"Sanskaar where are you going?" She furrowed her eyebrows.
Maheshwari Mansion Hall. The official drama centre of the family; as usual. Surrounded by entire Khaadaan; as usual.
He sighed.
"Not I Swara! WE are going."
Swara looked bewildered.
"But Sanskaar.. Where?"
"Any damn where. What does it matter as long as we are together?" He shrugged his shoulders.
"True that! But you forgot we have to rescue the baby." She reminded him of their mission.
He took a deep breath.
"Oh Yes! The baby. And then what Swara?"
She pondered over the question.
"Then probably we will go on another mission. Been a long time I haven't met my Simar Saheli and Chakor. Probably will time travel and meet Simar's new family the way I did will rescuing both young and adult Chakor. Time traveling is such fun you know."
He admitted.
"I am sure. No wonder Baaji Rao and Mastani looked so stylish and happy in those blingy designer 2016 outfits when they met us. Must be bored of their centuries old lifestyles. I have an idea how about merger with Ashoka this time. Kalinga war will happen soon. We could join and help them fight the war. What say?"
She perked up.
"Sounds lovely Sanskaar."
He curled his lips.
"Forget it. I have enough of stupidity to take on than this Simars and Paatali's and Time travels and the sheer idiocy of everything. Please spare me Princess."
"Princess!" Laksh chimed in suddenly. "How cute. You call her princess Bhai."
Sanskaar looked at his younger brother.
"Yeah! And you call your Ragini.. Baccha I believe."
"That I do!" Laksh looked pleased with himself.
Sanskaar rubbed his jaw.
"You know Lucky! Our rival show on Zee is showing intense kisses and love-hate scenes between the couple and we are struck with Princess and Baccha. How qweet!"
Laksh's fall fell.
"True that Bhai. And on Star Plus people get married in turns with entire Taam-Jhaam and Band Baaja Bharat every week as if it their life's mission to be perpetually in Bharjatya and Rajshree films mode."
"You said it Bro!" Sanskaar concurred. "If I were to attend so many functions; let alone somebody else's wedding I would be too allergic of all that paraphernalia to attend my own."
"But Bhai won't it be nice to get some intense and happy scenes for ourselves too. What say?"
"Lucky! I don't need to kiss or hug to make the scene intense with Swara. All we have to do is Look' at each other. But Cvs wants us to look at Maa, Baba, Baby, Daadi, Bhai, Behen, Rishtedaar, Padosi, dhoodhwala and Dhobi.. In short everybody else but at each other. And happy moments in our serial? Don't you know our script writers used to work for Pankaj Udaas first? Hence they are forever Udaas gazal mode. Being happy is a novelty for them. The moment we get happy scenes they get this really strong itching to add glycerine scenes. In lump."
"You said it Bhai." Laksh looked proud of his elder's brother's knowledge. "I wonder if our Cvs are married. I mean we; You and I are recently married to our respective loves and all we are doing is anything but making love."
Sanskaar nodded sagely.
"I guess our Cvs have been married for 3-4 decades and hence gone on Sanskaari mode. Like Pahlaj Nihalani."
"Who is Pahlaj Nihalani?" Adarsh spoke up since he wanted to add a dialogue on his own. His weekly quota of one dialogue.
"He is our Bollywood Censure board chief." Sanskaar answered. "The one who used to make movies like Reshma ki chadti Jawaani' or something like that in his young age and now in his old age censures kiss scenes from James Bond movie because it is asanskaari."
"Great observation Sanskaar." Another dialogue for Adarsh. The writer must be meherbaan on the guy.
"Thank you Adarsh. I know I am smart. Hence I always question my genetics that I share with this family of nitwits." Sanskaar sighed.
"And last reason is.. This is a Rashmi Sharma show. Need I say more?"
Laksh pipped up.
"Bhai! Should we apply for job in Ekta Kapoor's camp?"
"Yeah we could try." Sanskaar spoke in a wry tone. "She will give us crackling chemistry and then she will make sure we will be forever separated from our soulmates. Then leap. And we still be separated; staying with other equations and yet pining for old lub. Then leap again where Daadi would be 250 years or so and still would be alive and kicking. And our grandkids would look older to us. And we would look ridiculous. And still we will be separated. And if our fans are insanely lucky we get to FINALLY meet and have our happily ever after."
"After all those leaps and years what after' is left bhai?" Laksh asked the intelligent question.
"That is the happy part Lucky." Sanskaar replied. "The sad part is.. if the fans are lucky or actually care by the end; one of the soulmate would be bumped off. Or both become Allah ko pyaare and watch the future generations doing the same rigmarole pityingly from photos on the wall with maala around them."
"Then how about Gul bhai?"
"We could try that but let me warn you Lucky: We will end up buying her product thinking that it would be Davidoff perfume and sooner or later you discover that it is actually Domex."
"Aww shucks! Then what do you suggest?"
"I say hire those wonderfully creative writers from India forums. They love us and will do justice to our stories and above all will actually do it for free out of sheer love." Sanskaar replied.
"What if we suggest our Cvs to take suggestions from those IF writers?" Laksh asked the doubt.
"No please! Our Cvs can take those wonderful suggestions and treat them in such a way that those writers who gave the suggestions would either go into mourning or turn murderous. Our Cvs have this unique talent of turning gold to dust. I mean give them a crappy movie like Rab Ne Bana Di' Jodi for inspiration and they turn it further crappier. That's some sheer mindblowing talent. So No! Let us spare those awesome writers of forums from this cruelty." Sanskaar waved his palm.
"So what do you suggest we should do?"
"I dunno about you but I am taking a break. Want to stay off this lame-assery till the writers whosoever is writing the script nowadays to stop smoking whatever they are smoking and go back to writing days of the glorious last year's August era." Sanskaar replied in a firm tone.
"But Sanskaar..." Annapurna barged in to add her few cents. "How could you leave us? I am your Maa. This house is yours. I forbid you from going anywhere."
"Errr Maa!" Sanskaar looked at her. "When Laksh went to jail for his stupid kaands you clutched your heart and went into dramatic hindi movies 80'ies era heart attack mode. And when I was poisoned and nearly went on death bed.. your reactions were: Take a chill pill YO! Now remind me again of that love and all that jazz."
Annapurna zipped up.
"Sanskaar!" Shekhar saw the sudden need to speak up. If Sanskaar goes on holiday who will clean up Gadodia and Maheshwari mess. The baby has to be found. Daadi has to dealt with. And many issues which would need a man. Does that mean he; Shekhar Gadodia; has to man up. Oh! The horror! Gasp. "You can't take off like this. You have to find the baby first. Don't you?"
Sanskaar looked at his father in law the way a scientist would look at a weird specimen wondering where it stores its essential body parts; namely brain and spine; if it owns any.
"Dearest Baba! Answer me one thing. Whose baby is it?"
"Mine!" Shekhar replied hesitantly.
"Who is the father?"
"Me!"
"Then who should be the one to take a stand for the child and care for its being?"
"Everybody else?" came the hesitant replied.
Sanskaar sighed.
"In that case trust me the child should be with whichever family which has adopted him. Any idiot of a father will do a better job than the one you performed till now. This is for that baby's own good."
"But Sanskaar..." Shekhar whined. "I am supposed to go to Kashmir with my wife. For break you know."
Sanskaar tried not to swear an obscenity at the elderly man though the temptation was too high.
"So you need a break and want to go for holidays eh! Then how about me? I almost lost my wife to a traumatic incident. When she came back death; she lost her memory and went nut in a wrong way on me. I had my ears drilled with that khooni' jaap. I then had to wear most ridiculous get up to win her back again. And also to compound the ridiculous factor I had to act more ridiculous. And the only reason the writers who wrote that part for me are alive because killing is illegal or else I was really tempted to show them the same love the were showing to my character. I am Sanskaar and I was made to do everything that Sanskaar won't do. And then FINALLY when I got my wife to myself I am supposed to deal with your lame ass fake pregnancy plans and clean up your mess. With all due respect Father-in-law mop up your own mess. Thank you very much. If anyone is going on holiday that would be me with my wife."
"Sanskaar!" Ragini sniffed trying not to cry. "That fake pregnancy plan was noble and for right reason."
"Noble my ass!" Sanskaar snapped. "I would rather take bad and intelligent plan over noble and stupid one. Never mind the right reason.' That plan got to be THE most stupid one by far in the show. And considering the ridiculous tracks we were put through; that is saying something. Next time if you want to make plans please revert back to era when I was your Guru and take inspiration. Thank you!"
"Ok! You want to take a break then do. But what about the show? There have always been world wars being unleashed on social networks over screens spaces of the couples. Those situations were never dealt with satisfactorily and now with you taking off how are we to manage?" Durga Prasad; the one with rare bouts of wise' moments spoke up.
Sanskaar gave a lop sided smile.
"We could take inspiration from the Delhi CM Kejriwal's even and odd policy."
"What's that?" The entire family chimed.
"Odd day; drive odd numbered vehicle. Even day even. Like wise on Odd day air one couple and their scenes with no interruptions from others. And on even day; other couple's scenes. Both fandoms will be happy."
"That's an awesome plan Sanskaar. But we air for 5 days. What about the left out one day? Won't there be fight for it. And what about the rest of us?"
Sanskaar gave a wry smile.
"You all can share that day."
Durga Prasad: What will I do?"
Sanskaar: You give the same expressions that you have been giving since time immemorial. No matter the situations. Happy or raitha fail gaya ones. Can't blame you though since Raitha gets fail'aod on every happy occasion of ours.
Annapurna: Me?
Sanskaar: More Pooja for you. Our resident pandit wants to build another house. Since we paid for his first house all thanks to our pooja dakshina we can help him build another one.
Adarsh: What about me?
Sanskaar: Do what you are doing now. One dialogue per week or month! Good for you.
Parineeta: Me?
Sanskaar: Me thinks you have been practicing spells. Avada kedavra, Crucio, Imperio and so on. And end up doing body-binding spell on yourself: Petrificus Totalus. Nothing explains how you managed to turn more statue-esque than you were before. So do whatever you want. We won't understand your acting and expressions anyways.
Daadi: Me?
Sanskaar: For a change join Maa in her pooja path and stay off your kaands.
Shekhar: Me?
Sanskaar: What's there to do? As if you actually did anything productive ever.
Shomi: Me?
Sanskaar: Go back to the era when you were Sharmishta Bose and try to revert back to your own self. You really suck as Gadodia.
Sujata: Me? I have always been entertaining.
Sanskaar: You used to be entertaining mom. And then you are losing it. Mom! You are Sanskaar Maheshwari's Mom. A little class won't go amiss. And yes! You and Dad can enact romantic scenes. (Ram perked up excitedly hearing that). In India-forums there is an AT for you two. So yeah! Rock the romance.
"And what are we going to do?" Swara, Ragini and Laksh asked.
Sanskaar replied.
"I and Swara will be going to Antarctica for holidays. You Laksh take Ragini and go to Arctic Circle."
"South Pole and North Pole?" Swara and Ragini looked horrified. "You are trying to separate us sisters. How could you. You forgot...
We are Swaragini.
Do Jism Ek Jaa...
Ek Coke Do straw."
Sanskaar shrugged lightly.
"I am doing a favour to the world. Keeping you two off each other. Swaragini eh! So Bleh! I mean look at the history you two share. Even if Romeo and Juliet were to share such history; Romeo would personally stab Juliet and she will poison him with her own hands. Or vice versa. Whatever the sequence is. Seriously girls! Your behenchara is an affront to my rational mind. Even irrational mind for that matter. Simar and Pataali devi discovering that they are bichadi hui behnein and air kissing each other and twirling around singing Ek Hazaaroon mein Meri Behena Hai' will make hell more sense to all of us than this ear bleeding Swaragini. So please! Give it a rest. And spare us all. Thank you very much."
Anyways enough time wasted; time to get on the bike and get going. Are you with me or you are with me Swara?" He gave her an intense stare.
Swara chewed on her lower lips. Sanskaar versus rest of the world. No contest!
"I am coming with you." Swara beamed at him.
"That's my girl!" Sanskaar gave a happy smile and forwarded his palm for her.
She placed her palm in his and he grabbed hers and together they bolted for the door. Away for the madness and stupidity of the world.
Freedom at last!
Book Talk
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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