Chapter 11
He didn’t know if it was a movement or a sound that woke him up from the restless slumber he’d fallen into. But when he gathered his bearings, he saw Raavi panting beside him. “Please.. maine aisa.. nahi.. main aisi.. kabhi nahi.. please..” the words seemed to be forced out of her mouth as she started to thrash on the bed. It must be her nightmare, Shiva thought. Should he wake her up? He gingerly placed his palm on her cheek and tried to pat her awake. “Raavi.. Raavi..” but her frown deepened and she started crying. Seeing no other option, he pulled her closer into him, nestling her close to his chest and rubbing a reassuring hand up and down her back. He whispered soothing words into her ear, holding her tight.
“Kuch nahi hua, Raavi. Main hoon yahan. Kuch nahi hua hai. Main kuch hone hi nahi doonga. Main hoon yahan,” he kept saying over and over again as he rubbed her back. “Maine kuch nahi kiya,” she whimpered in her sleep. “Nahi, tu ne kuch nahi kiya,” Shiva assured her. “Ssshhh..” he soothed her, rubbing his hand up and down her arms, placing feather light kisses on the top of her head and praying with all his heart for her agony to reduce.
It took her a few moments but her flailing arm settled on the trishul pendant around his neck and she began to calm down. She clutched onto the pendant tightly as her cries reduced to sobs and in a soft whimper, she let out his name, “Shiva.” The way she took his name, like her world centered around him, like she felt the safest with him tugged at his heartstrings so hard, he felt physical pain in the center of his chest.
“Main akeli pad gayi,” she whimpered again. “Mere hote hue tu kabhi akeli nahi padegi, Raavi. Bas mujhe ek mauka de de,” he said softly, cuddling her closer to him as a tear slid down his cheek. But she’d fallen back to peaceful sleep, clutching his pendant like her life depended on it.
***
The morning sunlight filtered in through the windows and woke her up. She opened her eyes and had to shut them immediately because the light was too bright. She had slept so well after such a long time. She almost didn’t want to wake up which was so unlike her. She consciously tried to stay away from sleep because of those recurring nightmares. She sighed and was about to stretch when she realized that her hand was clutching onto something. Slowly, she also realized that she was cuddled tight in the warm comfort of..
Shiva!!!
Her eyes flew open and she realized she was laying on his chest, her hand clutching his trishul pendant. His one arm was wound around her waist, resting warmly and suddenly, heavily, on her waist. She raised her head to look at Shiva’s sleeping form.
A strange ache settled at the bottom of her heart as she watched him. His Sakht Launda image had been abandoned in the embrace of deep sleep. He had fine lines on his forehead and around his eyes like he’d crinkled them in worry way too much. It looked like he had been crying because she could still see the faint trail of tears down his cheeks. His breathing was deep and even and beneath her ear, she could hear the steady beat of his heart.
She caressed the trishul pendant in her hand. He had had it for as long as she could remember. As much a part of Shiva as his physical features. She traced a finger down the trishul to the rudraksh. Maybe this pendant wasn’t just part of his physical features, she thought sadly. Just like the pendant, anyone who knew the Shiva he portrayed himself to be in front of the world, he was like the trishul. Powerful. Scary. Destructive. But if you moved past that trishul, there came the rudraksh. She remembered her Maasimaa telling her long ago that the Rudraksh symbolized Lord Shiva’s tears. The all powerful almighty’s tears. Of pain, of love, of joy, of sorrow, of emotions that even He, the Supreme Being, had been incapable of controlling.
And beyond the trishul of his exterior, she had hoped to reach the Rudraksh in Shiva. The Rudraksh of his being. The pain, the love, the joy, the sorrow, the emotions, that Shiva kept so well-hidden from the world. But she hadn’t made it. She hadn’t been strong enough to undertake the quest that Maa Parvathy had once undertaken. His anger, his insecurities, his own lack of self worth had singed her so bad in their flames that she hadn’t been able to keep going.
She let go of the pendant, moved out of his arms and lay staring at the ceiling. This wasn’t how this was supposed to be. She was here to destroy him and the Pandyas. Not to reminisce old memories and sift through past regrets. She took a deep breath before she got off the bed and headed to the bathroom.
After she left the room, Shiva opened his eyes. He had woken up when he felt her stir but kept his eyes closed to see how she’d react.
She had been quiet, contemplative but what gave him the most sense of hope was she hadn’t immediately scooted away from him. She had stayed, caressing his locket, for a few long moments before she’d moved away from him.
He felt a spark of hope after last night. Beneath that icy cold exterior of hers, there was still the Raavi he’d known and loved. The one who craved love. The one with dreams and hopes and a pocket full of sunshine and sparkle that she spread everywhere she went.
But to reach there, he’d have to hack past her icy exterior. He had to find out about her nightmares. He had to find out what happened to her in these five years. He had to know how big his sin was to know how big of a repentance he’d have to undertake.
Because this time, Shiva Pandya would move heaven and earth to win back his Raavi.
***
Ooh this was lovely!! Her nightmares give me pain! I’m so glad she had Shiva this time to sooth her, console her! Raavi will be back to her cold self after this ig! Can’t wait to see how Shiva wins her back! Lovely update!💙
I just watched Shiva reminisce his childhood memories and cry, and now I read this painful bit😭👍🏻
It's beautiful, Neetu, I love how they both are taking 2 steps forward and slowly coming around ❤️
She is plagued with nightmares. He was the source of her pain but still she takes comfort in him.
How beautiful this was!
It has been an emotional morning, no doubt. 😭❤️
Man I can't wait to know what has happened with Raavi I sense its coming up soon in about 2 or 3 updates I guess.
Let's hope I'm right. Do update soon. I've missed you so much these past couple days. ❤️
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