Sonali Kulkarni's "Lazy Women" jibe: Controversy or Facts? - Page 2

She really said this or is it taken out of context? Happens many times. 

But if she said it for realzies.. then.. 

Mam, a homemaker works tirelessly throughout the year, even when she's sick until she can't even stand. So yeah they are "lazy". Thank you. /Sarcasm.

I thought women these days are more indpendent and dont like to financially rely on their husbands or parents🤔 in fact, these days many educated women are earning more than their husbands.

Plus even those that do not work, being a housewife is a 24/7 job especially if you are in a joint family or have children...when do they even have time to be lazy?😆

It's personal choice. If she is worried about her brother, then just state clearly in conditions applied, while choosing his life partner- working, earning girl only required. 

There are families, who need home maker, not a working girl. So there is place for everyone to exist. 

In many families after marriage, son is encouraged to live separately, buy a house of his own, they finance to buy a house too. 

May be Sonali is not aware of such minor changes happening since few years in our society. 

My Mom is a Homemaker without a good support system. She couldn't complete her education because of marriage. She is the most hardworking woman I know and all who know her will agree. Never an off day in decades. We only have outside food on festivals, even then my Mom cooks atleast once. Even when my Mom is sick, she still does a lot of chores, taking bare minimum rest. She learnt about banking, computers - every new advancement and technology in the early days - by reading in newspapers or figuring out on her own. Now that we children are adults, we do try to assist in the common work but it takes off nothing from her own efforts and immense strength and willpower. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

I am in no way glorifying this.  My Mom deserves to get all the rest and rewards that a normal person should get and we are working towards it.

To say that she is "lazy" and often "depend on their husbands or boyfriends for their own needs, without ever working for it themselves" is inaccurate to the point of being a complete lie and would be very offensive to me had it been the first time a public figure had made an inconsiderate statement.

This is the sort of message that keep women feeling that they’re not good enough no matter what they do. If they’re homemakers, they get charged with ‘being lazy’. If they’re career- oriented, they get accused of not being nurturing enough, & not holding the family together like they’re supposed to. 

And a woman should be in other women’s corner instead of trying to bring them down. We’re supposed to be one team! Sigh! 

ETA: Okay, I watched the video and I think she was referring to those women who seek a partner with only their income in mind. I think she meant to say that a family income should not be only a man's responsibility. If it does become that, then it's a collective decision made by the partners in question. 

But she worded it badly saying saying 'Alsi'. Men also have certain expectations of women when they marry, so it's okay to have expectations but be supportive of each other when circumstances lead to one person not working. I know a couple that had a love marriage and the woman stayed home initially, and the man worked. Now after 2 kids, the man decided that traditional work environment (an office job) is not for him, so he stays home doing freelance jobs at times but mostly just supporting the home and the kids, and the woman goes to work. It's a decision they both made and they supported each other through the decision and that's absolutely okay. Neither the man nor the woman should be called out for it.

Not just today's women but women of all era have been hardworking, dedicated and strong. Nowadays, Women are mostly independent, they are able to manage work and house duties both at same time. Even those ladies who are housewives or those girls who live in houses and don't do financial jobs, it does not mean they are lazy. 

Doing house chores/managing house is like a 24/7 job, it's toughest duty without any off. Taking care of whole family, whole house and most importantly it's a woman who keeps the family united. 

While the word ālasī got everyone's attention and provoked many straw man argument replies in this topic (no, she didn't call homemakers lazy, she said that women who seek socioeconomic success through marriage rather than personal development are lazy), Sonali Kulkarni made several valid points:

(1) Whoever aspires to live a luxurious lifestyle should be prepared to earn it by her own effort. Disposable income isn't a man's responsibility and a woman's entitlement.

(2) Prospective husbands shouldn't be objectified as sources of income for wives to spend on status symbols. Husbands are human beings who can offer emotional support too. When a wife relieves her husband's stress by splitting expenses, she feels empowered.

(3) Boys and men shouldn't be indoctrinated that their value as persons depends on how much they earn. Early entry into the workforce deprives them of time to study whatever fascinates them, find jobs that fulfil their aptitudes, and have fun. More girls and women should interview for jobs and accept that professional dress codes aren't just for men.

(4) While affirmative action creates opportunities for women, society should focus on producing women who want to achieve excellence.

All of that being acknowledged, everyone is an individual and every partnership should work out the division of labour that makes sense.

I know some people who are passionate about homemaking - gardening, cooking enough for the homeless shelter, painting murals, knitting, crocheting, quilting, fostering pets from overflowing animal shelters, teaching rāṅgoḷī at community centres ... others who are passionate about parenting - coaching sports, passing on language, literature, and performing arts, volunteering to control traffic at the elementary school crosswalk ... and others who are passionate about their low-paying but highly specialized jobs and don't mind living in an apartment with no furniture.

I also know people who seem lazy, never motivated to do any of the above. They aren't bad people or worthless or in need of improvement; they just seem dull compared to those around them who make a point of shining and succeeding.

May every unique person find an understanding partner!

Originally posted by: DelusionsOfNeha

She really said this or is it taken out of context? Happens many times.

Asking this question is better than posting knee-jerk reactions to Armu4eva's text report of what happened.

Even better would be listening to the video to find out that Sonali Kulkarni wasn't calling everyone's sainted mother lazy!

The internet allows us to conflate every serious issue with our limited personal experiences, reply on the assumption of a familiar topic without listening to one's interlocutor, jump onto the bandwagon of platitudes and vilify the outsider as ignorant ...

Sure, outrage feels righteous, but it doesn't stimulate your critical thinking skills.

In my opinion, she was emphasizing on financial independence for women. Judging by the reactions, it's possible she wasn't too successful in conveying that message effectively. From what I saw in that video, she was urging women to be breadwinners; and, if not the primary income earner in a relationship, at least be capable of footing the bills on occasion.

I agree with her in principle and it goes for both men and women. Nothing wrong in a message that encourages economic empowerment in order to survive in this world in case a relationship abruptly terminates (due to separation, divorce, death or some other mechanism). Nothing wrong in a message that goads you to be self sustaining as and when the need arises.

As for the word "lazy", I'd have preferred she used the word shortcut. Are some men and women taking shortcuts to settle down in life? Absolutely! Could they be more self reliant and self sufficient? Absolutely!

I don't think anybody is disputing the importance of a homemaker. But, if there is no dough, there is no home. Assuming that breadwinner and homemaker are two separate persons in a relationship, ideally speaking, both could be playing equally important roles. However, practically speaking, breadwinner takes on more power and has more say in decision making. That's how money works so, for any grownup, the importance of having the capability to make money at any given point in time cannot be overstated.

I feel her statement is true. She wasn't saying it about all Indian women. She was saying that some Indian girls are like this and I totally agree. I have 2 differing examples in my own friend circle (both in India).

I have one friend - she was working as a teacher for preschoolers for 5 years (almost the same time since her family has been looking for a guy for her. In November, they finally found someone they like and she likes and who likes her. The day after her engagement in January, she quit her job and sat down at home. She goes out shopping everyday claiming that she is learning to speak English and going to the gym to lose weight. She is basically waiting for her wedding in May and then to fly off with her husband to the country where he works. That's it. And she isn't even doing this shopping from her own money. She is spending her father's and brother's money. Her money is sitting in cash in some purse in her closet which she uses to eat anything and everything she wants. She's even gone so far as to claim that everything in the house - the jewellery, the money, and even the house - belong to her as her brother has settled down separate from them. Her father shares the business with his younger brother and to fulfill her every demand he has eaten into his brother's share of the business and sent it into a loss. This friend falls exactly into the statement that Sonali is making. Lazy who wants to live on her to-be's money and doesn't think about what she brings into the relationship.

I have another friend - teacher of young students and similar situation in terms of marriage. She is still working. She refuses to leave working. In fact, she told her to-be husband that she will continue to work after marriage, take it or leave it. She said that it isn't about money, but about her own independence, her own financial freedom, and also her self-worth. She doesn't care much for a career. She has no plans on moving up the ranks or becoming a professor or academic or anything else of any sort. She just enjoys working and feels it gives her a reputation and her own name. Tomorrow she won't be known by her husband's name or as Mrs. xyz, but rather by her own name. She also loves arts and crafts, so she said that if she does leave teaching, then she'll start a small business in that route instead. This friend falls on the other end of Sonali's statement. Being independent and making a position for herself so that she can take a stand for herself, help in household expenses, and be self-dependent.

I like that Sonali wasn't 100% trolled. People spent a few moments this time listening to her statement or reading it full before saying stuff. Her statement definitely is one that should spark debate. But it isn't negative or wrong, in my opinion.