many expectations, insensitivity, not being in touch with reality, or thinking with a limited POV due to young age or being city bred etc.! [Wonder how so many assumptions come up without even actually knowing the background of the person who posted!]

Threads which are basically about issues like education or divorce or deserted women and portrayal of such issues are taken as ''attack'' on certain characters! What is this? A thread on Bhairon's lack of solid action is actually an attack on Bhairon or being insensitive towards him!

SEVERAL OTHER SUCH EXAMPLES! Do you want me to post link to each post, each thread of the forum especially in the last 3-4 months - by every member be it myself or anyone else? I don't think there should be a need to do so since you also know what stuff is there!😲

- Why keep kicking someone haan? Talking about education and its portrayal is an attack on Anandi. Talking about portrayal of medical profession is an attack on Gauri! Talking about character assassination of educated girls means you're a fan of Gauri and attacking Anandi thinking she is gawar! Wow!! [These are JUST SOME EXAMPLES of a broader issue that pervades this forum.]

If you do not agree, simply say you don't. But why label someone as sensitive or insensitive or not considering psychology of certain characters or classes of society? Or accuse someone of ignoring conditions or constraints of certain section of population?! What is this ''getting personal'' supposed to mean or imply? Or lament in other threads making indirect but obvious references? [And such like reactions which are personal in nature?!! And are not even direct many times!]

Why stifle members with this unwritten rule of - ''If you're not with us, then you're against us''! 😲 Why look at people either as haters or as fans?

- Now as I write this I know my post will be misconstrued and joked about as a case of kyun, kyun! 👏🥱

- I want to ask about rules and expectations because I cannot tolerate allegations or snide references or personal assumptions! That too, in spite of various clarifications and even disclaimers in posts! Tell me and others what to do so we can be relieved from indirect ''talking'' and personal remarks!

Sorry to say this forum is becoming more like forum of some other show. And these snide and indirect ways of referencing others makes one feel why he/she posted in the first place!😕

I am perfectly okay if my post NEVER gets ANY number of views or replies let alone likes. But I can't tolerate being made to feel wrong or guilty for posting something or any sort of personal assumptions about me or my thinking. Nor do I condone such things happening to any other member.

- Now feel free to rip me apart all over again, pick out a few words, distort them and laugh at me. Thanks a lot for this instead of answering the questions I asked sincerely.

Guess it would have been better for me to exit quietly from the forum. At least dignity toh rehti. Yeh topic create kar ke aur jootey khane ka intzaam kar baithi.

[P.S - Sorry to say, but honestly speaking Anandi fans are not too different from GAGA fans. They are just more clever and overtly sensible in making their point. Otherwise it's a case of two sides of the SAME COIN. ]

Edited by annika20 - 14 years ago

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andv

@andv

Inactive

Posted: 14 years ago

#26

Originally posted by: annika20
@andv

I know all that! I know we are all different and watch serial for different reasons. But can everyone understand this and stop targeting others directly and indirectly?

Or making assumptions about person's thinking, attitude, age or lack or excess of awareness? Or keep questioning their ''stance'' even despite incessant clarifications?

I would like to MAKE IT CLEAR I did not make this thread to complain or sulk or cry out as some victim! I just wanted to ask what expected code of conduct is out there.

Yes I feel stifled. Maybe I am missing something. So I wished some well-meaning, learned and regular members to enlighten me.

Let's have some amendments to forum rules by taking a referendum from members. Or have some members to spell out an Expected Code of Conduct which can be followed by everyone.

Annika, I have not read all the posts above my post and hence I am not aware of what discussions are going on prior to my post. My reply has been purely based on your post and not intended to offend you or any one. @bold Your post did not sound to me at all like that. It is sad that we have to put a disclaimer in the form of my POV, etc which we never used in the past at the end of our post to make sure no one takes things personally.

I can only give you my experiences. When I joined the forum there were contrasting views about the story even back then. We used to discuss about it too but I don't remember any one of us challenging the other or putting the other down. There were healthy mature discussions amidst all the divergent views.

I feel sorry that things changed with time with posts being taken more seriously and I really don't know why also sometimes personally. I have read discussions where a very general topic is being discussed and contents are taken as personal attack.These characters are purely fictional and have no relation to us personally so why should one take things personally? If some one does, I have no control over their thinking but from the way I look at it, there is no point arguing or trying to justify my stand in front of them coz they would not understand mine nor will I agree to theirs. In the past we had debates and discussions but no hard feelings towards each other. I don't know why and how things changed and became so sensitive. Sadly many members left due to this. It is unfortunate but we also cannot force them to stay. Just like everyone is free to join they are also free to leave if they feel things are not as per their linking. I donot remember any one getting any warnings or for that matter any one reporting posts in the past. but unfortunately things have flared up. The forum is meant for discussion and none of the rules state that we should refrain from it but i also agree to the fact that things are a lot different and sadly this picture is not always pretty. I guess each one of us will have to control what we say or probably dress our words in such a way not to offend any one. Also we need to be more welcoming to opposing views and not consider them as a personal attack. Its not ideal but under the present circumstances I don't see any other solution.

Edited by andv - 14 years ago

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642126

Hibernated

Posted: 14 years ago

#27

@parri814

I am not talking about PMs. I am talking about language and ''ways''. And reactions to one thread, in another neutral or generic thread about the episode.

Pray, why are you bringing up the issue of likes?! I mentioned likes only as a small example of a bigger response. It's not like I am crying why I didn't get ''likes''! Itni si baat ke liye thread kaun banata hai?

Why would you recall posts towards me? It is done indirectly, SNIDELY without actually quoting my exact post or mentioning my name! [It happens not just in my case but also in many other members' case! Seen many members obviously being talked about, personal assumptions on their character/thinking/nature without exactly their names being mentioned!]

Thanks for appreciation but I DID NOT create this topic to gauge opinion on my posts or whether someone wants to read them or not.

Let's not act naive. You, I and everyone else knows what kind of posts and what kind of ''stuff'' I am talking about.

I have no problems with being challenged or someone disagreeing with me or not giving two hoots to what I post. I will not be pained even if I get 0 views for a thread I made! Such small stuff doesn't matter!

By the logic you gave in your second post, it means such things have no relevance anywhere since even our real life is all public - interacting with others. Direct confrontation or honest admission is anyday better than indirectly talking or snidely mentioning someone and WORST making new personal assumptions with every post on every day!

Plus direct confrontation is way easier on a forum rather than real life!

Instead of this frustrating game, let's just come out in open and those who have problem should spell out their own charter of expected behaviour openly.

It's difficult to maintain calm seeing such agenda-driven, sneaky posts in seemingly neutral threads against any member or group - let alone just myself!

Khul ke baat karo, jo bhi karni hai. Ya humein bata do ki hum kya karen ki tum humein baksh do!

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642126

Hibernated

Posted: 14 years ago

#28

@Anita

Thank you. I guess you're right. It would be best to talk as little as possible and take even more care while using words - rather than being ourselves or expressing honest POV. It would be perhaps better to edit out own words or perhaps not type at all rather than putting disclaimers or keep clarifying later!

But I have seen some people feel offended and get personal even if one tries to take care of choice of words while writing!

Perhaps it would be better for me to ''hone'' or ''tune'' my own ''instinct'' and intuitively know what could fetch me brickbats or spur someone to get personal with me! 😒

Sad to see there is no room for healthy debate, without getting personal or adopting indirect attacking. No one can discuss issues or scenarios. There is either a fan or a hater.

Who expects mutual agreement? Lekin disagree karne ki kuch toh maryada honi chahiye! [Some things are indeed beginning to feel suffocating.]

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woman11

@woman11

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#29

This post has a potential of changing the course of the discussion and influencing people's thoughts adversely. So I am deleting it

Edited by woman11 - 14 years ago

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642126

Hibernated

Posted: 14 years ago

#30

@tiny15

Thanks a lot for being the only one to reply to all questions!😊

- Glad that you feel we should not impose views on others. 😊

- About positive and negative characters:

Does this show really show anyone in black or white? They sometimes justify DS, sometimes Gauri, sometimes even J! They even tried to reform and made Mahavir Singh and Basant look good!

Can we have liberty to discuss about characters in context of issues or actions or situations and not just positivity or negativity all the time? Is it wrong to do so? Why is it not tolerated if someone does it?

Why liken a fictional character to Gandhi? Does that reasoning justify the deity-devotee-temple thing I talked about? 😲

I think even in real life people do get freedom to talk openly. There have been articles and books criticising people put on high pedestal - be it Gandhi or Anna Hazare or expressing doubts or concerns over their methods or concerns. Apart from really scandalous ones (like a book describing Gandhi as a sex maniac!) I don't see negativity or TOTAL backlash against them. Or any indirect coercion to ensure such articles or books are never published! I think such things happen in dictatorship countries and not democracies.

- If people don't understand funny stuff then why even enter a thread which is supposed to be tongue-in-cheek? You know you will be offended seeing what is there! That's like opening a po*n site, even though you are disgusted by the very thought of it!

- Thanks a lot for being so frank and honest. 😊 So it is not a good approach to appreciate something positive in a character who's basically supposed to be villain/vamp or point out mistakes or mis-steps in a positive character. I will keep that in mind since others may not have OPENLY spoken, but at least ONE member had the integrity to make it clear. Thanks a lot.

Is it also wrong to talk about how CVs or channel is handling or portraying some character?

- If someone has just expressed frustration but not imposed it on anyone or tried to convince others but ONLY stood by his/her own stand, even then why such a person or such persons are made to feel suffocated and obvious cold war is there?

- I see what you pointed out in personal comments case. But don't you think no matter how foolish or shocking any person's arguments or reasoning sound to us, we consider to only counter their viewpoint or certain stuff they wrote in a post, rather than getting personal? Or making assumption about character, age, thinking, experience or lack of it, education or lack of it, understanding or empathy or the lack of them?

Doesn't that take way the seriousness of the issue being argued and reduce it to just a fight? Isn't it wrong to insult a person or assume what he/she could be like, just for his/her POV? Or label him or her for what they could be in reality in their own lives? Rip apart their POV if you want! But why get personal about them or make up versions of that person's reality?

Why only evil stuff? Don't tell me you have never noticed backlash against even those who point out flaws or wrong representation in an action or lack of it in case of a positive character! What to do of getting personal approach in such cases? Is it fair?

- Does talking about an issue or its wrong portrayal actually mean that a character is being demeaned? We understand context, but does it mean we are no longer allowed to say what is wrong or right?Understanding are justifying completely - are they same thing or different? Can't anyone have the freedom to understand some character, but still maintain that he/she doesn't think what is happening is right in a broader sense?😲

- You said it is not like the ''other'' forum. But I think the way it has been going it shall very soon become like that. It does look like it's on that way!😕

- Thanks you believe that those who are not strict fanatics or haters should be allowed to talk😊 But sadly, they are not!

- What is ''good opposition''? Is that talking openly, replying there and then? Or does covert stuff (like posting ''reactions'' in other threads which are basically about episode or indirectly referencing without openly naming or quoting) and ''getting personal'' (assuming about thinking, patience, understanding, sensitivity etc.) also come under good opposition? If someone feels angered by this, then is he/she being unnecessarily touchy? Or sulking because he/she could not come up with a counter-argument and has been cornered?!😲

Many thanks for this one thing you wrote in reaction to my topic 🤗-

no dear u'dn't done anything wrong or used oder's name or posts but rather in my POV v.gud topic so as 2 know more abt the thinking of our fellow members & 2 lift the rifts created btn ppl bcoz of difft POVs!!

It makes me feel relieved. At least it is better than others laughing it off as an attempt to crib about not getting attention or having people agree with me all the time. 😊

Thanks a lot for being so open, direct, forthright and understanding. 😊

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