De-constructing the molestation track of YHM - Page 2

OMG, I agree with you completely and hence have come out of my stalking phase. This is my first post in the YHM forum, but I have been stalking it for a long long while. I like the show and how things are going usually, but sometimes it is too rushed. I don't know if it's the trps or what, but a well paced track was culminated in a very hurried fashion. And people just made big speeches in the end. I couldn't understand how can you defend and insult a person at the same time. It definitely takes talent to do so. On one hand Raman is giving long speeches about the fact that women go through such things and the fact that his mom and sis should be understanding and on the other hand he accuses Ishita of spoiling his sister's life. How did she spoil her life? Initially I felt that it was his inability to convey his emotions that caused him to react this way. But, after watching Thursday's episode I was completely confused. It started off with Raman exposing (if you can call it that) Param and then getting Param slapped by himself and Ishita. Till then it was ok, but even when that was happening, Raman was a little out of character, because usually Raman is very possesive. But here he kept referring to Ishita's plight as plight of various women out there. To be honest when someone close to you is affected by something , that is your main concern. You don't care if millions of people go through it or not, but the thought is so overwhelming that nothing else matters. The fact that another man had tried to molest his wife was somehow lost. Something was not connecting. his actions and words were not matching. Anyways, he finally gets him arrested. After that he goes to see him off and returns fuming. The heat of the moment justifies that. But, he is angry at everyone. And now he goes into huge speech of how it was very difficult. I get that, but then he asks Ishita if she is happy now? But, what about his sister's ruined life? what does that even mean? Just minutes ago he was saying that such heinous crimes get committed and that such things shouldn't happen. And now he is blaming the victim. This didn't make any sense. And instead of having even a sliver of sympathy for Ishu, he keeps asking for understanding and sympathy for himself and his blind family. Even though Ishu never really blamed him vocally. All she displayed was hurt and that too only through her eyes. She didn't give her long speeches. I can understand he was hurt about the fact that she didn't tell him about it earlier, but how did he not put 2 and 2 together. She had called him, and she was sad and tensed. Why didn't he realize that her state of mind wasn't perfect. Anyways, it was still be ok and in character to some extent. Because Raman is the eternal broken soul. But, I didn't connect with Ishu after this at all. Romi and Mr. Senior Bhalla came and apologized and asked her to come home. She gave weird reasons for not going back. And finally a single sorry from Raman melts her. And Raman apologized for not protecting her or something. That is so weird. because she can't be angry for that. I would think the main reason for not going back should be that people didn't trust her and insulted her and questioned her morality. And if I remember correctly the people who insulted her and threw her out were infact Mrs Bhalla and Simmi. Moreover, even after believing her they were accusing her of destroying Simmi's life. But, instead of sharing her turmoils and her frustration and her dilemma and how his words hurt him. She apologizes for destroying Simmi's life. It's fine if she apologizes, but she should have explained herself and Bala too. She could have given the reason you so eloquently mentioned in your post. But, no we get a silly out of place laughing fest. It was very out of place.

May be I just can't relate to these characters sometimes, but it's just weird. Raman still doesn't respect Ishita. He can give speeches lamenting her, but it seems like elocution. He doesn't seem to mean it. It's mostly just show off. The base is there, but the execution is off sometimes. Feels like a play, where people are preaching for the sake of preaching. But their actions don't match their words.

I have been a silent member. I read spoilers and decide if i want to see the episode. I know the story but don't watch each episode although I do like the ishra pair. I do not have a preference between two. I read ff's sometimes.

@TM, although i am a little biased towards ramans character, but this time i really have no words to support him and i second your every words and do agree that his investigation was indeed flimsy and raw😡

When I saw Raman ka insaaf wala episode, I felt like the dialogue writer has gone through all women empowerment speeches and picked up three lines from each, stuffing it in one page and voila Raman's dialogues for the day is ready. I was literally laughing after listening to his speech, do made up and artificial it was, but the cherry on top was Raman questioning Ishita that what he is to do with his sister as her life is now ruined, and I was like really Raman ek molestor ke saath sari zindagi reh kar teri behen ka kya bhala ho jata??. Today Parmeet behaving nicely with Simmi b'cos he had his eyes on Sasural's bank account. Tommorow if he gets a wealthy girl with rich family background ready to support him financially, wouldn't he have kicker Simmi out??? There's a saying once bitten twice shy. Inspire the fact that Parmeet swindled the money from Raman by lying to him and gave only 1/4 of the amount to hav Sarika keep the silence, doesn't he realize that Simmi is better off without Parmeet, who could never remain loyal to his sister

so all you think Raman was fault at all his points.no. He did the best thing anyone can do.do you want him to give husband support then she should have been tell truth to him.how many tries he did,phone call mihir and jail out.he blamed her for not ruining Simmi's life but mentality who doesn't believe Raman how could she believe rinki.Raman give the right view about bala.Onemore thing bala supported Ishita after knowing she is good.but Raman stands her even he doesn't like her.I agree 'that's all I can do' is attitude sentence but soon he agreed his mistake say sorry to Ishita.mrs bhalla is wrong but she have guts to agree her mistakes.she said simmi is her priority she can do anything for her thats why she send off Ishita.Raman told appa that its his family matter so rest it.means he considered Ishita also a family member.I expect he'll say if he is damad,she is bahu.he didn't say it but he apologized for it.he trusted her thats why he wanted to prove her innocent.

You should be a lawyer.Loved reading your post.

By the way who is rinki?

Ishita and her family knew what she is getting into.

Ishita had a choice not to be involved with such a family who are complex.

Yet she entered that house thinking she can teach him a lesson and bring a change. She almost succeeded with her charity acts like taking care of everybody with a smiling face until Param started his games. And raman showed his charity by saving his wife from staying at her mayka for some more days. She will face more problems and her main problem will always be raman rather than others.

Originally posted by: leavesandwaves

You should be a lawyer.Loved reading your post.

By the way who is rinki?

Rinki is Ramans sister, youngest of Bhalla kids i guess.

Thanks all for reading the post (despite its length!) and sharing your perspectives.

Originally posted by: Loveforlife

OMG!! These are exactly my thoughts too! He behaved as if Parmeet turning out to be a pervert and that his sister married to this pervert is Ishita's fault! Plus doesn't he realize that his loyalty to Ishita is more important that discussing Bala's loyalty to her? (Ishita being Raman's wife!)

Superb points!! Hats off! 👏

I think at that point Bala or another Iyer should have responded. That's what I really wanted.

Originally posted by: expectappu

I like the show and how things are going usually, but sometimes it is too rushed. I don't know if it's the trps or what, but a well paced track was culminated in a very hurried fashion. And people just made big speeches in the end. I couldn't understand how can you defend and insult a person at the same time. It definitely takes talent to do so.

LOL so true XD

Originally posted by: expectappu

To be honest when someone close to you is affected by something , that is your main concern. You don't care if millions of people go through it or not, but the thought is so overwhelming that nothing else matters. The fact that another man had tried to molest his wife was somehow lost. Something was not connecting. his actions and words were not matching.

It did feel very detached. Sure they are not very close but surely he should have conveyed some iota of personal grief? He felt more bad for Simmi than anything. Even when he went to say sorry... actually he was more relieved that Ishita let him and his family off lightly and he didn't have to engage in an actual real conversation about the situation and how she felt about it. He made it all about how HE feels bad about not being there to protect the mother of his child. Not about what trauma Ishita as a human being felt, how betrayed his reaction would have made her feel as his wife, how confused she must feel about returning when she knows his sister and his mother still blame her. But right now Raman doesn't think about other people's feelings. Though he is learning to think about Roohi's.

Originally posted by: expectappu

I can understand he was hurt about the fact that she didn't tell him about it earlier, but how did he not put 2 and 2 together. She had called him, and she was sad and tensed. Why didn't he realize that her state of mind wasn't perfect. Anyways, it was still be ok and in character to some extent. Because Raman is the eternal broken soul.

Yeah, we've seen time and again that in his grief and bitterness Raman has turned self-centred. He never thinks about his family, never used to think about Roohi, how will he spare a thought for Ishita. It's only random incidents that he manages to come out of his fog of self-pity. Luckily for Roohi he is trying to be consistently decent in front of and for her at least.

Originally posted by: expectappu

But, I didn't connect with Ishu after this at all. Romi and Mr. Senior Bhalla came and apologized and asked her to come home. She gave weird reasons for not going back. And finally a single sorry from Raman melts her. And Raman apologized for not protecting her or something. That is so weird. because she can't be angry for that. I would think the main reason for not going back should be that people didn't trust her and insulted her and questioned her morality. And if I remember correctly the people who insulted her and threw her out were infact Mrs Bhalla and Simmi. Moreover, even after believing her they were accusing her of destroying Simmi's life. But, instead of sharing her turmoils and her frustration and her dilemma and how his words hurt him. She apologizes for destroying Simmi's life. It's fine if she apologizes, but she should have explained herself and Bala too. She could have given the reason you so eloquently mentioned in your post. But, no we get a silly out of place laughing fest. It was very out of place.

Yes totally agree with everything you say here. It comes back to the counterpoint. We got to see Raman's frustration and angst but what about Ishita? How she is feeling in the aftemath? What are her feelings towards the Bhallas now? Is she still feeling as kindly disposed towards them or has there somewhere in a corner of her heart begun a sense of resentment. It would be natural wouldn't it? If Raman can have his flaws why cannot Ishita also not have her own issues? Especially in this case where she has just cause to have those issues! WHY and HOW are the Iyers not more affected by the ill-treatment. Is it remotely normal for their feelings to suddenly be reset back to amicability just because the guilty party is behind bars. If we get to see a complex and realistically conflicted reaction from Raman why were the Iyers not given the same luxury? Why did Ishita not have the same luxury? It was far too quick a forgiveness for Raman's family. No one can be that accepting and understanding in real life but unfortunately in serials the bahu always has to be that way :(

Originally posted by: ashpat

I feel in order to portray Raman as conflicted between sister and wife, it overlapped what he did for Ishita. What I mean is that Raman should have just said that he was conflicted between two women and he SHOULD NOT have said are you happy now, Ishita by getting justice" in the tone that he used. He goes on how his sister's life is ruined but that is not Ishita's fault- it is param's fault. I really did NOT like how they ended it by making it seem like raman did big ehsaan on ishita. I feel they could have shown raman saying all of these but in milder tone and not being sarcastic and not be patronizing.

Toshi is the worst ever. So, she is fine with letting her daughter live with a molester and not worry about her daughter-inlaw. what if it was rinki? TOshi is 👎🏼

Agreed. Absolutely disliked the 'ehsaan' tone of the narrative in the end. Like I said above it is not inconsistent for Raman to react this way but at least SOMEONE could have fiercely responded to his rambles. We never got to see the other side's POV in the aftermath - the relief, the frustration, the dilemma of what should or shouldn't be done now, what the Iyers and Ishita's feelings are...

Originally posted by: RAMKIARCHU

@TM, although i am a little biased towards ramans character, but this time i really have no words to support him and i second your every words and do agree that his investigation was indeed flimsy and raw😡

*sigh* It was all done in such a purposefully obtuse manner to pave the way for Param's revenge via Simmi.

Originally posted by: Tia.Saigal2002

When I saw Raman ka insaaf wala episode, I felt like the dialogue writer has gone through all women empowerment speeches and picked up three lines from each, stuffing it in one page and voila Raman's dialogues for the day is ready. I was literally laughing after listening to his speech, do made up and artificial it was

Yeah, it was a bit much. In my family we all looked at each other and I said "Really!?"... all that build up for... this silly speech?.

@suseesuez and @leavesandwaves

I have no issues with the writers depicting Raman's cognitively dissonant reaction to the entire situation. Hota hai. People feel guilty about doing something wrong or letting something wrong happen when they know what the right thing to do was. People realise deep down that what they are saying is hurtful. But still they continue their behaviour and don't acknowledge their mistakes. And because they feel uncomfortable in accepting the wrong they are doing they try to shift the blame to the other party. They try to make it someone else's fault. It's not like we haven't seen Raman do this time and time and time again. Both pre-marriage and post-marriage there have been countless incidents where Ishita has acted correctly and called Raman out on his mistakes but he either refuses to accept his mistake, or scoffs and rebuffs her fairly correct observations by trivialising them as "muft ka gyaan" or "bhaashanbaazi" etc. because he doesn't want to do the necessary self-reflection. Nevertheless with Ishita influence he has had moments of realising he needs to stop some of his behaviour but it's like an uphill battle. Every. single. decent manner of behavior has to be re-taught to this embittered man.

We expect this kind of crappy behaviour from him because his family has in the past not really tried to point his galtiyaan out to him. Ever since the Shagun fiasco he's grown bitter and messed up and instead of telling him sternly to shake out of his downwards spiral his mother has mollycoddled him because as she recently said in Simmi's case as well "mujhse apne bacche ka dukh dekha nahin jaata". Basically it looks to me like Mrs Bhalla needs or wants to always "pity pamper" one or the other of her kids. Sometimes it's Raman, other times it is Romi, and now she's got Simmi to heave and sigh over. It's her parenting style but it does none of her children any favours.

The fact that there's so much complexity to these characters is great. If Raman wasn't this terribly complicated character there won't be any drama or story. BUT, and here's my main issue, there has to be a counterpoint!!! There has to someone calling such behaviour out. And there has been. At least in Raman's case Ishita has thus far served the purpose of the conscience (I have a problem with the heroines always serving this role in serials but that discussion is for another day).

But in this SO CRUCIAL molestation track... why ...WHY has the writing choice been to give implicit samarthan to Raman's angsty patriarchal dilemma and the ehsaan he did by siding one way rather than the other. It shouldn't have been left on that note. He shouldn't have had the last word because actually he is wrong on that count. Having no one respond to his completely unacceptable statements and tone of voice is a disappointing culmination of the track. The Iyers had good cause to reply back but for whatever reason the valid counter arguments they could have made were not presented to us... I felt this resulted in an incomplete dramatic conflict.

To give an idea of what I mean let me quote from this site (http://www.vcu.edu/arts/playwriting/conflict.html):

Killers of Dramatic Conflict
Dramatic conflict in plays happens between characters and it's in that dynamic where things can go wrong, draining the sources of conflict.
1. Characters agreeing about everything. In this case, they may have a warm and cozy life together, but we won't be interested.
2. Characters turning-the-other-cheek. In real life, that's a great way to reduce conflict, but that's exactly what you don't want to have happen in the theatre.
3. Characters speaking all their subtext. Spoken subtext drains the conflict between characters and inhibits character development. That's how you can end up with an argument instead of real dramatic conflict (see Chapter 15 on Subtext).

#2 is what has happened in YHM. The Iyers basically turned the other cheek. The narrative used the molestation track to have Raman play the flawed hero and to turn Simmi into the resident misguided vamp and in the process the show completely side-lined Ishita and her family's very real cause for concern.

Even if they didn't want the Iyer vs Bhalla conflict to come to a head right now in the story line and they didn't want to have some separation track that's fine. But at least don't NOT address the issue at all. Don't just ignore the wrong and hateful and completely disgusting viewpoints the hero and other characters are putting forward. Have someone say something at least!

I can not believe this show has suddenly gone into cute nok-jhok mode for Ishita and Raman. I can not believe that Ishita had no worries, no fears, no dilemma about her personal safety and future personal treatment in the Bhalla house when she returns. I cannot believe that Raman got his chance to blather on about his angst and Ishita did not get 5 min to talk about how bad she felt about being disbelieved. I cannot believe that despite everything she is mouthing lines like "I acknowledge that all this did happen because of me" to Simmi. What the heck!!! It's like the show's paani pheroed on their own good intentions. What a waste and a disappointment.