Anupamaa 04th Mar 2024 Written Update & Daily Discussions Thread - Page 4

Sirf shahs uska parivar hai. Baki sab tempash

But where does the narrative of this show accept her as an abuse victim? I think we as viewers considering it as abuse is different from the narrative and characters of this show acknowledging what was meted out to her was abuse.

I agree that a person who has faced abuse for 26 long years in her life, it's extremely difficult for her to change her ways. But when you decide to make content based on such a character isn't it important to treat it as a difficulty, an impediment, a character flaw, a trait that needs a positive change? She has not only been a victim of cheating by Vanraj Shah, she has also been a victim of his and Baa's verbal abuse, she is also a victim of Bapuji's manipulations and unfortunately, very unfortunately she has also been abused by her children.

The narrative of the show never talks about Anupama needing help, therapy, love, affection, and care. Because the moment you say that Anupamaa needs help, you have to acknowledge that what happened to her was abuse. That also means that as a viewer you would expect her abusers to pay a price for what they have done. You have to give Shahs a negative tilt - Baa can no more remain Maa, Vanraj does become ghatiya etc, and you cannot back off from that. But then the writing never lets or never wants it to happen. I can understand that Anupamaa may not even realize that she is a victim, but somebody, some character had to call it out as it is. No one is there who can call a spade a spade. I wished it was Anuj. I wish he would have seen through it. I wished he would have made her realize, helped her, mentored her, and connected her to doctors. None of this ever happened.

What we see happen is the same abuse victim starts justifying her abusers, watering down their actions, and whitewashing them and the one who was supposed to be different Anuj Kapadia starts considering the same abusers as his family. The fact that she feels that she has to do sab sab sab and she has to be everywhere has to be treated as a character flaw and Maa sab kuch kar sakti hai should not have been venerated. Koi sab kuch nahi kar sakta, sabko sab kuch nahi mil paata. I understand that the thinking comes from the fact that she was told that she was not adequate and there is a constant desperate need to do everything correctly because otherwise she would be blamed. But this is an issue with the character that needs to be addressed and not glorified. You know every she keeps pressing her hands in nervousness or hyperventilates when she talks I sense an abuse victim. But is there a recognition for that in the show?

Coming to what happened on accident day. I feel yes it was cruel to bombard her with questions after she had saved 4 lives and was vulnerable. I feel whatever support for Anuj's character (and I am no exception to it ) comes from the fact that he did ask certain questions that were relevant and a bone of contention against Anupamaa's character for long. His below-the-belt remarks about you would choose Pari over CA ( no one can choose like that ) were mixed along with certain pertinent questions - Her priorities for example, which are misplaced not just for her children but also for V, Baa, Kavya, Baapuji - all of whom responsible for destroying her life.

It's annoying to see your criticism as a viewer being used to create a tiff between leads but not being addressed properly. And then there are other questions that come to mind - if what Anuj said and was traumatic (and I am ready to accept it as traumatic) why is the constant verbal abuse from V, Baa, Toshu and Pakhi not traumatic? I was so triggered to see Toshu come at her face at howl like a maniac. And that's just one of the incidents. If she can't leave her children because no mother can no matter how much she is abused, no matter how bad they are, how was she able to leave CA who was very young? If despite being brutally asked to get out of the house by her son, she can assert her rights as a grandmother on Pari, why can't she assert the same right on CA being her mother despite her conflict with her father? Anuj ke upar case karke custody bhi karke agar CA ko le jaati toh woh uska haq hota. If she can't leave her children in some problem, how was she easily able to leave CA with Malti Devi and Barkha who were poisoning her little daughter's mind?

I agree that it's more than possible that people who have spent their lives as abuse victim, may live and die with conflicted minds, a low self-esteem. But since a show was made about one such victim, I think it was imperative to highlight the victim's mentality, show both negative and positive support from society, love, care and affection from a husband who claimed to love her for 26 years and should have focused on her healing even if it was not 100 percent possible.

After 1200 + episodes, people do expect certain character growth and some changes. Imagine a Shashi from English Vinglish who starts off as a housewife, a middle-aged woman, being mocked by her family for not knowing English, and remains the same throughout the movie and the movie ends like that with no change in her character, no effort from her side whatsoever. Would one want content like that to be made? How would we see a character like Shashi in that case? Would we still pity her for making no attempts to bring positive changes to her life because apparently there are real-life women who would live and die like that? A protagonist is expected to defy the odds no matter how difficult it is. Their effort to bring positive changes in response to the challenges faced by them even if its through help and support is what makes them shine

Very well put. Moreover, the show justifies or tried to constantly day that they are promoting women empowerment whereas the reality is completely the opposite.

Originally posted by: STPrincess

Very well put. Moreover, the show justifies or tried to constantly day that they are promoting women empowerment whereas the reality is completely the opposite.

They have betrayed the viewers. They just chose abuse as a subject but never did justice to it.

Exactly.

2 baatein:

1. What was the stated reason for Anupama-Vanraj's divorce? It was NOT Abuse. It was Infidelity.

Infact, she did Not recognize the abuse at ALL. Even when her mother and brother came to take her in, explained to her, coaxed her to return with them, she remained neutral, infact, Leela even taunted her with sly remarks then and during her wedding rituals (there were sweet-sour exchanges between Leela and Kanta) and Anupama remained unfazed and let her mother be insulted. So, she did not acknowledge the issue nor take the offered help to heal.

Infact, even in her interactions with Shahs Including Vanraj, abuse has NEVER been the issue. How else would you explain her reverence of Leela as Bade and show a chaaku and disregard Maa samaan Bhabhi, Barkha and Malati Devi.

2. Every situation has a victim.

Anupama was a victim of circumstances when she was in an abusive marriage. That does NOT make her an eternal victim under ALL circumstances. She fell prey to her own doings for ALL other instances.

Originally posted by: Wontshowmyname

The saddest part of the episode was that he didn't even care that she had just survived an accident with all the others. He just didn't care about her. Goes to show that he was just physically attracted to her. There was no love or even liking that he had for his wife. He clearly said that usko pari ko Marne Kay liye chhod Dena chahiye tha and should have prioritised his daughter. That means Anuj's relationship is important but Anupama's relationship is a baggage.

Any good person will never say that you should have let the infant die. That's just criminal. A woman cannot leave her attachments easily and expecting her to not help her kids when they need her is not justified. No matter what the age of the child is, no matter how bad or good he/she is, a child will remain a child for his mother.

Plus this lady is an abuse victim who fears doing anything cos she was always told that she was wrong, always abused. Telling such a woman that 'I did a mistake marrying you'(that too in front of everyone)is literally heartless. I think she had already said before marriage that she has baggages. Anuj shouldn't have married her and made her to feel even lower.

Any other woman who has been an abuse victim would have slipped into severe depression and would have ended her life. Guess that's what makes the show unintentionally(unintentionally cos rs just wants to increase the episodes. RS isn't thinking much) woman empowerment cos the woman didn't go the suicide way and even after so many setbacks decided to stand up again in her feet even in her old age. The time I disliked her the most is during Samar death cos no normal Indian mother will think about fulfilling her husband's physical needs and celebrating festivals when her child is dead. That was extremely disgusting writing.

P.S. Anyone expecting an abuse victim to change her ways like in movies, that my friend doesn't happen in real life. In real life abuse victims live miserable lives cos of their lack of self worth just like anupamaa. No matter what they achieve they will still feel useless and go back to their old ways cos that's home for them, that's where they feel safe, that's where they feel they won't be abused further.

Sorry for the long post.

You are right that any other woman who is abused would have gone in depression but here Anupama’s problem is she don’t know that shah family were abusing her. Her children never gave her respect as a mother from beginning. For baa and Vanraj she was just a maid but for Anupama they were bhagwan and still are.

How do you expect a person to got effected from something that doesn’t exists for them.

Anupama’s divorce reason was Vanraj EMA not any abuse. For her shah family was and still are most perfect family in the world. If Vanraj didn’t had an affair with Kavya then Anupama will be happily married to Vanraj.

If she was really abused there then she would have thought thousand times before stepping foot there again but she was happily living there even after Vanraj’s second marriage to Kavya.

Originally posted by: Dee-Dee

Which means she is tolerating his behavior for the sake of her job and free shelter, food ?

She is literally leading a man at this age after two failed marriages, very well knowing his intent, neither confronting him nor telling him off. What do we call such people?

People compare her with Anuj to justify her behavior but atleast he made it clear to Shruti that he doesn’t love her never will and if she wants to leave she can.

Yeah, if not how can we believe that Anupama who knows everything and gives long bhashans on every single topic didn’t know Deepu’s intentions. She is not a teenager but a 50+ years old woman.

You will soon see her giving her bhashan on same topic to adhya after some time if show goes on.

Originally posted by: Bodhianveshika

Exactly.

2 baatein:

1. What was the stated reason for Anupama-Vanraj's divorce? It was NOT Abuse. It was Infidelity.

Infact, she did Not recognize the abuse at ALL. Even when her mother and brother came to take her in, explained to her, coaxed her to return with them, she remained neutral, infact, Leela even taunted her with sly remarks then and during her wedding rituals (there were sweet-sour exchanges between Leela and Kanta) and Anupama remained unfazed and let her mother be insulted. So, she did not acknowledge the issue nor take the offered help to heal.

Infact, even in her interactions with Shahs Including Vanraj, abuse has NEVER been the issue. How else would you explain her reverence of Leela as Bade and show a chaaku and disregard Maa samaan Bhabhi, Barkha and Malati Devi.

2. Every situation has a victim.

Anupama was a victim of circumstances when she was in an abusive marriage. That does NOT make her an eternal victim under ALL circumstances. She fell prey to her own doings for ALL other instances.

At the end of the day offering help, encouragement, and creating opportunities is all anyone can do. To hold that helping hand and work for the betterment shall always be in the hands of the person concerned. One who shows courage may sail through the ocean of difficulties to witness a better world.

Originally posted by: Wontshowmyname

The saddest part of the episode was that he didn't even care that she had just survived an accident with all the others. He just didn't care about her. Goes to show that he was just physically attracted to her. There was no love or even liking that he had for his wife. He clearly said that usko pari ko Marne Kay liye chhod Dena chahiye tha and should have prioritised his daughter. That means Anuj's relationship is important but Anupama's relationship is a baggage.

Any good person will never say that you should have let the infant die. That's just criminal. A woman cannot leave her attachments easily and expecting her to not help her kids when they need her is not justified. No matter what the age of the child is, no matter how bad or good he/she is, a child will remain a child for his mother.

Plus this lady is an abuse victim who fears doing anything cos she was always told that she was wrong, always abused. Telling such a woman that 'I did a mistake marrying you'(that too in front of everyone)is literally heartless. I think she had already said before marriage that she has baggages. Anuj shouldn't have married her and made her to feel even lower.

Any other woman who has been an abuse victim would have slipped into severe depression and would have ended her life. Guess that's what makes the show unintentionally(unintentionally cos rs just wants to increase the episodes. RS isn't thinking much) woman empowerment cos the woman didn't go the suicide way and even after so many setbacks decided to stand up again in her feet even in her old age. The time I disliked her the most is during Samar death cos no normal Indian mother will think about fulfilling her husband's physical needs and celebrating festivals when her child is dead. That was extremely disgusting writing.

P.S. Anyone expecting an abuse victim to change her ways like in movies, that my friend doesn't happen in real life. In real life abuse victims live miserable lives cos of their lack of self worth just like anupamaa. No matter what they achieve they will still feel useless and go back to their old ways cos that's home for them, that's where they feel safe, that's where they feel they won't be abused further.

Sorry for the long post.

Why do you people keep pretending it was this one incident? It was YEARS of her prioritising Shahs over her family which lead to Anuj's questions..years and years where he was patient despite her neglecting his daughter and him. There is a deliberate attempt to pretend it was this one incident which prompted his questions when that's completely false.

If he didn't love her he would have thrown her out after her shah obsession and her abandoning his family again and again and again. But he was incredibly patient for years and then just asked some questions and she abandoned him.and ran away..

You have written long paragraphs about how abuse victims behave, but in real life abuse victims NEVER go back to abusers after escaping and then serve them. Never ever.

Also abuse victimes don't get a blanket right to abuse others. People can see the problems of a pampered rich woman who always have rich guys helping her with everything but same people cannot feel how a 7 year old orphan would feel on being neglected. Or a husband who just loved his wife being neglected and abused by her family?

It's CA and Anuj who are the victims in this situation and Anupama the abuser. Neglect is also a form of abuse.

What kind of people cannot see the abuse and neglect of a little kid and will instead worry about a middle aged pampered adult?

Originally posted by: Harish111

Why do you people keep pretending it was this one incident? It was YEARS of her prioritising Shahs over her family which lead to Anuj's questions..years and years where he was patient despite her neglecting his daughter and him. There is a deliberate attempt to pretend it was this one incident which prompted his questions when that's completely false.

If he didn't love her he would have thrown her out after her shah obsession and her abandoning his family again and again and again. But he was incredibly patient for years and then just asked some questions and she abandoned him.and ran away..

You have written long paragraphs about how abuse victims behave, but in real life abuse victims NEVER go back to abusers after escaping and then serve them. Never ever.

Also abuse victimes don't get a blanket right to abuse others. People can see the problems of a pampered rich woman who always have rich guys helping her with everything but same people cannot feel how a 7 year old orphan would feel on being neglected. Or a husband who just loved his wife being neglected and abused by her family?

It's CA and Anuj who are the victims in this situation and Anupama the abuser. Neglect is also a form of abuse.

What kind of people cannot see the abuse and neglect of a little kid and will instead worry about a middle aged pampered adult?

First of all the male lead never loved her. He just had physical attraction for her always. If that wouldn't be the case then he wouldn't go on sleeping with random girls to fulfill his lust while he was so called waiting for her. People who wait don't go on sleeping with others to fulfill their physical needs. The ones who truly love wait and wait means controlling over their lower tendencies. There have been many cases where people have really waited for their beloved and not behaved this cheap even after their beloved's death. That's called true love.

Not what your hero claims to have done. Now don't say, but anupama was sleeping around with her husband. Did she ever claim to have waited for Anuj and then slept with some other man. If she would have done it then she would be called characterless but since the hero has done it, then it's like oh god he has sacrificed so much.

He wanted to have physical relations with a woman who had just lost her son. Why? Cos the son was not his. If it would be adhya in place of Samar then he would lose all his mental balance cos apparently she is the only one he has ever loved. With anupama it was just physical needs which probably other girls couldn't fulfill.

He hasn't been patient. He just wanted a nanny for his child. First it was anupama, so he tolerated her baggages 😢😢😢 but when Maya came into the picture and took his "child" away, he literally dumped anupama to be with his child and her mother and he is doing the same even now. So the patience was only cos he couldn't find a better nanny for his child plus he also had needs so that's why he was patient with her. It's just business for him.

I have seen your posts that have been longer than mine. So you don't need to point that out to me. I had replied to surabhi in that post and the sorry was also for her cos she may not have had the time.

Secondly about abuse victims, what do you know about them. Just cos you like the male actor and hence are biased towards the character then you think you know all? Just read about Stockholm syndrome. People go back to their abusers cos because of years of conditioning, they think their abusers were right and they themselves are the lowest creatures on this earth.

You said years of neglect. What years? The man and his child were happily staying in Maya's house abandoning the fl for around a year and they even attended samar's wedding as a family where the so called child proved that she wanted her mother to always be with her foster father.

After looking at such a behaviour from the so called child, no woman will ever even want the "child" back.

As far as Anuj's neglect is concerned, she slept with him when her son had died right. What else do you expect her to do? Go to picnic for the "child" and see Maya kissing Anuj, when her own son is paralysed or have sex with him within 14 days of her son's death. Why should she support him or for that matter anyone when her son has died. Women lose their whole mental balance if their kin dies and you expect her to speak when her son has died, directly or indirectly cos of her husband. Anuj would have been in mental hospital if his true love(adhya) would have died that day

One more thing, this is a serial so you don't need to get so touchy about the hero cos the character is in the writer's hand. Anupama is no Devi, she has her flaws just like every person that comes from one's own mental impressions and that's why she is suffering in the serial but calling Anuj and the so called kid as victims is just funny when they are just opportunistic and ungrateful individuals. But don't worry, they will be whitewashed later by the same writers. Don't tag me next time. I have work and I can seriously never identify with your playboy hero or his ungrateful daughter no matter how you try to twist what is shown in the serial cos of your own experiences in life.