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peeyara

@peeyara

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#101

Originally posted by: LuvSSever
Hi dear,
I hv finally read Ur ' Khayali Pulao'..

It was indeed a laughter riot..🤣
And ur prologues for each part are so superb that had me in splits completely..😆
To advertise kya kya karna padtha ...😆

Too good and Raya convo's grt...
Ur prologue was so correct, if we tried to find sense in that yes we will lost,😆
But it makes u smile,laugh throughout...😊

Someone following, priya asking help, return favour ram needs butter, ek chumma,i mean chammach,spoon😆
And wht not...,😆
Their first meet...ufff...my stomach ached on laughing...😆
Kapur with U ,chipakoo...🤣
Then if its Raya, then their ego boost is a added compartment...
Priya made paratha by herself and ram wants to feed by her... and their business talks,
Finally as usual ego fight, left place, then phone call, meet at restaurant,
Finally priya made ram eat pulao...😆
Good, both hv likes for both of them and at no instance tell their inner feelings...
As usual hv their nokjhoks...
Now who actually uv feelings pretend to be lovers in front of shipra to escape frm rajat..
Good going..

Seriously ,priya's sautan wuld be aloo paratha...😆 ram and is love for it 😆
Watch and dupatta 's luv😆

U both were chanceless, 😆enjoyable conversation, u both r so into the character of Raya...
That it mk us roll on floor🤣 , reading ur episodes...

Grt work ...👏

after CID OS, i hv read Khayali Pulao many times 😆

Ram aur Priya se zyaada we were egoistic 🤣 who wanted other to make the first move aur jab aisa nhi hua like besharams we made the moves 🤣

it was fun to write like that 😆

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peeyara

@peeyara

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#102

Originally posted by: LuvSSever
Yes,
Successfully i have finished all your stories naseem dear..😃
Had great time reading it and expressing it in your thread here and seeing your replies too for it...
Thanks for all of it..🤗

In this thread, Now i may not bug u with my long comments😒😆... i am sad..so soon u write a new story😆

Thanks for the links of other two stories ,thats of sharan and sandy...its so sweet of u to search and share it for me..😳
I will read it for sure😊

yeh jo stories diye unke bhi threads locked hai 🤣

u can post ur reviews, if u feel the urge, in this thread 😆 i will make sandy read it but Sharan impossible...she is gayab from IF

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umayal

@LuvSSever

Inactive

Posted: 8 years ago

#103

Originally posted by: peeyara

yeh jo stories diye unke bhi threads locked hai 🤣
u can post ur reviews, if u feel the urge, in this thread 😆 i will make sandy read it but Sharan impossible...she is gayab from IF

Double ok😆

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umayal

@LuvSSever

Inactive

Posted: 8 years ago

#104

Hi naseem dear..

Continously I am owing you thanks for the stories you are making me read...😊

Difference is first its Ur stories, now its others... but i owe thnks to u first always..😳

Same here again..

I read the Os, OS:Saath Saal Baad by your friend sharan...

Oh god, its a quite very very emotional one and I was shocked in the sense that it was the same writer who co-wrote khayali pulao with you...😆

So good it was... sharan is a fabulous writer indeed...

Truly this forum has many amazing writers and since its on Raya, i am just blowed away with the stories of all yours...

Coming to the story... i wuld say in actual balh, in this track,7 yrs later,though due to Rashi and Raya i loved many scenes and almost ok with the flow of story just for them, there are many things on that track that i wasnt satisfied with it...

And this Os fulfilled that void...exactly the emotions of Raya after tht seven years was well captured in this Os..

I can imagine RaShi all thru, thry wuld hv rocked with their emotions putting all soul into it..

First part

The first part, oh it portrayed all the emotions of Ram to perfect..

His love, care,concern for priya, how his daily routine starts with her and ends with her...

His fear ,anguish, pain and hurt of not having her with him though she is so near to him...

How immensely he wants her back in his life,

All his turmoil written so beautiful..

And it was enhanced with some of fav dialogue of raya frm balh too, to just take back to the Raya we know...

Very emotional one from ram side, it all build up inner emotions of us while we read,

And i was controlling, but the final word from neha, she will get better and question of hers she will get better na, thts it, final bolt, eyes get moistened thinking Raya and Ram's turmoil...

A very emotional update...

I will continue with wht i felt on other parts soon...

Will edit the same post soon for it...

Second part

Oh what shall i tell again a nice emotional write up..

The saying on love and logic on preview was superb...

S good and bad times mingled all always and for Ram his life came back in this part...on his anniversary...wht more good it culd be rather thsn feeling priya with him..

The way their anniversary day started, the tear frm priya eye on ram's words even when she is in coma, and the way Ram felt his priya coming back to life was so beautifully written..her eyelashes made him feel tht, slowly ram's life coming bck...

She finally opened her eyes and first word 'Ram' from her..s the same name called by Ur loved one gives a altogether diff feeling, tht too when u are yarning for it long..called with so much love and care..

And always hearing priya calling 'Ram' was too good...

All those he missed in 7 yrs, he never ever want to leave her, he possesively hold her and dont want to sleep at all..

Tht return bck to their life was written beautifully..

That statement i loved ' Iluv u, always,time is nothing' ..

First priya asked, who r u ? I was like no😆...

But then she finally teased ram and realized she was fine, i was all happy..

But again writer gv a shock tht ,writing in conclusion tht,what if it all turned to a dream...

Third part

First thing thought is

Thankfully its not a dream

Again it was a fantastic fab update...

I liked many things in this update..

First is priya - pihu's one..

Too good...again one more thing tht filled the void in for me, in show it wasnt like tht

The tiff between the mother inside priya and she herself as a person was written beautifully,

Their convo,scene, priya embracing pihu was nice..

Next is Ram's diary writings which priya read at office..

So emotional it was,very nicely written...

And then asusual Raya romance and Nutz teasing... i luved raya romancing part a lot too...

Then priya's mental state of missing those 7 yrs from her loved ones life and her inner turmoil, and feeling not a part of them anymore was well written too..

All the emotions were perfect...

Tht stress on ek pal, like in epi, its so true...

And i also liked the fact, ram wants to tell her everything, he dont want to lie abt anything , hw long she is in coma like tht, he wants to tell priya everything and priya without him telling, knows he is trying hard to hide tht and didnt pester him bcoz he wuld be hurt...

And finally when he wants to tell, she without telling only understand and ask hw long..

Their understanding and commitment i luved..

Fourth part

Again the phrases on promise was too good.

I can understand both ram and priya's emotions in the entire part..

Again nicely written...Raya are binded together always by their love and cannot stay away...

Oh finally ended my comments..oh i hv written this much😲😆😳

Edited by LuvSSever - 8 years ago

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umayal

@LuvSSever

Inactive

Posted: 8 years ago

#105

So now after reading Saath saal baad and after satisying myself by giving a very long comment on Your thread😆

I have come back again to comment on next story 'Adhuri Kahani' by Sandhyaji...😊

It was full on entertainment...i dont know where to start and how to explain..

Since it has more parts cant explain part by part..

But i should say, full on entertaining it was, scenes just come before eyes with visualizing Rashi everywhere and amrita too, it was like watching Rashi in a new serial for me😆

She was so good with her twists and turns, and each part was like a perfect screenplay, entirely the story , yek serial se kam nahi tha...😆

And I am not telling it for fun, sach mei and these are praises...😊

Will come with the detailed comment on story soon..

Hope naseem dear, u dont mind me filling in ur thread with lenghty comments😳

Edited by LuvSSever - 8 years ago

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peeyara

@peeyara

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#106

Sharan is way more emotional then me 😆 wen I read this OS I told her she was definitely not in her senses while writing it 😆

she is brilliant writer 😳

Sandy is our personal EKTA 😆 but but sandy ke twists n turns are rational whereas Ekta is senseless

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peeyara

@peeyara

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#107

Sandy's first story:

Raya -love and lost

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umayal

@LuvSSever

Inactive

Posted: 8 years ago

#108

Now i came back with the detailed comment on the story 'Adhuri Kahaani' by sandhya..

Wow, as said before i dont know where to start, but a very much entertaining story with good twists and turns and indeed she is a good screenplay writer i should say...👏,such that was each part..

The intro of characters, the character sketch was so hooking to read the story, interesting sketch and concept with so many ques on what and how the story unfolds...

A good start with priya,ram routine explained and hooking to know what next...

The characters here,

Ram -

Ram was a arrogant businessman who knows only profits and loss and life too he handles with deals ke saath...he has his own reasons to making himself like this, being his broken family, parents reason for it...but the way he behaved with priya in fb's are so shocking😲 , he was ruthless to make her go thru the phase she went through...so selfish to put such a deal and mking her helpsee to accept it.. ...in fb parts initially was anger with him due to the turmoil he made priya go thru but dheere dheere, after sudhir slap and talk, priya's outburst,doc talk, ram did started feeling guilt for his behaviour, he started feeling bad for priya and finally fell in luv with her and wanted to hv a happy family with his beti and priya... but karma biting back , due to his past action, nutz anger, priya's distrust lead to a separation of them and separated him from his other 2 daughters too...

Priya -

As always a lovely, sweet caring girl with so much love towards her family and her pappa...

And a loving mother as always, who cares more for her kids..

And weak infront of her loved ones...or to claim whts hers...

Oh the turmoil she gone thru, far from her family, loneliness , longing for loved one, carrying baby but cant be attached to it, fate of her kid and her relationship with that kid well written before its born...

All those she has been subjected to due to ram, in fb and even in present too...felt too sad for her, pitied her at many indtances...but finally she finding her luv in ram and settling with all her three cutie daughters were too good...

Pihu -

Pihu seemed to be much spoiled with ram kapoor's beti tag in initial parts but she was spoiled only to be to get corrected by her own mom, later pihu was so lovely in this FF... her luv towards her miss,real mumma, her fear on esha's warnings, get weaken on that, longing for mumma's pyaar, coping with dad's new decision of marrying esha, finally being full on happy hearing tht, real mumma is priya and her pappa marrying priya... her bond with sisters..all cute...

Nutz - she stayed true to her character...yes she is at fault and Raya stayed separate in past or had misunderstandings incase of Rajat due to her.. but she stayed true in sense tht, she behaved as a kapoor girl will behave and her actions as a friend to priya, as a sister to ram,as a bua to pihu,were justified, she had her own reasons to do it...she misunderstood and she took some actions to protect her loved ones which went wrong..

But at the same tume, she need not had been this much rude to priya, since she know hw priya is and wht ram did to her too but then priya asked for it by not revealing her truth with rajat..

Other characters supported the story very well as they always... be it VikNeha, rajat and his mom,

Krishna all were written nicely...as always felt grrr on Ashwin and esha...he and his doings...esha doings..grrr..

Highlights of story for me is...

Sandy , u hv beautifully written priya as a mom, her scenes with her kids are superbly written..

As a mom, u write so well, all encounters of priya with pihu, i felt something stucking inside, felt goosebumps at many places...

She getting close to pihu and their convo at pihu's bday, giving prasad and after tht coming to know pihu is Parul, wow priya's emotions there, then after tht all her convos with pihu, pihu calling her mistakenly mumma, she asking pihu to continue tht, mking fav dishes and feeding..

When pihu was scared on esha warning and in need of priya, priya at her home feeling tht, her conscience, then she tking care of pihu, warning esha (i was reminded of priya warning ayesha in balh).. all were too good..

And priya with her twins also too good

And in fb also priya talk with her baby inside,all good..

I loved priya- pihu scenes to the core,❤️

Then the major aspect u hv tken into Ur writing...surrogacy and hw the feelings of tht mom wuld be when a girl like priya was in tht place...her disinterest in beginning, y she dont want to attached, then slowly getting attached, finally holding baby in arms and feeding her,

After leaving her baby, always remembering her and wishing good for her baby..all those were good..

Then , the possesive Ram is always good to watch..😳😆, he in anger came to claim his twins, but seeing rajat coming, immediately pulled priya and made her sit in front seat😆 and immediately marry her too..

He may give any reason to esha to marry priya, but we know why he immeciately did...😆

And organised a separate meeting,so tht can keep rajat at distance..ram bhi na..😆

And his feelings seeing ashwin too was same...

His scenes with his daughter pihu and his first encounters with his twins and he feeling something for them in their meetings were too good...

The doctor at pune, tht part was good too.. the doc gave some good words to both priya and ram, doc talk was good..

Overall i luved each part, especially screenplay ,s some places thoda dramatic tha, but as nassem said all twists and turns are rational...

Then two more things was, when i read esha character or ashwin character, i always know they are negative and they do things for their own selfish reasons, so they will not be a hurdle for Raya, i am sure of tht, they always create bad circumstances for Raya but just to get them closer...

So reading them in story , neither i feel anything nor they affect me...

But whenever read Rajat naam😆, pata nahi , his so sweet sugar coated lover image makes me feel diff to read on him... not like ram, over possesive, but closer to ram feel like some awkwardness in reading about priya with him😆...his presence in priya's way always create diff feeling..

Yes he is the main reason for being Raya together, but his so sweet onesided love with priya is always hard to digest...😕😆

Ok..overall i loved Your story...so good to read..it made my late nights...😆

I started reading it ,thinking its SS,and has 15 parts, so started after my kid slept but didnt know it had 4 threads and more than 50 parts, so engrossed in story to read whts next, so continued to read till it finish,after she slept,so it made my late nights..😆

Edited by LuvSSever - 8 years ago

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peeyara

@peeyara

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#109

See now u got to know why we tease her wid Rajjo's name 😆 she is her chahita n upar se she makes him sacrificing n too good 😆

Sandy ke 2 cute, bht innocent, bht masoom and well behaved betiyan hai...bilkul meri tarha 😳 S2-Shreya n shruthi

sandy ke twists n turns r well justified n to the point but hum bhi bade badmash the hamesha ulte sawal karte the aur justification mangte the 😆

Sandy kuch likho na I am dying to tease you

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umayal

@LuvSSever

Inactive

Posted: 8 years ago

#110

Originally posted by: peeyara
See now u got to know why we tease her wid Rajjo's name 😆 she is her chahita n upar se she makes him sacrificing n too good 😆
Sandy ke 2 cute, bht innocent, bht masoom and well behaved betiyan hai...bilkul meri tarha 😳 S2-Shreya n shruthi

sandy ke twists n turns r well justified n to the point but hum bhi bade badmash the hamesha ulte sawal karte the aur justification mangte the 😆

Sandy kuch likho na I am dying to tease you

S reading that saath saal baad, its seems sharan is way too emotional,but knowing tht u two are the writers for khayali pulao, and seeing ur emotional type of stories, its hard to believe both are same writers😆

But too good yaar..kept it up...👏

And s sandhya's second story 'Raya - love and lost' also i started to read dear, it was also nice start, i mean diff, but yet to finish and once again she proved in tht also tht she writes a part tht hooks u to know whts in next... again good parts, the way story traverse between past and present...

Will come up with comments on tht too,once i finish...

But serial balh mei bhi Rajat was like tht only na, so sweet one sided genuine lover, there also its hard to digest and anywhere rajat name gives that effect😆

So i think she stayed to the character he was shown in serial...

Oh two cutie pie there in her home.❤️. so sweet.😳..oh thts why her convos of mother-daughter duo in her story are too cute too... and her cuties name are cute too...all 'S'😊

Bilkul tumhari tarha😲, naseem i doubt this 😆, u bahut innocent and masoom..😕😆.

My little one, cute hai but innocent nahi😆, tumhari tarha bht badmash hai..😆 ..i think so but if ur not badmash then sorry...😳

When we frnds hv a group chit chat or get together, after sometime, mine will do things such tht, my reaction wuld be

Jaise, in dangal trailer ,sakshi reactions were while telling geeta aur babbita ne ki..😆

Embarassing and shocked..😆

Ab toh she is sirf two and half yrs, her dad also bilkul ram ke tara, pampers her, i hv told him , when she grows up and in school if they call for parents and also in PTA, u wuld only go and answer like tht...😆

Me too wait to read her new story..she too writes well and with diff concepts...

And i know naseem dear, u r so innocent and masoom tht u guys pull her legs always😆

While reading the story, if ur comment is in first page below update, i hv read tht..😳

Edited by LuvSSever - 8 years ago