Member of the Week - Krutilynn - Page 4

Originally posted by: krutilynn

Thank you...I try so hard in my classes to convey the correct versions of the story also. Whenever somebody asks me a question like - we have heard that India is very poor or "Why is the GDP of India so low" or "Does female literacy rate vary substantially from males in India?' my answers are usually: Well, remember that you are talking about 1.3 billion people that live in an area the size of Texas+Oklahoma. The cost of living is lower and hence a lower GDP in terms of dollars goes a longer way. As far as the media representing slums of Calcutta or Bombay are concerned, what about New York? I explain that an average indian in rural area might feel that all westerners have loose values and look like the babes on Baywatch! As far as female literacy rate is concerned, 58% of women are literate and 62% of men are literate - this could either be a statistical error margin or the average literacy rate is 60% so no substantial difference. Also, in India literacy rate is calculated on the basis of whether someone can count from 1 to 10 and sign their own name, which is not sufficient to describe behavior of a literate individual. WHen people compete against a billion other people, the people that do get education are substantially better off than people in other parts of the world.

OOOOhh, I loved your answers here Kruti!! Exactly my thoughts too. People when they compare India and US - I feel are comparing appleas and oranges.. Same with the $$$ buying power. true, Indians in India don't earn in dollars but hey, we don't spend in Dollars either.. I would not spend Rs. 90 (equivalent of $2) for a cup of tea in India bought from a roadside stall..So, people in India do not need to earn what they earn here in $ to lead an equivalent standard of living.. I am glad I am not alone in this..👏

I havent but i will...As far as female empowerment is concerned, OK i am going to go into an academic spiel hoping that people dont get offended or bored because this is a subject close to my heart. One of my most important research topics is - Gender disparity in countries of the world. If you google Kruti Dholakia HDI you will get the paper that i have written on status of women. But it is a little academic and dry so i will try to put the gist of it here - Countries are ranked by United Nations Development Program on the basis of development as measured by life expectancy, literacy rate, and per capita GDP in dollars (adjusted for purchasing power international level). India ranks 104th out of 150. However, when taking into consideration gender specific rates and disparity, India ranks 99th. Which indicates that while on the whole India is still developing, women are better off in India than men. I hope this makes sense...

I had written to the INS and some government officials when i first came here and found a lot of indian women who were here on H4 visas could not work. I wrote to these places requesting that these women should be empowered rather than sponsoring the wrong ideas of other people who think that Indian women are barefeet, pregnant, in sarees and uncommunicative!!!! Of course i never received an answer...but nonetheless i had tried! O well, so now my efforts are all focused on removing these misconceptions from people's minds.

Completely agree with you here as well..!! True, Indian women in the US don't work while they are on an H4 visa but that is because of the INS rules or maybe because of pressing family/children pressures.. Also, most educated women or those who have passed from professional colleges in India do work and do well (Unless again they have other pressing responsibilities of family and children and that happens in the US too where many women quite their jobs because of family or kids).. And the fact is in India, if one is a woman and has the right education, they can come up very well. I have worked in India and so I say that by experience..I agree though many don't like to work in grocery stores, etc. they feel it is a "waste of their education" to be doing something other than their speciality..

Regarding Chukkna's post on why Ekta Kapoor Serials are popular is this I think - many people like to see drama on TV.. Most of Ekta Kapoor's serials do not portray reality at all. So people like to see drama as well as the gorgeous dresses/makeup, etc..

More questions:

What are your favourite Hindi movies?

Are you a Vegetarian?

Originally posted by: chukkna

Hi Kruti,

Loved the questions and answeres above. hehehe, read my response to xyzzee's post...i have addressed some of the points you raised there.
Reading xyzzee's comments above about how media shows the Indian women to be sitting at home sort, I was just thinking that most of the Indian women do that. Infact, here I have seen very few Indian females to be working. Who come on dependent visas of their spuoses, very few pick up the career path. Also the Indians do not like to take up any kind of work eg working in a store or something. If you see other ethenic people, they would pick up house cleaning also if they are not educated, to earn their livings. I worked in a gas station for about 6 months when waiting for my greencard. it was cool because i could study in the afternoons when traffic was thin. I have met some Indian females who think its their husband's duty to look after the money needs and her duty to look after the house. Well, I would say most of the Indian crwod is from villages and that is where the woman is still treated low. But being in US if they talk like that,it is a shame. Without naming names, i know some husbands who open up savings accounts without the knowlege of their wives and then make their wives cry in wal-frickin-mart for spending two bucks on some stupid thing!😡 It is the men who propogate this behavior more than women and try to thwart independent women under the banner of "ab tou shaadiho gayi hai so you have to do what i say" The things have changed a lot for better in cities in India and I am very happy to see that there and people to be changing their views. Very well put and very true..

Also the media focusses on the common people's interest I guess. I wonder why the ekta kapoor's such a rona dhona serials are so famous in India. Cos whatever the woman faces in gen life, the emotions are portrayed there and they like to see the similar situation there? I dont know. I dont know why there are mpre of the saas bahu jhagada serials rather than the good ones like DD used to air long back: "Udaan", "Kachchi Dhoop" etc. I think that the primary audience for some of these ekta kappor serials is the women between ages of 50-80 who have gone through some of this nonsense themselves (to a lesser extent, albeit) but nonetheless... I think that these serials are promoting these behaviors rather than changing them, which is very sad. Because most people i know in india would no longer tolerate this nonsense in today's day and age. And people that do tolerate this are usually from a not-so-educated not-so-well-off backgrounds so it is contradictory to show thse together.

I am impressed how Lynn is picking up the language. He says to say "abhaar"
- When is your b'day (if you dont mind telling us) and what is Lynn's zodiac. me-no-shy...August 1 1978 and Lynn is a scorpio with birthday November 15 1973.
- Hey talking about Thanksgiving, do they cook stuffed veggie turkey for you 😉 ? My friends were making fun of me here that since I am veggie, may be I should get a turkey shaped pot and stuff the veggie filling there, cook in oven and then break the pot and eat the stuffing ha ha ha. The trend int he south is to bake the turkey separately from the stuffing (called dressing around here). So I get veggie dressing! My future father-in-law makes mine with veggie broth instead of chicken broth and i get veggie gravy also...
- How do you like to spend you free time? (apart from IF and Orkut 😉) ? I usually work an average of 15 hours a day/7 days a week. so i tend to sleep extra if i have the time. I also cross-stitch a lot because it relaxes me. My favorite activity daily is to hang out with lynn after dinner for an hour or so, talking about our day or just sitting down and watching some good documentary on National Geographic or the Science Channel.
- Are you a nature lover? Basically, yes...but i dont go camping or anything. I would not mind, but i tend to get a little bored if i dont have a torrent of activity around me...same reason why i dont take baths in the bathtub - i just cannot relax. I can relax only when i am working - sounds contradictory, i know but its weirdly true😕

cheers. Kampai! (raising coffee mug)

Your analysis of ekta kapoor's serials is quite accurate. About the other things, i am not surprised anymore that we think alike 😃

Originally posted by: xyzzee

More questions:

What are your favourite Hindi movies? Anand is my all time fav, but in the recent ones - Sarrkarr, Viruddhh. Actually i like a lot of movies. I was a huge fan of DDLJ when it first came out...over time, i enjoy it but not that much. Kuchh Kuchh Hota Hai was a movie i was forced to watch (i liked it) but did not like that Kajol's character had to change in order for SRK to fall in love her😡. The reason i say forced is because all my friends felt that they got inspired for the Kajol character from me...blah blah blah...i never felt like that because i dont think that i would have changed because "mera pyaar mujhse ruth gaya" type nonsense. I believe in moving on and being myself regardless of what people say!! OK...again too long an answer for a simple question...i should stop doing this otherwise someone is going to get ticked off in the forum! Or think that i am too self-focussed...DARN!!

Are you a Vegetarian? Yup, by choice...my parents are veggie also but not my bro or lynn. I have no probs with meat per se, but i cant eat it! I tried a bite of chicken sandwich once and kept my roomie up all night because i kept feeling that the chicken was moving inside my stomach!!! So that was the end of my trials...😆

Originally posted by: innocentindian

hiya kruti

great thread u r running here....and it shows u r enjoying it also, which is how it should be.... 😊 Hehehe, as long as people dont mind reading long-winded answers, i am cool with writing them...me a chatterbox, can you tell 😆

different types of questions I'm gonna ask...gimme your views pls... sure!

1) some of these women that don't work and sit around, whether in India or outside - i think a lot of them do that cos it's their choice to do so. For a lot of women the world over, it has been the man who has been bread-winner and women the home-maker....this is how it's been everywhere, not just India. I accept that the western world sees less of this now, but it still does not mean that is not how it should be. It seems (to me, i admit) that a lot of these women choose to do this therefore it's OK. That is the arrangement between that husband and wife. In the cases where the woman is forced to stay at home, barefoot and pregnant, well that I don't condone...each should be allowed to do what the other wants, but both have to remember to give and take as well. Any thoughts? 😛 I agree with you. In a PM i sent to a friend sometime back, i said something similar. Women that make the choice should be respected for it. It is what i also propogate - in the sense that - gender equality does not mean that men and women behave the same way because there are different characteristics of each one and emulation is wrong. But gender equality means that there is equality of opportunity. The choice of how the opportunities are explored rests sorely on the shoulders of the individuals. One of the reasons why i dont want to have kids is because i know that i would want to stay at home with them for at least a couple years and i dont want to take time off from my career. I know that a lot of women juggle both aspects, but i feel that it is of importance to focus on a child in its formative years 100%. In most careers it comes to a cost-benefit analysis decision...but this is just my opinion. About give and take, i have noticed many men and women (indian or not) taking a lot of things for granted and forgetting to give as much as they take in a relationship - whether it is spousal or familial or just friendship.

2)is it your educated guess that the peeps watching kekta's stuff are women 50-80, or have u come across that statistic somewhere? educated guess based on the sociological model of demographic advertising following these serials. Personally, I think it's probably across the board with all ages, although almost definately more women than men. Thats why i said primary audience...if i didnt, i add that now...coz u r correct everyone watches this stuff. Following on from this point that was brought up, I do get worried about the effect kekta's soaps have on the public. e.g. her soaps may primarily concentrate on saas-bahu relations (or lack off!) but they have so much of multiple-marriages and illigitimate children and sleeping around etc, that it is even more unbeleivable, 😡 whereas the saas-bahu stuff probably happens in manny households....again, your thoughts pls... 😊 Unfortunately, in our society the illegit stuff is hidden, but i have seen so many real-life instances where it does happen. Ya, the whole "badla" concept may not work the same way but illegit relations have substantially increased of late (or it seems this way) because people are more vocal about it now. Earlier the trend was to behave like it never happened...so statistics are skewed.

3)you used to live in india not that long ago .... how was it initially for you to get involved in an inter-racial relationship. Also, you both live together pre-marriage which is very uncommon in indian society.How have u dealt with it? I am more interested in you thoughts here cos you actually don't come across as bindas to me (no offense to you or those that think u r, please), so that is why I am more interested in how you have dealt with all this. Especially, i saw a pic you had with you grandmother. And she seemed to have accepted it. Can you go into details (generally, and not specifically about your granny). 😊 It was a little challenging. When we were room-mates my parents were a little appalled at the thought of having a male room-mate and i had to convince them that i was better off without getting into bi**hy fights with females - i had a history of that because there were some women in india who would bad-mouth me regarding having so many male friends and it would ultimately lead to a knock-out throw-down fight with me because i was never characterless and any insuination for that was offensive. I am reasonably conservative and hence even though lynn and i live together we have an agreement to "wait before marriage" - we do share the same bed (with three dogs on it every night) but we are comfortable with waiting. I indicated this to my parents, and i cannot lie to save my life so they believed me and accepted it. Also, last february we went and got a common-law-marriage license in order to avoid some social hassles that i was concerned about. But since we are waiting for the actual wedding, we decided to go with the whole "fiance" aspect for now...that way we have something to look forward to for celebration when we get married. My grandmother ws the person who told my parents that i have lived with this guy - so what if he was white - and that indicates that on a day-to-day basis i would be happy with him. In a way she actually encouraged Lynn to learn the language. That granny in the pic is my mom's mom - very liberal. My dad's mom is even more so...thus we had almost no problems. However, i still have issues with lynn eating beef (my bro eats beef too) but its difficult to accept. I dont mean to offend anyone here but this is just my personal issue, i guess.

4)i have a google account, so can i become a orkut member, or is it purely by invitation? If so, please invite me... 😉 PM me your gmail address and i will invite you...i think it is invite only.

5) I've read The Da Vinci Code - can't wait for the film....which Dan Brown book would u recommend I read next? Angels and Demons - i liked it more than Da Vinci Code. And after that Digital Fortress. Deception Point is a little disappointing after these.

Very interesting questions have already been asked...and even better replies given... 👏 hope this isn't bucking the trend. Nope not at all...anyways, its the others that have to read the responses and they can always pick and choose 😉

Cheers 😊

Originally posted by: principessa

I enjoyed reading your answers to the questions Kruti.. Well done..

You are one week younger than I am.. I was born on 24/7/78.. 😊 O that is sooooooooo cool...DIDI!! 😃

Now, do you think indian serials present the indian culture correctly? No, i dont think so. I think that they do address some social issues but they make it so dramatic and twisted that it becomes intolerable to watch after a while. FOr instance most of these serials focus so much on the whole 'Karva chauth" thing which is almost non-existent in gujarat, for example. I am not sure how popular it is in south india either. Also, in my humble opinion, culture is a generation-specific, time-specific volatile notion. SO in reality, portrayal of culture depends on who watches it. As XYZZEE says often on her threads in Saat Phere and Astitva, why do women have to be portrayed as weak, spineless human beings all the time? In reality, people cannot deal with the REAL MODERN WOMAN that india is currently producing. These kind of serials only aid mothers-in-law to feel that "dekha asli bahu aise behave karti hai...tumhaari tarah naukri vaukri nahin karti" and it is so harmful to our society. I wish that more serials dealt with issues the way 'Kkashish" did - the drama levels were low in the serial, it was more realistic in its portrayal of the modern saas-bahu relationship, and gave a different ideal to women all over the country to follow...maturity is completely lacking in behaviors of other mothers/daughters/daughters-in-law/mothers-in-law in the other serials. Again this is just my opinion and i would love to hear others' opinions on this.

Originally posted by: xyzzee

Your thoughts on Kate Blackwell are right on!! My thoughts too. Another similarity 😉 I loved that book and bought it a while ago and re-read it so often. I know many who thought Kate was evil but I hardly think so.. She had shades of grey and that's what I liked about her..She was not like her psychotic granddaughter Eve who was downright evil.. And what is more she did not condone evil if it were from her granddaughter Eve.

I don't know that I agree 100% on the way Kate manipulated her husband and son but who knows - maybe someone else in her place may have felt strongly enough to do that, given the circumstances and situation..She did not mean harm that was for sure though the result of manipulating her son was disastrous. I think that her manipulation of David was justifiable from both a business and personal point of view. There were earlier mentions of David being attracted to her so it was not a complete stretch. What are your thoughts on the way she got David to marry her by manipulating situations? Also, what are your thoughts on the way she manipulated her son Tony and made him take up business? That would not be forgiveable but as a strong woman myself, i feel that i would have a hard time accepting it if my son was a wimp! I feel that he was a qualified artist but her ambitions exceeded his. Also, he was weak enough to be influenced by a stupid newspaper report. Most successful men (artists and otherwise) ahve to learn to be beyond negative feedback so i doubt if he would have been successful anyways. I think that subconsciously he resented his mother and hence could not see her point of view. Also, she learned about her past quite dramatically - reading the diary and all, whereas he grew up with hearing the stories - it takes away the effectiveness of the ancestral heritage that he was getting. Their points of view were too diverse. I think that Kate's manipulation of her daughter in law was wrong and immoral but again, she has been shown to be haunted by her ghosts because she had devoted her life to one goal - her ancestral business, and personal relationships always took a back seat. It is an interesting character, but brings credence to the theory that women can be stronger than men if focussed on a particular goal - hence the insistence in so many cultures on setting familial goals for women, i guess. I mean ultimately, even Eve pressurized Adam to try the apple in the bible. In hindu philosophy also, Kali avatar is more vengeful than any of the male gods...

An interesting digression here - If you recognize Shakti as being energy (now discussed by some being nuclear energy) it creates both, matter and anti-matter. Shakti is clearly feminine in scriptures and it holds true for all females also...ever notice that even amongst criminals, female offenders are more violent and volatile and passionate than male? It is almost as if petty crimes dont interest women...it has to be huge - something that comes with passion otherwise it is better not to indulge.

A good character portrayal of this duality is also seen in "Gone with the Wind" I highly recommend the book, but i recommend the movie even more!