The public jilting of Arohi - POLL CLOSED - Page 15

Originally posted by: Intoxicator

You clearly have strong views on this subject and that's fine. I don't recall where Abhimanyu told Arohi she shouldn't expect fidelity - he did tell her she shouldn't expect love. But I do want to point out that Abhimanyu lied to Arohi when she entered his office after he had twirled Akshara and grabbed her to his chest, and said they were just talking so she shouldn't worry. He also scolds himself out loud after one of his PG13 dreams about Akshara, saying he is marrying Arohi and this shouldn't happen. To me, both these point to the fact that he does feel guilty about his emotional/physical infidelity with Akshara when he's proposed marriage to Arohi. And he wouldn't be feeling guilty if that fidelity wasn't implicit in his proposal of marriage.

You're right that marriage has multiple connotations that are ultimately decided by the involved parties. But this is Udaipur not some commune in Marin County - I think it's not unreasonable to assume that a proposal of arranged marriage in this setting does come with the expectation of monogamy. Now you may find my premise lame but i don't find yours all that rock solid either.

Still you do you. Peace out.

But that is an entirely different argument. This is ITV and Abhimanyu is the 'main lead' so it's obvious he'd never cheat on her physically in a hypothetical marriage. I never said that's what he meant either. I said the terms he offered here were so meager and bogus that by eliminating the expectation of love and emotional fidelity from the mutual undertaking he effectively killed the possibility of development of any emotional or personal relationship between them. And since demonstrated by him at many points, he decided what emotional fidelity and love encompassed, he could -- in a hypothetical scenario -- shortchange Arohi tomorrow/day after and say that love or fidelity was never promised to her and he wouldn't be wrong. Because when you take out the possibility of any love or emotional fidelity you are essentially killing the personal, emotional component of that marriage. In a relationship such as marriage what is left if emotional fidelity doesn't exist? Trust, friendship, any interpersonal connection -- he time and again showed Arohi there was no room for ANY of that in their relationship and Arohi chose to take that. She chose to take a power dynamic where she truly had zero say.

As far as Abhimanyu's guilt and self-flagellation is concerned, I never said his conduct was right. But his guilt has more to do with his expectations of himself and his personal conflicts. He was essentially struggling with the very things he'd point-blank told Arohi will never change -- his love for Akshara and his emotional investment in Akshara. In this Abhimanyu didn't use or manipulate Arohi.

He was a jerk for insulting Arohi and himself by offering her such a proposal, a jerk for reducing a person to a commodity and willfully trying to enter into a contract where she'll essentially have no happiness or dignity, a jerk for this entire fiasco, for being emotionally abusive to Akshara, for his ill-conduct within the Goenka house and for literally every other wrongful act or deed he committed in this abhorrent jija track.

But amongst all his endless faults, at least, to me, this wasn't one.

Originally posted by: Intoxicator

See to me there's a fundamental disconnect there - 'i will always love Akshara' doesn't necessarily mean 'I won't have any of the other socially sanctioned trappings of a marriage with you' when an arranged marriage is being discussed. There are many functional marriages where mutual love is not the basis (for better or worse). And granted Arohi IS delusional but would the two families be ok with the idea of Abhi just proposing what amounts to a wedding, a shared house (not even room) and the Birla name? My perspective is they wouldn't be ok with this, which is why I think (except for Abhimanyu) no one else is assuming he's offering a bare bones contract. They think he's offering a bonafide arranged marriage (he even said the marriage he's offering is based on support from the family). But I can see there are two possible perspectives here because the writing is ambiguous, and we're falling on opposite sides of that divide. Or maybe the writers left it deliberately ambiguous - Abhimanyu was shocked Manish accepted his offer. Could be because Manish also interpreted it differently than Abhimanyu intended.

Maybe I'm off on my timeline but Abhimanyu had given up on Akshara BEFORE Manjari's illness that led to his telling Harsh he would marry whoever? Because of the KOI BHI incidence? So even if Arohi had not come into the picture, wouldn't it have come down to the same situation because Manjari is stressed Abhimanyu is not married and Abhimanyu thinks its best that he moves on? In that case, I still think Harsh would've immediately brought up Arohi.

(I definitely agree that Abhimanyu's attraction is not just about Akshara's looks - it started with her voice and then clearly he saw all the similarities to his mother in her compassion etc.. Although if she were old and ugly, I suspect that might have dampened his affections a little - but this is a TV show so...)

I am perplexed. Say supposedly, if your future fiance tells you that he loves another and will always love another no matter what, does that not alarm you? Youre telling me that you would still marry this guy believing he will give you the privileges of a wife? This is espeically scary in an arranged marriage because many people (not all) are forced or pressurised in arranged marriages.

I'd support Arohi if Abhi hadn't made this disclaimer because then the onus would be on Abhi for leading her on.

I dont think it matters what the families make of the arrangement because the marriage is between Abhi and Arohi and he only intended for her to know. If the families had taken more care of their feelings and needs then they would have found out what is happening.

Abhi was still reluctant to forget Akshara until Manjri told him to rethink about Arohi and what prompted Manjri to do this was the belief that Arohi had persuaded Akshara to help Abhi. In fact, I remember Abhi correcting Harsh that it was due to Akshara he was saved. So Abhi was still behind Akshara until the fire incident. Even after the fire incident, he tried to clear things with Akshara despite knowing she didnt save him so he did try his best imo. It is like provocation, a number of events led Abhi to act the way he did. It didnt just happen overnight.

I'd like to think Abhi wouldn't have cared about her looks or age but yeah its a TV show, hardly possible.

Originally posted by: FleetingWishes.

Out of all the points I made somehow this one single statement is being taken out of context again and again. I don't think there's any difference between Marin County and Udaipur or a rural village when it comes to marriage, cheating, and fidelity. Modernity or western ideals have nothing to do with how people act/react/behave in marriages. In fact, it's far more common in desi societies to get into marriages and receive no fidelity from their partner but hold onto the marriage because the woman lacks the financial means to free herself. It is an expectation, an assumption, never a promise. Obviously, when an expectation of fidelity is an obvious part of an institution such as marriage, any individual who cannot offer the same should be vocal about it. Not doing so is cheating their partner from the get-go.

But that is an entirely different argument. This is ITV and Abhimanyu is the 'main lead' so it's obvious he'd never cheat on her physically in a hypothetical marriage. I never said that's what he meant either. I said the terms he offered here were so meager and bogus that by eliminating the expectation of love and emotional fidelity from the mutual undertaking he effectively killed the possibility of development of any emotional or personal relationship between them. And since demonstrated by him at many points, he decided what emotional fidelity and love encompassed, he could -- in a hypothetical scenario -- shortchange Arohi tomorrow/day after and say that love or fidelity was never promised to her and he wouldn't be wrong. Because when you take out the possibility of any love or emotional fidelity you are essentially killing the personal, emotional component of that marriage. In a relationship such as marriage what is left if emotional fidelity doesn't exist? Trust, friendship, any interpersonal connection -- he time and again showed Arohi there was no room for ANY of that in their relationship and Arohi chose to take that. She chose to take a power dynamic where she truly had zero say.

As far as Abhimanyu's guilt and self-flagellation is concerned, I never said his conduct was right. But his guilt has more to do with his expectations of himself and his personal conflicts. He was essentially struggling with the very things he'd point-blank told Arohi will never change -- his love for Akshara and his emotional investment in Akshara. In this Abhimanyu didn't use or manipulate Arohi.

He was a jerk for insulting Arohi and himself by offering her such a proposal, a jerk for reducing a person to a commodity and willfully trying to enter into a contract where she'll essentially have no happiness or dignity, a jerk for this entire fiasco, for being emotionally abusive to Akshara, for his ill-conduct within the Goenka house and for literally every other wrongful act or deed he committed in this abhorrent jija track.

But amongst all his endless faults, at least, to me, this wasn't one.

I find your views so so very correct...abhimanyu from day 1 was clear that he can never love anyone else other than akshara....Arohi in her own blindness never understood how superficial the whole so called proposal was but for abhimanyu it was as clear as water....he only wished to make his mother happy and he point blank told arohi exactly that....the struggle which made him demonstrate his not so gentle behavior toward akshu wax only and only due to the extreme emotions he had gor her....he knew he went overboard but it was only because he couldn't survive beyond her....abhi is no doubt an imperfect man but he is still somewhere not beyond being loved

she I so self obsessed and mean just because she lost her om, someone needs to give her a reality check, "helloooooo, all 3 of them have lost parents here, Kairav and Akshara lost all 3 of them"

Things are getting a bit off topic here. The question of this poll isn't whether Arohi deserves her comeuppance or punishment for her actions (she does) or whether she's a horrible person (she is).

The question is whether she (along with her family) deserved the lasting public humiliation of being jilted at her wedding when she was fulfilling her part of the social contract that Abhimanyu himself had brought to her.

Thanks for playing - poll's done as far as I'm concerned, feel free to talk amongst ya selves.

No matter how bad she is still she doesn’t deserve to be publicly humiliated. It was also Abbi’s choice to marry her despite him not liking her.