Vanraj is the love of Anupamaa's Life - Page 3

My theory is that yes she did love Vanraj most of her life.

If you see the earlier episodes its clear that she is pining for him.

But the tricky part with one sided love is that its only a seed, it doesnt get nourished to bloom into a flower. Its incomplete and always remains so. The giver always gives and gives and the taker takes advantage of that.

She was sort of deluded by her love that however bad he is with her or even if he didn’t love her, he wouldn’t go as far as being physically involved with another woman.

This delusion ended when she saw him in bed with Kavya. She realised that her one sided love will never be reciprocated or even respected, otherwise she would have gone back to him when he was begging her to. The time around when he married Kavya he was shown in almost a positive light as though he was genuinely repentful. But she chose herself over his toxicity because she finally came to her senses.

And since then she has severe PTSD. She needs a therapist desperately.

Anuj’s love was one sided too but he was never in contact with her, never went through that trauma. Loving someone from afar is easier than being MARRIED to them and loving them but not being loved.

With Anuj she is recognising slowly what REAL love is, what two sided love is, how a real relationship is built with efforts from both sides.

The woman needs time, therapy, and to DESPERATELY stay away from the man who abused her love for so long.

Sorry for the in depth analysis, I am actually a Psychiatrist. 😋😋

From Anupamaa's perspective, Vanraj wronged her by cheating on her. Everything else, she was willing to take in stride had he remained faithful. Not just take in stride, but look at it with rose tinted glasses and pretend she was living a charmed life.

When she got married and all the abuse started, she didn't have anyone who could have her back had she chosen to leave, leaving wasn't an option, so she just convinced herself this is good, this is fine. My husband loves me. My MIL loves me. Everything is great. We are happy. It was her defense mechanism.

While I think the affair did shock her system, it then became THE THING for her, which is why she is still reflecting back to the all the other stuff and pre-Kavya times positively. She has moments where she accepts how bad things were- usually with Devika. But overall, she still looks back at all the abuse in a deluded light because those delusions are second nature to her, it's how she survived those 25 years.

IMO this show nosedived when they showed Anupamaa is now in love with Anuj. Anuj is great, don't get me wrong, but the story hasn't worked for me since then. First, Anuj being in love with a girl he never even spoke to for 26 years is a little hard to grasp, and I don't think the show explained well enough where that comes from, but I'm happy to suspend disbelief there and accept it on face value.

But Anu, divorcing in summer, meeting Anuj around Janmashtmi and being in love with him by Christmas doesn't check out at all. It's too damn rushed and seemed to come from a place of "well, everyone is saying I should go for it so I will" place.

My favorite moment is when outside the mandir Anu says how she's too fragile and exhausted to do the whole love and marriage thing again, she carries too much trauma. That would have been a goldmine of a plot- how she recovers and heals with a supportive person in her life as compared to how all the destructive ones broke her down. But that entire potential was wasted to rush Anupama falling in love and then the disastrous Mukku plotline. There was a lot of potential for poignancy lost in a bid to keep the family relevant, when in reality they should have phased out Vanraj, Kavya, Baa, and Bapuji, and kept the familial focus on the kids and her focus on healing from the trauma and reaching a place where she can give love and marriage another shot.

Overall, I find it to have gone from a show I legitimately lauded for progressive though and representation to one which I can't ever bear to look at anymore because the depiction of abuse survivors, be it Mukku or Anu, has been so damn offensive that it's just turned me off the whole show.

Originally posted by: aye-masakalii

From Anupamaa's perspective, Vanraj wronged her by cheating on her. Everything else, she was willing to take in stride had he remained faithful. Not just take in stride, but look at it with rose tinted glasses and pretend she was living a charmed life.

When she got married and all the abuse started, she didn't have anyone who could have her back had she chosen to leave, leaving wasn't an option, so she just convinced herself this is good, this is fine. My husband loves me. My MIL loves me. Everything is great. We are happy. It was her defense mechanism.

While I think the affair did shock her system, it then became THE THING for her, which is why she is still reflecting back to the all the other stuff and pre-Kavya times positively. She has moments where she accepts how bad things were- usually with Devika. But overall, she still looks back at all the abuse in a deluded light because those delusions are second nature to her, it's how she survived those 25 years.

IMO this show nosedived when they showed Anupamaa is now in love with Anuj. Anuj is great, don't get me wrong, but the story hasn't worked for me since then. First, Anuj being in love with a girl he never even spoke to for 26 years is a little hard to grasp, and I don't think the show explained well enough where that comes from, but I'm happy to suspend disbelief there and accept it on face value.

But Anu, divorcing in summer, meeting Anuj around Janmashtmi and being in love with him by Christmas doesn't check out at all. It's too damn rushed and seemed to come from a place of "well, everyone is saying I should go for it so I will" place.

My favorite moment is when outside the mandir Anu says how she's too fragile and exhausted to do the whole love and marriage thing again, she carries too much trauma. That would have been a goldmine of a plot- how she recovers and heals with a supportive person in her life as compared to how all the destructive ones broke her down. But that entire potential was wasted to rush Anupama falling in love and then the disastrous Mukku plotline. There was a lot of potential for poignancy lost in a bid to keep the family relevant, when in reality they should have phased out Vanraj, Kavya, Baa, and Bapuji, and kept the familial focus on the kids and her focus on healing from the trauma and reaching a place where she can give love and marriage another shot.

Overall, I find it to have gone from a show I legitimately lauded for progressive though and representation to one which I can't ever bear to look at anymore because the depiction of abuse survivors, be it Mukku or Anu, has been so damn offensive that it's just turned me off the whole show.

Very well analyzed! Thanks for the post👍🏼

Originally posted by: arya212002

Mummy..,mummy …I need a bit of pallu too😭

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Originally posted by: YoungHeart

She was conditioned to love her husband. She comes from that generation. She was taught that she must love her husband and fulfill all her duties as a wife, DIL etc etc etc. It took her 25 years to come to terms with the fact that he never loved her, that she needs to stand up for her self-respect... If he had really been the love of her life, she would have compromised on everything and never gotten the divorce when Vanraj was literally begging and pleading her to not leave him, he even confessed that he loves her then.... Also at the time, she was diagnosed with cancer and was in the worse situation of her life... she would have never gotten divorce.. Everyone was against the divorce except Samar. So, no I disagree with you.

She might have loved Vanraj in the sense that she was taught to "love" her husband.. she comes from that school of thought. But I doubt she really knew what love is when she was with Vanraj. Over time she realized that it wasn't love, it was just her conditioning... I think she understood what true love is only when she met Anuj and when she understood and realized how much he loved her..

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Pallu lifted and bhashan written here ;)

Originally posted by: BaAZiGar0

there.

i said it.

i've been thinking it, you might have been too.

anupamaa is brainwashed/programmed/wired so hard that i wouldnt be surprised if Vanraj was her handler.

she is possessed by the shahs.

her value comes from being subservient to her family

her and anuj are equals which is why she doesnt feel that same pull

it's frightening to watch the survivor being in the same space as the abuser, over and over and over again

somewhere she doesnt think those 26 years were that bad

she needs intense therapy (maybe some meds) so get past what has happened

would be nice to see her have a good moment without reflecting on how bad Vanraj was to her

she is not in position to move forward, happily with anyone (not even herself) until she has really had time to process walking in on him and kavya

at best her and anuj need to continue to date or just be friends

she is in deficit big time when it comes to trust.

they are not ready to get married

her heart is just not in it and you can tell

anuj will always be 2nd everything - man, home, family

there is a reason why she hasnt told him that she loves him...

cuz deep down her reality is that Voldemort is the love of her life

✌🏽

Sorry off topic

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Originally posted by: chinnu_kaku

i want anuj to pack up his bags to US,because dontbwant makers to bring the track of anuj's death! if it happens,anupama can never be forgiven!

Originally posted by: ektag06

i agree. It is always easier to go back to old habits because that’s how we are wired. Familiarity >>> over anything else

She probably “understands” or probably even “feels” the love but I feel it is Cus Anuj has been a giver all along. Could she be so used to his attention that she has now wired her brain to call it love? Is it really? Is she reciprocating his love?

I’m sorry but I feel bad for Anuj in a way that it will be never be equal. He will always love her more. Or better put, it will be a long long time till it even reaches close to being equal. Not that equal is a pre requisite in any way. But to think of it, doesn’t a relationship come to a point where this comes up?

Her lack of boundaries and conditioning will always be a sort of a barrier in reciprocating or even understanding the love he has for her.

Originally posted by: BaAZiGar0

ok so question...can 2 people who are that similar have a happy marriage? are they not too similar ? i agree he will always love her more, but i think that that is just b/c vanraj was first. the day anuj arrived at her place to confess his love, he solidified his position as #2. too little, too late. i agree, i dont think she can ever get there with him. so does he leave her, go back to the US and mope around the rest of his life orrrrrr does he stick it out with her and live off of whatever leftover care and concern she throws his way? anuj is solely her thing. her family - the shahs come before her. so they will always take precedent over him.

can 2 people who are that similar have a happy marriage? - you mean similar "standard/degree" of love? If so, then not necessary. I feel (and of what I have seen around, not my experience cus i'm not there yet), there will always be one who will be "greater" giver than the other and I guess, probably that's how it is. Also, "happy" is a relative term. What one couple may consider happy maybe, erm, "pre-requisite" (for the lack of a better term) for the other couple.

Well, interesting question on whether he should go back or stick around and accept whatever is being thrown at him - I think and feel that in this case, it is really upto him on what he wants - more like pros and cons of this relationship. Pros ofcourse being with someone he has practically loved all his life and cons ofcourse her baggage and her children. I feel he will be someone who will be a guiding light and will show her where to draw boundaries and look after her self respect. He is a man of dignity so somewhere I feel that this may rub off on her too.

You know like they say, the right love will pull you out of the dark (in this case, past trauma/baggage etc). Maybe this is what he will for her. But yes, I also strongly believe that he shouldn't lose himself in this drama, but again, he doesn't come across someone who will, he is extremely well grounded.