It was a rainy evening, the continuous downpour reminding me of my own weeping heart. The clatter of the window panes caused by the eternal dance of the water and wind, bought back his memories. He had drenched me with his love, forever making me his. He had surrounded me with his strength, forever making me his.
My uncle and aunt were listening to their music in the hall and I was jealous. I was jealous of them, of their togetherness. I was jealous that they get to spend their evening with each other and here I was, alone in my room, with only the shadow of his love as company.
I felt everything was conspiring against me. The rain, the wind, this beautiful evening, my uncle and aunt, and now the tape player.
The first beat of the song took me back to that moment when I had seen him last. It was raining that day too. The rustling of the leaves, the earthy smell of the mud having quenched its thirst by the first drop of rain, the trees assuring of the permanence, and the heady feeling of being in each others arms; everything was bittersweet.
Aaj Jaane ki Zid na karo...
Yun hi pehelu mein baithe raho...
Haye Mar jaayenge...hum toh lut jaayenge
Aisi baatien kiya na karo...
I held his hand tightly not wanting him to leave me. My tears were masked by the droplets of monsoon, but how could I hide what was in my heart. It was screaming at me, not to let him go, it was pushing against my ribs, for it very well knew, it was a slow death, not to have him around.
Tum hi socho zara...kyu na roke tumhe...
Jaan jati hai jab uth ke jaate ho tum...
tumko apni kasam..jaane jaa...
Baat itni meri maanlo...
He pleaded with me to let him go. He was unable to hide his anguish, his helplessness, and so was I. How do I explain to him that he is mine, that I cannot be far from him, that I am his, that I will be lifeless without him. Or maybe I did not have to.
Wakt ki qaid mein...zindagi hai magar...
chand ghadiya yahee hai jo aazad hain...
inko khokar meri jaaneja...umr bhar naa taraste raho...
If this was the last time we met, I wanted to savour it, I wanted to live my whole life in those few moments. I surrendered.
He took my face in his hands and looked at me with an intensity which scared me, aroused me, excited me. He was looking at me with a thirst which could not be quenched in this lifetime, or several lifetimes. Then he kissed me, again and again, stealing a part my soul every time his lips touched mine. We held onto each other, crying, laughing, uttering sweet nothings, making promises to be kept for an eternity.
And then it was over.
And then he was gone.
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