shalzie, I was wondering whether to respond in DT or to put it in this thread. decided to post here because my answer to your post only makes sense within the lens of this thread -- how do we resolve family conflicts and what leads to adult child-parent issues. that is the lens with which I view papaG and why I find his arc so interesting.
in regards to your question about why I like papaG, I just find the characterization as well as the acting really well done and I am enjoying the nuanced sensitivies the writers are showing towards conflicts and how families go about resolving them. we are not having typical ITV shortcuts.
I know that people are thinking that papaG is being whitewashed. am on the opposite side. so let me explain why:
1. katha has not accepted papaG. very simply, she calls him "mr. garewal", not papa or however FIL is referred to. whereas mamaG is referred to as mama. so there is a distinct difference with how she treats him. there is a formality. she is civil but she hasn't given the place of father-in-law to him yet. if they had whitewashed him, she would be doing pujas at his house by now or giving him a cup of tea like every other FL on ITV. 😆
2. papaG is aware of how katha feels. he apologizes to katha about not calling. why is that significant? because he would have never done the same to reet which is why she was shocked. instead, he bosses over reet and she has no choice to be quiet. with reet, there is the haq of telling her what to do. he cannot do with katha. that itself tells you relationship has not been fully restored.
katha expresses how she feels freely because she is still an outsider. papaG has to give explanation of why he didn't call because he is still an extended relative and not an immediate circle relative.
there is a difference in how he said sorry -- it was far more formal and full of explanation about himself. that is actually difficult to do especially for the older generation. they don't necessarily want to explain how they suck at something.
with reet, he would have given her a sorry but would not have explained why it didn't strike him to call. here, he was clearly worried that katha would turn on him and so he had to make himself vulnerable a bit in his explanation. why would he worry unless he is still on the relationship restoration journey? so no, not yet whitewashed.
3. his explanation on why he didn't call shows us a lot about his parenting style -- super old fashioned. he left all the parenting to mamaG and now to reet that it doesn't strike him that you need to call. as he says, he just says hello hello to the kids for a few minutes but all major parenting decisions are taken by the women in the house. this also explains why mamaG and papaG responded very differently to katha.
4. lot of people may have been confused by katha's reaction to papaG but for me, it was rather clear. it wasn't that she was excusing papaG but she was accepting his explanation.
she made it clear that it was she who requested papaG to spend time with aarav. so this was not a move initiatived by him randomly but rather done by him at her request. so while he didn't call, she understands it was a mistake because this is something new for him. for her, him accepting her request and following through is a bigger deal.
she wants aarav to have male presence in his life and it matters to her that papaG is there as representation of aditya. in previous years, papaG was not willing to even listen to her but he came down and now even followed through on what she asked for.
so if she pounced on him, how would that serve her interests? katha is first and foremost a mother who will go to any extent for her son -- that included one night stand with viaan. what is a little grace towards papaG? like you said shalzie, you can opt for love or anger. it is a choice we make in all sorts of situations.
5. papaG is indeed remorseful and he shows it in how embarassed he is. I know that many would prefer an explicit sorry but I will say from real life experience that it doesn't happen with every family member. in some instances, you can feel their shame and apology in their body language and the way they act with you. if you are graceful, you accept and accomodate them. otherwise, you don't.
now, is there a right way or wrong way about it? not everyone will react the same way. as letha said, many families will choose to move on; otherwise, you can't have any relationships if we are keeping score. on the other hand, some families don't and so the conflict leads to permanent separation. now if you choose to move on, there are still limitations of how far you go. it is not like ITV where everyone decides to wipe the slate clean.
so katha is aware in some sense that papaG is sorry but there is a formality to their interactions. she keeps a distance; she does not hug him or greet him happily. instead, it is awkward -- that is super realistic and how actual families react after everyone's anger has cooled down. people awkwardly dance around each other and try to figure how to move forward.
sometimes the awkward dance is the only place people feel comfortable at because you cannot go back to the place what was once lost. too much was said in the heat of the moment. so you don't want to cut off relationship but neither are you comfortable with a full embrace. so that is exactly where katha is and that is normal. so papaG has not been whitewashed ITV style yet.
6. papaG's anger and resentment was so great that he couldn't even look at aditya's photo. so he had a dream that they would have a joint family with his sons and their wives. aditya leaving the house was the death of the dream. however, he realized now that at some point aditya would have come back. time wasn't on their side.
now he cannot undo the past but what he is telling mamaG isn't a plan per se but rather a dream. while he is telling her in private, I have heard many elderly parents openly express that in front of others -- they wish that their children and grandchildren would live with them under the same roof. at times, it is a pipe dream and they know it. still they express it anyway.
similarly, papaG is allowing himself to dream again and be positive but mamaG is telling him the road will not be easy -- they have to show them with love that this is their house.
what does that mean? that reconciliation will take time and cannot be covered in a day. they will need to show a lot of love so that katha and aarav will feel welcome. now will that happen? maybe, maybe not.
but as of now, the old man is starting to feel happy and allowing himself to go back to the dream that once broke him and made him so bitter. a dream of a house with his sons, their wives and their children. at the very least, a dream where he can have relationships with all members of his family.
7. we have consistendly had parallels between viaan and papaG and I find that interesting that we have similar arcs for the two men in the same episode.
the same question is being asked about both men by those around them. with papaG, we hear him express it quite clearly. a burden on his heart has been lifted. similarly, viaan is also feeling lighter. it wasn't just that he got to help katha find aarav, it was more than that. he had been feeling incredibly guilty and by helping katha and her accepting his presence, he felt lighter after a long time.
just as viaan is changing, so is papaG. however, both will have to pay a heavy price because they made mistakes along the way that is hard to be undone. so it is not going to be a quick process but rather inch by inch.
Edited by mango.falooda - 1 years ago
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