Chapter 3
Easily broken hard to Mend
Chakor stayed in the hospital for another two days ... her daughter as they said did come to see her... Anjor stayed at the doorstep shy to enter when Chakor saw her..she kept on fiddling with the ribbon on her dress staring at the floor.. Chakor felt like just yesterday she was as old as the little ones... whose name she learnt was Anjor..
Chakor had bottled up her rush of emotions... pressurizing herself to remember anything didn't work...it only caused her pain so after being scolded by her mother she quit trying... Making up her mind she opened her arms welcoming Anjor that day... when the girl ran and hugged her calling her mumma again... she felt her heart twitch inside... her voice was soo overly filled with joy she couldn't help but smile rubbing Anjor small back ... now when she looks at her properly she could see herself in Anjor... much to her disbelief she could even see Suraj for Anjor looked like her but was tall for her age as her father
She fell in a deep slumber after having witnessed Suraj's breakdown... she didn't know when he left but since then he hadn't faced her.. she learnt from Anjor he'd drop her to the hospital and watch her afar but he didn't meet her...she wasn't sure how to feel about that because as far as she remembered the 11 years old Suraj was manipulative... cunning and as cruel as his father who her maii told was no more...she didn't know how but Chakor thought it was good riddance she almost felt like she shouldn't be happy about that ... upon asking about her sister her parents exchanged meaningful looks before telling her she was dead ... a truth who shook her inside but worst when she hugged her Maii and cried for her sister she had said bitterly "don't cry she doesn't deserve your tears" after that her every other questions were left unanswered...her parents didn't even appear sorrowful for their younger daughter's death
As for Suraj he sat on the ground in their room with Chakor's picture in his hands... a drop of tear escaping his eyes falling right on the glass frame... frustrated he wip it off like all the other drops ... he hadn't talked to her since 2 days... watched her afar when she was sleeping feeling like she will wake up the next moment and fight with him for having left her... he wanted her to ask him rightfully if he was with someone else during this 7 years only for him to tell her he's perfect fit was she and nobody else
"Suraj??" His mother entered the room sitting on the bed... he kept his red eyes on the picture not bothering to answer
"Suraj stop punishing yourself for something you didn't err" Tejaswini said... she felt guilty too upon learning the truth... she was the reason because of whom Chakor was made a bandua and inspite of that Chakor always helped her..when Chakor had needed for her help she turned her back and cursed her
"It's my mistake...she forgot about me mummy..everything..she said she can't feel my touch... you know she said i was selfish when she threw her mangalsutra... i really am selfish ..even right now i crave for her knowing she needs her space.. its taking me everything to stay away from her and not force her to remember everything" He cried remembering her exact words that day "I am also in pain Suraj yet you left me and went abroad" he was living a new life in a new place while she everyday died with the accusation her husband her love threw at her
"Suraj!!! Blaming yourself isn't going to get you anywhere...i don't think even Chakor would have wanted that...She loves you..i believe she still does...she just needs to remember it" Tejaswini heart was paining for her son... she wished she was a better mother at that moment... perhaps if she had thought rationally like the experienced woman she was ...she could have salvaged things but she let the instigations and misunderstanding get the best of her
"At that moment... When my heart got to know Saanvi died..the easiest way to dull the pain was giving it more pain ... so i chose the easy way i couldn't blame myself because it'd kill me so i blamed her... i blamed my Chakor and pushed her away...let her suffer for 7 years" He placed his head in his mothers lap crying for the lost time
"Win her back Suraj!! Chakor's heart still beats for you i know that and you yourself know it" He was her life... she had never given upon him...not even when he tortured her during his memory lost days ... why was he giving up and self wallowing making it about him all over and again... he would fulfil the vows he had failed to 7 years ago.. if when having gotten her memories she decided to punish him by stay away he'd accept it but it'll be done after him telling his forgiveness and explanation for this 7 years which she deserves
He nodded his head and rushed to the hospital with a determined mind.. he knew Chakor had accepted their daughter... she might have forgotten everything between them but she stayed the humble girl she always was...she did never be able to hurt anyone least shall be their daughter
When he entered the ward... Chakor was fully dressed sitting on the bed while waiting for her discharge papers ...she looked at him curiously when he breathed heavily like he ran to here...his eyes were puffy red dark circle stating he might have been suffering from lack of sleep or maybe too much crying but again except sympathy she couldn't feel anything for him
She stayed quiet waiting for him to speak... she didn't even have any words to say.. "How are you??" He asked cautiously... looking at her hairline free from the red vermillion which adorned it even during his absence
How was she to answer that question... for a fact she had been in the hospital but he actually looked weaker something she couldn't bring herself to understand "I am good i suppose...going home today" She said suddenly feeling his gaze uncomfortable ... it felt like he was reading her soul "Suraj!!!" his name felt unreal when it touched her lips... she had never known how to call him "I met Anjor...she's a beautiful girl" She said
"yeah just like you" He said but instead of blushing he was always graced by his dharam patni she had an awkward kind of expression... he had to muster every courage to hold himself in that room without breaking down again or breaking something..."I meant we all can see you in her" he corrected himself much to his displease watching her nod her head not finding her voice anymore...he wasn't masking the hurt feeling on his face whenever she did something
She stayed quiet for another five minutes... he hadn't said anything either.. it felt like he was looking at her and memorizing her but then he'd say they weren't together for 7 years a fact which she didn't understand... if he knew her loved her how could he believe she will endanger their daughter... this whole thing was a mess too her... her face was in a deep frown indicating she was in a deep thought...one Suraj wasn't sure about so he knelt infront of her sat self causing her to jerk back slightly showing her lack of trust in him ...hurting him again unvoluntarily
"Chakor i know this is not the best situation... but trust me when i say we have been through worst" he spoke desperately remembering their struggles "Chakor our relationship might not have been the best but we loved each other... i know i still love you and i am not ready to lose you now"
"But you apparently were 7 years ago" She was bitter in her response especially since she learnt from a nurse she was reported under a suicide case... she hid the turmoil it created within her from her maii but it was there... why will she suicide... she hadn't thought about that when Kamal Narayen killed her owns mercilessly then why now?
He was taken aback by her sudden accusation... he had expected this question from her under a different circumtances when she had anger in her eyes but along love ... right now she was looking at him with accusative eyes.. it held nothing more but disgust towards him... clenching his fist closing his eyes and calming his heartbeat "i was registered under a suicide case" She spoke blaming him further
"God no!!!!" he was horrified by her revelation no wonder she was miffed with him since she could perhaps not bring herself to think about any other reason to suicide other than him... he wanted to laugh at his misery his already red eyes wetting itself on its own .. he looked up letting her look in his eyes if eyes were mirror of the heart then why wasn't she seeing it held way too much of love for her to let her do something such as that.. he'd die but not let anything happen to her no matter how angry or misunderstood he was
"Can you see yourself for a girl who will suicide??" He asked gently wishing she'd find the answer herself and she did by shaking her head she confirmed it "but then why suicide?"
"Because the doctors simply assumed it when you felt off the cliff" he explained his fingers wishing to wrap themselves between hers
"Why will i even fall from a cliff??" This was all getting more confusing and she hope he realizes that but even he didn't have the answer... was she going to believe her enemy that her sister was the reason for it .. he firmly believed no
"it's an answer you have to remember on your own Chakor..i will be there to help you" He promised indirectly but she refused to believe it not when he had himself confirmed having left her already.. that face dug itself in her mind she refused to understand anything beyond that considering she doesn't even see herself in the same frame as Suraj
"Chakor come home with me" gathering up courage he cupped her cheeks getting her to face him wishing once she'd read his honesty ...guilt and love
"home?? as in the haveli?" She winced remembering that place.. it was the source of a fair amount of her pain .. she didn't remove his hands away ... for once it felt like that touch was familiar ... soo familiar that it didn't feel his
"Yes!!" He felt hopeful when she didn't pull away from him
"Chakor give us a chance...i know you'd want it too... for us for Anjor" he whispered the last bit reminding her of their daughter... he had wanted her to come back for him but right now he was desperate soo much he did even use their daughter as a bait without even feeling guilty about it as long as he had her in his life
"I dunno... why are you even trying so hard i don't even remember you... i don't feel anything for you and i can see it hurts you" Remembering how he looked few seconds ago when she blamed him ... it looked like he was about to puke his guts out and he was sick of himself... it made her guilty but thats it
Finally a question which was easy for him to answer "I love you... even if you don't remember me i intend to love you enough for the both of us just you give me a chance" desperation were obvious from his tone...not what a Rajvanshi would do infront of a bandua murgi as she remembered he called her
She thought about all the possible outcomes and then her daughter looked hopeful when she talked about her finally coming back home...perhaps giving it a try wouldn't be bad and she might remember something "One condition" She said as his face regained all its color
"I will stay for 1 month.. if within this one month i don't remember anything i will leave and you will not pester me...i will keep contact with our daughter because God knows i am already in love with her but there will be no us" she said pointing between them... she'd never be able to fake her feelings for him not from what she remembers what he was
He nodded vigorously wanting to hug her when she interupted him "And i don't know what kind of relationship we had to have had a daughter but i don't feel comfortable being touchy with you" She said at once a redness shadowing her cheeks... how could she have a had a daughter with him when she was having this awkward sensation in her body whenever he was near
Suraj was accepting towards her every request... for him sex with Chakor wasn't a big deal... he just wanted her back in his life... hear her heartbeat...feel her soft hairs in his fingers... be able to say she was his and watch those brown orbs of hers fill with love again ...he craved for her heart more than body... it was going to be a long journey helping her to understand that.. but it was one he was ready to walk if she's by his side
A few minutes later her maii entered followed by the doctor with her discharged papers and prescribed medicaments... Kasturi stood quiet in the silence of the room... she could feel the heavy air between the once in love couple.. it could see it hurt Suraj more than anything watching her daughter behave soo aloof at him... "maii i am going with... him" she said unable to take his name again.. it tingles down her tongue .. Kasturi simply nodded in comprehension with Suraj giving her a rest assure face..."she'd be safe with him now the evil duo was locked up"
Chakor stood up feeling her legs still weak...when she tripped over nothing ready to fall...his arms was wrapped around her torso preventing her to fall "Chakor!!!" his shriek of emergency ozzed with care and worries for her
Even her mother rushed to her "Chakor should i get the wheelchair...i told you ... you're still weak" Her mother scolded... "She already fell once when she went to the washroom" Kasturi explained to Suraj... she'd look weak to him having been comatose for 5 months and from what he knew from the old Chakor... she'd do anything but not ask for help... So wrapping his arms around her waist he picked her up ... her astonishment evident by her gasp and struggles in his arms
"Are you crazy?? Leave me down.. Maii can go and get a wheelchair let me go" she tried to wriggle out.. this was the Suraj she remembered okay... the guy who always knew to opt for extreme measures
He took her fist hits on his chest strongly keeping her in his arms.. she was lighter than he remembered... that mere fact broke his heart all over and again ... reaching towards his car he opened the car with one hand and placed her inside ...she was glaring at him with eyes which said she was pissed beyond limit
"you shouldn't have done that...did you see how those people were looking at us soo weirdly.. i don't even want to go with you anymore" She scolded angrily clueless to when he bent over her tying her carseat belt for her ... she only realized when she heard the click of it
Her heaving bosom and embarassed face amused him... it was almost like having his jungli billi back but it was all ruined when she said "I hate you!!! You did nothing but bad to me how did we ever happen???" she was frustrated how he touched her twice without she realizing it... it almost felt like his touch was soo natural to her skin...it was almost like air ... that realization alone gave her goosebumps
He looked at road keeping his attention on his driving... her words weren't coming from her heart... it was coming from her unawareness... his conscious voice kept on telling him "We happened Chakor... the biggest proof is our beautiful Daughter Anjor... she's the fruit of our love and one day i will make you remember that" he whispered slowly looking in the front mirror locking her quizzical eyes with him
She was quiet since then... she saw him enter the gate of the haveli... it was just as she remembered it... standing tall and proud ... she almost winced thinking how had she spent beautiful time in such a place when her mother told dadi died ... the only one who kept this place sane... Vivaan's questions were left answered by her even irritating her further
Looking at the haveli she felt nothing but hatred... for all the pain it had given to the poor basti wale while Kamal Narayen lived leisurely with his family torturing the poor... "Lets go?" He said opening the door by her side ready to pick her again but this time she said fully determined
"Touch me again and i swear to file a divorce to this already inexistent marriage" She said looking at him straight in the eyes
Precap (because i am that wicked):
Chakor pulled her daughter's hand looking at the bandua stamp in her hand... how was that possible? She dragged a clueless Anjor to Suraj's room
"I guessed it right you're no less than your father... you're as selfish and monstruous as he was" She gritted through her teeth
Anupamaa
