Difference between a daughter and daughter in law

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KashafZaroon30

@KashafZaroon30

Rocker

Posted: 7 years ago

#11

Society being a patriarchal one since centuries, the society always considers giving birth to a boy as a privilege. The lady who gives birth to a boy is suddenly started getting considered as a superior woman. If she is living in a huge family for instance, then everyone in the family treats her in a special manner, but natural for a human being to feel superior than others.

Eventually this superiority makes them extremely possessive about their son. It makes it difficult for them to share their son with anyone. But obviously it's the societal norm to get their son married, so they are left with no other option.

Now as they are uncomfortable with the sharing part, their mind subconsciously starts searching for negative points in their daughter-in-law and many times in her family as well. This gives them a certain power over the other person and also it is an attempt to keep their superior position intact. When a person blames someone or points out negative things in someone that gives them a feeling of superiority. Hence they treat their daughter-in-law and daughters differently. The height of double standards is many mother-in-laws suddenly change their behavior and be all good with their daughter-in-law if she gives birth to a boy.

Sad reality of our society which hasn't changed till date.

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Anjali33

@Anjali33

Sparkler

+ 4

Posted: 7 years ago

#12

That's another harsh truth of d world

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Phoenix

@Phoenix100

Sparkler

+ 4

Posted: 7 years ago

#13

Its so unrealistic actually...even today no mother will let her daughter go all over a stranger boy... Then how was it acceptable in 90's

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braveheartdoc

@braveheartdoc

Alumni

+ 4

Posted: 7 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: smiley_lizi
It's real but it hurts to see such discrimination. I wish such discrimations wouldn't exist.

I mean you daughter, your bahu, and you all are women. Rules should be equal for all. Why this discrimination ?

This should be highly discouraged by others around such ladies. That can be the solution.

Good post for discussion, Manisha.

Thanks for bringing it up.

you are welcome Laizu😃

The problem is that being a lady herself she fails to understand the emotions of a female😳

Such an attitude should obviously be discouraged but i seriously fail to understand the reason for this kind of behaviour... many times ive seen MIL cribbing for bahu not keeping pallu while she allows her daughter to go out in mini skirts... i have no probs with pallu or mini skirt both...but why this discrimination😕

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braveheartdoc

@braveheartdoc

Alumni

+ 4

Posted: 7 years ago

#15

Originally posted by: Dhruvi2608
its quite prevalent in today's times as well... i wish people start considering DIL as human first. some times the expectations are set so high that it is nearly impossible for DILs to survive...

The time a girl marries and enters the in laws house, she is expected to fulfil all the duties and responsibilities...to accept them as her family while many times they themselves fail to accept her as their family member...she is always seen as a competitor by the MIL... Sometimes even the daughters are the ones who play an important role in creating the MU...especially if they are married... i dont understand all these things yaar😳

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braveheartdoc

@braveheartdoc

Alumni

+ 4

Posted: 7 years ago

#16

Originally posted by: paagalbandar
I agree that it discriminatory...but I will try to explain this to best of my ability loll...I am not an expert...This has been my observation when psychoevaluating people lol

Mother does not see her daughter as a competition however daughter in law is a competition. What do I mean by that??

- A mother raises her son all her life. To her, she has been center of her son's world all his life.Center of his attention. From birth until right before marriage.
- Now suddenly the son gets married. Though she maybe happy for him, she feels like she is being pushed into a corner. She is no longer the center of his world. She is not able to be vocal about it because she is happy seeing her son happy and she feels that if she was vocal about it, her son may distance himself from her as his priorities have changed. So this mother, now a mother in law, tries to find attention elsewhere. How?? by trying to control the object of her son's desire (ie the daughter in law). She does not wish be this way, but her insecurity and her sense of lack of importance in her son's life after his marriage, makes her behave this way...Its the feeling of losing self worth in her son's life.

How can you tackle this situation?
- get your hubbies to spend some time with your inlaws, especially mother in law at the end of the day daily. And don't come in picture during the mother and son alone time. It usually gets them the feeling of self worth again.

Same goes for father in law, and son in law...though father's can't be vocal about it, they do feel envious to the son in law's for making him the second important thing in his daughter's life. As until now, he was the most important thing in his daughter's life.

btw this is not just prevalent in India, its across the world 😆

I hope it makes sense what I said lol

ridz

I agree to you to quite an extent... but i seriously feel...can a wife ever take the place thats held by a mother...never...every relation has its own importance... own place...so i really dont get why this sense of insecurity😕

However the point of discussion continues to be... why the discrimination between a daughter and daughter in law... if we have a MIL behaving badly with with her DIL...If the same thing happens with her own daughter in her sasural...then she would blame her daughters MIL for being rude and illtreating her DIL...while she herself does the same thing to her DIL... so i feel its the matter of accepting the girl who has come from a different family who knows just her hubby if thats a love marriage... so the entire family should first accept her as their family member as she who is absolutely new to this new world...she obviously needs support and guidance...while its the opposite most of the times😳

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braveheartdoc

@braveheartdoc

Alumni

+ 4

Posted: 7 years ago

#17

Originally posted by: Niakhush
Even I felt...she talks so much abt sanskaar and here her daughter is roaming freely...this discrimination even happens today at many places.. .when the girls have proved themselves to b equal to boys yet this happens...v yet have male dominating the society!!!

This still happens ... i myself know many girls facing this... they fail to understand that their DIL is also the apple of someone's eye... they too love their daughter like you love yours...then why this discrimination... all the girls should be treated well😊]

Edited by braveheartdoc - 7 years ago

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braveheartdoc

@braveheartdoc

Alumni

+ 4

Posted: 7 years ago

#18

Originally posted by: WeRockTheWorld
You are right ...but this is not between DIL and Daughters...we get to see this between Son and SILs too...just that with Son in laws they don't make it that obvious...and again it differs from place to place too...this diff betwn Son and SIL is more evident in society which is matriarchal /matrilineal...

but things have changed a lot now...both boys and girls don't take nonsense from any one and they know to keep their side of relatives quiet...the new gen is very smart and good at ppl management... 😆

Yeah the times have changed dear...but then whenever the girl speaks up in front of her inlaws...she is labelled as ill mannered and targetted as being the one responsible for breaking their family

Regarding the SIL... I would say that the girls family most of the times treats the SIL better than their son as they know that this is going to have an impact on their daughter in her sasural... so its a different situation here😊

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braveheartdoc

@braveheartdoc

Alumni

+ 4

Posted: 7 years ago

#19

Originally posted by: Muggle_Diaries
It is quite common, even now. Don't know when we will get out of this mentality.
But, I hope that things are changing slowly.

My own in-laws are an example of this change. I have never felt that they treated me and my sis-in-law any different. I am close to them. And I can be myself. I wear jeans, short clothes, I and my hubby are atheists and in-laws are very religious and orthodox. But it never was an issue. They follow their beliefs in our house, and we follow ours.

We even party at house. I have shared drinks with my father-in-law, we both like wine. I never had to hide my true self and my life from them.

But this is not common. I see that my friends never have this kind of freedom.

I do hope more and more people are like my in-laws.

Love
Kshithi

I would say that you are a really lucky girl dear...as you yourself said... its not that common dear😊