Dear DKP Writers....

Dear DKP writers,

Greetings!

My friends and I on the EDT have been talking about deep things on the EDT; things like where Meenu got the rishtas list from, why she is so blinded for a waaris, why she is insisting on dreamy heartthrob's 2nd shaadi, why dreamy heartthrob is SO DREAMY and will never ever agree; why Mish is being asked to leave...

I would like to thank you for giving all of us the opportunity to have such conversations. I feel hidden behind the need to have such tracks which cater to a mindset that has not changed from 30 years ago when my parents were my age, is a storyline we can look at and think "this still happens in India and this show is just showing us a mirror.

Albeit, it is veiled in the story of a kind, caring, generous, dreamboat of a male lead❤️, it still shows us truths like brokers sending girl's lists to rich aunties, mothers trying to coerce their sons into marrying again for a heir, throwing out their daughters-in-law, thinking log kya kahenge, etc.

It is as IF in your own way you are telling us: LOOK! You 2% demographic that watches such things despite being exposed to numerous other things you can watch. Here is a mirror that we are holding up so we can show you what goes on in places like Gujarat, Punjab, Haryana, Rajasthan" Whether we choose to discuss the underlying issues or just decide to complain about such tracks is then left to us.

Therefore, i do not blame you dear writers, not anymore, for showing us such tracks. It is truly not your fault. It is the fault of the demographic you try to cater to. Their mindset is this and so this is the track we get to watch.

However, I hope we can try to understand what is wrong in that demographic and if even 1 set of parents watch BM/BP and think, "this is how we want to support our daughters" OR a husband somewhere watches Abir and thinks "I will not let my mother treat my wife badly; I will be like Abir" (Pffftttt in their dreams but we'll take it) or 1 sasuma watches BB and introspects, you will have achieved something through your show.

With sincere wishes,

A girl who thanks Kanhaji everyday that her parents moved to a country where she has the opportunity to live life on her own terms in 2020. Albeit she might still have to argue with them for her rights from time to time; she is not silenced and is able to express what she feels.

P.S. I think it is time for #desiwomenalsomatter.

P.P.S. Sorry for the long post.

how we wish all men were like Abir

how we wish no mother in law thinks like meenu ben

how we wish no one lands up in family with one of their bahu being Kuhu

how we wish brothers were like nanko and abir

how we wish the girls family supports her always like badi papa and badi maa

becoming a mother is one of very sensitive yet crucial part of a married women's life ....we like it or not we live in a society esp. India were people/relatives always haunt us with questions ....do u have a baby yet ?

and if anyone thinks everything all this is going to be smooth and fine after the couple have a baby... let me burst the bubble it doesnt .....to be continued !!

most of the daily soaps scream about the insecurities between in law and bahu , they try to showcase the guy being most sensisble and standing up against his mom ...but in reality ..... NO

Just one hurt soul here ...nice to read your post !

I think the biggest issue in India is that a relationship is not looked at like a partnership. The couple need to carry equal weight of the relationship. However, in India all the responsibilities are put on women and men carry on being treated like children.

Sasumas want educated bahus but then they want those educated bahus to give up their career and turn into a cook, cleaner and a nanny. Kyun bhai? Like bade papa said to Meenu once "they have educated their daughters also; not just taught them how to handle the house and the kitchen"

And calling women not photogenic because they are darker and overweight NOT "slim and trim" is just WRONG.

Then there is this whole issue of having kids. What if a girl just does not want children? Is that acceptable? If not, why not? Is her sole responsibility just giving sasuma an uttar adhikari? So Mish is nothing but an uttar-adhikari producer?

What about if MishBir moved out and wanted to live alone? That will again be Mishti's fault because she will be told "ghar tod diya; joda nahin"

Seriously, i cannot even!!!!

I think the biggest issue in India is that a relationship is not looked at like a partnership. The couple need to carry equal weight of the relationship. However, in India all the responsibilities are put on women and men carry on being treated like children.

Yes I agree mostly they put pressure on woman and men are like ladla beta..

Sasumas want educated bahus but then they want those educated bahus to give up their career and turn into a cook, cleaner and a nanny. Kyun bhai? Like bade papa said to Meenu once "they have educated their daughters also; not just taught them how to handle the house and the kitchen"

No I think this changed mostly they are handling both work and kitchen..only may be in rural areas they think like that..

And calling women not photogenic because they are darker and overweight NOT "slim and trim" is just WRONG.

This one also now changing..atleast I saw some boys accepting as they are..don't know about sasumaas..

Then there is this whole issue of having kids. What if a girl just does not want children? Is that acceptable? If not, why not? Is her sole responsibility just giving sasuma an uttar adhikari? So Mish is nothing but an uttar-adhikari producer?

This one is the one that is not going to change even after ages..they want heir means want that's all..they even don't care that it's couples personal matter..Ghar ka varas varas...bas..

Even in some places I heard they wanted only boy child as varis not girl child (now it's changing they are showing no difference in girl child or boy child..in most of the places)

What about if MishBir moved out and wanted to live alone? That will again be Mishti's fault because she will be told "ghar tod diya; joda nahin"

This is also true partially..if joint family and move out they definitely taunt her not the boy..but I think now mostly in india also nuclear families exist..now thoda soch badal raha he..I have seen this initiative started from in law's only..they said to shift to their new house after marriage and said will meet when required and festivals can be celebrated jointly..

Originally posted by: Janu.301017

Sasumas want educated bahus but then they want those educated bahus to give up their career and turn into a cook, cleaner and a nanny. Kyun bhai? Like bade papa said to Meenu once "they have educated their daughters also; not just taught them how to handle the house and the kitchen"

No I think this changed mostly they are handling both work and kitchen..only may be in rural areas they think like that..

ERM - not from what I have seen or watched or read. Girls are asked to give up their careers even by US returned guys that studied for their masters abroad. Girls are even asked to hand the business they help their fathers build from scratch to their brothers. I congratulate you if you live around an Indian world that seems to have moved on from this.

This one also now changing..atleast I saw some boys accepting as they are..don't know about sasumaas..

Again, I do not think so - girls are called too dark, too "healthy"; not "smart" (meaning fashionable" enough. And the whole notion of boys "accepting"; if it was just a natural thing it wouldn't need to "ask" for "acceptance" would it?

Once again I congratulate you if you live in a world where all this is now overlooked.

My point is what this show is doing, is using a story to show us exactly what Indian marriages are like. Take Abir out of the equation coz well he be one in a million.

So why are we yelling at the writers when the game itself is dirty, when all they have done is hold up a mirror, in the form of a story, that just reflects common practices in India.

I agree, the truth is Ugly in Indian society and the writers are holding up a mirror to domestic abuse of women who cannot have children. Women are their own worst enemies, this is proved by Indian sasumas everyday in our country.

Yes, I’m pointing out Indian sasumas because Western MILs are just the opposite, they treat their DILs like daughters. My erstwhile coworkers here talked so fondly about their DILs I was fascinated to hear them, even asked if I could record them and play it to sasumas back in India.

This mania for an heir still exists and even amongst desis living abroad. Worst is the desperation for male heirs and female foeticide which is still rampant in India.

Problem is sometimes even educated professional women treat their bahus this way. In Satyamev Jayate one woman told about her saas who was a doctor herself, she forced her bahu to abort female foetus 3 times, finally the bahu ran away to her parents house to deliver her twin girls.

Meenu is educated herself and a working woman, still she has such a regressive mentality. She’s a total hypocrite! She will blame Mishti if Abir leaves the house, she will call Mish home breaker, yet Meenu herself left her husband to take care of her father’s business. Her son Abir uses his mother’s maiden name, not his father’s last name. So which vansh and whose heir is she talking about?

Originally posted by: pallavi25

I agree, the truth is Ugly in Indian society and the writers are holding up a mirror to domestic abuse of women who cannot have children. Women are their own worst enemies, this is proved by Indian sasumas everyday in our country.

Yes, I’m pointing out Indian sasumas because Western MILs are just the opposite, they treat their DILs like daughters. My erstwhile coworkers here talked so fondly about their DILs I was fascinated to hear them, even asked if I could record them and play it to sasumas back in India.

This mania for an heir still exists and even amongst desis living abroad. Worst is the desperation for male heirs and female foeticide which is still rampant in India.

Problem is sometimes even educated professional women treat their bahus this way. In Satyamev Jayate one woman told about her saas who was a doctor herself, she forced her bahu to abort female foetus 3 times, finally the bahu ran away to her parents house to deliver her twin girls.

Meenu is educated herself and a working woman, still she has such a regressive mentality. She’s a total hypocrite! She will blame Mishti if Abir leaves the house, she will call Mish home breaker, yet Meenu herself left her husband to take care of her father’s business. Her son Abir uses his mother’s maiden name, not his father’s last name. So which vansh and whose heir is she talking about?

Originally posted by: Bujee09

THIS !!..... family wants my sister in law to work and prosper in life whereas they prefer me to take care of family n kids n house work ....am struggling hard in yet another challenging phase of life hope i come out shining ..... i dont know why am writing this to your post but the highlighted portion really hit me hard .....god bless !

Thanks and God bless you too!

It’s hard when there’s favoritism between bahus! Perhaps you can try part time jobs alongwith housework and kids? I worked part time for 10 years because my first child was young and also had to do all housework, groceries, cooking as we can’t afford maids in this country. Eventually I had to quit to look after my 2nd child because he couldn’t stay in daycare.

All the best to you and you will emerge stronger, as the kids grow the mother gets more strength and support. I know this, I’ve been there too!

Writers I can connect to this storyline currently..and I have seen such situation in my day to day life too..there are lots of women I came across but the difference is how there better half their husband support them

This is my own house story😒

My Uncle and Aunt have done arranged marriage around 20 years ago after some years of marriage they came to know that Aunt can never ever conceive but my grandmother forced my uncle marry another girl or else she will die in such situation Uncle left house with my Aunt to live separately after some years they adopted a baby boy of two months whose mother could not afford to feed the baby so she gave the baby to my uncle and aunt for better future ..my uncle never visited our house after that he only comes alone sometime for family get-together becoz our grandmother taunt the adopted baby a lot 🙄 so my uncle wants to keep him away from all the taunts ..They are happily married for 20 years and the boy is now 12 years old 🙌 my uncle is my hero ⭐️ he truly loves Aunty a lot like Abir does 🤗

Next is my cousin brother and his wife have done love marriage around 5 years ago but the problem was that his wife have some problem so they went for IVF and she is already seven months pregnant ..my Aunt too used to taunt his wife for not conceiving and used to blackmail her and say that she will marry my brother with some else so they kept it secret that they have done IVF coz she thought that the baby will not be her real blood

My sister who did love marriage was left by her husband because he want Bachha but my sister couldn't conceive after 15 years of long marriage he married some else and divorce my sister🤢

Some of girl get Abir like husband but some are not lucky enough to get such understanding and supporting Husband like Abir they are abandoned

How much may be we are bashing Meenu but she is representation of those all mother in law's and mother who want their heir and start to taunt their bahus if they are not able to conceive in such cases if husband have problems but also they blame goes to their bahus ..that's the true reality of our society where women without kids are not acceptable 🙄

Thank you making such amazing post and making us realize that it's the sad reality of our society 😔

Since each and every one of us is saying it all (I'll just drop the link to my post on the LU thread instead of elaborating again: https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/post/154055744), I just want to say that I stand in spirit with all the women who are bullied, slighted, mentally tortured; all the women who have compromised, sacrified and lost their individualities in the process.

Here's hoping we're that generation of women who will break the cycle. Because guys, here's another truth we have to acknowledge. Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi, just like kyunki seniors bhi kabhi first years the.

I'm comparing the former with the latter because I know that ragging in colleges is really bad. When we cried and complained as juniors, we were told that we're not the first batch to have done so. That's because NO ONE addressed the issue. Jo maine jhela hai ab tu bhi jhelegi. Kyunki ye hi sansaar ki reet hai. And I regret to say that though my batchmates were very mild, comparatively, they ended up doing it too.

Likewise, clearly, at no point has society tried to understand and rectify its mistakes, injustices and regressive practices. Do we know how did these regressive mothers-in-law have it as bahus? I know some will say they didn't know what was happening or that they didn't realise that it needn't have to be this way but negative emotions are the best indicators of what is right and wrong. If they felt oppressed and humiliated and cried about it, why did they not learn anything from it? Don't you see the irony here: a woman can't sympathise with another woman from burning the rotis to being unable to conceive a child; a woman encouraging or compelling another woman to abort a female foetus.

We need to start somewhere. Experience is the biggest teacher, because evidently class and education doesn't matter. Or maybe what we call education isn't real education. It's just a scroll of parchment conferring a degree on you. It isn't holistic. There's some oxymoronic term for it: educated idiot or uneducated literate. Because I have worked in a village-town and have seen educated illiterates too: made me realise how narrow minded was I to think that only city dwelling families are progressive.

PS:I have a lot more to say but I'll stop here.

PPS:On a lighter note, looks like Kuhu is DKP's favourite after all. Just last week we were bashing Kuhu but she is just a small fish in a pond of bullies now. CVs have shifted the focus entirely today to the bigger fish. Kisine Kuhu ke baare mein ek bhi labz ni bola. Until surrogacy track then.