Arshi SS :I Perfectly Flawed I Pg 83 IMP Note *Complete* - Page 52

"Khushi I'm sor..."

Khushi looked up, her fingers on his lips "No. Arnav don't say sorry. I was hurt, upset and even angry! But now... I don't know, I must be confused." She shrugged, playing with the hem of her shirt.

Sitting up, she continued "You know Arnav, no matter what, I was never insecure - at least not about you. Even when we hate married, I knew that you will be with me... it had never come to me that I could lose you."

"You never will!"

"I have!" Khushi almost screamed, shushing immediately once she realised where she was. "Who are you Arnav? What do you like? Apart from Harvard, the colour red and Italian food, what else do I know about you?" Tears brimmed in her eyes as her husband refused to believe her.

You don't get it, do you? When Sheetal was here, she made me realise how little I know about you. I never needed for you to tell me how much you loved me. But now, she made you smile... laugh! I thought that was something that only I could do..." Khushi whispered the last words, her lips quivering with suppressed sobs.

"I love you Khushi." Arnav said, swallowing thickly. He couldn't deny anything.

"And now I don't even know myself..." Khushi whispered, ignoring him. Arnav looked on, scared as Khushi alienated herself from him and stood up. "I need to leave."

What?

Arnav stood up, touching her panicked shoulders "You told me you won't run away." "I'm not running away Arnav. It's just that... I don't know anything! I don't know anyone! To find you, I lost myself. But it's not your fault." Wrenching his hands from her shoulders, Khushi held her head with her hands, breathing harshly. "I need to go, somewhere I don't know. Maybe in anonymity I'll meet myself?" She asked, placing her palms over her mouth.

"I'm going mad? Right? I'm not making any sense! I..." Khushi trailed off, to find an agonized Arnav look at her. With a few brisk steps, he cupped her cheeks and rest his forehead against hers "You're perfect Khushi."

"I don't want to be..." Her lips quivered, hands shaking as she held his own.

"Please, just let me go. Let me be, it's not about us... not about you, it's about me." Arnav listened to her, his heart pounding as her fear stabbed him. For once she was doing the right thing since she met him, she was thinking about herself.

Swallowing tightly, Arnav wished if she threw accusations at him. Yelled at him, throw away her wedding band or vent out how he broke her, not to be broken herself. Guilt kicked his gut as he forgot the last time she laughed. Through the corner of his eyes he spotted Khushi, sunk on the floor, her head in her hands. Just how his mother had been, before she killed herself.

"Aa... Arnav, just let me go."

"Yes... please." He croaked, mouth dry as his body burnt of a betrayal against self. "Thank you." She cried, sprinting off. Turning, he leaned against the window for a support. At the corner there was a butterfly, fluttering until a gust of wind made it smash against a window and drop dead. His eyes were trained on the crushed butterfly, hauntedly, as its deformed wing gave a last try before it became still.

He looked up, distracted, as his wife's reflection grew on the window pane. Spinning on his heel, he was next to her in a breath. "Can I," He stopped, gazing at glistening eyes "May I... just arrange everything for you? Please?" Khushi gave a noncommittal nod. Arnav picked up her bulky bag and realised his mistake when her clothes spilled across the floor. She had forgotten to zip her bag.

Kneeling down he looked at the bunched up dresses and up at a disoriented Khushi. Did he do this to her? But he just loved her. Recall your love story... how was it? The voice was naggingly close to his cousin.

Khushi remained silent, curling her palms into a fist as her husband seemed to be soft, alluring. It would come, wouldn't it? His hurt would come soo - no, no, she corrected herself, his ignorance would come first, followed by hurt and then the blame game. Nauseated by the stress, she turned to the little goddess statuette.

His hands worked deftly, folding the clothes into neat little squares. A bleep from his phone from Aman alerted him of Khushi's travel arrangements. Longing tugged him as he gently held her undergarments. The intimate materials seeming alien. Since when had he forgotten what she wore? Bile rose through his throat with every cloth folded, his mistakes unfolded.

He just needed a chance.

"Please Khushi... I prom" Khushi swiftly cut him, tears heavy on her lashes. She knew he promised her heaven and beyond  but then, she didn't need any of that. "Thank you." She whispered when he bent to kiss her forehead.

Letting him hold the suitcase, she walked into the portico, his hand in hers. The early morning grey  sky thundered with impending storm.

"I hope you like the place." He said, desperate to elicit some response from his wife.

"I know Aman did all the booking but I looked into it too so as to you later don't complain that it's Aman who ends up doing everything for you!" He laughed weakly, hoping she would smile back at him if not chuckle.

Khushi turned to look at his handsome face, his jaw tight with tension. She gently placed her free hand on his cheek. "You said the right thing Arnav. We shouldn't have married." Stroking the flesh with her thumb, she continued "You're right. I don't understand you. We've barely touched two years and this is where we are." Arnav stiffened, his words to her never sounding more horrible than her saying it.

"I never meant it."

"You're better off without me." She whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek. Before Arnav could say a word a black Mercedes turned into the lane, waiting patiently for her.

Her hand slipped away from his as she disappeared into the car. As the storm thundered above, it zoomed away with Arnav holding on to nothing but his bleeding heart. And for once, his heart and mind vehemently shouted one thing;

You destroyed it.'

Her feet tread on, careless of the lush carpet beneath as butlers and hosts flurried to get Mrs. Raizada to the Presidential Suite. She faintly recalled an assistant notifying her stay, halting as Khushi walked towards the window and gazed at the sight before her.

From an earshot she could hear faint, collective chants. The afternoon sun shining brilliantly on the holy ganges. It beckoned to her, calming her senses instantly. She was home, with her Devi Maiyya.

But that was only what a small part of her brain said.

Every part of her trip screamed opulence. The unnecessary care screamed power.

Arnav.

She could almost imagine her husband glaring at the butlers, at the walls, at the hotel, at even the horses - daring them to make a mistake for her stay.

A smile escaped Khushi's lips as she thought so. Slipping out of a hot shower, all she felt was her eyes close in a never ending sleeping as her head hit the pillow.

"You WHAT?" Akash looked on, stupefied as he found his step brother sitting on the stairs of the portico. A red eyed Arnav smiled sadly, "She wanted to leave, needed to leave. Any day, hands down, she's better off without me."

Standing up, he winced at the numbness pricking his legs. Digging his hands in his pockets he found Akash studying him "I'm a parasite Akash. I've never been grateful to you or your parents for taking me in after maa's death."

"But..."

"No, you're right. What have I ever done for you, Di or her?" Arnav asked.

"So you won't do anything to get Khushi back?"

"I was killing her Akash. You know I don't remember the last time she laughed! I don't remember the last time you were happy either." Akash grit his teeth in agitation as a sullen Arnav walked away.

Taking a few hesitant steps, Payal stepped out and joined Akash. Easing into his wife's hold, Arnav groaned and turned around "Payal, I swear I have never met a more thick, pig headed man!"

"But you love him."

Sighing, Akash smiled "Of course. I can't hate my brother even if I wanted to. Yes, I can be angry, upset, hurt but..."

"Can't hate him. I know." Payal smiled, running a soothing had over his stiff back. "And I know that you're feeling guilty for Khushi and Arnav's separation. Thinking your anger spiraled or broke Arnav to such an extent that now he's lost. Right?"

Akash flopped down on a wicker chair, muttering incoherently. Payal shook her head and took his hand in hers "Well that sort of explains why Khushi isn't here. But Akash, you've got to understand that everything doesn't happen because of one person." Moving closer, she locked her arm with his "Arnav's maa never died because of you, alone. Our marriage wasn't in shambles just for your ignorance."

"What do you mean?" Akash asked, holding onto her hand.

"I feel horrible for saying it, but Arnav isn't the only reason for their broken marriage."

How could it happen? She was in Varanasi, next to the Holy waters that breathed of her Goddess. Chewing angrily on another chick pea, Khushi sighed in resignation. Here she was, sitting on a ghat and watching the evening sun dip down which seared peace in her body.

But that was rivaled by her own restlessness.

Closing her eyes, she let her hand brush by the cool ganges, hoping the cold waters would heal her aching heart. How could one have everything yet have nothing? How could she wish Arnav's presence when all she wanted was to run away from him?

How could she escape from her own mind?

Anjali groaned, another headache was on its way. As she heard little footsteps, she immediately plastered a smile as Aarav ran out of the bathroom in his boy shorts and a towel slung around his neck. Warmth filled her heart, he looked so much like her own brother.

Placing Aarav on her lap, she tickled his baby soft stomach as he squealed in joy. "My tickly baby!" Anjali cooed, her lack of sleep temporarily forgotten. She laughed again as Aarav shot off her lap and ran towards the cupboard, staring intently at his clothes. Looking at his epic concentration, Anjali couldn't help but hope him to be the heir of their business in future, junior ASR was really in his form.

That's when her other brother called up. Holding her call, she beckoned Aarav to her.

"Beta, can you go down and start your brunch? I'll join you soon."

"What's brunch amma?"

"It's breakfast and lunch."

"Ah!" Aarav mused. A soft smile hung on Anjali's head as she watched the little boy skip to the dining room.

"Tell me Akash."

"Di, I... " Anjali stood up, aghast at the recent happenings. "You mean to say that you have resigned AR, Khushi left Arnav and now Arnav is devastated?"

"Err... yes."

"Akash, do you know how much you mean to your emotionally stuck up brother?" Anjali prodded, calming at his hesitance from the other end. That meant that Akash knew. "Di, he needs you now. It's that he's not even doing anything to bring back Khushi. He's convinced that he's the worst thing that has happened in her life."

"Technically he's correct." Anjali chuckled a little at Akash's gasp from the other end.

"Di!"

"Akash, it took me a lot of things to understand why Shyam deceived me. And in that process I realised that no one was the way I perceived them to be. Arnav might have been the worst thing in Khushi's life, yet apart from him - there could've been no one else in her life." Anjali reasoned.

"I hope he listens to you when you say that." Akash paused to take a short breath "I don't know Di, I feel he's behaving only on the basis of his baggage and not on who he is or what he feels. It's like his parents' have ruined everything for him." A pang of guilt bit Anjali as she heard him.

"I'm coming there Akash."

"Haye re Nandkishore!" Aarav giggled, mimicking the magnanimous lady before him. With a little chuckle, Madhumati fondly pulled the child's ear and led him to the garden.

Arnav stared at the duo affectionately, his thoughts breaking as Anjali touched his shoulder. "Why Arnav?"

"Di I..."

"Enough! Don't give me the crap of you not being good enough for her, to be honest - that is the truth. But why are you thinking that Khushi's as hurt as maa? That man was a villain and you're nowhere close to him!" Anjali pressed, her tea long gone cold as she repeated for the fifth time.

Looking aside at Manorama's guilty form towards Akash and Payal, Arnav shook his head. "No Di. Anyways, I'm happy Akash has forgiven Mami. Even more glad that he choses to live in a different place. Though..." He trailed off, sighing as Anjali cussed under her breath.

"Why don't you ever say anything! Why not to me at least? Don't you trust me?"

"Of course Di!" Arnav snapped, frowning at the guilt in Anjali's eyes. "Wait, Di... what are you hiding from me?"

Swallowing tightly, Anjali clasped her fingers over his and whispered "What I am going to tell you now... I... I... am so sorry for having not told you before!"

Gripping the fence, Arnav closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. The woman he worshipped, his mother, had been no angel herself. It was difficult to believe that she had destroyed so many women's lives - even if they were just seen with his father and had nothing to do with him. Obsession, madness, psychoticism? Anjali had no answer.

They say it was romantic to go crazy in love, his mother bore the ugly side of it.

Who could he blame? His father for ruining his mother or his mother's stubbornness to believing everything was perfect? So perfect that if it hadn't been the case, she wouldn't have hesitated to kill.  

That she had been responsible for ruining the business Khushi's parents ran only because they were Garima's family. The effects of  his mother's actions made so many people turn against Gayatri and Senior Inspector Mohan Sharma that years later the enemies made off with them by an accidental' car crash.

Khushi had miraculously survived.

It made all the more sense why his grandmother and sister was so biased towards Khushi. They always knew. Except him. Clutching the fence tighter, he wheezed a few difficult breaths, tears stinging his eyes. It was easier that his Nani came over as well, confirming everything.

Oh why didn't he know this before!

Arnav jumped, startled as Akash tapped his shoulder "Lunch has been... have you been crying?" Hastily wiping his tears Arnav nodded negatively.

The brother stood awkwardly, mimicking the other as they dug their hands in their pockets.

"Sorry."

"Sorry."

They looked up, a little grin on their faces. It had been wrong of them to judge or take advantage of the other. Be it Arnav or Akash, they had been equally broken.

Without another word, Akash lunged forward and took Arnav into a tight hug. Feeling the comfort of a shoulder, Arnav broke down into tears, gripping onto his brother.

"Aman would have got a heartattack to see ASR crying." Arnav pointed out to Akash's teary eyes, moments after each had composed themselves.

Raising an eyebrow as Arnav had been the one crying more, Akash asked "This ASR or that ASR?"

Arnav chuckled slightly "Does it matter?"

"Garima." She paused, looking at her husband. It had been a day since the conversation and neither had the courage to speak about anything they had discussed. Taking a deep breath, Garima closed the door of their bedroom.

The family could wait.

"Yes Shashiji?"

It was there in his eyes, asking her if she ever loved him.

"Nothing." Shashi sighed, wheeling himself towards the door. "Shashiji." He halted in his tracks, waiting as Garima sat at the edge of the bed, calling him. With downcast eyes, she confessed;

"I might have not said enough but the truth is that you aren't my first love, neither the man whom I gave myself to. You aren't even the father of my only child. But... you're everything that makes me want to be alive and smile. Does that make sense?" Garima refused to look up, playing with the edge of her saree, sensing him wheeling closer to her.

She sucked a breath as he wiped her tears. With a soft sob, she continued "I don't know how these youngsters say it but yes, I love you. I might have never said it but if you weren't there then I would have die..."

"Shush!" Shashi scolded, affectionately. Holding her hands, he shook his head at his own naivete. How could he not have recognised it? "It's not that I never understood. Garima, I'm so sorry for doubting...I just wanted to,"

"I understand." Garima cut him off, smiling. His chest swelled further as she wound her arm around his, leaning to rest her head on his shoulder.

After all these years, Shashi fell in love with Garima.  

Again.