Vanraj is the love of Anupamaa's Life - Page 4

Originally posted by: ektag06

can 2 people who are that similar have a happy marriage? - you mean similar "standard/degree" of love? If so, then not necessary. I feel (and of what I have seen around, not my experience cus i'm not there yet), there will always be one who will be "greater" giver than the other and I guess, probably that's how it is. Also, "happy" is a relative term. What one couple may consider happy maybe, erm, "pre-requisite" (for the lack of a better term) for the other couple.

Well, interesting question on whether he should go back or stick around and accept whatever is being thrown at him - I think and feel that in this case, it is really upto him on what he wants - more like pros and cons of this relationship. Pros ofcourse being with someone he has practically loved all his life and cons ofcourse her baggage and her children. I feel he will be someone who will be a guiding light and will show her where to draw boundaries and look after her self respect. He is a man of dignity so somewhere I feel that this may rub off on her too.

You know like they say, the right love will pull you out of the dark (in this case, past trauma/baggage etc). Maybe this is what he will for her. But yes, I also strongly believe that he shouldn't lose himself in this drama, but again, he doesn't come across someone who will, he is extremely well grounded.

Originally posted by: ektag06

can 2 people who are that similar have a happy marriage? - you mean similar "standard/degree" of love? If so, then not necessary. I feel (and of what I have seen around, not my experience cus i'm not there yet), there will always be one who will be "greater" giver than the other and I guess, probably that's how it is. Also, "happy" is a relative term. What one couple may consider happy maybe, erm, "pre-requisite" (for the lack of a better term) for the other couple.

Well, interesting question on whether he should go back or stick around and accept whatever is being thrown at him - I think and feel that in this case, it is really upto him on what he wants - more like pros and cons of this relationship. Pros ofcourse being with someone he has practically loved all his life and cons ofcourse her baggage and her children. I feel he will be someone who will be a guiding light and will show her where to draw boundaries and look after her self respect. He is a man of dignity so somewhere I feel that this may rub off on her too.

You know like they say, the right love will pull you out of the dark (in this case, past trauma/baggage etc). Maybe this is what he will for her. But yes, I also strongly believe that he shouldn't lose himself in this drama, but again, he doesn't come across someone who will, he is extremely well grounded.

It is true Anupama will never love anuj like vanraj

Because she also has three kids from him and spent her adult days with him

Originally posted by: surabhi01

Anupama while giving white rose to vanraj on vanraj birthday she told to vanraj ki log alag hone ke baad sirf nafrat ka raasta hi kyon chunte hai aapas mein sukoon aur shaanti to bhi to ho sakti hai

Anupama don't love vanraj but she said to vanraj ab hamare raaste ab alag hai but it by chance hum dono kabhi bachon ki wajah se mile to hum doni sukoon aur shaanti se mil saakta hai baat kar sakte instead of shouting and taunting each other

Originally posted by: Fighter03

My theory is that yes she did love Vanraj most of her life.

If you see the earlier episodes its clear that she is pining for him.

But the tricky part with one sided love is that its only a seed, it doesnt get nourished to bloom into a flower. Its incomplete and always remains so. The giver always gives and gives and the taker takes advantage of that.

She was sort of deluded by her love that however bad he is with her or even if he didn’t love her, he wouldn’t go as far as being physically involved with another woman.

This delusion ended when she saw him in bed with Kavya. She realised that her one sided love will never be reciprocated or even respected, otherwise she would have gone back to him when he was begging her to. The time around when he married Kavya he was shown in almost a positive light as though he was genuinely repentful. But she chose herself over his toxicity because she finally came to her senses.

And since then she has severe PTSD. She needs a therapist desperately.

Anuj’s love was one sided too but he was never in contact with her, never went through that trauma. Loving someone from afar is easier than being MARRIED to them and loving them but not being loved.

With Anuj she is recognising slowly what REAL love is, what two sided love is, how a real relationship is built with efforts from both sides.

The woman needs time, therapy, and to DESPERATELY stay away from the man who abused her love for so long.

Sorry for the in depth analysis, I am actually a Psychiatrist. 😋😋

Originally posted by: aye-masakalii

From Anupamaa's perspective, Vanraj wronged her by cheating on her. Everything else, she was willing to take in stride had he remained faithful. Not just take in stride, but look at it with rose tinted glasses and pretend she was living a charmed life.

When she got married and all the abuse started, she didn't have anyone who could have her back had she chosen to leave, leaving wasn't an option, so she just convinced herself this is good, this is fine. My husband loves me. My MIL loves me. Everything is great. We are happy. It was her defense mechanism.

While I think the affair did shock her system, it then became THE THING for her, which is why she is still reflecting back to the all the other stuff and pre-Kavya times positively. She has moments where she accepts how bad things were- usually with Devika. But overall, she still looks back at all the abuse in a deluded light because those delusions are second nature to her, it's how she survived those 25 years.

IMO this show nosedived when they showed Anupamaa is now in love with Anuj. Anuj is great, don't get me wrong, but the story hasn't worked for me since then. First, Anuj being in love with a girl he never even spoke to for 26 years is a little hard to grasp, and I don't think the show explained well enough where that comes from, but I'm happy to suspend disbelief there and accept it on face value.

But Anu, divorcing in summer, meeting Anuj around Janmashtmi and being in love with him by Christmas doesn't check out at all. It's too damn rushed and seemed to come from a place of "well, everyone is saying I should go for it so I will" place.

My favorite moment is when outside the mandir Anu says how she's too fragile and exhausted to do the whole love and marriage thing again, she carries too much trauma. That would have been a goldmine of a plot- how she recovers and heals with a supportive person in her life as compared to how all the destructive ones broke her down. But that entire potential was wasted to rush Anupama falling in love and then the disastrous Mukku plotline. There was a lot of potential for poignancy lost in a bid to keep the family relevant, when in reality they should have phased out Vanraj, Kavya, Baa, and Bapuji, and kept the familial focus on the kids and her focus on healing from the trauma and reaching a place where she can give love and marriage another shot.

Overall, I find it to have gone from a show I legitimately lauded for progressive though and representation to one which I can't ever bear to look at anymore because the depiction of abuse survivors, be it Mukku or Anu, has been so damn offensive that it's just turned me off the whole show.

re Anuj, at best she was someone who remained on his mind for 26 years but i dont believe he was in love with her. he was attracted to her.

im pissed at where this show has gone cuz ive become so emotionally involved in it.

Originally posted by: myviewprem

It is true Anupama will never love anuj like vanraj

Because she also has three kids from him and spent her adult days with him

Originally posted by: BaAZiGar0

wow, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us. question for you, what do you think kept Anuj going for 26 years ? him projecting his fantasy woman onto her ?

Well thats quite unrealistic.

Unrequited love may be considered valid, but having feelings for someone whom you have never even talked to is more of a teenage crush or infatuation. It should have resolved over time.

To continue that infatuation for 26 years is something I can’t fit into a normal emotional phenomenon.

You’re right, it could be projection. He probably identified Anupama’s moral values- simplicity, sacrifice, righteousness- and recognised them as same as his own, or maybe his mother’s. And hence he made a strong projection of his own values on to her and continued to desire her all his life.

Now, however, the traits he displays are more of actual love. Fighting for her, standing up for her, valuing her happiness above all, wanting to build something with her- thats long term love. Maybe his unresolved infatuation bloomed into love when he actually got to know her.

Again, we don’t understand love in medical science other than its a complex release of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine affecting certain areas of the brain.

We definitely can’t expect makers of a daily soap to understand even logic, let alone psychiatry or psychology! 😆🤪

Originally posted by: BaAZiGar0

no i mean 2 people who have such similar qualities. i feel like they are lacking balance. it's almost like they are dating themselves. i agreed with everything you said until you go to the "well grounded". i think he is an emotional fool. a lot of the decisions he has made have been stickly based on emotions and were pretty reckless. (giving mukku the company) i think that he spent too much time devoted to work and not that he doesnt have that anchoring him into the ground he's just exploring life and doing whatever...

I agree, it does appear that they have similar qualities (too much love to give, too much guilt and longing) but there are contrasting elements too - like for instance, him trying to get her to understand her "conditioning" or even making her realise "taken for granted" concept. On the other hand, she has a lot of love to give and she does it selflessly. she understands that he may be a tough cookie but just on the outside - something he has always wished someone to, erm, not appreciate, but probably understand (?) So yea while there are similarities, I feel there are these balancing elements too. whether they negate each other or one overpowers the other, only time will tell as they progress in/with their relationship.

I would slightly disagree on the emotional fool bit, I don't think he is one. It may appear like this yes and especially in the case that you've mentioned - the business bit (leaving the business/finance knowledge/logic aside). He knew exactly what he was doing at the time. It was more important to make Mukku realise what she was asking for and somewhere I feel he probably was right. Sometimes being thrown in the deep end is all that is needed and this is what he wanted to do with Mukku.

He devoting all his time to work is something I personally can relate to a great extent. Him with all the guilt baggage of losing his parents, almost his sister and the love of his life, all he had was to throw himself to work to keep his mind distracted. That was his comfort zone. It got him all the fame but it wasn't able to fill that void. Coming back, meeting her, working with her gave him all that he was missing (one sided ofcourse). Their shortcomings will require a lot of work from both ends though and whether they are ok to put that kind of effort remains to be seen (not sure if they realise this yet or not)

Originally posted by: BaAZiGar0

so is it the physical cheating that did her in ? cuz the emotional affair was in front of her face the whole time. do you think that deep down she knew that vanraj and baa were wronging her or was this what she had been preparing for her entire life - a shitty husband and shittier MIL?

re Anuj, at best she was someone who remained on his mind for 26 years but i dont believe he was in love with her. he was attracted to her.

im pissed at where this show has gone cuz ive become so emotionally involved in it.

@bold: this is my current state too..cursing myself at times to why did i even start and how do i now break away this emotional attachment.

Damn, I swear, i was never ever this invested emotionally in any ITV before, hell i never had time for anything ITV in my life before Corona and this WFH...

I hate Corona for this reason too, if it wasn't for Corona, i would have never started with Anupama for sure.