C H A P T E R 1 7 A D H E E R E J A L N A
Chapter Edited by Dhara (@dsgirl)
Nalini had enough. First a wayward husband and now a bratty kid. Why couldn't life be on track for once? Was it too much to ask? A good life. She was a woman of 35 for heaven's sake. Not a teenager that she would sit plotting and planning on how to get her husband to like her. That's nincompoop. Couldn't he see that she loved him? That she was right with him? Right besides him. That she loved him since she knew what love meant. Weren't seven years enough to get over a relationship? What was so great about this Ishita? She was just another human. Not perfect. Not imperfect - just human. At 35 Nalini had life right where she wanted it - except the love. Anything but the love. She had never cared about money, social status and all those worldly things. All she ever wanted was love. Was that too much to ask? What hadn't she given the guy? She had bared it all. And he had taken it all time and again and he couldn't trust. Did she hold any importance or respect in his life? She guessed not. Seven years of marriage. Almost two decades of unrequited, wasn't it over? She was burning out, and she knew she couldn't last any longer. She hated the talks. The undeserved talks of how she would never be able to replace Ishita. How she would never be Ishita. The friends, the family and the society. It was always. Always compared to Ishita. Days like these all Nalini wanted to do was show the world a middle finger, have an affair and take her kid and walk away. That was all he wanted, wasn't it? The kid. She would never let him have Abhilan. Abhilan was hers. Abhilan was all she had. And for a moment Nalini permitted her mind to lose herself in an alternate reality. Would life be different if she had just said no? If she wasn't too happy over the proposal. If she had just stopped and thought twice. If she hadn't looked forth but looked back. If she had weighed her options. Was the future that waited for her the right for Abhilan? Would Abhilan be happy that his mother was never happy in his marriage. No! She wouldn't let Abhilan know that. She would protect her son. Her only son. She would protect her baby from everyone and anyone and she wouldn't stop no matter what it meant. Maybe it was time to evaluate her relationship with Subbu. Maybe she needed to know where they stood. Maybe they needed a reality check.
And then his arms brushed along hers as he signalled her to hand over the rebellious baby. And as he fed Abhilan, the adoring look which he shared with his son vanished all her previous doubts and thoughts. Nalini found herself at square one. How could she leave this man? She loved him. And as much as it hurt and as much as it killed her she knew that he wouldn't love her back. But she loved him. Would that be enough, she wondered.
**
Ishita Bhalla considered this evening to be an eventful one. First Raman had taken an afternoon siesta - which he considered to be a waste of time. Then he had ordered food for them. Then he had fed Ruhi and her. He hadn't even screamed at Ruhi for touching and using his MacBook without his due permission. They had a waterfight. He then organised for movies to make up for the missed date. What the f**k was wrong with him? He was weird. Ishita concluded that she had married a man suffering a split personality disorder. Moody Ravan Kumar. First he shows up unannounced and then acts all kinds of weird making her skip heartbeats. He was going to be the death of her and whatever it was she had to find a solution to this. Before her Pagal Punjabi Puttar riled up some unfathomable feeling in her. Ishita tucked the pallu of her saree into her waist half expecting him to come and trace her hands with his. See? There! She was going crazy. She was turning into a crazy delusional Madrasan and he was to be blamed. That crazy crazy Bhalla.
Ishita moved aside as Ruhi stood on her tippy toes attempting to sneak the bowl of strawberries and the jar of Nutella. Ishita hid her smile as she inwardly decided that she'd let this one slide. Ruhi's friends Shravan and Tamanna stood behind her, giving the child of four suggestive looks. Ishita used her foot to bring forth the foot pedestal and walked away to the other side, pretending to absent-mindedly question Ruhi if she wants anything. Ruhi, slyly, refused anything whilst giving Shravan and Tamanna a victorious look and then passing the goods over to them. Shravan and Tamanna snuck out of the kitchen as Ruhi hugged her mother's legs and Ishita placed light kiss on her baby. Ruhi had then whispered a, I love you, Mama and then had run off to join her partners in crime.
Ishita grinned as she proceeded to prepare dinner - Punjabi dinner to be precise. Ravan kumar deserved it. Whilst doing so she had taken the liberty to call Mummyji and had spent the next hours talking to her mother-in-law by law and mother by heart. Mummyji had helped her perfect the dishes or atleast attempt to perfect them. She had then been in talks with the hospital, her assistant roughly detailing her work outline for her. She had then refused to take any cases during her stay in her ancestral home, keeping herself open for emergencies and emergencies only. Family time, she had called it. And the fact that Raman wouldn't agree to her overworking herself. She knew better than to piss her husband off when he was being so nice all of a sudden, she wouldn't voice that out though. Then Ruhi had come barging in stating that she wanted to talk to Adi bhaiya, and Ishita had called Aditya. They had a minute conversation after which the younger child spent a while talking to her brother. Ruhi had then run off mumbling something about a surprise and stupid stupid papa. Adi had called her back, asking her help on his homework. Ishita had complied. Over the months alot had changed between her and Raman's first born. She wasn't his mother. And Raman knew that. She would never replace Shagun. The irony. But coming to Aditya, Ishita and Raman both knew that Shagun was Aditya's mother and Ishita was becoming his friend. Adi was opening up to her and was learning to see her more than his step mother. He didn't see her as that. He saw her as his father's wife. He saw her as his friend. Ishita knew Raman felt that she was joining the league of Shagun and was now mollycoddling Aditya, and she accepted that. Adi needed love. He needed attention. He needed to know that he wasn't alone. That he had his family behind him.
And Shagun and Ishita had attempted just that. Shagun had taken mothering Aditya and Ishita had accepted Aditya when he called out to her. She hadn't forced herself on the boy or demanded attention but had given in when he had asked for help. Sure, they had their fallouts. And sure she hated Raman for the mess he had created with his life, but the next she knew that she chose him negating his mess. She knew and accepted that Raman would always love Shagun and Aditya and though at her weakest she hated him for that but she also knew that she would never be Shagun. She could never give him Aditya. Sure, they had Ruhi. But like every other relationship Ishita had her moments where she wondered where she stood with the man she married. She didn't need to have sex with him to finalize their relationship. She had a greater bond with him, formed in almost two years of marriage and nothing - no other sexual relationship would beat that. And at her weakest she considered giving their relationship a dead line. She considered telling him that they'd split the moment Ruhi turned 18. There would be no custody battles and Ruhi would always have her mother next door. And in the next she had feared his reaction. She had feared of putting him in the same mess she had so difficulty rescued him from. She feared driving him to a worse point than what Shagun had. The fact remained that he loved Shagun, what power did she have on him? What power at all. So in those moments of uncertainty she chose to hug Ruhi, breathe in her scent and remind her that she had all that she needed right here in her arms. How different were relationships?
Aditya had confessed his crush to Ishita and she had loved every moment of it. She loved seeing the Aditya fixated in husband's memory return back in flesh. Ishita had laughed and tipped him off. They had promised to hide this from Raman. The bestie code, he had said. A part of Ishita feared that word. The other didn't. Upon Ishita's silence, the twelve-year-old wondered if Ishita feared him. He wasn't a sociopath, he swore. The bestie code is respected higher than the Bro code, he had said. He had then talked into a full-blown rant on how he wants to make it up to her. How he wants to be cool with her like Ruhi is so the next time Ruhi bursts into how cool her mother is he can talk on about how nice Ishita is to him too. Ishita had laughed off her insecurity and fear and told Aditya how she was just shocked at Aditya's very public declaration. Aditya had huffed and puffed and denied any existence of such a moment. Upon hearing that Shagun was out of station, Ishita had later called up Shagun asking her permission to send the driver over to take Adi to Raman's place till she returned. Shagun had sounded busy as she agreed and when Ishita had called Mummyji to ask about the final touches, she had informed her of her grandson's impending sleepover with his grandparents. After some clear chastising over time and lack of preparation her mother-in-law had thanked her. And Aditya was to live with his grandparents for the time being.
Dinner was ready. Food checked. All that was left was a juice for Ruhi and a snack for herself. And for her to check her inbox. Ravan Kumar had sent her song. How charming. She plugged her ears with headphones in trying to listen to the song. And from the corner of her eye she saw her, her would have been mother-in-law - Subbu's mother.
Ishita's eyes followed the woman. It wasn't that she feared her. She hated the power the woman had over her. Ishita had grown up respecting the woman. She had spent years trying to please her and live upto her expectations. And how she thanked her stars that she hadn't married Subbu. She wouldn't have been able to deal with the both of them at the same time.
"Talking to the Sauten, were we? Your so-called close friend whose husband you married? Must have been nice, fooling her, foiling her plans and then secretly marrying her own husband. And now you want her child? Because taking away her husband isn't enough. You know Ishita, kabhi kabhi sochti hoon ki what ever made the Raman Kumar Bhalla marry left over trash like you. You are pathetic, aren't you? Eyeing a married man and then marrying him while he was still married to his first wife. The first wife he is in love with. The one he pushes you away time and again for. Dekho, agar Subbu hota to he would have never done this. But then, thankfully my Subbu was spared of a panauti like you. Does he even value you? He didn't even care to tell you that he had a son from his first marriage. His wife did. On the day of your marriage. Yet you chose to marry him. You would die and he wouldn't shed a tear. Twice, you caught him with his ex twice in hotel rooms and yet you stay with him. Yet you'll put up that act of being a perfect. Yet you stay with him. Is he that good? Or the status of being his wife that good? Then again what difference is there between the ex and you? She left him for money and you married his pathetic self for his kid. He ditched his love and you don't even care about it. She had the love, you'll never have it. She never had the respect, you have it. You have the husband, she has his love. It's funny. Quite funny that are the dynamics in this game of house you'll play. He accepts her at every turn and he accepts you too. The difference? He chooses her over you. Time and again and there you stand, unable to do anything. Ishita, relationships don't form over time. Didn't he say. Pyaar zindagi mein ek baar hota hai, tum dono ko hua tha but with different people? So why are you'll together? For that kid? That brat?"
And Ishita had enough. She had no respect for this woman. A part of her wanted to ignore it all. A part of her lay wounded at the daggers flung in the form of words. Words she wouldn't deny. And then Ruhi? When the woman mentioned her four and half-year old precious bundle of adorable mess, Ishita had lost. The mother in her had won. All she wanted to do was tell the woman the next time she wouldn't have a tongue to speak with if she even dared to mention Ruhi with that filthy mouth of hers. Ishita's eyes had rage and flung daggers at the older woman. The latter instinctively stepped back a step or two. What saved her was the arrival of Subbu who informed them that his mother was called for by some member.
Subbu had spent quite an amount of time observing Ishita from the minute she had entered the kitchen. There were times where Subbu would agree that his mother over did it. There were times where he would agree that his mother revealed alot more than what was seen by the naked eye. A quality that he hated within his mother, the embarrassing quality, gave him a new hope tonight. He still had chances to have Ishita. If he walked carefully on the shards of broken pieces that were the remnants of their hearts. His mother lashing out at Ishita was both poison and elixir to his ears. He wanted to shut his mother up - the poison that were her words and at the same time he wanted to do the opposite - the elixir that were what they revealed.
He walked over to her the minute he sensed Ishita rile up. He didn't know that look, but he feared for it. It feared of the doom this moment would cause. He feared for them. And as their mother walked away, he found himself talking to Ishita for the first time in seven years. In a conversation that wasn't one-sided with him talking to her and her ignoring.
He placed the book he hid behind his back at kitchen counter and opened the album going through picture by picture. Talking about the future she knew they'd never had. The future she had spent 12 years dreaming about. Fantasizing and weaving. Perfecting. Future shattered him. And she knew that it shouldn't hurt. That it wouldn't hurt. But it did. It did hurt. And it hurt a lot. She wasted 12 years picturing a fantasy with his man. And 7 years later he still didn't care about anyone but him. He didn't notice her flinch at every word said by him. He didn't notice her move away. He just moved closer. And she mentally screamed at herself to move away, yet her legs stop frozen. At the spot they were in.
"Those are our dreams," he said.
"Those were our dreams. We're different people now," she countered.
"We're not. I'm still the same, you're still the same. Nothing has changed,"
"Everything has. We have moved on. You have your family I have mine,"
"He's not your family. He isn't the guy you spent hours fantasizing your future with. He isn't the man you go to when you have issues. He's no one. He's just the guy you married. We both know he means nothing to you. Nothing at all. Let's not kid ourselves Ishu, you know the truth,"
"I do now. I do. And you're right, he isn't you. He won't dump me like a hot potato like you did. He won't walk away. And even if he did he wouldn't leave me to the wolves. You let me go. You ended this. We agreed. We would end the minute you let me go, and you did."
"Again with the self-pity. Is this about his accepting you despite you issues? Why are you with him? Because of the kid?"
"The same reason you married Nalini. How different are we really?"
And with that she walked away, leaving behind the man who left her alone all those years ago.
Ishita didn't know for how long she stood behind the pillar that she gripped with all she had in her. Or how hard she gripped it. All she knew twas that she needed her husband. She needed his embrace. She needed for him to tell her that it would be okay. That she just had another three and a half weeks to go with the family. That they'd return to their haven after all of this. And when she did find him he did none. He was walking past the pillar, probably on yet another break that she gripped his arm and pulled him towards her. She noticed his strength as he armed himself to take an aim at whoever dared to grab his arm. And in the fraction of a second later she felt the strength disappear. He must have sensed her. They had that. The connection. She pulled him towards her and crashed right into his arms.
"Ishita,"
She hadn't uttered a word. She had just grabbed him and hung herself on him. All forgotten she had locked herself in his embrace. It was unconventional, even for her. But in that moment she needed his warmth. She needed the comfort his arms around hers provided. She just needed the illusion of love that moment would give.
He hadn't uttered a word. She felt his composure loosen as his body moulded hers into it. Not a word. As his arms encircled her waist. As he pulled her closer. As she breathed in his scent, letting herself know that it was okay. That it was fine. As her arms wrapped around his torso. As she placed her forehead on his well toned chest. And as he pressed his lips against her crown, enclosing her in his protective hold, she was home. And nothing else mattered and nothing ever would.
Raabta.
#happiness @hismadrasan 
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
1.2k