Pallavi’s Journey | On Domestic Abuse and Breaking Free - Page 4

Originally posted by: PSharada

I agree 100 percent with your post. Yes Pallavi was in emotional shackles with the D family. That is why she did not even think of her safety when she stepped out late in night to sort out Saree order during Manasi's Sangeet. If Raghav hadn't followed her she would have suffered a really cruel blow - all for what? One order. I am so glad that she finally broke her ties with the family and is now learning to fly on her own with the support that Raghav is giving her. Raghav might have done a lot of wrongs by her but once he married her he stood by his responsibility. And when he knew the truth of Sulo framing Keerti and Jaya he set out to rectify his wrongs - accepting that he was the wrongdoer. Whereas even after Amrutha's abortion truth came out VD never accepted that he was wrong to judge Pallavi. 

That is why when the jewellery kand happened, Pallavi totally stood by her husband against VD - because she understood the inherent character traits of both Vijay as well as Raghav. 

I'm so glad you brought up the sangeet night, I have so many thoughts about it. It was clear to me that she believed her worth came from the work she did, and not her as a person. Tabhi toh, as you said, she valued the order over her safety. She did it in the first week as well, the night Raghav ended up burning her saris. 

The night of the sangeet...god, I hold that against Vijay, so so much. His hypocrisy had been so damn frustrating by this point, but that was his point of no return for me, and what excellent foreshadowing for what was about to come. Nikhil ke ek dost ne yeh bol diya ki Pallavi DI is with Raghav Rao, iski nautanki shuru ho gayi? His 'daughter' was alone, out, in the middle of the night, and he trusted a stranger's word so much, not only did he himself not show any concern for her, he didn't even let Nikhil go out and look. And that night, the danger wasn't hypothetical, it was very real. She was trapped in a car with men with terrible intentions, and she was in this position because she wanted to stay away from Raghav, to appease Vijay's zidd. She could have ended up dead that night, and Vijay was just lying down and moaning at the sangeet, acting like a victim. 

And the same thing happened again na? When Raghav came and told his lies, phir se ek ajnabee ke kehne pe 'beti' pe shaq kiya, aur aadhi raat ko ghar se nikaal diya, akele. Anything could have happened to her. Forget family, a good person wouldn't even treat a stranger the way Vijay treated Pallavi. If he was angry with what she was doing, I'd have understood him locking her up in her room, but throwing her out? No concern at all for his safety? It was a statement, ki Pallavi ka uss ghar pe koi haq nahi hai. She's getting to live there, that's his ehsaan on her, and since she's been ungrateful, he's throwing her out. 

Just thinking about both these incidents makes my blood boil. 

Originally posted by: Medha0609

I absolutely agree.

But in my opinion, emotional abuse is much more damaging than physical abuse because physical wounds they heal sooner or later but emotional abuse has such a lasting impact on a person’s psyche that if one drops their guard even for a little while and forgets to keeps themselves in check it doesn’t take long for a person to backslide into that  environment of emotionally abusive cycle especially when emotional abuse is of the kind that Pallavi was subjected to where she truly believed that the people abusing her love her and where she feels indebted to them.

I completely get where you're coming from, but I'd take the position that abuse is abuse, and we shouldn't rank one as better or worse than the other. Be it emotional, physical or financial- abuse is unacceptable, and incredibly traumatic to the victim. When it comes to physical abuse, sure, the physical wounds may heal but one might be traumatized for life. Emotional abuse can completely lock a person away in their own minds. Financial abuse can destroy a person's sense of worth. And this doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the lasting impact of any kind of abuse on a victim. 

Unfortunately, emotional abuse is sometimes considered less damaging, because the wounds aren't visible. It's also why the abusers get away with so much more, because the damage they inflict isn't visible to the world. And exactly as you said, such abuse, cloaked in the pretence of love, is so difficult to break out of. It's why I'm so, so incredibly proud of her for finding to strength to do so!

Originally posted by: Shri_12

Bang on post, Ashi 👏

VD always treated her like his son's wife, who after his son's death was at his mercy. Pallavi not wanting to remarry also came from VD's thoughts. She denied marriage in a way to prove that she is loyal to Deshmukhs, that she isn't a bad person, that she isn't taking advantage of his kindness 

Thank you so much! ❤️

Yes, I do think that played into it- Vijay's reminders that she's fulfilling Mandaar's dreams, obviously made her feel responsible and obligated, and if she were to marry and leave, she'd be letting down both her late husband's memories and her adoptive family. Add to that the promises she made to Mandaar before he passed, it's obvious that she was not willing to desert his parents. 

Freakin’ loved this post 🙌🏻

Please send this Shivangi, Sai or makers 

They need to see this 

VM is so beautiful and amazing  🤩 

Argh ! I hope they don’t butcher this progress for TRP 

Originally posted by: aye-masakalii

I'm so glad you brought up the sangeet night, I have so many thoughts about it. It was clear to me that she believed her worth came from the work she did, and not her as a person. Tabhi toh, as you said, she valued the order over her safety. She did it in the first week as well, the night Raghav ended up burning her saris. 

The night of the sangeet...god, I hold that against Vijay, so so much. His hypocrisy had been so damn frustrating by this point, but that was his point of no return for me, and what excellent foreshadowing for what was about to come. Nikhil ke ek dost ne yeh bol diya ki Pallavi DI is with Raghav Rao, iski nautanki shuru ho gayi? His 'daughter' was alone, out, in the middle of the night, and he trusted a stranger's word so much, not only did he himself not show any concern for her, he didn't even let Nikhil go out and look. And that night, the danger wasn't hypothetical, it was very real. She was trapped in a car with men with terrible intentions, and she was in this position because she wanted to stay away from Raghav, to appease Vijay's zidd. She could have ended up dead that night, and Vijay was just lying down and moaning at the sangeet, acting like a victim. 

And the same thing happened again na? When Raghav came and told his lies, phir se ek ajnabee ke kehne pe 'beti' pe shaq kiya, aur aadhi raat ko ghar se nikaal diya, akele. Anything could have happened to her. Forget family, a good person wouldn't even treat a stranger the way Vijay treated Pallavi. If he was angry with what she was doing, I'd have understood him locking her up in her room, but throwing her out? No concern at all for his safety? It was a statement, ki Pallavi ka uss ghar pe koi haq nahi hai. She's getting to live there, that's his ehsaan on her, and since she's been ungrateful, he's throwing her out. 

Just thinking about both these incidents makes my blood boil. 

I felt Sangeet night was the time when the creative's laid the inherent traits of Vijay, Sharda, Pallavi and Raghav.

Vijay - he turned to be number 1 egoistic person. Jab tak Pallu was working her ass off for him, he was basking in the appreciation. He did not even check what is happening around him. Bas Raghav ko dekha toh gussa ho gaya. Same during the time he threw Pallavi out of the house. 

Sharda - even in the hustle bustle of the ceremony, she was looking out for her daughter. When she did not find her, she did not hesitate to threaten Krishna too. And when she came back safely, she talked to Pallavi calmly and explained where she went wrong. I especially loved Sharda during the night Vijay threw Pallavi out. When VD threatens to set himself on fire - she very calmly removes her mangalsutra gives it to him and says her child needs her more now. And I loved her dialogue to Milind - your brother is not going to cause harm to himself but in case he does please call an ambulance. Sharda accepted Pallu as her daughter and always stood by her. Even when she sees the marriage happening she asks Pallu is Raghav blackmailing you ? Tell me - I will sort him out. That is what a parent does. Stand by your child no matter what. 

Pallavi - she really can go to any extent for the people she loves. I am really hoping that she stands by and is support to Raghav now that Ved is back.

Raghav - during the sangeet time Pallavi was his challenger. He came in the Sangeet to meet his mother and his sister. But he does observe that Pallavi stepped out on her own and follows her. Not only that when she boards strangers car he follows and rescues her from those guys. The creative's showed that Raghav can play his chal way ahead and give the enemy the blow when they least expect it. He has his nazaar way ahead. 

Vijay was never the parent for Pallavi as Sharda was. And Mandar will never be the soulmate for Pallavi the way Raghav is. 

Originally posted by: Diya2021

First of all let me applaud you for the beautiful VM you made on Pallavi’s journey. I just loved it. You are a multi-skilled person 😄 Pallavi’s journey has always been an interesting one. 

You know even I had liked VD more at the start. He seemed to be a simple family man, who was shown to sing old Hindi songs for his wife and who stood by his widow DIL. When Aayi used to find alliance for her, even though he wasn’t in support of it completely but he never opposed it as well. For me VD is a person whose nature is to emotionally blackmail people in order to get his way. He is happy as long as everyone and everything around him is as per his wishes. I agree with your thoughts, it was always emotional blackmail from start which turned to abuse later when he realised that she was slipping out of his hands. Pallavi used to keep her Baba at a high pedestal because his acts of persuasion were all of love, kindness and duty and she being a DIL to this family was always obliged by the force of it that she used to go to any extent for Baba. This is how he is treating Sharda and Kaka as well and this is why he didn’t like Raghav from the beginning. Raghav was the only person who stood up to him, who showed him the mirror of the strong person Baba was trying to be by hiding being his manipulative nature. Any threatening or abuse didn’t work with Raghav and on top of it, he took the one person he had full control on. Like you said, if she had been inside Deshmuk family, she would never have come out of this nor would she have ever stood against him. Currently Aayi and Kaka are facing the same and every time they try to stand up, they are pulled down by VD’s emotional blackmail.  We sadly have some men who keep a control over their family in this way and even though they would look like a perfect family from outside, the people inside are emotionally suppressed. 

Even I’m glad that destiny brought Raghav into Pallavi’s life. By standing outside Deshmuk family, she could finally see the true nature of Baba. At the beginning she was shown to be a happy person but always at a stress as her mind was always on fulfilling the obligations to Baba and now she is let me quote Darcy here pls, You may call her Mrs Raghav Rao…completely, perfectly and incandescently happy 😊 

Thanks Diya!! ❤️ You're too sweet. Loved reading your comment!

I love how the crack's in Vijay's facade of a perfect family man started showing so early on, and they only got more and more salient. In retrospect, we can see all the signs there perfectly. He's failed as completely at that role as he has a businessman. He's ego is massive and extremely fragile, and can't handle being challenged. He has a need to be obeyed without question. Pallavi started losing favor with him when she started defying him to work with Raghav. Sharda became his 'majboori' when she started to challenge him. He treated Milind, an adult, financially independent man, like a tantrum-throwing toddler because he went and met Pallavi. Sulochana has been out to get him, with only Pallavi and then Raghav standing in her way. Amrutha and Mansi have no relationship with him. Nikhil's relationship is strained, and so was Mandaar's. What family values is he always going on and on about? His home and family is in shambles, especially since Pallavi, who was singlehandedly keeping it all together, left. 

Raghav and Pallavi's wedding was an incredibly traumatic event, happening under the worst possible circumstances, and I don't want to whitewash what Raghav did there. But there was certainly a silver lining to it, because it allowed Pallavi the distance, time, and headspace to introspect about how unacceptably she was treated. Props to not just Raghav, but Jaya, Kirti and Farhad for creating the kind of safe environment for her that gave her the security to mull this over, and of course, huge credit to her as well. It takes immense amounts of strength to both realize when you're being abused like this, and taking the steps needed to break out of it. 

Originally posted by: Isamreen

Briallant post 👍🏼

It is insightful and enlightening...

The vm is great too ... The song, the lyrics, the scenes of her desperately asking for VD's approval and her further journey to stand against him.... Just great ...

Thank you so much!! ❤️

Uff, you know, the saddest part is, this video doesn't even include a fraction of the clips I first curated for the video- there are just so many utterly heartbreaking scenes of her begging for love and approval, and not even for selfish reasons- she's doing what she's doing for his shop. 

Originally posted by: MissMichelle

Love this post❤️, beautiful vm also.

Ever since Vijay Deshmuk threw her out that night, I cannot bear to see this character anymore. It clearly showed he never truly loved her, and his shop was all that mattered to him.

 Both Pallavi & Raghav have been through so much, but still Raghav had a loving family life until his late teens. Our girl have suffered so much and deserves all the happiness in the world. This will not come easy, but when it does our hero will definitely fill her life with love & happiness 😳❤️

Thank you!! ❤️

Pallavi definitely deserves all the love and happiness in the world. She's such a good person, with such a beautiful heart and an immense capacity for love. The smallest of gestures, she'll return ten-fold. I hope she soon gets everything she deserves and more!

Raghav arrived and every careful facade of ugly people came out. 

From outside it's such a good sweet family. Two sisters, a nosy but harmless aunt, a strict dad, soft mom, a kind uncle. But the moment Raghav entered and created uproar everything fell apart. He fast forwarded the ugliness inside them all - the misogyny, the entitlement of how the widow /in law can be happy outside D. How kindness is just powerlessness, being a mute spectator of abuse. How disgusting people are there ready to character assassinate a poor sweet woman. It was about the shop anyway. A old man who didn't bother about shop, was happy to get seva from his DIL threw her away cause he believed a random dude over her. And to show he's just as capable, as opposed to getting his mistake, tried to hold onto his family. But it's dead anyway- the people he's trying to hold onto. They aren't worth it. 

Pallo got a real family, amma never judged her for her past neither Raghav cared apart from the initial shock. Once the ugly truth came out their relationship has been a dream based on respect and mutual trust. This is her actual sasural, her house and not the txic D house who liked her till she was single and at their mercy. To a point I used to her mansi and vijay- sorry this is not a thread on them but as I am ranting anyway 😂 

Vijay lost his idea of family, his finance and his so called reputation thanks to an outsider. He's essentially alone, his wife don't support, he know his SIL is shady but can't do anything. His brother is pissed at him, the kids egg on his misplaced anger. And he "trusted" pallavi. So when she's married to the dude who destroyed him and actively defending him, going out saying "mera pati" it's shock to him. Same with mansi, she lost her happiness and it's her bhabhi who got married. She didn't get the happiness. Their cursing at Raghav and fuming was justified at a point. But then sanki asked him to wash his feet, mansi can't seem to analyse even though it's almost a month. Like her family is facing financial issue maybe get a job? Idk they lost the compassion fans might feel for them. 

Originally posted by: MistyDawn

SUPERBBBB!! I wish they could incorporate this video in the show somehow.. Vijay and Pallavi's equation is extremely central to the overall storytelling.. Vijay was masquerading as a father/father-law when fact is that he is far from being a good human being..all his relationships, be it with Pallavi, Sharda his wife, or Milind his brother are one sided abusive, toxic and conditional..condition being that each one of them can remain in his good books as long as they fall in line with his actions/decisions. The moment anyone disagrees or challenges his authority, he doesn't take a second to denounce them.. In Pallavi's case, I am sure deep down she had started to realize that this man is plain immoral but sometimes you  need to step away and see things from afar to understand things in the right perspective..  she kept putting up with his unjust behavior for so long because she was the victim herself, though she didn't realize that for a very long time because Vijay deliberately put the blame squarely on her and after a point that's what she started believing too.. that she is the guilty one and so she is the one who has to beg for his apology.. its only when she saw him play the same card with Raghav, and she was able to see Vijay's game as a third person that she was able to see him for what he really is, and was able to call him out. I hope Sharda is also able to do the same at some point..though she has been an audience to her husband's unacceptable bevaiour towards Pallavi..I hope she is able to break free too from this toxic relationship..

Thanks Vaishali!!! ❤️🤗So glad you liked it!!! 

Vijay-Pallavi is one of the key relationship that's driven the story to this point, and after today's episode, I guess Vijay-Mandaar is going to take it further. We have spoken before, about how Vijay takes so much pride in being the patriarch of the Deshmukh family, and I can't wait for him to realize one day how miserably he has failed in that role. Neither could he fulfil his responsibilities with respect to providing for them, nor in having earned an iota of respect from anyone in the family. So far, he sees all of this not as a reflection of his own faults, but that of others, and in his head, he's a victim. 

You're completely right about Pallavi internalizing the narrative Vijay was spinning, which is why for the longest time she was all about getting him to forgive her, when really, she's done nothing to be guilty of (Maybe the shop accounts thing, but IDK...she was still providing for the family successfully, so the outrage on that rings hollow for me). 

It's easier to see right and wrong when you're looking as an outsider, and Vijay's treatment of Raghav gave her that perspective. Sharda is also seeing it, both in his behaviour to Pallavi and Raghav, and saw it previously with Mandaar. I sense Sharda's much closer to her breaking point now than Pallavi, and I can't wait to see it. 

I think there's an entire faction of the fandom desperately rooting for a Sharda-Vijay divorce! Let it get through, phir hum ek se bad ke ek kamaal ke rishte laayenge Ayi ke liye 😆