Tumhe koh kar kuch pane ka soch bhi nahi sakte hum - Page 4

Originally posted by: Opti

I agree that Murli has blown this out of proportion. He believes and has also made Bharti believe that they have problems being intimate with each otehr because of her physical stature.

I wonder whether deep down in his subconscious mind he still has that mental block about being intimate with some one half his size. He may love her deeply for her goodness. He may even find her attractive but he may not feel the strong urge or desire a man would normally feel for his wife. Yes, he did have intimacy with her but he could have achieved that in just a moment when he temporarily suspended his thought process. When she fell ill the next morning and the first doctor asked her whether they were intimate, he kept repeatedly asking why she was asking the question.


While on the surface his apprehensions may have stemmed out of genuine concern for her well being, I wonder whether in his sub-conscious mind he was looking for an excuse to take intimacy out of their equation. That is why he is hearing what he subconsciously wants to hear irrespective of what the first or the second doctor said. He has latched on to a vague excuse based on something the second doctor mentioned and that too in some other context. The worst part is he himself does not realise what he is doing for he still believes his intentions are honourable.

EXCELLENT ! I just found all my questions answered in your post : i was trying to figure out why he was psycho and that maybe there was a physical barrier. But i couldn't believe it since they already have intimacy but you point out the SUBCONSCIOUS and i really think that you make a point here.
Gosh you just cleared up a big mess in my head!

i don't think, it is something related to his subconscious mind set. he doesn't have a vague EXCUSE, rather a vague CONCEPT... its his personal confusion over a WRONG CONCEPT... and he has developed this flawed theory on his own.
i understand, there are men who have wild approach towards the whole marital relationship, but there are men who have an extremely soft attitude when it comes to dealing with their wives...they really don't want to hurt their wives. they have utmost compassion...that is so very lovable, u fall in love with your man, over and over again...but here the situation is a bit different. though murli is placed in the second category, he has somehow lost the grip over the whole issue. his wife therefore, has all the right questions in her mind because she said," kami tu hai na"...that is THE hard core reality that bharti is aware of, irrespective of the fact whether or not her husband considers it a KAMI, and he doesn't...

Originally posted by: hashbrown

i don't think, it is something related to his subconscious mind set. he doesn't have a vague EXCUSE, rather a vague CONCEPT... its his personal confusion over a WRONG CONCEPT... and he has developed this flawed theory on his own.
i understand, there are men who have wild approach towards the whole marital relationship, but there are men who have an extremely soft attitude when it comes to dealing with their wives...they really don't want to hurt their wives. they have utmost compassion...that is so very lovable, u fall in love with your man, over and over again...but here the situation is a bit different. though murli is placed in the second category, he has somehow lost the grip over the whole issue. his wife therefore, has all the right questions in her mind because she said," kami tu hai na"...that is THE hard core reality that bharti is aware of, irrespective of the fact whether or not her husband considers it a KAMI, and he doesn't...

This does not explain why he thinks that the doctor had said their marital relationship will have problems when she clearly did not. In fact she said she does not think that Bharti has any such problem although she had heard of some case earlier. Why should he then not follow this up further with the doctor who actual examined Bharti when she returned back so as to be absolutely sure this indeed was the problem for them too? It is a serious issue and he should have dealt with it more seriously instead of jumping into his own conclusions. Not only that he is misrepresenting the fact to Bharti. Now if she did indeed had some problem, the doctor would have either confided in her or him or both.

Originally posted by: hashbrown

the facts are facts, and you have put them very well @opti. i agree 100%...but he is not formulating an excuse, based on his subconscious mind set.

The excuse is sought by the subconscious mind not the conscious one. The consicous mind is still thinking of Bharti.

he has just developed it...thats the only POV difference between you and me...
consciously or unconsciously, he has an internal fear of losing bharti...
who doesn't want to be close and intimate to his loved one? i do not doubt murli for a second. his conscious and subconscious mind only thinks of bharti, thats what i believe...

Yes, he has a fear of losing Bharti. That is the conscious mind. As to who does not want to be close and intimate with the one you love, of course he would have felt so if she was a normal woman but it is hard to break down a mindset, isn't it? It is Bharti's heart he fell in love with first. His inhibitions about leading a normal marital life with her slowly broke down as his love for her strengthened and he took small baby steps towards her. While he could emotionally connect to her because they had some sort of commonality there, considering that both of them were sensitive to their families' needs, the physical barrier was pretty stiff and was not that easy to break. He could not fully ignore the differences in their sizes. Nevertheless he wanted their marriage to work as much as she did so he went ahead and had the union with her. His conscious mind wanted the union as much as she did. The subconscious mind was suspended when he finally took that step and made her his. When they had visited the doctor though and particularly after he heard the doctor questioning Bharti as to whether they had been intimate, the subconscious mind was woken up. That part of his mind which always suspected that normal relations between them was not possible given the huge difference in height made him hear things which weren't said but were what he imagined. So to me it looks like a dichotomy - the conscious mind which thinks only of Bharti and her well being and the sub-conscious mind which is still having hard time accepting that normal relations between them is indeed possible.



there is so much of medical advancement, this issue can be resolved by seeking the top notch medical help, and clearing out the misunderstandings that have surfaced now...and above all, it depends on murli; how fast he can get all those flawed hurdles out of his mind...the faster, the better for their relationship.

Part of the problem in such cases comes from the fact that intimacy related issues are still considered taboo in several places, especially in small towns. People feel shy discussing the problems they may be having in their bedrooms either with their own spouses or with medical practitioners. As a result stereotypes strengthen and problems only get worse.

once he realizes his mistake of developing wrong concepts, he is going to repent...
then he will have to apologize big time, and make up for the lost time, never to repeat it ever again ...this is the second time rejection bharti has suffered...but before that the creatives are going to show us some pregnancy complications, to further strengthen murli's ideas and his flawed theory...

I think Bharti will leave him thinking he needs to be happy with a woman who could meet his physical needs as now she thinks she cannot. They will have the seven year leap and we will see Bharti and a six year old son/daughter, conceived during the only time his/her parents came together. Murli in the meantime will be shown pining for his love all these years, not being able to go ahead in life tortured as he is by the guilt that he may have been responsible for driving away the one woman who loved him so unconditionally.

Nice to have shared with you my views and read yours.

@ Opti and Hashbrown - Loving the interestign discussion going on between the two of you. 👍🏼

@opti, it was very nice to read and share views with you. thanks.

@rakhie, agree with you on every thing you have said, specially about about this couple...

This is what I posted in the updates thread as a response to Hashbrown's observation:


I don't think they will revisit the issue of physical intimacy. The way they had portrayed this issue, it seems like intimacy was for procreation and not recreation. Now that Bharti is pregnant, they do not have to be intimate as the purpose has been achieved. Bharti wanted to be a mother to his kid and bingo she has become one. Another thing, Indian T.V. shows stay away from showing SR type scenes once the woman is pregnant, as though pregnant women stop having marital relations. It seems to be a taboo.

I can't understand one thing. If Murli feared that having a physical relationship itself can make her sick, how come he is jubilant that she is pregnant now? Would that not be more risky and painful than physical intimacy? Did he not wonder how a body which he thought was so delicate that it could not bear his proximity can now bear a baby for nine months?

After yesterday's episode I am more and more convinced he has a dichotomised mind. His subconscious mind does seem to have wanted to avoid physical intimacy. Since Bharti appeared to want their closeness to achieve parenthood, he seems to be relieved that they have attained it in their first act (must say both are very fertile) and he need not be troubled by her on that count. Both his conscious and subconscious mind are happy at the news, without giving a thought to Bharti's well being. If this issue had troubled him at any point he would have taken the doctor aside and asked her whether Bharti's delicate body (as he had assumed it to be) be able to withstand the pregnancy. The fact that he did not only goes to show that deep down his moving away from her was driven by his reluctance to accept that normal marital relations between them was possible.

@opti your explanation about the sub conscious mind makes the most sense. I can't think of anything that makes a clearer sense than this. It would also makes the most logical explanation to his paranoia about this matter.

Things like attraction and chemistry are also sub conscious so fear could also be stemmed there. I am not psychologist but given Murli's behaviour and attitude, this reaction of his suppressed inhibitions could be the main culprit.

Thanks for the explanation. Very nicely said.👍🏼