Swasan SS: You don't love me anymore part 7 on p7 - Page 4

"There are moments in life when it is all turned inside out--what is real becomes unreal, what is unreal becomes tangible, and all your level-headed efforts to keep a tight ontological control are rendered silly and indulgent."
Aleksandar Hemon, The Lazarus Project

We humans pride ourselves in believing that we are in control but the truth is we are never in control. We are not supposed to be. Someone else is writing are life story and whenever we do something wrong that someone just alters something to make us realize our mistakes. We all have dreams. Some of us dream of having a six figure salary, a beautiful home and some yearn for a perfect family. Swara always dreamt of one. Family was so elusive for her that when she finally got one she protected it fiercely. She held onto her dream even it caused her immense hurt. The thing with dreams is that you need to wakeup to face reality. You need to make peace with the fact that not all dreams come true. She was so focused on fulfilling her dream that she forgot the one person who was right next to her. Sanskar was Swara's reality and he would always be. It was time for Swara Sanskar Maheswari to wake up.

Shomi was pacing in her daughter's room. The doctor had called her and told her that Swara had woken up earlier in the day. He had also told her that she had asked about Sanskar. The doctor advised that they needed to come up with an excuse the truth could endanger her health. Shekar walked into the room. He sighed at his wife's dilemma.

"Walking back and froth is not going to fix anything you need to relax" He said

"I cannot relax. My daughter is lying in the hospital bed and my son in law is in coma in the icu fighting for his life. How am I suppose to tell her Shekar? He is her life" Shomi said

"Tell her the truth she would hate us if we lie to her. We can't keep them apart. He needs her"

"Why them shekar? Why is it always these two? Hasn't god tested them enough? I can't bear to see them like this" Shomi lamented

"Maybe we are at fault too. We have never realized their value. We have never acknowledged their struggle but the truth is me and you we are only together because of these two. Therefore, I implore you tell her the truth. Let us help them for once" Shekar tried to make her understand

"What if I lose her?" She asked innocently

"You realize if something happens to him we will lose her too"

Just than Swara stirred the effects of the sedative were finally wearing off. Both of them stopped talking.

She tried to get up.

"Careful beta don't strain yourself" Shomi chided her

"Maa where is Sanskar?" She asked

Shomi didn't know what to tell her. When Sanskar had been brought in. All of them had been elated. Especially Laksh since he wanted to apologise for what he had said to him. However, Sanskar had barely survived. When the blast happened he was thankfully not in the airport building other wise he woud have been dead. An ambulance had found him brutally injured in the parking lot. His phone had been found right next to him so he was easily identified by the police. He had flat-lined on his way to the hospital. The doctors were not optimistic about his survival they had asked Durga Parsad to prepare himself for the worst. The family was grateful that Swara was unconscious the poor girl wouldn't have been able to bear this news. However, against all odds he had miraculously survived but he was in coma. If he didn't regain consciousness soon than things could get complicated. How do you tell your daughter this that there is a chance that her husband might die. Words failed Shomi. She walked out of the room unable to control her tears.

"Maa kia hua?" Ragini asked

"Ragu main kia bolo Swara ko Sanskar kay baray main. Kesi batoon ussay sach. Jab tak woh behosh thi toh muijhay sukoon tha. Main ussay itna dard kaisay doon" Shomi asked

Ragini had no idea how to console her mother. Maybe she should tell her sister.

She walked into Swara's room.

"Ragini please tell me where is he? Why is no one telling me. I asked Maa but she didn't say anything. Tell me he is okay please" Swara pleaded with her

"Swara he is here in the same hospital."

"Why hasn't he come to meet me yet?" She asked

Ragini took a deep breath it was time she told her sister the truth.

"It's because he can't Swara. He sustained multiple injuries in the blast and unfortunately he is in coma"

"No that can't be true. He was fine when I talked to him. He promised me that he is going to come back. Ragini please I am not in the mood for a joke. He played this prank last time as well. I am not going to fall for it again" Swara said. If Sanskar was joking again he was in for another round of beating. Another memory assaulted her brain.

"I didn't know any other way to convince you to come so I lied. I am sorry." He said

"Pagal ho stupid ho idiot ho pata hain main kitni pareshan ho gayi thi" She said angrily while hitting him on the chest

"Bas Swara kuch nahi hua mujhay bas yay thodi si chot lagi hain. I am sorry" He said while showing her his wounds. She kissed her wounds and leaned forward to embrace him in a hug but just like last time he was gone.'

"I am really sorry Swara he is not joking this time but that promise saved his life. If he hadn't been in the parking lot things would have been much worse. Even the doctors are surprised by his resilience but he is fighting to come back to you. You just need to be strong" Ragini instructed her

"It's all my fault if only I had listened to him before. If I had for once I had supported him, we wouldn't be here right now. For once Ragini he asked me to make him a priority but I didn't. I disregarded his threats because I assumed that he will always be there. I hate myself" Swara said in between tears

"No Swara it's not your fault. Gosh you two are so similar you know when you had been presumed dead. Lucky told me that he blamed himself. He thought that God was punishing him for his past crimes through you. However, Swara he never lost hope and you shouldn't either." Ragini told her

"I need to see him please Ragini take me to him"

"Okay let me ask the doctor maybe you can see him tomorrow"

"I need to see him right now" She said

Ragini knew that her sister wouldn't budge she went to the doctor to allow her to take Swara to the ICU.

The doctor was reluctant at first but Ragini convinced him. He asked Ragini to take her on a wheelchair since she was still too weak.

Ragini and the nurse helped her to get up from the bed gently and settled her in the chair. She knew if he would have been here he would have just hoisted her up in his arms. He always used to joke that she was so tiny that she used to fit perfectly into his arms. More than ever she wished that he would hold her again and she would just bury her head in his chest and never let go. The fact is we never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.

They weren't permitted to go inside she could only see him through the glass door. He lied so still it looked like he was sleeping. Various tubes and machines were connected to him. He looked so young and weak. She always used to scold him for neglecting his health and not eating too much. How was his frail body enduring so much pain? She wanted to run inside and embrace him in a hug. To let his woodsy scent engulf her and reassure her that he was actually there. That this was not just a trick of her eyes. She wanted to touch him and feel his steady heartbeat. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry. That right now she didn't care about Maa, Baba or Ragini she only wanted him. Her life was meaningless without him. Maybe somehow he had sensed that she was there because his heart monitor showed his heart beat racing up. Doctors rushed into the room. They were frantically trying to make sense off the situation. She didn't even know what was happening until she had the noise of the heart monitor indicating he had flat-lined. The doctor was using the defibrillator to bring him back. For a moment she forgot everything else and just looked at him fighting for his life.

"You can't do this to me. You promised you will come back" She said

His breathing calmed again. The doctors breathed a sigh of relief.

"You are lucky Mrs Maheswari your husband is a fighter" The doctor said

"I know he is"

"Frankly I am surprised that he is still alive I think it's your love that's keeping him alive" He said and walked away.

She looked at him again indeed it was love that brought them together in the first place and love would bring him back again because only love has the power to defeat death.

A/N:

One of the quote is from Dr Seuss. Sorry I can't reply to everyone. I am busy with uni work. Hope you guys like it.

Love

Sara

Dreams of life held in the hands, the hearts of quiet hope

While memories of years past run as a flood through the mind

Each moment remembered a small jewel of a greater treasure

God's precious gift entrusted to your care for only a while

Teaching lessons, giving love, wiping away tears, and bringing smiles

Like a movie in slow motion it flashes past your eyes while you watch

A part of yourself, yet growing, becoming so very unique in himself

A thousand tiny things once forgotten overwhelm your senses

As if, in the remembering, the pain can be pushed back, ignored

But when you open your eyes he is still there as if softly asleep

In all of this there is yet wonderment and hope brightly alive

For each breath is life, and time for another prayer to reach God's ears

Unseen angels surround him, keeping their watch, holding his hand

He is not afraid, for they talk to him in the deep silence of the room

And he knows he is loved, by you, by others, and most of all by God

He sleeps in peace, while there, in that small room, time has stopped

And while time has stopped, prayers reign supreme, and love rules.

Copyright 1998 Lastmanot ---

10 days. 240 excruciatingly painful hours but no sign of change in him.

"How is he doctor?" Swara asked

"No sign of improvement but no sign of deterioration even that's a small victory in it's own self" The doctor assured her

She looked at him. How innocent he looked like he was just sleeping. She caressed his hair in moments like these she really needed to feel that he was there. How agonising it was to see him like every day. Just mere shell of a person he was. How she wished she could see his chocolate brown eyes light up or his vibrant smile grace his face. She called him cute every day just waiting for him to admonish her for doing so. She needed him to wake up. Swara wanted to tell him that he was it for her. That he had completely blind sided her with his love. Before he came into her life she had a plan on how she was going to do things but than he walked into her life and changed everything. He showed her a side of love that she didn't even know existed. She looked at him again and placed her hand on his heart. The faint thumping of her heartbeat soothed her. How could this man love her so much? She didn't deserve his love. Were the fates mocking her by keeping them close yet far apart. She couldn't stop the tears that fell from her eyes. A memory resurfaced in her brain

"Yeh ansoo khushi kay ho ya gaam kay. Ankho say bhair nahi ahnay chaiyay. Paani ki iss bo'ondh kay liay main apna khoon baha sakta hun" He had said. While gently wiping her tears away. How she wanted to tell him how handsome he looked in his blue blazer. She reached out to grab his face but just like last time he vanished'

She furiously wiped away her tears. She couldn't be weak he needed her to be strong. She began telling him about her day. That had been her habit for the past six days. Ever since Sanskar had been shifted to the private room she refused to leave him alone. The doctor advised her that she needed rest but she was adamant. The family arranged for a separate bed for her to be placed in the room. She prayed for his recovery. She told God that a life without him was meaningless. That if something happened to him she would lose faith she knew that was crass and stupid of her but God should know that she was not happy with what happened to him. How much were both of them suppose to painfully endure? They had enough of fate and it's games. She told him how Uttara had grown fond of some guy called Chirag and how his family proposed marriage. However Uttara refused to perform any ceremony without her brother. She told her how Laksh was looking after his projects probably trying to atone for whatever bullshit he had said to Sanskar. Swara told him how Laksh was desperate for her forgiveness but this time she was not willing to listen to him. She was not in a position to forgive him as he had wronged Sanskar. She reminded him of their future plans and pleaded with him to get up. Every day she would remember what he had said:

"I will be gone forever and in a way I will be dead for you".

He was in for another round of scolding. How many times she had told him to chose his words carefully you never know when certain things become true.

Days passed like this. After being discharged from the hospital she moved back to Maheswari Mansion. Their blue room held numerous memories that comforted her. She asked the doctors if she could continue to stay over night. They agreed to let her stay. When the doctor would finish his last round of checkup she would wait for a few minutes and then would lie down with Sansakr. She loved keep her head on his chest. It just assured her that he was really there with her. A month passed and the doctors started losing hope.

"His vitals are good but not steady. He should have woken up by now. I am afraid Mrs Maheswari we might have to start thinking of other options" The doctor informed her the next day

"What do you mean by other options?" She asked

"You should prepare yourself for the fact that he might never wakeup"

"But you said that he will" She wailed

"I was hopeful before but the odd are not in his favour. Maybe it's time to move him off the ventilator and let him die a peaceful death"

"Doctor do you even know what you are saying. That's my husband lying there on that bed not just some useless piece of protoplasm. How can you say these kind of things? How can you even ask me if I am willing to let him die? I don't care if he wakes up in 10 months or in a year. He will wake up because he promised me that he will come back to me. If you are worried about wasting hospital resources on my husband than tell me. I will get him shifted to another hospital" She shouted

"Calm down Mrs Maheswari. I didn't mean to cause you distress. I just wanted you to be aware of the situation." He explained

"You are doctor not a robot how can you not feel? If your own family member was lying on that bed would you have said the same thing" She asked

"I am sorry. I wouldn't have. It's hard to let your loved ones go. We will try our best to bring him back"

"I am sorry too for shouting at you doctor disrespecting you was never my intention" She apologised

"No problem Mrs Mahesawri grief has way of clouding our judgement. I am not a religious man but I will ask my wife to pray for both of you" He said

"Thank you" She said

"We are not robots Mrs Maheswari it's just that we need to learn to keep our emotions in check. I will come back again to check up on him later. Take care" The doctor said and left.

She looked at him lying so peacefully on the bed.

"Look at you sleeping so peacefully. Do you even have an idea of the havoc you have caused? Please Sanskar, I need you. I want you to open your eyes. I want to see you smile again. Say something please scold me, shout at me but don't you dare leave me alone. Come back to me please remember you promised. I am nothing without you. I am barely existing in this world. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Please wake up" She pleaded with him.

She couldn't stay in this room any longer. She felt like she was suffocating. She ran outside leaving the hospital building behind. She reached a shrine and finally allowed her self to break down.

"Why God why me? Why do people always leave me? Am I cursed? Why do Sansakr and I have to face so many problems. My faith is wavering God. Fix him. Bring him back to me. I love him" She cried in front of god.

Just than a priest walked up to her

"Why are you crying beti?" He asked

"Kia khuda mujh say pyar nahi karta?" She asked innocently

"Beti Khuda toh sab say pyar karta hain" He replied

"Nahi app jhoot bol rahay hain who mujh say pyar nahi karta agar karta hota toh phir who Sansakr ko theek kar deta. Khuda mujhay itna dard nahi deta" She said

"Khuda dard nahi deta beti bas apnay bando ko azmata hain. Tum to khush qismat ho kay tumhari zindagi main itna pyar hain. Aik baath kahun beti" He asked

"Ji guruji"

"Tum jis say ishq karti ho us ski qadr karo. Zindagi bohot choti hain beti aur her kisi ko beinthea mohabbat nahi milti. Par mohabbat karna or ussay nibhana kabi ashan nahi hota or ishq karna toh uss say bhi zyada muskil. Par woh ishq hi kia jiss main dard na ho. Bharosa rakho khuda par jis nay tumhay uss say milaya hain wohi ussay tumharay pass wapis layay ga. Bas khuda par or apni mohabbat par yaqeen rakho. Main chalta hun" He advised her

"Shukriya Guru ji" She called after him.

She gathered herself together. She was not going to lose faith in god and in their love.

"They say a good love is one that sits you down, gives you a drink of water, and pats you on top of the head. But I say a good love is one that casts you into the wind, sets you ablaze, makes you burn through the skies and ignite the night like a phoenix; the kind that cuts you loose like a wildfire and you can't stop running simply because you keep on burning everything that you touch! I say that's a good love; one that burns and flies, and you run with it!"

C. JoyBell C.

A/N: Apologies for posting so late but I am so caught up in university work. Hope you guys like it. I am running behind on replying to everyone but I read everyone's comments. I am overwhelmed by all the love and kind words. Some of this part is in Urdu. Sorry in advance I will post the English translations soon. Sorry for that. Share your feedback please😉

Love

Sara