TO PROVE WORTHY
Dharani opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. Her father will come in a few minutes. She felt her Swami all around her, in her. She knew that He will guide her to the path destined for her. She felt calm, and she could almost feel her Lord whisper that nothing will happen, that irrespective of anything, her father, her Pa is always Lord Shiva. His love assured her that things will change.
She heard the bell ring through the closed door. She could hear every greeting uttered by her mother and grandmother to her father. Curse her snake ears! She closed her eyes, almost pretending to be asleep. She thanked her stars that her family never knew too much about her to detect whether she was awake or asleep. She knew her mother will come to wake her up in a minute.
Just as she expected, her mother came into the room, yelling for her to wake up. Dharani woke up with a sigh. Shouldn't her mother be happy that the problem that is Dharani is off her hands for five whole days?
"Hi kid"
Her father walked in. Dharani felt warmth, but this warmth was much lesser than the usual warmth she used to feel when her father walked in to the room. No long did she feel like he would be able to solve her problems with a simple hug, which in her point of view was very sad. Only her Pa made her feel like that.
She quickly hugged her father, after which she rushed to the bathroom to brush,, shower and get ready.
Dharani sat in silence in her lab, rocking back and forth. Dressed in complete red, she looked like Mahalakshmi. But her face was slightly creased with worry. She opened her bag, and took out the Meenakshi kumkum she always carried with her. Taking a little bit of the kumkum, she placed it on her forehead, blow her bindi.
Exactly at that time, she felt His hand, gliding over the top of her forehead, where her maang is waiting to be filled. He took some kumkum and applied it there. This action gave her the strength to go through everything, and come out successfully.
"Dharaa, a time will come when you have to rise like a phoenix does from the ashes", said Lord Narayana. "You will show the world what it means"
Dharani opened her eyes, peace filling her. A strange strength oozed through her, the very Earth sent waves of an indomitable spirit into her. She was ready. Ready to talk to her father.
She walked down the steps of the college, almost gliding. Every step of hers spoke of confidence to those outside, within, each step signified one step closer to her parents understanding her. She got into the car, and she and her father drove for a while.
"I am here to listen to your point of view", said Suresh.
"I know you are. I am glad you are. Yet I know that you and Amma will never understand what I want to say about why I failed", said Dharani.
"You never know till you try", said Suresh.
"Are you telling me you and Amma will believe it if I tell you my teachers fail me on purpose? Yes, they did. I didn't write that badly. They failed me for they wanted to get back at the fact that my HOD who is now likes me. As does the previous HOD. What can I do? They punished me for their own petty jealousy and politics", said Dharani.
"What?", asked Suresh, flabbergasted.
"It is the truth, Appa. Anyway, it is in the past", said Dharani. "All I want to do is to focus on the present, and learn from my mistakes, letting go of the past. It will haunt me and keep me depressed. I am not letting that happen. I will work and achieve my goal. Much better than you or Amma ever thought I will", said Dharani.
"I trust you", said Suresh. The girl he was seeing in front of him was not a normal girl. She was someone with tremendous strength and willpower, and extremely independent and mature. What had he and Radhika done? They had pushed her away, and she is now her own person.
"Also, Appa. Please do tell Amma to stop being unbiased", said Dharani.
"What do you mean?", asked Suresh.
"She says she is unbiased, and if I am also unbiased, then she screams at me", said Dharani.
"You know her. She has had a tough life", said Suresh.
"I know. Yet, knowing the mistakes Patti made with her, she makes the same with me. As do you? Does any child ever not want to trust her parents? Won't every child want to blurt everything out to their parents? But me? I never had that. I don't have a sibling, I don't have people to talk to. That is where Krishna came in. When He was busy, I had Janani. That's why I refuse to let her go. The one person who bothered when none of you did", said Dharani.
"I agree. Radhika and I have made many mistakes concerning you", said Suresh.
"You are my parents. There is nothing to feel bad about", said Dharani, smiling lightly. "But do not expect me to open up beyond this. That is not possible"
"Why?", asked Suresh.
"You pushed me away", said Dharani, a little wistfully. "After 17 years, you can't expect to get it back. I have Krishna to who I open up to. I will be fine"
"I know. What about us?", asked Suresh.
"I will always love both of you. But Appa, I can't open up fully anymore. I have become too guarded. I say only what I have to say. The one thing I asked for all these years I never got. Why should I get it now?", asked Dharani.
"What is that?", asked Suresh, hoping this was one thing he could give his daughter.
"I have always understood you and Amma, right from when I was three years old. Is it too selfish of me to want my parents to understand me the same way?", asked Dharani. "Whether you both told me or not, I knew of the financial difficulties. When I could perceive your mood with a snap of my fingers, why can't I want the same from my parents?"
"You can. But we didn't", said Suresh, guilt eating at him.
"And again, I bring in Janani. A girl who is going through the same thing that I am", said Dharani. "She only understands. Hence, please do tell Amma that I am not letting Janani go"
"Why does she insist on that?", asked Suresh.
"Frankly, she doesn't like me talking to Janani, for I confide in Janani. But whose fault is it that I can't confide in Amma? Mine or hers?", asked Dharani.
"Hers", said Suresh, quietly.
"Let's go Appa", said Dharani, a slight smile on her moon-like face. "I have to work and prove myself worthy of having your genes. Otherwise, I am cursed"
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