Confession of An Atypical Love..
"Love is an irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly"
- Robert Frost
She fell into his arms one fine evening that altered the conformation of his constellations permanently. He was raged beyond belief. Briefly, she tried to get away, but he wouldn't let her...and pulled her closer as if that's the order of the universe. A not so quintessential mohabbat breathed life...burgeoned... buttressed rather strangely amidst deliberate hostility. The mohabbat in him could never diminish even after his umpteen efforts to shun it and run away. very well said... where was the place for love in his life, where was the yearning for something afar, yet she came and he couldn't stop a thing... for yeah, the love had taken its first breath.
He gave her ample reasons for nafrat .. to hate him boundless. She screamed, she squabbled, she shivered, she sobbed...yet she survived... and could never leave him.. tightly tethered by that bond of nafrat. After all love and hate, both such very intense emotions, separated only by a fine line. But either, mighty enough to keep the two bonded.
According to legends, Vamana (an avatar of Lord Vishnu) asked only for 3 feet of land from the king Mahabali (grandson of Prahlada) that the latter gladly granted. But vamana, with his supreme power grew immense and encompassed two worlds in two steps that the benevolent king had no way but to bow down for the third foot in front of this who initially seemed like a young non-assuming boy. A classic analogy in Hindu scriptures when something expands unrestrained.. that one has no place to escape. 👏 👏 👏
For arnav singh raizada, the fierce emotion that remained steadfast amidst the carnage of a myriad of other emotions, anger, denial, mistrust, reluctance, hatred, is, the love nestled in his heart for her. He has no qualms to bow down in front of this insurmountable feeling today. At gunpoint when his mortal existence seemed in jeopardy he submitted to his blazing inner truth... that she IS his existence.. wazood.. astitva!
And she would know that TODAY!
He has always said the most important things without much ado, without any prelude..
"Shaadi karni hogi.. mujh se" precisely... he is teh quintessential non fussy, say it as it is iconoclast who does away with a lot of frills yet is the deepest widest being within... love his straight to teh point, no nonsense talk... even with la earlier that diwali night.. shadi kar raha hai... on a dark night, by the pool side he asked.. rather commanded.. her. He would have perhaps said the exact same thing on the terrace that day with a totally different timber in his voice and eyes, sending shivers down her spine, of a different kind than on the pool side, alas.. if only he were to reach onto the terrace not enduring that great implosion at its door step!
When he left her at the airport, a sudden vacuum engulfed her... aap chale gaye tho hum saansein hi nahi le payenge...I wouldn't be able to breathe if you leave...her saansein ruk jayengi moment... as her life force went away with him. Air, how this element is essential for survival... how love always found its way in the same element ...a gust of wind breezed past and the phone rang. When Akash passed on the phone to her, as she heard her arnavji on the airwaves, this time around they carried a message that profusely aerated her much stifled soul in his absence...
"Khushi"..a barrage of tears unleashed down her eyes as she heard him call her name huskily .. she is missing him bad.. real bad. she needs him here.. by her side...right now.. dearly! After a very brief hesitant mumble, a very unlike his assertive self, the words encased in his heart all these months, at last made their way to his airways...and attained a harmonic tune ..that she is longing to hear for long now..
"Khushi, I love you"!
The non-conformist Arnav Singh Raizada confesses...
"If there is no light or no tomorrow, if there is no right and wrong, if there are no dos and don't s, if there are no expectations, no responsibilities, if the world ceases to exist.. amidst this adversity, there is only one bloom hidden intact in my heart... that direly needs to reach yours.. that is my love, the truth that I love you!" beautiful take.
She held that phone close and dear as if that is her life line, as if she cannot let that moment lapse, as if there is nothing else she would rather want to hear. All her queries since long seemed to be answered.. "nahi understand... aap samjhayiye hume"... he did today.. in his own laconic way. Ironically, sometimes the... samjhana...explanation to the most complex things lies in simple facts.. that he loved her!
Those Gulzar lines, talked about many times, come back ringing.."pyar koi bol nahi.. pyar aawaz nahi... Noor ki boond hai sadiyon se baha karthi hai (love has no words, no voice.. it is only a droplet of light flowing since eons.) That noor ki boond...a droplet of radiance...that lone drop of tear rolled down her cheek... at the profundity of the moment!
Love, that has been knocking on their doors since long and been masquerading behind various faces by a pool side, inside a white SUV, on a dance floor .. has at last unveiled itself most ceremoniously in their lives!
beautiful writing, indu... yes at last love. it is here. reminds me of that pinter poem i have quoted before. he was such an individualistic man, a larger than life man in his own way and an iconoclast, without setting out to be one... he was just who he was.
he had at last pushed away the immaterial and looked straight at what matters and the first opportunity he got to say it... he did. how etched this personality gets with each of his actions and decisions.
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