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"A mighty pain to love it is, and 'tis a pain that pain to miss; but of all the pains, the greatest pain is to love, but love in vain."
You were the beginning of my end. My destruction. You took from me until I couldn't give anymore but I never stopped trying. You exhausted my love. But even now, I whisper your name in the dark. You never loved me, wanted me but the story of us is carved so deep into my heart, into my veins I can't possible rid myself of it. I knew you were close when I cried out to you, when I called your name, yet you did nothing. My vision blurs from the tears and yet I cannot do anything for it is an eclipse. I am the Sun and she is the moon. You cannot see me when she enters the room. But it was in those moments, it began to become clear. I realized you weren't trying to hurt me. In fact, you weren't thinking of me at all. That you never have and never will. I was the Sun in the eclipse and that's all I'd ever be. It still hurt to breathe though. It still does. It was as if I was the cure and you were the disease. I was saving you and you were killing me.
"Do you have any idea what it feels like?" She whispered in a soft broken voice. He looked up and gazed into her stormy eyes full of sorrow. He couldn't remember the last time her eyes weren't full of pain. He couldn't remember the last time he wasn't a reason for it.
"It hurts. A lot," she continued, "but it says more about me than you. I chased after a boy who ripped me to shreds. Who ripped me into pieces so small I couldn't recognize myself." And then she smiled. His heart stopped. It was that smile. His eyes couldn't help but be drawn to her face. Her skin tainted by tears, her lips trembling.
"I held you at your worst, when you'd get drunk and break things screaming about Di, but you didn't even want me at my best. I suppose loving you was the most exquisite form of self destruction." Her voice was shattered, her words true, They were like shards of glass cutting into his cold heart. He winced at her words.
"Do you remember the night of my French exam back in London?" She asked. "You had called me at three in the morning to help me study. We reviewed ever word on the list and you always forgot one-la doleur exquise. It means the heart wrenching pain of wanting the affections of someone unattainable. How ironic. The one word you always forgot described me, my situation. It was very appropriate that the one word you couldn't remember described the feelings of the one girl who you'd always forget. I suppose that is incorrect too. To forget someone, you have to remember them, and to remember them, you have to think of them. You don't think of me," She gave him a heart wrenching wistful smile again.
"I remember the first time I saw you with Di. I couldn't breathe. Every inhale was a struggle and every exhale a tragedy. And it's funny because there was nothing romantic about the meeting. But just the very image of you with some other girl was enough to evoke that much of a reaction...imagine how I feel now with your blatant affairs..." And finally she let a sob out. Had it not been a cry of agony, it would have been beautiful. Rather, pain resonated from every inch of it.
She collapsed to her knees. He didn't move. Instead, he stood there and watched her cry, and sob.
"I'm exhausted," she said, "exhausted from loving you. I don't know what else to do. I wish you could open your eyes and see that I am crazy for you."
" Please," she begged, " tell me what I was doing wrong. I promise I'll fix it. You don't understand," she cried," there's a burning pain in my throat, in my heart, in my soul that reminds me everyday that you will never love me back. You're the one who broke my heart, you're the reason my world fell apart, you're the one who made me cry, yet I'm still in love with you and I don't know why." She whispered.
Still silent as ever he stood. She looked up at him. He looked back. After minutes, he finally spoke.
"What do you want me to say? That I love you?" His voice was cold and calculated. His face, his expression was set in stone. His eyes were cruel. Mocking even. He scoffed.
"The fact of the matter is that I don't. I never have, and never will." His words were like ice cutting deep into her. He walked closer to where she had collapsed on her knees. He kneeled down to be eye level with her. Hers brown, his black. He reached across and held her by her shoulders. She froze. They were caught in spell. The electricity in their gazes was palpable. She closed her eyes and tears fell silently. Her trembling hand reached up to his face. Her touch was barely there but to him every place her fingers touched burned. She traced his lips, his cheeks. He closed his eyes as well.
And then the spell was broken. He opened his eyes, grabbed her hand, flung it down and moved away.
______________________________________________________________________________
I don't know why but I've been focusing on Mahi and Yuvraj a lot and the aftermath of when she finds out his truth. This is almost a continuation of the other OS (The Truth Is Always Bitter) when Mahi decided to stay with him. I picture this a while later when she finally has enough and confronts him. I think it's a very depressing and dramatic. But, I think it makes me feel a little better because Mahi knows the truth. Anyways, as per always, looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
- Meghana
-Abraham Cowley
______________________________________________________________________________You were the beginning of my end. My destruction. You took from me until I couldn't give anymore but I never stopped trying. You exhausted my love. But even now, I whisper your name in the dark. You never loved me, wanted me but the story of us is carved so deep into my heart, into my veins I can't possible rid myself of it. I knew you were close when I cried out to you, when I called your name, yet you did nothing. My vision blurs from the tears and yet I cannot do anything for it is an eclipse. I am the Sun and she is the moon. You cannot see me when she enters the room. But it was in those moments, it began to become clear. I realized you weren't trying to hurt me. In fact, you weren't thinking of me at all. That you never have and never will. I was the Sun in the eclipse and that's all I'd ever be. It still hurt to breathe though. It still does. It was as if I was the cure and you were the disease. I was saving you and you were killing me.
"Do you have any idea what it feels like?" She whispered in a soft broken voice. He looked up and gazed into her stormy eyes full of sorrow. He couldn't remember the last time her eyes weren't full of pain. He couldn't remember the last time he wasn't a reason for it.
"It hurts. A lot," she continued, "but it says more about me than you. I chased after a boy who ripped me to shreds. Who ripped me into pieces so small I couldn't recognize myself." And then she smiled. His heart stopped. It was that smile. His eyes couldn't help but be drawn to her face. Her skin tainted by tears, her lips trembling.
"I held you at your worst, when you'd get drunk and break things screaming about Di, but you didn't even want me at my best. I suppose loving you was the most exquisite form of self destruction." Her voice was shattered, her words true, They were like shards of glass cutting into his cold heart. He winced at her words.
"Do you remember the night of my French exam back in London?" She asked. "You had called me at three in the morning to help me study. We reviewed ever word on the list and you always forgot one-la doleur exquise. It means the heart wrenching pain of wanting the affections of someone unattainable. How ironic. The one word you always forgot described me, my situation. It was very appropriate that the one word you couldn't remember described the feelings of the one girl who you'd always forget. I suppose that is incorrect too. To forget someone, you have to remember them, and to remember them, you have to think of them. You don't think of me," She gave him a heart wrenching wistful smile again.
"I remember the first time I saw you with Di. I couldn't breathe. Every inhale was a struggle and every exhale a tragedy. And it's funny because there was nothing romantic about the meeting. But just the very image of you with some other girl was enough to evoke that much of a reaction...imagine how I feel now with your blatant affairs..." And finally she let a sob out. Had it not been a cry of agony, it would have been beautiful. Rather, pain resonated from every inch of it.
She collapsed to her knees. He didn't move. Instead, he stood there and watched her cry, and sob.
"I'm exhausted," she said, "exhausted from loving you. I don't know what else to do. I wish you could open your eyes and see that I am crazy for you."
" Please," she begged, " tell me what I was doing wrong. I promise I'll fix it. You don't understand," she cried," there's a burning pain in my throat, in my heart, in my soul that reminds me everyday that you will never love me back. You're the one who broke my heart, you're the reason my world fell apart, you're the one who made me cry, yet I'm still in love with you and I don't know why." She whispered.
Still silent as ever he stood. She looked up at him. He looked back. After minutes, he finally spoke.
"What do you want me to say? That I love you?" His voice was cold and calculated. His face, his expression was set in stone. His eyes were cruel. Mocking even. He scoffed.
"The fact of the matter is that I don't. I never have, and never will." His words were like ice cutting deep into her. He walked closer to where she had collapsed on her knees. He kneeled down to be eye level with her. Hers brown, his black. He reached across and held her by her shoulders. She froze. They were caught in spell. The electricity in their gazes was palpable. She closed her eyes and tears fell silently. Her trembling hand reached up to his face. Her touch was barely there but to him every place her fingers touched burned. She traced his lips, his cheeks. He closed his eyes as well.
And then the spell was broken. He opened his eyes, grabbed her hand, flung it down and moved away.
______________________________________________________________________________
I don't know why but I've been focusing on Mahi and Yuvraj a lot and the aftermath of when she finds out his truth. This is almost a continuation of the other OS (The Truth Is Always Bitter) when Mahi decided to stay with him. I picture this a while later when she finally has enough and confronts him. I think it's a very depressing and dramatic. But, I think it makes me feel a little better because Mahi knows the truth. Anyways, as per always, looking forward to hearing your thoughts.
- Meghana
Debate Mansion
