De-constructing the molestation track of YHM

First let me start with things I thought the show did well during this track:

• The build-up to Ishita's realisation. She shared a beautiful and comfortable relationship with her sister's husband and could never have imagined her nanand's husband would turn out to be such a pervert. It started out with her finding his touches inappropriate but being unsure about whether this was intentional. Fairly realistic. Her suspicions are confirmed at the mall and she basically just stonewalls him - refusing to even engage in a conversation.
  
• When he crosses the limit she does not hesitate for even a minute. She takes the natural step - talks to the women of the house. Pointing out that women do have an instinct and know when they are being touched in an inappropriate manner. I thought that was a very sensible and emotionally uncharged manner of trying to reasonably present her perspective
• Toshi and Simmi refusing to believe her, claiming this sort of stuff doesn't happen in THEIR house, supporting Param and instead accusing Ishita of having a dirty mind, hushing the matter, and warning Ishita to not tell her husband... were all realistically portrayed. A sad mirror to our society.
  
• The way the moments replayed in Ishita's head - they didn't do what most serials do which is flashback the thing again and again and again. The first time it happened was bad enough. Using the still shots/photographs technique was a sensitive way of portraying what was going through Ishita's mind without the incident being exploited as it used to be in 90s movies for the purposes of titillation
  
• Ishita talking to her sister about her situation. Again - point well made. Just because the people you first confide in don't listen to you or want you to shut up does not mean you should. Seek help again, talk to someone else and ask for their advice. Perspective is hard in situations like this so an objective opinion from someone not directly related with the issue is not a bad idea
• The portrayal of Sarika - she was a victim and they showed how when one victim does not speak there is another victim and another and another. Yet there is also a reason why victims don't come forward - because of the kind of retaliation they have to face from the guilty person without the support of their workplace, the police system, the judicial system, and sometimes even their family members and friends.
  

But I feel a lot of the good work the show did at the starting of the track was undone by the manner in which they handled the climax of the track. In particular, I have many issues with Raman's behaviour during this track:

1. He claims to have known Ishita was innocent and Param dodgy. Well, he certainly did not behave in a manner that indicates that. Fine, he wants to read the texts she supposedly sent. But he then proceeds to vocalise what the texts say/imply, fueling Simmi's anger even more and letting her slap Ishita. He lets the entire family rant and rave at the person he apparently knows is innocent instead of diffusing the situation. Even if you don't leap to someone's defense you can tell everyone to calm down right?

Fine, he doesn't stop Ishita leaving the house because it is difficult to get his family to think straight, because they may think he is biased, because he is worried about his sister, and because Ishita's probably going to be safer at her parents anyway. But then he does not at all contact Ishita from his mobile to her landline, or by secretly going over, to reassure her that yes, he believes her and will do all he can. He's always yelled at Ishita for not keeping him up to date about various things on the mobile yet now he couldn't send a single word of sympathy or understanding to his traumatised wife? You wanted to know she was ok that day of the riots right? So where now did her right to know you are on her side go?

2. Also, let's say he wanted to first gather all "evidence" to prove a point to his family without raising Ishita's hopes that he can help her. Well, I'm sorry to say Raman may have become a CEO but he has zero clue about how to provide his audience the information they need to be convinced by his argument. Simply asking someone to say they are guilty won't help. Nor will his family be able to digest the words of a victim they don't even know when they didn't even believe their own DIL! But showing the phone calls Param made from his phone to Sarika's at all odd hours? Or pointing out the timing of Ishita's "texts" and the fact that she didn't have her phone? Or questioning why this is the second time Param has had this accusation thrown at him? Or actually saying that HE himself has overheard Param threatening Sarika. They don't have to believe Ishita or Sarika. But do they think HE would lie? Yes, maybe those things would have helped just a little bit.

3. He gave an entire meandering speech about the plight of The Indian Woman which is all well and great but how about making some concrete points: like what if Rinki had told them what Ishita did? Would they still have not believer her? Would he still have been as conflicted about what to do and who to support? Would he have even for a second let Param continue his charade till he could gather some "concrete" evidence. And anyway is Ruhi safe in the house with a molester living there? What if one day Ruhi comes home complaining about a boy who touches her inappropriately? Will Toshi and Simmi shut her up and say ke yeh sab hamari ghar ki ladkiyon ke saath nahin hota.

4. Going on about his man-pain and anguish at getting stuck between his family and his wife. Yelling at her asking her if she is happy because she now has justice but what about his sister? Telling off her family for detesting him and his family because of what they did to Ishita. Questioning Bala about his loyalty to Ishita. Completely unacceptable behaviour.

What did he want Ishita to say? Sorry for ruining your sister's life? Well she didn't. Her husband did that all on his own. Sorry for not telling you about Param? Well she tried to tell your mom and sister. And somehow she actually wanted to tell you despite your dodgy track record in the Mihika MMS scandal (perhaps because somehow you were right that time). W*F do you think all those 20 missed calls were about dude? And is it not remotely understandable that once she did get you on the phone her sensibility told her that this conversation would be better face-to-face? And after narrowly escaping the way she did is it not HER choice to decide that enough is enough - this matter has to come out in the open right this instant once and for all. You were not the one molested buddy so it is not your prerogative to feel insulted at not being trusted with that information.

What did he want Mrs. Iyer to say? Sorry for the regret I vocalised at giving my precious daughter to your family? Well she has the right to regret - to date Ishita has always been misunderstood first and then grudgingly thanked later. And now when she needed support she discovered that apparently the road of kindness+understanding is indeed a one-way street in Bhalla House.

What did he want Bala to say? Sorry for standing up for Ishu and telling you what needed to be told. I had no right to say anything because my mother happens to be a cruel woman (which is worse than being an ungrateful AND cruel woman apparently). Never mind that Bala actually is more a pillar of support to Ishita than her own husband has been to date. Never mind that Bala has time and again TRIED to give Raman the benefit of the doubt and encouraged Ishita to do the same. Never mind that Bala refuses to encourage his mother's cruelty unlike Raman who encourages and even provokes his mother's taunts towards "these Madrasis", especially when he wants Ishita to get a telling-off just cause she annoyed him.

Yes these Iyers should be the ones to feel sorry for him, apologise to him, feel sorry for his sister, apologise to his sister etc even though HE has NEVER apologised for his own often wrong and always harsh words to Ishita. Yes, THEY should apologise for saying and doing what was completely right in that situation even though he and his family were the ones who did everything wrong.

5. Don't even get me start on the insensitive off-hand comments about Ishita padi rahoing at her baap's house for all he cares because he did all he could and no one should expect any more. About his totally double-standard patriarchal attitude when he claimed that she should have come back to the house quietly instead of "insulting" his father by refusing to return to the place where she was molested, disbelieved, accused and slapped and then grudgingly given "justice" but not without some snide comments about how she and her family are the ones who should feel bad and guilty about this whole situation.


I know everyone will have some justification or the other ready in Raman's defense. Honestly, it's not needed. I think Raman has been consistently portrayed as a broken man and he's not magically going to be a well-adjusted, decent human being without undergoing trials and tribulations and making mistakes and learning from them (even though it is damn frustrating seeing him make the same stupid ones over and over without progress).

My entire issue is with the writers who let Raman have his moment of wallowing in man-pain and angsty helplessness. Who let Raman blather on about how society should and shouldn't treat Indian Women when the next moment he acts in exactly the same patronising, and self-centred patriarchal manner he denounces... all for the sake of portraying an anguished, complex, real life man. But they did not counter all these issues we just saw with sane voices in the climax and the denoument of the track.

When Raman is yelling at the Iyers as though he has done some "mahaan" kaam by getting Param jailed and making them feel bad for the ethical dilemma he was put in why did Bala or Ishita not retort back and POINT OUT any of his hundred mistakes that I just listed above. I don't need Raman to be a perfect guy on this show. All I want is that when he acts like a jerk, ESPECIALLY in this particular situation, someone (my preference would be Ishita or Bala) should at least present the counter-point to him. Someone should show him the mirror - tell him that actions may be greater than words but that doesn't mean words don't hurt. Someone should ask him how he can give a women-empowerment type bhaashan but then return back to the kind of language he uses for Ishita not to mention return back to expecting her to behave in the manner always expect of women in Indian society (ie forgive and forget, move on, come back, listen to your father in law, think of your daughter and your family, not expect a sorry or thanks or kind word from your husband, keep being the sacrificing aadarsh bahu).

Excellent post. Good points.

its indeed a very good observation. Each and every point that you mentioned was absolutely correct.

Fantastic post, dear Parul.
Keep writing!

Amazingly well written post Parul and I cant help but second you

👏

OMG!! These are exactly my thoughts too! He behaved as if Parmeet turning out to be a pervert and that his sister married to this pervert is Ishita's fault! Plus doesn't he realize that his loyalty to Ishita is more important that discussing Bala's loyalty to her? (Ishita being Raman's wife!)

Thanks for making this post ... You have most eloquently expressed all that have been plaguing me ever since that climactic epi of this molestation track ... 👏