IshRa SS : Their first encounter (completed 17th nov) - Page 10

Originally posted by: AraBearxx

The next time you criticize your language skills, I shall slap you across the face.

If I have to be honest I feel like hugging myself and just bawling my eyes. Because for some god damn reason I see myself in them.

They're so broken. Scared. Oblivious. Filled with self loathing.

Makes me want to grab them and give them a huge hug if not give you a huge hug.

I have no words. Now words at all. Just almost tear filled eyes. I'm an emotional mess.

I love you.

Payal & Rajjo. Love y'all. Hate the IF pm box.

Originally posted by: Vsoujanya

Very glad you clarified more of the story to me, I understand it much better now. And now I see what you mean by they saved each other that night. You know even though this story is different from the show, somewhere along the lines both Raman and Ishita are in character, Ishita is this selfless lady and she would be overnice to people to relieve of her misery, and Raman would hide behind his rudeness to others. So much thought has gone into this SS, its amazing! Go join the CV's team please and give them some hints on how to NOT ruin our days by throwing us a curveball every weekend. But OMG I totally hope you write a sequel to this even if its way later when you think of what to write! Would totally enjoy this! Great going! 👏

Originally posted by: hemanshi

Rajji, this is beautiful..I will admit, the first time I read it..I read it and thought "hmm nice story" and then I read it again and again and then i read your comments. And now its not just a "nice story" anymore..Its much much more beautiful..

I won't call it a story..because its actually just an introspective of two characters and their thoughts.

Both struggling to live everyday, both trying to find themselves after a loss that shook them to the core. Its like someone has taken their core identity away and left them with a shell of being human. All their primitive emotions are just that (i.e- anger) but other then that..on the inside..They feel hollow..

Its such a horrible feeling..To feel empty, to think about a random stranger you might or might not have connected with because its better then thinking about yourself..because its better then thinking about the direction life is taking you..because its better to think about the stranger then think about all that you have lost to get to where you are..because its sometimes just better to think about anything else but yourself.

Two flawed people..alone..some alone just because no one was around them...and some alone in a crowd as well..

Anyhow that's it for now..I do hope you continue this..but i will understand if you don't..This was never a story to begin with..it was just an insider's view on two people trying to start their life again..

Originally posted by: rajji-cutest

Hi there!

Hahaha, i expected not many will "GET" what i was doing, Payal, obviously did get it because she can read into me like an open book.

And thank you so much for reading it more than once and also going through the comments. If i'm being 100% honest, it's a bit diminishing to have to explain the work because it means that it wasn't clear enough so maybe i fell short somewhere in conveying whatever i was trying to convey.

It's extremely short - i've written groceries list longer than this SS - but god, it was so draining. Needed 2 days of pure strugle to complete it and i was left with not an ounce of energy after that. So thank you for appreciating the effort.

Originally posted by: -Payal-

I have to come back to this now because I need tomorrow (later today) to be a clean slate.

Lets bring this back: I'm red, you're blue. What I said last time, is black. 😃 I'm pink !

I don't want to repeat thank you at each of your sentence so i'll put it here: thank you for each and every word .

Stop. Will try, for you.

Part 1

Loved the banter. So typical of them both. You get these character so well, I could see the back and forth play out. You painted the picture perfectly. Nokh jokh is such an important part of IshRa's equation, it had to be there. Always, it comes with Raman's rude behavior and ishita's pacifying nature.

Agreed. It is an important part of who they are. I think they use it as a shield of some sort. Raman pushes people away because he's afraid to be hurt while ishita is being over nice because giving is the best way to be receiving.

Loved the end in particular - both of them reflect just after the encounter. Ishita's tears and pain was especially palpable. Heartbreaking. Ishita is weak (read : in a dark place) since Subbu left her and the fact that a random man, took the time out of his day, to reach out to her and be purely mean gets to her. Her psychological defense mechanisms are not working, and his words - even though she knows she is not fat and even thought she knows it shouldn't matter- GETS to her.

I could see all of that. I can imagine her insecurities post Subbu...and then for this nobody to come out of nowhere and reinforce them for her...of course it GETS to her. I knew you got it when i read your "heartbreaking" but i needed to lay it down for my own sake😊 (cv's are always "ignoring" ishita's pain and past so in my piece i try my best to make it up for it)

Part 2

God Rajji, you get the core of RKB. You get him. I don't get him. I get the place where he was then.

I'm not gonna touch this. My heart can't. We can SO ignore it. You know me, I'm all for it. (I get that place too) i knew you did from your first PM ever. also when i saw that you updated your comment page one i was scared to read it. here, i said it.

This was beautiful, seriously. I PMed you right after I read this for a reason. I was moved. I don't know how i even managed to reply to your PM. During the penning down session of this piece, i tried my best to both move forward and complete it WHILE ignoring it. "Let's let my brain and fingers do the work while my heart ignores it all. Lala-li la-loum..."

I know. Here's the thing about writing...you HAVE to confront it...but then, it should be that much easier to let it go...only sometimes, its not. It just not. I like your theory on ignoring it tho...I do. It's so complicated and paradoxical. The need to confront and the want to ignore (refusing to acknowledging)are equally as strong. And in between there is Waiting.

Reading it again today and all I can say is I'm still moved. My heart hurts after reading this. These lines in particular:

"Is this really being alive though? Working-drinking-sleeping, on repeat, without any meaning to it. Is it even worth it?...Oh yeah... Is it even worth it? Is life even worth anything?...Or maybe... maybe everyone's life is worth it -even this hysteric lady's one- except ... my own?" *ignores*

I'm with you. In this scene, there is something that touches me, it's that Raman, is hollow and he doesn't care about life, but he cares about others life. He is rude and self centered at time but he never was selfish or insensitive. If he had hurt Ishita that day, he wouldn't have gone on with his life saying "what is a human's life worth anyway. Mine isn't worth anything, so it's the same for everyone." Nope, he is not that guy.

What a dark place this man is in. When he looked in the mirror and toasted himself... actually there was no mirror in this scene, he is just toasting to air because he couldn't bear to look at himself right then.

Dunno why I saw a mirror there maybe because of the parallelism with ishita?

..but yea...I get that...not being able to look yourself in the eye. I get that. You get Raman. You just get him. It amazes me.

it makes me wonder if he's toasting his old naive self or himself in this moment, as he sits, alone, completely broken. To me, he was toasting to himself in the moment. Because each night he is still here to toast, is a victory, and each morning where he wakes up, is one as well, no matter how pathetic he looks from the hangover he offered himself. It's still an effing victory.

The morning - when you wake up no matter how hard it is to pull yourself out of bed and plaster your face...smile on (even the kind that reaches the eyes...practice makes perfect)...every single one of those mornings are indeed - a victory. The bigger victory...is that you wake up at all. This is all.👏

I can almost see that smirk on his face - the one we saw the night he sat drinking on the bed when Ishu walked in just before he "man-handled" her...yea, that smirk. The one where he laughs at his own fate. My heart is hurting. Hurting. That smirk. THAT. SMIRK. I KNOW. I do.

He was unable to take his mind off of her... because thinking about her -even if he doesn't know her- is better than thinking about his miserable self. (if you want to, you can go through my replies to others in this thread, it explains this piece a bit more - not that you need it, you seemed to have gotten the point quite well)

I don't need to...I left the sentence hanging because I know (perhaps a little too well)...its the need for a distraction - any distraction, day after day. Day. After. Day. ...and, Night After Night. That distraction, especially at night when the darkness surrounds you - the distraction until you're so exhausted you're literally swallowed into slumber...that distraction, is imperative. God. Yes. That's why some people wait til 6:30 am to go to sleep. Or maybe they're just so excited about oatmeal for breakfast that they can't fall asleep?😛 We'll never know.

Does his regret for his words to Ishita come from the place deep within him that knows how it feels to be humiliated and ridiculed? It comes from a place where he knows it was plain wrong. Someone like Shagun would have done this, not him. Not Happy Raman.

A moment of self-loathing. Yea. I see that.

THIS: "A girl like her could never love a man who has flaws, or a past... Or both." (I have tears in my eyes. Seriously.) *ignores harder* (i actually got physically away from my lappy, then came back to read the rest of the reply. You do this to me Payal.)

I will join you here with the ignoring. Let's do it together. That's my ignoring face : 😳

Did he see his own pain reflected in her eyes? YES. Or is he envious of her life because, well, no one's life could be so bad as the one he's currently living...right? YES YES YES. BOTH.

...😳

...😳

...😳

Nice touch with the Jesse Ware lyrics. Her voice soothes me. Me too. We match Payal, we match.

Part 3

The facade...the false pretense. It is one of the hardest things to do when you can physically feel yourself crumbling on the inside. Practice makes perfect. Sometimes its actually troubling to see people get so easily fooled. I mean, do they really don't see their friend-colleague-sister-daughter PRETENDING from morning to evening? Do they not see it or are they ignoring it?

Indeed. Practice does make perfect...and I know what you mean about how easily they are fooled. I can't tell you how many times I've thought the same. Here's The Truth: They are ignoring it. Cruel words. I know it's the truth, but i don't want to acknowledge it. Ignorance is bliss.

Love the parallels you drew with the same poignant lines - Is this really being alive though?

Her looking into the mirror, plastering a smile on her face, asking her how she's doing - how Subbu is doing. That was gut-wrenching, Rajji. Let's not get into that. Practice makes perfect. *sigh* Unfortunately, it does.

And then this: ""Maybe if I keep pretending to be happy, I'll actually start believing that I am..." Deep breaths."...how many times day in and day out do we say these lines to each other...hoping, that maybe one day, we'll wake up, and we won't have to pretend anymore. *ignores harder than ever and pushes you away toward the exit*

Let me offer this: One day, we'll wake up, and we won't have to pretend anymore. I put my faith into your words Payal.

"Life is beautiful...but is beautiful worth the pain?"...this hurts my heart. It does. One day, i'll PM you the answer to this question. *making promises i can't keep is my new hobby*

You don't have to...I think I already know.

PS: If you made me a promise you couldn't keep, I would not hold it against you. Would Not. Because you're the best.

Love the parallels you drew between their thoughts on one another. Both blaming themselves for the almost accident, more so - their outburst and rude behavior. Both contemplating each other's lives.

THIS: "A man like him could never love a woman who has flaws, or a past... Or both." (Yep. Still tears.) Heart aches for her and you. And you. (thank you)

Did she see her own pain reflected in his eyes? YES. Or is she envious of his life because, well, no one's life could be so bad as the one she's currently living...right? YES YES YES. BOTH

The "Leave the Door Wide Open" lyrics are perfect. Perfect. Agree.

***

Rajji, I have to ask where this came from. Nope, you don't have to ask, because you know already.

Yea. I know.

It was so deep and poignant. My hear hurts...and I wanna just reach across cyberspace and give you a big hug. Tightest huggies. Tighter huggies back. taking it all in.

I love you. You know that. I believe you. And when i look at this reply, it confirms that I don't need sleep if i can have Payal. (don't fight me on this).

@ Bold: Do not lead yourself to believe that. Do not. Will try, for you.

I miss you. Did you know that? Trying to get my head around this one still, but if you say so, i believe you. Oh and, I'm back.😊

I speak the truth. So good to have you back...I miss our PMs...lemme know when you're caught up with it all, and I'll shoot you one. I held off for a week cause I didn't want you to get overwhelmed.

Wait until Monday, then you can write it anytime !😃

Love. Thank you. Don't. ❤️❤️❤️

🤗❤️

Originally posted by: AraBearxx

The next time you criticize your language skills, I shall slap you across the face. Love comes in all forms and shapes but a slap across the face is a bit tough😳 i'll take it though, because it's you . ❤️

If I have to be honest I feel like hugging myself and just bawling my eyes. Because for some god damn reason I see myself in them. GROUP HUG. You, me and IshRa (and Payal and Hemanshi❤️).

They're so broken. Scared. Oblivious. Filled with self loathing.

Makes me want to grab them and give them a huge hug if not give you a huge hug. I take it ! I love hugs !

I have no words. Now words at all. Just almost tear filled eyes. I'm an emotional mess. I don't know what to say. Congrats for understanding my work? Sorry for making you feel this way? Thank you for the appreciation? I'll just hug you.

I love you. I genuinely do too. I can only hope it gets across to you.

Payal & Rajjo. Love y'all. Hate the IF pm box.

Originally posted by: AraBearxx

Look at you'll act all cutesy in colors. Don't do that and leave me out. I can't do the cool stuff.

Originally posted by: -Payal-

@BOLD: It's not that it wasn't clear enough or that you fell short...it was just deep...and explored a place that many people (thankfully) have probably never been before...an emotion they couldn't quite connect with.

Don't degrade this beautiful piece of work just because some couldn't connect with it.

I heart you.

Originally posted by: AraBearxx

I love this one. Seriously meant to tell you this earlier, but I do spend times times adding this to the storyline of the show. So much so that I even considered incorporating this into Meherbaan. Seriously, whilst penning down the update yesterday I just spent a good amount of time sitting on a corner with music blasting throught and recollecting this piece. You, Rajjo, are amazing. I seriously ten to post these long comments on it work. And then come back and post it again.

Didn't check the pm but send me your number.

And I got a new phone and you need one.