Chapter 3: By the edge- Easy on me by Adele
Station Inspector Karishma Singh had understood something wasn't quite right the second Cheetashwar came into the station looking like his heart had been ripped from his chest. Before she could ask him any questions, she had been summoned by the Deputy superintendent of police to his headquarters stating it was urgent. Judging by how Santosh came in just as she left with the same glumness surrounding her, Karishma accessed that the two had probably gotten into a nasty fight.
She returned a couple of hours later only to find out that Cheetashwar had taken half day's leave due to personal reasons. She asked Pushpa Singh through hand gestures but the old woman merely shrugged with similarly concerned eyes.
“Santu,” she called to the junior constable. “Is there something you want to talk about?”
Santosh didn't feel like diving into the subject of her breakup just yet. So she pulled out her transfer letter from the drawer, shoved it into her senior's hand and left to isolate herself in the gym room. At least that gave them something else to focus on for the time being while she nursed her heartache.
As she slams the door shut, the decaying brick walls come into view. They had cocooned her in dire times and provided sanctuary as and when needed. She runs a trembling hand over them, the colour of it stains her hands but she doesn't care. This is a mark of the station that grew with her. Her eyes wander the rugged clay surface- the colour bleak yet earthen. Leaving this home was not going to be easy, but she will let these emotions, memories of joy, comfort and sorrow take residence in her heart of hearts.
Karishma read the letter twice over, wishing that her eyes had deceived her the first read-through. The words were there, written as clear as day and yet her mind couldn't understand their true meaning. When she finally did, her eyes grew damp because this wasn't how she imagined her Monday afternoon to go.
Santosh was being transferred to the cyber department- away from here, no longer coming to this place every morning, leaving.
To bid the girl she had come to see as a younger sibling with a wave of the hand would break her carefully constructed walls. She had learned that goodbyes could be easy or they could shatter a soul. Yet in those moments of anguish, there was proof of loving bonds.
The proof of love is always so damn expensive.
---Transcend---
“My tolerance for patronising your stupidity is scarce.”
“Don't worry. You won't need to do it much longer.”
Station inspector Karishma Singh peered carefully over the edge as she took a seat beside Santosh. “How many times have I told you not to come up here on your own, especially at night?” for someone with acrophobia, the cyber expert sure loved a rooftop as high as this. “I swear it's like you are purposefully ignoring my warnings. Repeated warnings might I add. And what happened to coming up here when it is too dark?”
“Bachpan mein jis andhere se dar lagta tha abh ussi andhere main sukoon milta hain.”
“Bachpan aur ajj main kya fark hai?”
The constable didn't answer. There wasn't much of an indication that she heard her senior at all. Less than seven months ago, they were here, on the same rooftop, in the same position, drenched in rain, chilled to the bone and in some ways, for the same reason- love, lose, grieve.
Grief, in its turbulence, feeling anything akin to love is plaintive and disenchanting for the memories bring a tender calm over an addled mind. She begs to feel the same numbness and indifference that had taken residence in her months ago. This love, this affection and this desire leave her emptied and hankering for more.
Her life was unravelling in a very short amount of time and she could barely knot her fingers in the threads of fate.
She was a puppet, stringing any which way someone pulled the rope tied to her limbs. The department first threatened to take away their station and they were scrambling to find one single case to save- pathetic, absolutely pathetic. Then that same department decided that she was still valuable, just not in a station that was most likely to shut down in the coming days. So they plucked her out and dumped her into the cyber department.
“Bachpan main faisle lena bohot asan tha. Aur ajj faisle lena saza lagti hain,” she sighed. “I don't want to transfer to the cyber department,” when she spoke, it felt like there was gravel in her mouth- raw and despondent. “I want to stay here, with you, with madam sir, Pushpa Ji, Cheetah and Billu Ji. I don't want to go.”
“I don't want you to go either,” Karishma responds, a heaviness in her usually stoic disposition. “You drive me up the wall all the time. Your clumsiness despite being twenty-four is concerning. You are almost always saying stupid things and annoying the hell out of me.” with each word that left her mouth, she felt the smile etching across her face grow as Santosh increasingly offended.
“For your sake, I hope there is a but in that sentence.”
Karishma chuckled at her response and glare. “But,” she stressed. “you are also extremely smart and observant. You are dedicated to your country. There's something about maintaining a balance between your emotions and practically that neither madam sir nor I seem to have. The sincerity in your eyes has the power to move mountains.” she said earnestly, trying to put all the faith she had in those simple words. “You, Santosh Sharma, have grown so much in the last two years and I couldn't be any prouder.”
Santosh snorted in amusement. “Madam sir said the same thing.”
“Well, she is a smart woman.” the older of the two nodded.
“I sense an and not a but.”
“And she is right. The only way for you to grow is to go out there and hone your skills. To nab the opportunities thrown your way. This is that opportunity.”
The pragmatic side of her agrees in an instant. “It's an opportunity that comes with a price that I am not willing to pay.” the sentimental side seems to be more pronounced, however.
“When I was about to quit the force, you told me to decide if the 9 to 5 desk job was worth losing all that I had accomplished thus far. At that time, I wasn't sure,” Karishma sighed a little, staring down at the street food vendor. He always came by around this time of the night, probably to entertain the late-night walkers. “You know there are still moments where I think taking that office job was a better choice.”
Santosh turned her head towards her seniors, a curious glint in her brown orbs. “I never knew that. What keeps you going?”
The station inspector chuckles a little. “The insignia on my uniform and the little flag on my table.” That was enough to convey what she meant or so she hoped.
“My mind is too muddled to read between the lines right now. What is your point?”
“My point is sometimes we don't know if a decision we are making is worth it or not. There are times of certainty and insecurity. But we won't know until we try. I understand the attachment you have to the station and us. That's not going to go away just because you work in a different department.”
“But,” the cyber expert dipped her head again. “I made a promise to madam sir. We have to save the station.”
Karishma smacked the younger woman's head fondly. “You are such an idiot.”
“Madam!” she pouted, rubbing her head.
“Who said you have to go now? Your transfer isn't until two weeks later. That's more than enough time to save the station. We’ve been here a hundred times before. Like every other time nothing is going to happen.”
“Promise?”
“Promise. Aur yeh toh pura shehar janta hain ki…”
“Karishma Singh apne vade ki kitni pakhi hain.”
“Stop stealing my line,” The station inspector let out a fake irritated groan but embraced the girl either way when she leaned in.
“I already told you, it’s old get a new one,” she chuckled. “I’m gonna miss this,” she whispered against her shoulder.
“Me too, Jarbhudhi, me too,” Karishma pulled away after a second, playfully shoving the cyber expert. “Besides, you are only changing departments, not states. We will still meet each other and anytime you miss us, just come visit.”
“Like when you were transferred to the jankipuram thana?”
“Exactly. You saw first how Pushpa Ji made excuses all the time to come see me didn't you?”
“How can I forget.” she chuckled dryly. “I still think she swapped the lunch boxes on purpose.” They sat for a while with the cyber expert twiddling her nervously. “I,” she cleared her throat awkwardly. “I broke up with cheetah.”
Karishma spun her head to look at the girl, a look of surprise colouring her features. “I am sorry, what?”
“I broke up with him earlier today. I just…I realised that it wasn't healthy for either of us. Somewhere down the road, our relationship started coming in the way of our duty,” she admitted. “And the thing that I regret the most is that it took me this long to get that reality check. I was losing myself and so was Cheetah.”
The senior struggled to find words of comfort and consolation. They weren't her strong suit when faced with the subject of her words of affirmation. “Are…are you okay?
“It hurts like a bitch,” Santosh snorted. “This guilt, I can’t displace this guilt I feel for doing this to Cheetah. I saw it…the rage, the pain, the regret. I did that to him.”
“It's not your fault…this pain and heartache it’s normal.”
“A vase that had fallen to the ground and has cracks is broken. whether it was knocked down by a cat or a bird or a strong gust of wind, the result is still a broken vase, is it not?”
Karishma sighs knowing there wasn't much of a point in arguing. They two had to go through the stages of grief to heal. “Do you need anything?” she asks instead, focusing on an aspect that she could control.
“All I really need is time and distractions until this wound isn't so raw anymore.” scars may not heal but wounds do. Santosh refused to let this break-up scar her- consequently, preventing her from pursuing another in the far future.
“Whatever you need,” Karishma nodded giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “I respect your choice and I am proud of you for making one that was best for yourself.”
“Thank you,” Santosh leaned her head on her senior's shoulder. They turned their attention back to the only witnesses to this exchange; the stars blanketing them with their warm light. “Stay with me for a while?”
“Always. The universe may have pulled us to wither end of this earth. But there will be a time that comes to bring us all back together. I don't know how or why. But I know it will happen. So until then, just hold on.”
Santosh found and intertwined their pinky fingers as a sign of a scout's honour. “I will. Pinky swear.”
Santosh may be leaving a place she had called home for One thousand and one days but the bonds she created remained the same. They travelled different paths of life but remained interwoven in ways only the divine could truly comprehend.
---Transcend—
“I want ice cream.” the cyber ardent girl announced all of a sudden, disrupting the peace that had fallen upon them in the last hour.
Karishma jumped on her spot, startled from the daze she was in. “yea say that a little louder why don't ya?” she mocked, secretly thankful for not allowing her to completely doze off at the edge of a twenty-story building. “Take a louder speaker and announce it to the whole building.”
“Karishma madam, I know Pushpa ji annoys you to no end and it makes you want to scream and shout like a witch. But, why do you want to disturb all these residences by being a public nuisance.” Santosh blabbered, genuine confusion lacing her voice. “I thought you were against such inconsiderate acts?”
The station inspector didn't know where to bang her head so she settled for face-palming instead. “It's my fault. I am sorry I asked.”
“It's okay,” she responded much to Karishma’s chagrin. “Let’s go get ice cream,” she repeated.
Karishma spared a glance at her wristwatch. “Now?”
“Yes, now.”
“Santu, it's 1 am in the morning. The only people selling ice cream at this hour are serial kidnappers.”
“That is pretty stereotypical of you,” Santosh chided while Karishma rolled her eyes. “But ill have you know that Baskin-robbins is open 24 hours.”
“Yea and the nearest outlet is an hour away.”
Santosh smirked at her in a way that spelt trouble. “Not for you it's not. You're the speed devil.”
“No, it's late. You need to sleep and so do i.” she stood up to dust her pants and looked at Santosh. “I am not Pushpa ji who likes to be late every morning.”
“But Pushpa ji is late every morning because she stops to eat golgappas from Chandu’s stall every morning right? What does that have to do with sleep?”
Karishma felt an overwhelming urge to jump off the building they were standing on. she rubbed a finger on her forehead. All her earlier sentiments were turning to dust and it haven't even been a full day.
“Forget that. I am sad and depressed so it’s my legal obligation to eat ice cream,” she grabbed Karishma’s hand and started shaking her like a dummy. “Please,” she whined with a pout.
Karishma never stood a chance against those doe eyes, to begin with. “Fine.” she conceded with a defeated sigh.
“I love you!” Santosh happily pecked her cheek and skidded out the rooftop door, drooling at just the thought of the sugary dessert.
Karishma followed behind with a fond shake of her own head. “Love you too.”
For a bird that is grown and matured, there is a natural time for it to leave the nest, and that is healthy and right. Leaving is a part of loving, of showing that one is strong enough to do what is best for them.
As such, our loving bonds are ever there, ever strong, ever tangible
Edited by rinki_99 - 1 years ago
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