Pallavi’s Journey | On Domestic Abuse and Breaking Free

Pallavi’s Journey | On Domestic Abuse and Breaking Free

In the first few episodes of this show, I preferred Vijay to Sharda, simply because he seemed to respect Pallavi’s desires regarding remarrying so much more than his wife did. As the episodes progressed though, the hypocrisy of his ‘concern’ and the conditionality of his ‘love’ became more and more evident. The dynamic soon became so much more insidious than simply an ‘overbearing father’ and his ‘obedient daughter’, and started to fall definitively within the scope of domestic abuse. When we think of domestic abuse, we often think of physical abuse but we must note that emotional abuse can be just as damaging and harmful to the victim. Similarly, the connotation of domestic violence is also usually one of abuse doled out by a spouse on another, but parents and in-laws can be (and often are) guilty of it too.

Vijay and Pallavi’s relationship has demonstrated every single one of the key red flags for an emotionally abusive relationship. 

The abuser blaming the victim for all their problems, accusing them for doing everything wrong and refusing to accept the consequences of their own actions. Using guilt and emotional blackmail to force the victim into doing things they may not want to. Exerting control over all big and small decisions of the victim’s life. Making the victim feel dependent, grateful and indebted so they don’t try to break ties. Controlling the victim’s social life, and alienating the victim from those who may help them break free. Constantly criticizing everything the victim does, and punishing them by withholding affection and neglecting them. Humiliating them in public. Vijay has exhibited each and every one of these behaviours, and this is a video I’ve been wanting to make since before the show hit 50 episodes. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LE8bdItYDCc

Looking at Pallavi as a victim of domestic abuse puts so much of her early behaviour in perspective, and is one of the reasons I couldn’t consider her a doormat, even in her most frustrating moments of being blind to the faults of her own family, since her response seemed so in-line with that of a domestic abuse victim. Anyone who finds themselves in an abusive environment, be it with parents, partner, or in-laws, should leave it, but it’s easier said than done, and almost impossible without support, resources and a whole lot of introspection. It’s only with those things, and an immense amount of mental fortitude, that one can walk away from such a relationship and allow time to heal. 

Needless to say, I’m so very glad our girl got the support and found the strength to break free, and it’s a journey that I find inspirational, to say the very least. 

This is a beautiful introspect to Pallavi's past. Beautifully done.👏👏👏

Ab toh I hate Vijay Deshmukh even more.😡

Such a correct insight to Pallavi's treatment at D house

This was such a refreshing VM! I loved it so much! It really put into perspective Pallavi and Vijays relationship!! Thank you for sharing!!

WoW!!!

I always thought Mr. Deshmukh keeps Pallavi in check/control vecause he thinks he did ehsaan on her unlike Aai.. the whole Pallavi's, unhone mere liye ye kiya wo kiya comes from the fact that she has been made to feel like that subtly. IN fact I always from the first episode thought that he does not want her married for his own selfish reason and not because he wants her to fly..Aai like any other mother, wanted the daughter to have life partner for her daughter..As of now I see I treating her like a daughter.. Have to see when Mandhaar is back...😉

Well written. You have wrote about VD's character perfectly. Pallavi's character have bear many things for the sake of that family especially for VD. But he never really considered her as his own just like he claimed. For him she was a perfect trophy DIL who silently stays under him by obeying him blindly. 

Raghav's entry in her life made him disturbed because he realised that she is coming out of the shell he created for her. The fact that Pallavi keep contacting and meeting Raghav even after his disapproval hurt his male ego. This made him blind and he started to doubt her each and every moment, it was clear when he stalked her. 

Pallavi bore every pain and taunts thrown at her just because of her helplessness and false belief that they cared for her. She was forced to follow their thoughts and ideologies as she was kinda afraid of them. We can witness a huge change in her character after marriage.

 In Rao household she is free to do everything and no-one ask her to behave in a certain way. They accepted her as a human with feelings and dreams unlike Deshmukh's. After marriage, she become more happier and cheerful. Even Raghav, the person who claimed to hate her never tried to interfere in her personal life. 

The treatment towards her in Deshmukh house was nothing short of domestic abuse. Even her recent outburst at D fam was a result of the feelings and anger she oppressed during her life there. She chose to be Pallavi Raghav Rao because she know that she will be free to take her own decisions that way. I don't think she will go back to Deshmukh house unless she is forced or to with a hidden agenda to help Raghav.

I agree 100 percent with your post. Yes Pallavi was in emotional shackles with the D family. That is why she did not even think of her safety when she stepped out late in night to sort out Saree order during Manasi's Sangeet. If Raghav hadn't followed her she would have suffered a really cruel blow - all for what? One order. I am so glad that she finally broke her ties with the family and is now learning to fly on her own with the support that Raghav is giving her. Raghav might have done a lot of wrongs by her but once he married her he stood by his responsibility. And when he knew the truth of Sulo framing Keerti and Jaya he set out to rectify his wrongs - accepting that he was the wrongdoer. Whereas even after Amrutha's abortion truth came out VD never accepted that he was wrong to judge Pallavi. 

That is why when the jewellery kand happened, Pallavi totally stood by her husband against VD - because she understood the inherent character traits of both Vijay as well as Raghav. 

Originally posted by: aye-masakalii

Pallavi’s Journey | On Domestic Abuse and Breaking Free

In the first few episodes of this show, I preferred Vijay to Sharda, simply because he seemed to respect Pallavi’s desires regarding remarrying so much more than his wife did. As the episodes progressed though, the hypocrisy of his ‘concern’ and the conditionality of his ‘love’ became more and more evident. The dynamic soon became so much more insidious than simply an ‘overbearing father’ and his ‘obedient daughter’, and started to fall definitively within the scope of domestic abuse. When we think of domestic abuse, we often think of physical abuse but we must note that emotional abuse can be just as damaging and harmful to the victim. Similarly, the connotation of domestic violence is also usually one of abuse doled out by a spouse on another, but parents and in-laws can be (and often are) guilty of it too.

Vijay and Pallavi’s relationship has demonstrated every single one of the key red flags for an emotionally abusive relationship. 

The abuser blaming the victim for all their problems, accusing them for doing everything wrong and refusing to accept the consequences of their own actions. Using guilt and emotional blackmail to force the victim into doing things they may not want to. Exerting control over all big and small decisions of the victim’s life. Making the victim feel depended, grateful and indebted so they don’t try to break ties. Controlling the victim’s social life, and alienating the victim from those who may help them break free. Constantly criticizing everything the victim does, and punishing them by withholding affection and neglecting them. Humiliating them in public. Vijay has exhibited each and every one of these behaviours, and this is a video I’ve been wanting to make since before the show hit 50 episodes. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LE8bdItYDCc

Looking at Pallavi as a victim of domestic abuse puts so much of her early behaviour in perspective, and is one of the reasons I couldn’t consider her a doormat, even in her most frustrating moments of being blind to the faults of her own family, since her response seemed so in-line with that of a domestic abuse victim. Anyone who finds themselves in an abusive environment, be it with parents, partner, or in-laws, should leave it, but it’s easier said than done, and almost impossible without support, resources and a whole lot of introspection. It’s only with those things, and an immense amount of mental fortitude, that one can walk away from such a relationship and allow time to heal. 

Needless to say, I’m so very glad our girl got the support and found the strength to break free, and it’s a journey that I find inspirational, to say the very least. 

I absolutely agree.

But in my opinion, emotional abuse is much more damaging than physical abuse because physical wounds they heal sooner or later but emotional abuse has such a lasting impact on a person’s psyche that if one drops their guard even for a little while and forgets to keeps themselves in check it doesn’t take long for a person to backslide into that  environment of emotionally abusive cycle especially when emotional abuse is of the kind that Pallavi was subjected to where she truly believed that the people abusing her love her and where she feels indebted to them.

Bang on post, Ashi 👏

VD always treated her like his son's wife, who after his son's death was at his mercy. Pallavi not wanting to remarry also came from VD's thoughts. She denied marriage in a way to prove that she is loyal to Deshmukhs, that she isn't a bad person, that she isn't taking advantage of his kindness 

First of all let me applaud you for the beautiful VM you made on Pallavi’s journey. I just loved it. You are a multi-skilled person 😄 Pallavi’s journey has always been an interesting one. 

You know even I had liked VD more at the start. He seemed to be a simple family man, who was shown to sing old Hindi songs for his wife and who stood by his widow DIL. When Aayi used to find alliance for her, even though he wasn’t in support of it completely but he never opposed it as well. For me VD is a person whose nature is to emotionally blackmail people in order to get his way. He is happy as long as everyone and everything around him is as per his wishes. I agree with your thoughts, it was always emotional blackmail from start which turned to abuse later when he realised that she was slipping out of his hands. Pallavi used to keep her Baba at a high pedestal because his acts of persuasion were all of love, kindness and duty and she being a DIL to this family was always obliged by the force of it that she used to go to any extent for Baba. This is how he is treating Sharda and Kaka as well and this is why he didn’t like Raghav from the beginning. Raghav was the only person who stood up to him, who showed him the mirror of the strong person Baba was trying to be by hiding being his manipulative nature. Any threatening or abuse didn’t work with Raghav and on top of it, he took the one person he had full control on. Like you said, if she had been inside Deshmuk family, she would never have come out of this nor would she have ever stood against him. Currently Aayi and Kaka are facing the same and every time they try to stand up, they are pulled down by VD’s emotional blackmail.  We sadly have some men who keep a control over their family in this way and even though they would look like a perfect family from outside, the people inside are emotionally suppressed. 

Even I’m glad that destiny brought Raghav into Pallavi’s life. By standing outside Deshmuk family, she could finally see the true nature of Baba. At the beginning she was shown to be a happy person but always at a stress as her mind was always on fulfilling the obligations to Baba and now she is let me quote Darcy here pls, You may call her Mrs Raghav Rao…completely, perfectly and incandescently happy 😊