Note ^Part 9: Sapna Mera Toota Toota
"Hey Simmi. Tumhara Vada" I extended the tiffin towards trying to smile.
My lips were constricted and it hurt even to give a weak smile.
She stared at me for about a minute and then took me into a bone-crushing hug and said"Ishita! Ye kya haal bana liya hai apna"
"Kuch nahi yaar. Gir gayi thi kal ghar jate waqt" I tried to sound casual.
"Chot kafi gehri hai na" she said looking at me suspiciously.
"Utna zyada nahi. Bas forehead pe ek scratch hai, hath me ek chota sa zakhm aur ghutne cheel gaye bas" I said avoiding her gaze and pointing to the bandaged parts of my body.
She held my chin in a strong grip and forced me to look into her eyes.
"Mai us chot ki baat kar rahi hun jo tumhari ankhein bayan kar rahi hain" she said while staring at my puffy eyes.
"Kuchh bhi...Wo to bas kal rath theek se so nahi payi" I said with all concentration on my tiffin.
"Aisi kya baat thi jisne tujhe sone nahi diya?" her interrogation continued.
"wo...mai...bas..."
"Is dar ne tujhe sone nahi diya na ke kahin Bhai phir se tere khwab me na ajayein?" she declared
I was dumbstruck for a while then quickly composed "Kuchh bhi. Mai kyun darungi is baat se? 10 saal se to woh mere sapnon me aa hi rahe hain" I tried to chuckle.
"Aur woh 10 saal ka sapna kal 10 second me toot gaya. Hai na?"
"Tu kuch bhi bole ja rahi hai. Vada thanda ho raha hai tera. Phir kal ki tarah mujhe blame mat karna" I tried to divert the topic by opening the tiffin for her.
She closed it back and threw it aside and held my shoulders in a strong grip "Bas kar Ishita! Aur kitna chupayegi? Mujhe sab patha hai ke kal kya hua tha"
"..." I could not speak a word after that.
"Haan mujhe sab patha hai. Kal mai Bhai ko dhoondte hue senior campus me gayi thi. Par Bhai wahan nahi mile. Unke doston ne kaha ke unko kuch kaam tha isiliye aaj practise keliye nahi aye. To maine socha ke tujhe bata dun warna tu ladies room ke bahar wait karti rahegi. Par ladies room ke raste me mujhe Bhai mile"
I listened to her silently as she narrated the encounter between her and Raman.
(Author's note: The 'I' below refers to Simmi who is narrating the incident)
"Bhai aap yahan kya kar rahe ho?" I was surprised to find him there.
"Woh mai..." he was baffled.
"Chupane ki koshish mat kijiye. Mujhe sab patha chal gaya" I said sternly trying to look angry.
"Oh shit. Zaroor us chashmish ne bataya hoga"
"Haan usi ne bataya"
"I knew it. Mujhe uspe bharosa karna hi nahi chahye tha. Ab wo sabko jake bata degi"
"Aap kis ke bare me baat kar rahe ho?" I was a little confused now.
"Haan mai Kiss ke bare me hi baat kar raha hun" he stated annoyed.
"Aapne itni jaldi kiss bhi kar diya?" I was surprised.
"Kiya nahi tha. Karnewala tha tabhi us Miss Sanskari ne dekh liya"
"Ek minute Bhai. I am not getting it. Aap Miss Sanskari ko kiss karnewale the aur usi ne apko dekh liya?"
"What the hell? Mai us chashmish ko kiss kyun karunga? Mai to Shagun ko kiss kar raha tha"
OMG! Ye kya hogaya!
"Us idiot ko bhi usi waqt ana tha. Isse pehle ke woh sabko jake bata de mujhe use sabaq sikhana hoag. I will see you later" he said starting to leave.
"Aap ko kahin jaane ki koi zarurat nahi Bhai. Wo kisiko kuch nahi batayegi"
"What? Abhi to tune hi kaha na ke usi ne tujhe bataya"
"Nahi Bhai usne kuch nahi bataya. Aur wo kisi ko kuch batayegi bhi nahi. Jaante ho kyun?"
"Obviously mujhe dekh ke dar gayi hogi" he shrugged proudly.
"Nahi Bhai. Wo apko dekh ke dar nahi gayi thi. Balki apko kisi aur e sath dekh ke mar gayi thi" I looked at him piercingly
"What non-sense?"
"Apko to non-sense hi lagega na. Apko kya faraq padta hai kisi ka dil tootne se. Aap to the cool and arrogant RKB ho. Aapko kisike dard se kya wasta" I accused him
"Stop it Simmi. Tu us ladki keliye mujhse lad rahi hai jise dekhna mai ek minute keliye bhi bardasht nahi kar sakta" he spat.
"Nahi Bhai. Mai us ladki keliye aapse lad rahi hun jiske liye aap bachpan me mujhse aur har kisi se lada karte the. Mai us ladki keliye lad rahi hun jise aap ek minute keliye bhi kisi aur ke sath dekhna bardasht nahi kar sakte the" I yelled.
"Tu kya bakwas kar rahi hai? Mujhe kuch samajh me nahi araha. Lagta hai tu pagal ho gayi hai"
"Pagal mai nahi pagal wo hai jo 10 saal se apke sapne bun rahi hai. Pagal wo hai jo har din aapse milne ki duaaein karti ayi hai. Pagal wo hai jo aaj bhi bachpan ke us ek khwab ko apni zindagi maanti ayi hai"
"Tu kiski baat kar rahi hai?" he asked with a huge question mark on his face.
"Uski jise aap apni life partner maante the. 'Ishita mere poore life ki partner hai' aisa hi kuch kaha tha shayad aapne"
"Ishita!" he mumbled.
"Haan Ishita. Ishita Iyer. Kuch yaad aya ya sab kuch bhool gaye? Par wo nahi bhooli Bhai. Kuch nahi bhooli. 10 saal se usi yaad ko lekar jee rahi hai. Pagalon ki tarah aap se pyar karti hai" tears started forming in my eyes.
"Ishita...Miss Sanskari..." he blabbered trying to connect the dots.
"Haan Bhai. Wo Miss Sanskari jisne apki rathon ki neend aur din ka chain cheena hua hai, wo Ishita hai jiski rathon ki neend aur din ka chain aapne haram kiya hua hai"
He clamped his mouth as realisation dawned upon him.
"Tum sach keh rahi ho?" he asked.
I nodded teary eyed.
"Aapne ye achha nahi kiya Bhai. Aapne uska dil thoda hai. I hate you Bhai" I scoffed and ran out of there.
(Author's note: Scene switches back to present. 'I' here onward refers to Ishita)
"Par isme tumhare Bhai ki kya galti thi Simmi? Unhone to kabhi mujhse nahi kaha tha ke mai unka intezar karun? Na hi unhone mujhse koi waada kiya tha ke woh mere siwa kisi aur se pyar nahi karenge. To phir tum ya mai unhe is bath ka zimmedaar kaise maan sakte hain?" I asked.
"Par Ishita unhi ke wajah se to tumhara dil toota hai" she argued
"Unhi ke wajah se toota hai. Par zimmedaar wo to nahi hain. Apni is halath ki zimmedaar mai khud hoon"
"Par us sapne ka kya jo tum itne salon se dekhti ayi ho?"
"Ye sach hai ke mera sapna toota hai. Ek pal keliye to laga ke mere jism se meri rooh nikal gayi hai"
Sapna mera toota toota
Mujhse mera saaya kyu chhoota hai
"Meri har dua yahi hothi thi ke ek baar usse mulaqat ho. Mulaqat to hui par shayad uparwale yahi chahta tha ke hum milke bichdein"
Ke Rab mill bhi gaya toh kya
Mujhse mera Khudaya rootha hai
"Unki ek jhalak keliye tarasti thi. Yahi mangti thi ke bas ek baar mila de. Bas ek baar mera pyar mujhe mil jaye. Bas ek baar mujhe ye malum ho jaye ke mai unse jitna pyar karti hun wo bhi mujhse utna hi pyar karein"
Bas ek hi dafa ek hi baar kar
Mere yaara tu mujhko baawra
Bas ek hi dafa darkar kar
Mere yaara tu mujh se pyar kar
"Par mai itni naadaan thi ke mai pyar ko hi apni manzil samajh baithi. Bachpan ki us ek yaad ko apni zindagi ka sach maan baithi. Uske aage na kuch dekha, na kuch suna. Akeli chal padi is safar me ek sapne ka sahara lekar"
Bada nadaan nikla yeh dil
Mohabbat ko samjhe manzil
Ab tanha siyaah sa safar hai mera
"Jab tumse mili aur Raman ke bare me patha chala to aisa laga ke mera sapna poora hogaya. Raman se milne keliye bechain ho rahi thi par is bath se bhi dar bhi rahi thi ke milungi to kahungi kya? Ye soch ke hi meri saans atak jati thi"
Zara sa kehne ko darna
Zara sa milne ko marna
Ab saanson dilaason pe asar hai tera
"Kal jab Raman se milne keliye ja rahi thi to pata hai mere dimag me kya chal raha tha? Maine to poora script ready kar rakha tha ke kaise unko bataungi ke mai unse kitna pyar karti hun aur mai kaise poore haq se unse pyar mangungi"
Bas ek hi dafa ek hi baar kar
Mere yaara tu mujhko baawra
Bas ek hi dafa darkar kaa
Mere yaara tu mujh se pyar kar
"Lekin kal jo dekha uske baad to mai poori tarah toot gayi thi Simmi. Kuch samajh me nahi araha tha ke kya karun. Maine apni poori zindagi Raman ke naam kar di thi lekin jab Raman ko kisi aur ke sath dekha to laga ke meri zindagi hi khatam hogayi"
Sapna mera toota toota
Sapna mera toota toota
Mujhse mera saaya kyun chhoota hai
"Par phir thande dimag se socha to ehsas hua ke sirf sapna hi to toota hai, zindagi to abhi baki hai. Sapna to sapna hi hai jisko ek na ek din tootna hi tha, par haqeeqat to zindagi hai jo abhi mujhe jeeni baki hai"
"Ishita! Mujhe nahi patha tha ki tum itni strong ho. I am proud of you" Simmi said giving me a side hug.
That is what I have been trying to convince myself from last night that I am a strong person and I can move on.
Kam se kam Simmi to convince hogayi, mai bhi kisi na kisi din convince ho hi jaungi I spoke to myself.
"I wish ke Bhai ki jagah mai hothi aur tum mujhse itna pyar karti" she said dreamily hugging me tighter.
I pushed her away coming out of hold "Mujhse door rehna haan. Mai waisi nahi hun jaisi tu soch rahi hai" I tried to be funny.
"Oh hello! Mai bhi waisi nahi hun. I am straight ok" she played along.
"Thank God! Warna mai to dar hi gayi thi ke kahin tum Idli aur Vada ke bahane mujhpe line to nahi maar rahi" I winked.
"Oh mera Vada! Dekha aaj bhi tere chakkar me mere Vade thande hogaye"
"Mujhe mat blame karna haan. Maine to pehle hi warn kar diya tha"
"Ok baba...Galti hogayi mere se..." she folded her hands and bent her head before me "Par kya kal iska compensation mil sakta hai?" she said biting her tongue.
"Ek shart pe" I said folding my arms across my chest.
"Kya?"
"Mujhe badle me koi aunthentic Punjabi Dish chahye"
"Done deal" she said showing her thumb.
I hit her thumb with mine.
"Chal I need to go now. Kal ke kuch notes complete karna reh gaya hai. I will see you tomorrow ok" I told her wanting to leave the place.
"Ok. Bye" she waved at first and then took me into a warm hug and added "Take care" she must have sensed that I was trying to act normal but wasn't normal actually.
I closed my eyes for a brief moment as it started to fill up and the lump in my throat did not let me reply.
I captured the tears in my eyelids while breaking the hug and started to leave without meeting her eyes.
It is easy to say that I have moved on but practically it seemed impossible as of now.
But I believe I will be able to overcome this painful phase.
''Please aaj se mere khwabon me mat ana. Kyunki mai tumhe bhool nahi paaungi agar...
Tum Mere Khwabon Se Jaa Na Sake'
--------------------------To be continued------------------------------
Did this part make any sense?
I hope it did!
Edited by maanvir - 10 years ago
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