Smita,😊
Here is the interpretation for Part 1.
This update is about three persons doubting the facts before them when analyzed with their basic nature. It is titled IN DOUBT.
When Khushi looked at the file that Shyam had handed to her, it reminded her of the promise he had made that he would make a clean breast of everything to Arnavji, telling him the truth about the relationship between him and the Guptas, their engagement, his attempt to marry her when he was already married to Anjaliji, his performance on the terrace on Jiji's wedding night, tagging a rider with it that he would do it, only if she got Arnavji's signature on that file. It was a carefully worded promise that left no doubt he would do so only if she did his bidding. But Khushi was wary of Shyam and his ways.
She wondered what was in that file. Why was Arnavji's signature on these papers so important to Shyamji? Gettingdoubtful, as she went through the file leaves she realized that it had something to do with Arnavji's property and business. As she realized, it perplexed her and the question, what Shyamji had to do with Arnavji's business clouded her mind, for she knew that he was an independent legal practitioner, whom Arnavji had never involved in his business matters. Only Akash Jiju and Mamaji worked with Arnavji. So what were these papers? And why did Shyamji want Arnavji's signature on them? Knowing Shyam and his ways she wasmistrustful to believe all that he spoke, as his claims were never corroborated by hard evidence. She was at her wits end and her thoughts made her clutch her hair and think about her friend the ever smiling Devi Maiyya, ruing if only she could read English well and understand the meaning of those big words! In her apprehension she berated herself thinking if only she had paid attention in the rotund Mrs. Sharma's English classes back in the government school at Lucknow instead of sighing over Salmanji's pictures in the film magazine in class! All she could do now was get frustrated with, if only! Her regret, huffing and puffing would not change things and thought what the use was of whining over spilt milk. Not being the one to give up easily Khushi tapped her head and self-counseled to think, think hard and find some way out. She thought of Nanheji for he knew good English. It was nothing like his atrocious Hindi. She wondered, if she could ask him. But soon she discarded it knowing that she needed to be cautious and thinking how could she show him the document? What if he asked her who had given it to her, why, how? She had no answer to his questions and he would start questioning all the more and then she could not lie to him. That would put her in a quandary. She thought of her AkashJiju. He too would start questioning things and with him it would be the whole kit and caboodle starting with Shyamji living with them at Buaji's house as a paying guest and out will come a lot of things that would put Jiji's happiness at stake though her Jiji was not really involved in it. At least now Jijiwas happy and how could she destroy it by informing Jiju of the unsavoury character of their own personal hallowed saint, their Damadji? She realized that she needed to be careful and could not take it to anyone in the house because all believed in their damadji, and her claims could be seen with skeptical eyes, for Shyam had inveigled in to the very fabric of Raizada family just as he had done with the Guptas' earlier. These thoughts made her feel pretty uptight.
She pondered over tricking Arnavji into signing over those papers. She could manage to get it done, but not knowing what those papers were, turned out to be problematical. How could she trust Shyamji, when he said that these papers were not important, but just routine office papers? If they were so, why could he not go to Arnavji and get them signed? Why was he anxious that no one knew about these papers? Why was he waiting so eagerly for her to get this done? These were her skeptic thoughts for she was not born yesterday to be taken as a gullible fool as she knew Shyamji was not straight forward for all his claims to be otherwise. He was evil, unscrupulous and would not hesitate to sink to any level to cheat anyone. His purpose was always a suspect, his motives worthy of scrutiny, his behavior immoral, and his character non-existent. When she knew this, should she believe knave Shyamji and try to clear her name in Arnavji's eyes? Or should she without giving credence to Shyamji's words of promise confide in a brutal and unpleasant yet honest Arnavji, even though he hated her. She was in a dilemma. She knew she was on a sticky wicket but she really had no choice. Caught between the devil and the deep sea she was in no doubt that the deep sea was a safer bet. Knowing that there was only one way out, that was Arnavji even though he would blast her he was the only option available to her. She had to show him the file and tell him what Shyamji had said about his willingness to confess his misdeeds. Arnavji had to know what was going on and the dubious dealings of his jeejaji. She decided she would have to tell him.
But the question was would he listen to her? Even if he listened would he believe her? That was dubitable but she had to give it a shot. Khushi blinked aside the tears that had pooled in her eyes as she knew that he would not believe her, but it was of no consequence now as his opinion of her had touched the nadir for he strongly believed that she was in a liaison with Shyamji and was in cahoots with that creep and abetting him in cheating Anjaliji. His contempt for her, he had displayed time and again in callous ways, unmindful of the wound he inflicted, his hatred was so strong that it pounded her heart into smithereens just like a mirror when hit by a sledge hammer, his perception of her as a characterless girl was painful that it was like a biting cold wind that went through her flesh and chilled her to the bones making her all numb. She decided that when he already thought so low about her, it could not get any worse as it had already reached the very pit. But if she did not try to let him know what was happening, with Arnavji's well-being and security at stake she would be committing a grave mistake. She was not ready to put it between the hammer and the anvil. She had to let him know, come what may. She had to go to his office and hand over to him the file. He could believe her or ignore her that was his prerogative. But she had to tell him and ensure that Shyamji was not planning something evil, something that could harm Arnavji. His opinion of her was not important anymore. Thinking so, seeking the help of her Divine friend, Devi Maiyya, to keep her Arnavji safe and sound and help her to choose the right path, setting all her doubts and turmoil aside, though wary, Khushi took the file and walked down.
As she made her way down the steps with the file tightly held to her bosom, Anjali chirped, Khushiji! asking her to come and see what the family jeweler Motilalji had brought for them to choose from! Khushi, who was engrossed in her thoughts to reach Arnavji as soon as possible and hand over the file, was startled. In her preoccupation, she had not noticed that the family had assembled in the living room. Khushi, in a hurry to leave, looked at the numerous boxes displayed before the Raizada ladies with total disinterest. Her heart thumped madly, and her mind was riveted to the fact that she needed to go to Arnavji's office immediately and hand over the file to him. As she moved towards the door she told Anjali that she was in a hurry and needed to go out urgently, to meet Arnavji and she did not want anything. But Anjali laughed out saying, her Arnavji would wait for her but not Motilalji and was insistent that she sit by her. She wanted Khushi to help her choose a bangle and showing two pieces she was wearing lifted her arms. Khushi desperate to reach Arnav told her that both suited her. Anjali limping towards Khushi, held her by her hand and made her sit among them. She asked Khushi to kindly choose a few pieces for herself as she wanted to gift them to her after she and her Chotey got married but... she let it trail off and continued to say that she would like to do it now at least and be kind enough to choose it now. Anjali who had mastered the art of emotional blackmail and get things done her way pouted entreatingly while Nani and Mami nodded encouragingly. Payal gave a warm smile to her sister. Nani, showing her a set, with a smile told her that Payaliyaa had chosen that particular one and now Khushi Bitiyaa had to choose and asked her to select whatever she liked. But for Khushi, reaching Arnavji and telling him the facts she knows were of utmost importance than the jewels. Still, she had to comply with their request.
Mami, wearing two wide and heavy bangles on her two already overloaded arms, asked her mother-in-law, does not the two pieces look good on her? Her words made Nani frown, Anjali shake her head as though there is no hope for improvement and Payal bend her head to hide her smile. Nani, who took exception to this chided Manorama that she had already selected enough and it was more than her body could carry at a time. Mami who knew when to backtrack did so saying, that it looked like her mother-in-law had misunderstood her. That was alright. She was modeling it for Khussi and helping her to choose! Nani shook her head with resignation thinking would her daughter-in-law ever behave dignified, like a mother-in-law! While Anjali and Payal smiled, Khushi was viewing the door in desperation. Mami forcibly put the solid heavy gold bangles on Khushi's arms. Nani queried fondly, does she like it? Anjali added. that if she did not like it they could look at diamonds or platinum pieces. Khushi though quizzical, took the quick route to escape with a brisk and cheerful readiness said that she loved the bangles and could she keep them. All beamed at her thinking that she was extremely happy with the bangles and Nani cupping her face said that her Khussi Bitiyaa could keep whatever she wants and the other ladies nodded smiling. As Khushi tried to remove the bangles, Mami who was on cloud nine at Khushi accepting her choice with alacrity stopped her saying that, as she likes Mami's choice so very much, she could wear them and signing off her statement with her original Hello Hi Bye Bye! Nani too added her feelings asking her to wear them as they looked good on her arms. Anjali quipped with a laugh that they do suit her and Mamiji knows how to choose good ones. Not to be out done verbally, Mami added with laughter, what else does she think! Who chose her Mamaji! Amidst the ensuing laughter, Khushi quietly slipped away with her heart beating frantically, desperate to see Arnavji and unburden her mind.
As Khushi left the house with the file in her hand a pair of serpentine eyes watched her stealthily. Beads of sweat formed on Shyam's forehead as his eyes widened incredulously, realizing that Khushi was on her way to Arnav's office. That was what she had told his Rani Sahiba. Khushi was going to approach Arnav in his office and tell him the truth. He realized that she had not availed the opportunities she had, to get Arnav's signature on the papers while he was at home. That meant she did not intend to get it done. He needed to be on the lookout. Shyam ran his fingers through his thick mane, cursing the day he had given her the papers. He had thought that she was a gullible fool and fool enough to do anything to prove her innocence to Arnav, but he had misjudged her. Now it was he who had exposed himself by giving her the file. If she gave the file to Arnav and told him the truth, her side of the truth, that would be the end of Shyam Manohar Jha and his stay at RM. Arnav would go all cautious and questioning and when unanswered all that he had worked for, plotted for, schemed for, the toil of his four years would be down the drain. He would not only lose the roof over his head but also the access to his personal ATM Rani Sahiba's personal account with unlimited funds, as well as the joint account. It would be as good as the sun setting for him and he would go into oblivion. The file would be proof enough, solid irrefutable proof against him that he was eyeing Arnav's wealth and if Arnav showed it to Rani Sahiba he could as well kiss goodbye to everything. The very thought made him break out in cold sweat. Without a doubt, Khushi had suspected him and his motives. He decided that right now his top priority was to stop Khushi before she entered Arnav's office and ran in to get his car keys panting as though he was being chased by the hunting hounds. But to his chagrin, Shyamji, floated the sweet and melodious call, a honeyed sub peona laced with smile. Mami invited Damadji to help her chose a necklace and Nani, smiling patted the seat besides her asking him to join them. Shyam hit his head with his hand and was like a cat on hot bricks looking for an avenue of escape, sweat dripping down his temple.
Meanwhile Arnav who was in his office was staring at the screen of his laptop. While his eyes was glued to the screen, mind was adrift. It had floated with the thoughts of Khushi, his wife. He had become a bag of mixed emotions. He felt his throat parched and like a rasp at the thought of the change in Khushi. After her suicide bid and his telling her the reason behind their marriage, she had gone silent. His watchful eyes noted that she spoke little, smiled little, ate little and that thought made him clench his fist in frustration at not being able to understand what was going on in her head. She wore a worried look and her eyes were ghost like not really seeing things, as though her mind was occupied elsewhere. She had started to spend more of her time with Laxmi than anyone else. Mami's quips got a pale smile in return, Di's and Nani's love always saw her eyes moisten, Payal's teasing remarks elicited just a twitch on her lips and NK's jokes drew blank stares. Arnav was at a loss of what was happening with her and that was something he did not relish making him clench his fist. It was as though somebody had switched off the light from within. She looked pale, worried and always sad now. It looked as though she had to bear the burden of the world on her frail shoulders. Her behaviour was too cagey for a person filled with guilt. She had even given up her catering business she had started with Shukla and his employees were unhappy with the lunch packet that they had received that noon. This change in her made him suspicious and knew without belief that things are not what they seem to be. Something was not right.
As Arnav stood up, and moved towards the glazed wall of the mezzanine and looked down, he remembered the day, after Teej, when she had come in to his office to get her Devi Maiyya, he had watched her walk to her seat right below him and now it was occupied by someone else and the thought made Arnav grind his teeth. He had followed her to the storeroom, furious at her refusal to listen to him and his apology and fallen over her. Arnav closed his eyes in pain wondering where has those days gone and what has gone wrong. Now she was a mere shadow, a pale ghost of what she was back then. The fire in her, the challenge in her eyes, the unwilling attraction in her eyes as he had walked towards her on Diwali night, the way she had jerked when he had touched her foot, the way her eyes used to rest on him whenever he entered the room, the way her eyes searched for him if he was absent had all vanished into thin air just like a spiral of smoke. He painfully wondered where that Khushi was. Or had he imagined all those days? How could that Khushi, that innocent Khushi, that girl who was not familiar with the touch of a man, be Shyam Manohar Jha's mistress? He suspected his own thoughts and beliefs on that matter. It was unbelievable that a girl with such strong bearings and beliefs would stoop so low. That was a matter of suspicion.But as the images of Shyam hugging Khushi on the terrace and shouting his love for her to the skies rushed in to his mind, the green-eyed monster took its grip on him and his fingers curled in to his palms, leaving deep marks on the skin.
In this update all the three are in doubt.
Khushi is in doubt about Shyam's intentions and Arnav's acceptance of her explanations and how she got the file. She is in doubt of Arnav's safety and well being.
Shyam is in doubt whether Khushi had taken him for a ride and will he be able to get out unscathed of the mess he made by giving Khushi the file, for his luxurious future depended on it.
Arnav is in doubt seeing that Khushi had gone into a shell and she opened up only to her Laxmiji, Nani's pet goat. It made him doubt whether his accusations that she was in cahoots with Shyam against his Di and she was Shyam's flame held any substance. After he had accused her, she had lost all her verve, and was a mere shell of her former self. But again the images of Shyam hugging her on the terrace and declaring his love to her put Arnav in doubt on his thoughts so far. But overpowering it was the sense of jealousy and her reactions that once again put him in doubt whether he had read the situation correctly back then? His mind takes in only facts. Though facts point elsewhere, his heart does not believe it and that has set the churning. Arnav's mind right now is being churned as to what to believe and what not to. His skepticism, careful cautious thinking, Shyam's dubious nature has made him wary and set his mind in doubt as to whether his line of thought up till now was really on track or not.
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser men so full of doubts"
~ Bertrand Russell
That is why this is titled IN DOUBT. Any doubt???
That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it.
Edited by rulama - 10 years ago
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