Curves and Edges - IshRa OS

Curves and Edges

"I hate him. Except for all the places where I love him half to death."
Charlotte Stein, Make Me

"I want you all to myself. If that makes me petty, so be it."

- Richard Castle to Kate Beckett

The nerve of that man, it is positive she is never forgiving Raman Kumar Bhalla!

How dare he? How absolutely dare he lie to her?

Did it not occur to him once how scared she would be once she gets the news of something, anything at all happening to him? How could anyone be so stupid, so immature, such an imbecile?

She is furious, livid with him and will not ever forgive him. She will never talk to him no matter what he does - scream, yell or beg of her. This time even Ruhi will not be able to change her mind.

She almost had a heart attack learning he had an accident and all of it was a lie!

Can this man be never serious in his life? Is it so god damn hard to take things seriously in life, at least things that matter? Does he think everything is a joke?

He says he loves her and makes it a joke, she gets cured of an allergy yet he makes fun of her...he says the most obnoxious things to her at time s but she always takes it in her stride and forgives him. She knows he is a little bitter when it comes to his tongue but his heart...it holds no malice for her.

That heart of his makes her overlook each and every folly of the man.

She knows no one is perfect, she never wanted or expected perfection; she had once made the assumption, the mistake of considering a man perfect - for her and he broke her heart. He showed her when it mattered his imperfection lay in the cowardice that she discovered at the moment she needed him the most, until then she had never even found a defect in him. He had been her one and done but once she saw what a mistake she made she vowed to never repeat it. Thereafter she never looked for perfection in her life, whenever Amma arranged a meeting with a prospective groom - she merely seeked acceptance and understanding.

Marriage with Raman never even seemed like a possibility on the horizon, she had not even dreamt of it in her wildest dreams until Appa spoke of the proposal to her. She had declined this man outright within a nanosecond and for a reason! He was the most heartless, cruel, insensitive human being to have walked the earth in her mind.

With time, things changed her perspective, her opinion of him or perhaps he was the one who changed himself thereby influencing his impression on her mind - but today he stands back once again in that same place - he is heartless, cruel and insensitive and she hates him even more than she has ever hated him!

How could he do this to her? Does he not realize the very thought of anything happening to him now is enough to scare her half to death and here he just did that.

She has forgiven him for all his mistakes and taunts, for all he put through but he is not earning her forgiveness this time around at all. No way in hell is he getting away with this one.

With tears in her eyes and anger clouding her mind she finally parks her car in the compound and rushes upstairs ignoring the calls of someone calling after her, she cannot be sure but one of them sounded like Bala jiju and the other one like Akka. She does not want to talk to anyone now; she does not want to see anyone at this moment. She wants to be alone - to cry, to yell, to take out her anger.

She is inside her home and in her room in a moment and as soon as she crosses that threshold, she shuts the door behind her and slumps against it.

She does not know how long she stays there but eventually her knees go weak and she sinks to the floor. Bitter tears flow from her eyes as she hides her face resting her hands on her knees and she sobs her heart out.

Once there are no more tears, she finally looks around the room that has been her abode in this home since the day she married.

Getting up from the floor, she decides to take a shower and change lest Ruhi see her in this state.

It is when she sees his pictures on the wall above the bed her anger gets the better of her and before she knows what she is doing, she starts throwing around the clothes from the cupboard haphazardly; she makes a mess of the bed, throws his books from the shelves.

She is surprised when she feels his hand gripping her wrist as he stops her. Looking at him in the flesh her anger knows no bounds.

"Leave my hand Raman."

"I won't...you, you are bleeding Ishita. You have cut your palm, so stop all of this right now."

"I said leave me and you need not worry about me."

She jerks her hand free and moves to get away from him when he takes a hold of her suddenly and pins her to the wall. The move infuriates her even more as she tries to push him away from her making his resolution stronger as he eliminates the miniscule distance between them as he presses her against the wall taking advantage of his strength.

"Leave me Raman, let go off me."

"I won't."

"Raman I am warning you don't make me do something drastic."

"Like what huh scream for help? The door is locked no one would be able to get in and even if someone manages to open it what would they see - the two of us - a husband and wife fighting and in a compromising position, you think anyone would interfere after that?"

It occurs to her she merely shut the door behind her and never locked it, a precaution that her husband seems to have taken. She stops her thrashing but the anger in her eyes, on her face does not lessen by a degree.

"It depends on how they interpret it - they may see what you said or they may see a man using his brute strength against a woman he has held against her will."

Her words take him by surprise and for a moment, his grip on her arms slackens. He looks hurt and shocked but can see that she is hurt and angry with him. He had already seen her cry once she was safe and in his arms - at first because she was scared, for him, and later as she was hurt but seeing her red puffy eyes, her face that makes it evident that her tears didn't stop even when she went leaving him alone on the street.

He had no idea a prank would put her in danger; a desperate desire to talk to her would end up in the way it did. He has been dying to find out if he at all matters to her but it never struck him that she would be so panic-stricken. Watching her reaction to the possibility of something happening to him has shaken him completely. He felt he held perhaps no importance in her life but the way she hugged him, sobbed and was concerned for him unhinged him in a moment. He had felt it in the hospital - the very thought of losing her and that shook him up so completely; he should have known she would fare no better if the places were reversed. He wanted to make up with her for fighting with her again instead circumstances that he never imagined cropped up and she ended up almost kidnapped today.

How do things always turn out against them, why is it so hard for them? He wonders to himself.

He knows had something happened to her he would have never been able to live with himself. Not a few days back he was scared out of his mind when she fainted, when she had to be admitted to the hospital where he learned so many things about her - the biggest being she suffered from stomach TB. When the doctor said it could be a relapse, he had felt the wind knocked out of him.

Watching her still form in that ICU ward has been one of the most horrifying and painful experiences of his life. He had been unable to do anything to help her in any way.

All he has wanted to do since then is take her in his arms and when the moment, the opportunity presented itself today, when she came in his arms on her own all he could do was feel the shock of the moment as the mere thought of losing her scared him into stillness.

The moment that he awaited for days materialized but he tainted it with his guilt.

Had he been a moment too late he might have missed seeing the kidnappers the very idea scares him enough to tighten his grip on her. However, he cannot help himself and hence with all the solemnity that he can muster asks her,

"Do you really think I would ever hurt you?"

"You already did, with your lies and that stupid joke."

"I never meant that Ishita, if I had known something like this would happen I wouldn't have done it. You don't think I would resort to anything that can endanger you even in my dreams."

"You didn't want to endanger me, but you did hurt me Raman...I am fed up okay, so just let me go...Ruhi may be coming home...I want to leave."

"Until we finish this talk you aren't going anywhere."

"I am done Raman, I am completely done with this and I don't wanna talk to you so leave me."

"I won't."

"Raman...I would really yell for help."

"Do that..."

"Raman, I am serious."

"As am I, go ahead shout."

"Why do you enjoy spectacles?"

"I don't."

"Then leave me."

"I can't."

"Why, so you can give me a lame reason to excuse you or perhaps what blackmail me into letting this go like you did when you came home drunk from that bachelor party?"

"I would do nothing of the sort, so be assured I am about to resort to none of those."

"I don't care okay; I am not interested in anything you have to say cant you get that?"

"I just want to say one thing Ishita."

"Whatever it is I already said I am not interested Raman."

She reattempts to free herself when he pushes her back against the wall and this time as he does so he leans into her as he places his forehead against her temple before whispering in the softest of voices to her,

"Ishita I am sorry. I am really, really am sorry please forgive me."

She does not know if it is his words, their stance, or the sincerity dripping from his voice that gets to her, all she knows is - the fight drains from her body as she closes her eyes shut tightly to hold back the tears that will not stop.

He realizes she is sobbing when he feels the tremor of her body as he feels the wetness of her tears that land upon his cheek and it kills him to see her in this state. As a reflex or perhaps because he knows now he can do this, without hesitation or fear he follows his instinct and kisses her tears away.

His lips trail over her cheeks when she stills with a gasp. Gently he traces the curve of her lashes with his lips as he releases her arms and draws back from her. Unable to help himself he stays locked in his position as his arms hold her waist.

"Why do you have to do this always Raman? Why do you have to make a joke of such a thing? Did it even occur to you how scared I got on learning that horrible news?"

"I didn't realize you would get kidnapped Ishita, I swear."

"That is not what I am asking you. Why did you have to play such a juvenile prank? How could you of all people not even realize what you were doing?"

"Because I stopped thinking alright, I stopped thinking."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to talk to you and you weren't at all willing to talk to me."

"I was mad at you because you hurt me Raman! What were you expecting? This does not give you an excuse to resort to something like this though!"

"I know, I know it's my mistake but you were ignoring me Ishita."

"What was I supposed to do then after your accusations. You assumed I would lie to you when in fact it was you who had Mihir lie to me today."

"I didn't ask Mihir to lie today alright! However, you left me no other option. I made a mistake today but you have been ignoring me for days now. My mind stopped working and I didn't mind Mihir lying, I did whatever I could to see if I matter to my wife."

His outburst has her genuinely puzzled.

"What are you even saying? I...I...ignored you, when?"

"Don't play dumb with me Ishita."

"I don't know what are you even talking about here or is this some way of yours to put the blame of this entire incident on me huh?"

"The hell I am making this up. I am talking about your precious Mani, your best friend, your savior - the one person who seems to have become the center of your universe."

"Mani? What has he got to do with any of this Raman?"

"He has got everything to do with it. Ever since he has came all you do is talk to him, talk about him, you take his help in each and every matter. You go out for coffees and dinners with him. Where have you got the time for me?"

"I...Raman if I asked his help for something it's only because he is my friend and we have went for dinners and coffees twice precisely."

"But he seems to have made himself a fixture in our lives since he arrived."

"That is because he has no one here Raman, he is all alone."

"And you and your family are the only people he has here?"

"Yes."

"Oh please I know he has a son. Why doesn't he stay with him huh, in fact I wonder when he does that seeing that all his time is either spent on business or here?"

"A son... Mani isn't even married Raman."

"That kid fought with Ruhi in school Ishita don't tell me your best friend doesn't even share such a huge thing about him with you when he apparently knows all about you."

"That kid isn't his son Raman, Nirvaan is his nephew, he is the son of Mani' older brother Kartik Anna, Mani is the guardian of Anna' children now since Anna and his wife they aren't around. Do you remember the flight that disappeared last year?"

"The Malaysian airlines one, what has that got to do with this?"

"Anna was on that flight with his wife Raman, his kids are with Mani now and he relocated to India because he has us here as friends and family. Mani is all alone. His Amma, Appa had no siblings, and hence he has no cousins or any close family to rely on. All he has is us and he is trying to help his niece and nephew as much as he can to adapt to Delhi but he gets lonely with no one and so he comes here."

"He has a niece too?"

"Yes about Adi' age and in his class too."

"Fine...I get it, I feel sorry for the man but it doesn't mean I have to like him."

"What is your problem with him Raman?"

"God you are still asking me this? Unbelievable, okay since you want me to spell it out to you - I hate him, I hate that you rely on him, share things with him; he knows more about you than I do. I hate that man."

"Raman...you... if he knows about me it's because we have known each other almost all our lives but it doesn't mean anything. You are my husband and he is my best friend, I have known him longer but it doesn't mean I am undermining you."

"That is what exactly what you have been doing."

"You really think so?"

"Yes...you...you would have shared with me Ishita - your issues, your problems...forget everything else you never said anything to me about such a huge thing too. I seemed such a fool when I heard your best friend rattle off facts about you I had no idea off. You never told me you had TB. You knew you shouldn't fast and yet you did, you endangered yourself and for what, some traditions as if your life means nothing compared to them?"

"I didn't realize my fasting would make me end up in the hospital Raman...I just wanted to do everything like mummyji in her absence."

"God you must be the dumbest woman on this planet! You idiot did mummy or I ever impose you to follow these traditions at the cost of your health? How could you hide such a huge thing from me Ishita?"

"It never came up alright!"

"It never came up because we had no idea you had a medical history that we would need to know."

"What exactly do you think made me infertile Raman?"

The silence that follows makes him realize exactly what she means, her infertility was a consequence of the TB she suffered.

He had known about her infertility of course, but it never occurred to him to ask her about it - at first because he could not be bothered about it and later because he did not know how to broach the subject. How could he have asked her regarding something so personal, so sensitive without hurting her feelings, especially when they do not talk? Not matters like these at least.

He backtracks and sinks on the bed and realizes it is a mess. Instead of a smooth seating area, he ends up sitting on something hard. As he gets up from the place he realizes he sat on a biography he was reading last week and picks it up.

She gets flustered to notice the state of the room in a calmer state of mind as she finally meets his eye.

Instead of a barb that she expected from him, he says something that has a smile come on her face involuntarily.

"Remind me to be never in the room when you are angry...one of these things might hit me...and between the two of us at least one of us has to have the looks that don't scare anyone."

"Don't worry a book or two can't do any more damage ..."

"Excuse me?" He asks her with a cocked eyebrow.

"When it comes to you, your mouth is more than enough to do the scaring away part."

With his comment he had meant to lighten the mood, for both their sakes...the realization of the repercussions of her TB has shaken him badly. He does not know how to comfort her still when it comes to this subject; anything he may say now might sound as platitude to her or worse sympathy especially given that they still have miles to cover.

He does not want her to think he pities her or anything of the sort because that is further away from the truth than she can even imagine. However, they aren't there yet, he can feel it in his bones, they would talk of this one day - a day when he can comfort her and be there for her without making her conscious or hurting her, a day when she would confide in him on her own, by her free will.

They would cross the bridge when it comes to it. Today however they need to tackle other issues. Therefore, he starts by asking her the most obvious question.

"Do you really mean that?"

"Don't you know you have anger issues?"

He nods his head as he licks his dry lips before continuing,

"I didn't mean to scare you; I should have stopped Mihir when he was being an idiot."

"The issue isn't owing to Mihir Raman, it's because you didn't believe me. I was teasing you because you spoiled my surprise but you...You behaved so rudely with me."

"I was upset."

"When are you not Raman?"

"Look...I...I wasn't thinking Ishita...not clearly."

"Not thinking and not trusting are two different things Raman."

He swallows a lump, closing his eyes as he recalls Mani' words to him - Ishita is no Shagun, his issues with trusting women in general and doesn't know what makes him say the words he does next but he speaks up,

"Shagun used to be very friendly with Ashok as well and it didn't occur to me until I had reality slap me in the face what was going on."

Her breath catches when she hears him finish and a silence settles for a while which she breaks,

"I won't cheat on you Raman...I had hoped you knew enough of me by now."

He finally looks at her then,

"I know you wouldn't...but once bitten, twice shy."

"In that case I have been bitten once as well, not in a similar manner of course but you cannot keep comparing people with the same yardstick Raman or else you would never move on. You will always be stuck in the same place and the only thing, the only outcome of that is you end up as your worst enemy. The ones that left you, they don't bother to see the ruins Raman...but the ones that stay by you, how is it fair to them that you punish them for some crime they never committed?"

He has a half smile on his face as he stares at her; it amazes him time and again - the goodness of this woman, her heart and her maturity. He may make fun of her at times call her all sorts of names from stupid to idiot among other things but he knows...she is merely silly at times, but when it counts, she is his guiding light, the one he relies on.

"I am beginning to learn that."

She gathers a small pile of stuff assembled towards the foot of the bed and dumps it on the couch as he looks on.

He sees her then moving towards the drawers beside the cupboard and take out the first-aid kit. Silently he sits on the bed as she takes her place across him and starts applying an antiseptic to clean his wounds on his forehead followed by his cheek.

He hisses in pain and she gentles her hand.

When she is applying an antibiotic to his wound, she starts speaking up,

"Mani has grown up with me Raman...I share things with him because he is a friend...but it was not my idea to hurt you or make you feel less about yourself..."

"What else am I supposed to feel if you ask him to help you out on any and every matter?"

"How am I supposed to talk to you when you get angry all the time?"

"That's not strictly true. Tell me one incident other than last night when I didn't hear you."

"Yesterday morning...you got angry with me when I spoke to you about those reports."

"They were matters regarding other people Ishita why should they matter to us?"

"They shouldn't and I know it, but that report came to our home Raman, if not you who else was I supposed to say that too?"

"I can't become a social worker like you."

"It's not a matter of social service it was just a problem of mismanagement and do you know who solved it?"

"You did of course."

"No, Romi did."

"Romi really...?"

"Yes, he suggested we go to the clinic and let them know about the blunder they made."

"Impressive, that idiot can actually use that pea-sized brain of his."

"Raman, see this is your problem you underestimate everyone, you call everyone these names and you don't listen, which Romi did. He solved the matter in an instant. You should learn how to be patient from him sometimes."

"I should learn from Romi? Are you serious?"

"You can learn from anyone and everyone Raman; you never know what and who might help you where, you never know what might come handy someday."

When the band-aids are applied, she makes a move to get up when he holds her hand to stop her and takes the first-aid kit from her hand.

Silently he takes her left hand in his and notices a cut above her wrist and starts cleaning it.

"May I have my gift now?"

"I thought you didn't want it."

"It is meant for me."

"It was always meant to be yours; you just had to accept it."

"I realize that now and so don't mind claiming what is mine. So may I have my gift?"

As soon as he is done, she gets up from the bed, moves towards the cupboard and opens the drawer containing the case of his bracelet. Silently she makes her way towards him and hands him the box.

He opens it and sees she is about to move to start organizing the room so he stops her,

"Won't you help me wear it?"

She is pleasantly surprised when he asks it of her but doesn't let on how much it means to her that he is about to wear her gift.

Taking her former position on the bed, she removes the bracelet from its box and places it on his wrist. He turns it around for her so that she may clasp it easily as his eyes never leave her face,

"It's lovely."

"Thank you."

"Shouldn't I be the one thanking you?"

"That's ok you wore it once, it's enough for me."

"Once...? I am never taking this off Ishita."

"You don't have to do that if you don't like it Raman."

"What makes you think I didn't like it?"

"I took Mani' help to select this so..."

"I...I am sorry for last night Ishita."

"I asked for Mani' help only because I wanted to surprise you Raman...and I called him because Bala jiju was busy and Appa had taken Amma for her regular check-up. I have not purchased things for any men apart from Appa or jiju and their choices I know but I was confused as to what to get for you. That's why I called on Mani; you turn to friends when you can't turn to anyone else."

It hits him all over again the realization that he should not let his past color his future or his present. He wants to say so much to her but words fail him.

He sees she has started clearing the room and so he does the only thing he can for the moment. He gets up and starts helping her clear the mess with a single line.

"You made a mess of the room because I got you upset, the least I can do is help you set is straight."

They work together in silence restoring things to the places they belong to stealing glances of one another. Once the place looks like it should the door to their room opens as she makes way to the washroom to change and get on with her work while he changes in their room.

The day ends much like their other days and she retires on the couch but he stays awake watching her from the bed; his mind a riot of all that he heard today and all that he witnessed. Sleep at last conquers him owing to exhaustion.

In his dreams she is in his arms, much as she was earlier in the day; however this time around there are no tears in her eyes. In his dreams, she is smiling and happy, professing her love to him, the love he felt today and as she does so, he replies to her in kind, as he does what he has been yet unable to do.

In his dreams, he fulfills the ardent longing of his heart as he captures her smiling lips with his and she allows him that with all her heart as she kisses him back with just as much love.

it was lovely! you are a wonderful writer and its always a treat to read your work 😊