Appreciation to show makers for showing Vanraj's point of view - Page 2

Makers ne vanraj ke lambe chaude bhashan se yeh show kiya ki vanraj kitna egoist kitna selfish hai

Originally posted by: Anjalika01

Completely agree with almost everything you put, except as annoying as Anu is being right now it's very unfair to blame her being unable to keep Vanraj "interested" for him having the affair...

Though I'll agree that it was unusual that she never had any suspicions until she literally saw VanYa romancing on her bed...

I am unable to digest the fact that after Pakhi’s birth vanraj anupama had no physical relationship. Itna jaldi bacche ke paida hote he kon admi sanyas le leta hai?

Husband wife ke bich itna bhi communication nai tha !! 😳 Wife ko kabhi yeh bhi doubt nahi gaya that why my husband is not interested in me anymore?!! 3 Kya 10 bacche Ho to bhi yeh to kisi bhi lady ke dimag mai ayega.
Second thing, all the husband and wife does changes in themselves as the marriage progresses. Suppose I am very extrovert and camera lover lol but my husband is introvert and not camera lover like me during the initial years of marriage. After doing so many trips now he is becoming like me and also love to click our photos together. I was never interested in trekking but since he is nature and trekking lover now I have started liking it too. So basically we change according to our partner’s like dislike and interests and there is nothing wrong in it because it is called “GROWTH” in marriage.
I am not seeing any growth in anupama or vanraj as per their partner’s liking, disliking or interest. Learn to speak “Sorry” correctly it’s definitely not difficult deal or unfair deal . Ideally when you know your partner gets irritated with some of your gestures, you will take it seriously and will change that part because it’s called “GROWTH “ which is driving force behind every marriage.

Neither the partner force other to change irritating gestures , it’s all up to other partner’s understanding and maturity level to drive marriage with GROWTH AND SPARK.

Ek shaadi insan ko growth and Shanti taraf le jani chahiye. Agar apki shaddi apke jivan mai koi growth nahi la rahi hai to it’s time to introspect. Insan har pal badalta hai , Har pal naya accept karne ka , naya sikhne ka mauka hota hai or yeh jazba he marriage groth ke liye bahot zaruri hota ha

Sabko growth accha lagta hai , agar ap bolne mai , kam karne mai , jeene ke salike mai samay ke sath growth nahi laoge to ap samay se bahot piche reh jaoge. Anupama is example of it.

That is why I said she failed in keeping that spark alive may be because baa bapuji bacche were important for her then thinking about growth of herself and her marriage.

Originally posted by: sweet_tania

I am unable to digest the fact that after Pakhi’s birth vanraj anupama had no physical relationship. Itna jaldi bacche ke paida hote he kon admi sanyas le leta hai?

Husband wife ke bich itna bhi communication nai tha !! 😳 Wife ko kabhi yeh bhi doubt nahi gaya that why my husband is not interested in me anymore?!! 3 Kya 10 bacche Ho to bhi yeh to kisi bhi lady ke dimag mai ayega.
Second thing, all the husband and wife does changes in themselves as the marriage progresses. Suppose I am very extrovert and camera lover lol but my husband is introvert and not camera lover like me during the initial years of marriage. After doing so many trips now he is becoming like me and also love to click our photos together. I was never interested in trekking but since he is nature and trekking lover now I have started liking it too. So basically we change according to our partner’s like dislike and interests and there is nothing wrong in it because it is called “GROWTH” in marriage.
I am not seeing any growth in anupama or vanraj as per their partner’s liking, disliking or interest. Learn to speak “Sorry” correctly it’s definitely not difficult deal or unfair deal . Ideally when you know your partner gets irritated with some of your gestures, you will take it seriously and will change that part because it’s called “GROWTH “ which is driving force behind every marriage.

Neither the partner force other to change irritating gestures , it’s all up to other partner’s understanding and maturity level to drive marriage with GROWTH AND SPARK.

Ek shaadi insan ko growth and Shanti taraf le jani chahiye. Agar apki shaddi apke jivan mai koi growth nahi la rahi hai to it’s time to introspect. Insan har pal badalta hai , Har pal naya accept karne ka , naya sikhne ka mauka hota hai or yeh jazba he marriage groth ke liye bahot zaruri hota ha

Sabko growth accha lagta hai , agar ap bolne mai , kam karne mai , jeene ke salike mai samay ke sath growth nahi laoge to ap samay se bahot piche reh jaoge. Anupama is example of it.

That is why I said she failed in keeping that spark alive may be because baa bapuji bacche were important for her then thinking about growth of herself and her marriage.

What seriously?! So that means no sex for FIFTEEN years!?? 😲

I only started following the show properly in August about a month after it had started, so I never knew that...

And just out of interest how was that even conveyed to the viewers?

But anyway yeah, Anupama and Vanraj's whole relationship looks like a horror story of what poor communication and mixed up, self contradicting expectations can lead to...

As for people changing themselves and adapting to accommodate their husband/wife's preferences through the course of a marriage, I completely see where you're coming from...

But to be fair to Anu I do think she already did that in many ways... she gave up on plans of higher education, learned to become an expert cook, adjusts with all the wants of Vanraj's dominating mother and even babysits his sister's kid throughout the working week... she never even raised any objections to his highly suspicious "friendship" with Kavya for Heaven's sake.

The problem with Vanraj, and many men like him in real life is that they just want it all.

They want a sanskari, traditional woman who would be less educated than him, not work (so as not to hurt his ego), is low-maintenance (won't ask for expensive things), will tirelessly cook, clean, put up with any type of behavior from him and his extended family, fulfill all their demands without a fuss no matter how unfair/ridiculous... you get the picture.

But at the same time they also want the said wife to be someone who behaves in a very sophisticated/westernized way in public, looks much younger than her years, has plenty of free time to spend just with him, and so on...

What men like Vanraj don't realize is that it's literally impossible for any woman to fulfill all of this criteria at once...

It is impossible for a 45 year old woman to look 30 without surgical procedures or expensive skin products or OTT diets or strict exercise regimes, or even a combination of more than one/all of those things...

It is impossible for a less educated woman from a poor family to learn to change herself to appear modern/westernized in the outside world whist also dealing with the demands of a domineering conservative MIL like Baa...

It is impossible for a very busy housewife in a traditional joint family to have lots of free time to spend with her husband...

I think Vanraj's ridiculous expectations of Anu are a result of his selfish, egoistic and entitled nature- he thinks he is God's gift to the world, and deserves some sort of impossibly perfect freak of nature as a wife (and it is implicit that his ill treatment of both Anupama and Kavya is justified because neither of them are that impossibly perfect freak of nature)...

And as for his nature itself, I think that can be put down to the way Baa raised him...

In fact, I feel that behind a lot of the marriages in our Indian society that break down (or more often just turn extremely bitter), are extremely toxic and interfering in laws like Baa...

These women not only raise hypocritical, egoistic and entitled sons (who would probably make bad husbands anyway), but also make active attempts to spoil their marriages by resenting the couple spending time together, constantly criticizing/shaming their DIL in front of their son and so on...

MILs like Baa do this due to their personal insecurities about "losing" their son, because they believe this is just how a saas is supposed to behave, because they were treated in a silmilar way by their own MIL and now want to get their own back, or because they are just evil and enjoy making others suffer- plain and simple.

But whether it's any one of these reasons, a combination of more than one of them, or something else entirely, unless the son himself takes a stand against his mother, the marriage between the son and DIL always suffers.

Anupama ko to apne aap bahar nikane bhi permission nahi thi. Ek baar devika anupama ko ghumane le gayi bus vanraj ko tea mein thoda latest ho gaya kyonki anupama thodi late pahunchi to vanraj ne anupama ko ghar ke bahar nikal diya

Anupama karna chahti thi but vanraj ne use hamesha discourage kiya . Ek baar anupama ne school mein best stall lagya aur trophy jeeti but vanraj ne kaha ki aisa kya kar diya aisi trophy to market mein 200 rs ki mil jaati hai

In fact vanraj ne khud anupama ko kabhi aagey bhadne nahin diya yahi kaha tumhare kaam bus ghar sambhalna hai

Originally posted by: Anjalika01

What seriously?! So that means no sex for FIFTEEN years!?? 😲

I only started following the show properly in August about a month after it had started, so I never knew that...

And just out of interest how was that even conveyed to the viewers?

But anyway yeah, Anupama and Vanraj's whole relationship looks like a horror story of what poor communication and mixed up, self contradicting expectations can lead to...

As for people changing themselves and adapting to accommodate their husband/wife's preferences through the course of a marriage, I completely see where you're coming from...

But to be fair to Anu I do think she already did that in many ways... she gave up on plans of higher education, learned to become an expert cook, adjusts with all the wants of Vanraj's dominating mother and even babysits his sister's kid throughout the working week... she never even raised any objections to his highly suspicious "friendship" with Kavya for Heaven's sake.

The problem with Vanraj, and many men like him in real life is that they just want it all.

They want a sanskari, traditional woman who would be less educated than him, not work (so as not to hurt his ego), is low-maintenance (won't ask for expensive things), will tirelessly cook, clean, put up with any type of behavior from him and his extended family, fulfill all their demands without a fuss no matter how unfair/ridiculous... you get the picture.

But at the same time they also want the said wife to be someone who behaves in a very sophisticated/westernized way in public, looks much younger than her years, has plenty of free time to spend just with him, and so on...

What men like Vanraj don't realize is that it's literally impossible for any woman to fulfill all of this criteria at once...

It is impossible for a 45 year old woman to look 30 without surgical procedures or expensive skin products or OTT diets or strict exercise regimes, or even a combination of more than one/all of those things...

It is impossible for a less educated woman from a poor family to learn to change herself to appear modern/westernized in the outside world whist also dealing with the demands of a domineering conservative MIL like Baa...

It is impossible for a very busy housewife in a traditional joint family to have lots of free time to spend with her husband...

I think Vanraj's ridiculous expectations of Anu are a result of his selfish, egoistic and entitled nature- he thinks he is God's gift to the world, and deserves some sort of impossibly perfect freak of nature as a wife (and it is implicit that his ill treatment of both Anupama and Kavya is justified because neither of them are that impossibly perfect freak of nature)...

And as for his nature itself, I think that can be put down to the way Baa raised him...

In fact, I feel that behind a lot of the marriages in our Indian society that break down (or more often just turn extremely bitter), are extremely toxic and interfering in laws like Baa...

These women not only raise hypocritical, egoistic and entitled sons (who would probably make bad husbands anyway), but also make active attempts to spoil their marriages by resenting the couple spending time together, constantly criticizing/shaming their DIL in front of their son and so on...

MILs like Baa do this due to their personal insecurities about "losing" their son, because they believe this is just how a saas is supposed to behave, because they were treated in a silmilar way by their own MIL and now want to get their own back, or because they are just evil and enjoy making others suffer- plain and simple.

But whether it's any one of these reasons, a combination of more than one of them, or something else entirely, unless the son himself takes a stand against his mother, the marriage between the son and DIL always suffers.

I am sooo agree with your all points and I totally agree with your points about selfish and dominating husband vanraj and mother in law like baa.

For bold part , I have seen such husbands around me who did everything to stop their wife’s growth/progress. They doesn’t consider their partner equal to them . For them wife is just to have kids, cook food and do seva of in laws .

Basically free ki kamvali jaise rakhte hai biwi ko and joint family ho like baa toxic type mother in law , she will try her best to control everything and never allow beta bahu to stay in harmony . If wife is housewife fir to paiso ke liye bhi husband ke aage hath felane padte hai and usme bhi mother in law ka interference like zyda kharcha Matt karo and all.

I have said about husband wife adapts each other’s like dislike in constructive and healthy way. Giving up on study , babysit sis in law baby during working days these all the steps are very regressive. They all are very regressive people. Nothing is constructive here.

Anupama is quite samajdar and strong. No wife should accept such a regressive expectations and should fight on the very first event but I guess here she was less educated , totally in love and from lower middle class family as compare to vanraj that’s why she was compromising on everything.