So it is true. All the things those girl magazines and romantic novels says.
Good girls do fall for bad boys.
No wonder Daadi ma tells her to stay off such magazines and books.
Though she is intelligent enough to know that she is not in love with him; yet; but she is liking the idea of 'being in love with him'. And that probably will put her in weird category. Or maybe it is normal if you go by usual good girl bad boy norms and adages. Anyways it is pointless to ponder too much over these feelings because she won't act on it being the introvert shy traditional girl she is. And he won't look at her that way because of who she is. Look at her that way? Well she probably is thinking of herself too highly. Let alone look at her that way' he never actually looked' at her.
Why should he when he could have any girl in the college? Him being the rich cool handsome dude of the college. The most popular guy with cool friends and girlfriends who changes every week.
Laksh Maheshwari; heir of Maheshwari and son's empire. Son of the most prominent family in Kolkata and the coolest guy in the college.
Ragini sighed.
Daadi ma was right. Those stupid magazines and books will mess up your mind. She really should be focusing on her music and studies. No matter how alluring the fantasies look and feel end of the day they are just that.. Fantasies. And she is not a dreamer. She is Ragini Gadodia; the grand-daughter of the strict matriarch and daughter of a conservative traditional Gadodia household. Her life revolves around her family, music and studies. She really should be focusing on them and nothing else.
After all; the man at the center of her fantasies and dreams will never step into the reality that her life is.
Ragini took a deep breath and smiled a beautiful whimsical smile.
Dreams are beautiful. But it is real life that you got to live. And in real life.. dreams don't come true.
****************************************
"Hi!" A deep manly voice spoke near her ears from behind and she nearly jumped out her skin and whirled around almost colliding with the owner of that voice.
"Easy!" He held her arms gently. "Sorry! Didn't mean to scare ya!" He gave her a charming smile.
Hallucinating! She must be hallucinating. Ragini's eyes went wide. This is Laksh Maheshwari; talking with her; standing so close to her; holding her. She probably had been under too much of Kolkata heat.
He gently released her.
"Let's do it again. Hi! I am Laksh. And you are Ragini right?"
Ragini! SNAP out of it! Her senses screamed.
Ragini blinked.
Oh my God! This is actually happening.
She nodded mutely not trusting her voice to speak.
He forwarded her hand.
"We are in same class for 2 years. Yet we were never proper acquainted with each other. No time is good time as right now' to do things right. So yeah! How about correcting the wrongs and doing what is right?"
And what is right? She mused. Events are unraveling too fast for her to catch up.
"C'mon! I am buddies with everyone; well almost everyone; in the class. Feels wrong that you and I are almost strangers. So how about friends'?
Friends? Laksh wants to be friends with Ragini. Now she is not hallucinating. She must be delirious.
Laksh gave her a charming smile.
"C'mon Ragini! I have been holding my hand out for a handshake for almost 10 minutes now. I don't bite you know."
That's teasing voice brought her back to earth.
"Oh!" She gave a shy smile and forwarded her hand hesitantly. He instantly grabbed her dainty hand in his own manly one and shook it.
"So how about friends?" He smiled again.
What is she supposed to say? She has never been friends' with opposite gender.
His smile faltered.
Woah! For the first time in his life a girl is actually pondering and hesitating instead of hopping, jumping and accepting his friendship with enthusiasm? Is he losing his charm? Or this one is just a special case?
Ragini! If somebody offers you hand of friendship you are supposed to accept it. That's the polite thing to do. A voice inside her chided her.
"Friends!" She smiled.
Phew! He released the breath he didn't even realize he was holding.
She has really got a beautiful smile. Wonder why he never noticed! Let alone her smile; he never noticed her. Come to think of it this girl is really beautiful. Though shy, traditional, introvert, nerdy types; in short the types he usually ignore. But for his agenda he would have ignored her too. But he needs her now for time being. He thought it would be trial and hardship to do friendship with someone like her but seeing her smile and the gentle demeanour it doesn't look like it would that much of difficult task. He could actually get used to liking this one.
"Friends!" He smiled broadly and shook her hand.
Ragini looked at their entwined hands and shook her head with a beautiful whimsical smile on her face.
So dreams do come true!
*******************************
"Hey!" He stopped his bike next to her while she was walking on the campus road and removed his helmet.
"Hi!" She smiled shyly.
The feeling that she is friends with Laksh Maheshwari has not sunk in for her. Been a week yet it feels like dream. Talking with the man you only dreamt of in your shy innocent fantasies; sharing smiles and looks once a while.
"Going home? I'll drop you!" He offered and pointed at the back seat of his bike.
Ragini's eyes widened.
Sitting backseat on the bike of Laksh? Wow!
"Errmm! No thank you. I'll manage." She smiled at him. If daadi will see her laado being dropped at home by a boy wearing a leather jacket and looking the way he does; the tall, dark, handsome roguish good looks; and that too on a sports bike! No thank you! Though the offer is SO tempting she must pass this one.
"Oh c'mon!" He sighed in exasperation. He has seen girls tripping over themselves whenever he offered them a ride on his bike and then there is this girl!
He tried again.
"Please!"
Ragini chewed on her lower lip. May be all you need is a little courage in life. And a little adventure.
"Ok!"
Yes! He almost fist pumped air. "Let's go then!" He started the bike.
She gingerly climbed on the back seat taking utmost care to not touch him. And that brought a slight amused smile on his face.
He revved up the bike and jumped it and she managed not to slam onto him by holding on tightly to the bike. And then she had a lovely bit of adventure; one of the firsts; in her life. Bike ride being the companion of the man of her dreams. And a bad boy to the boot.
"Here we are!" He stopped at the front gate of the baadi.
"Thank you!" She got down gently and smiled at him.
He couldn't help smiling back. There is just something about this girl's smile!
Then he shook his head to clear his thoughts. Focus Laksh! Your mission. Your goal. Focus!
He cleared his throat.
"So you live here eh! I heard Swara Bose lives her too. You happen to know her?"
And that's the moment the penny dropped of her.
So you can hear your heart break. And it hurts. The shattering of the hopes, dreams and all that beautiful feelings your heart holds.
Years of training of crushing your own dreams, feelings and free spirit and following the diktats of a authoritarian daadi and yet keeping the smile and spirit on; well that helped her at that moment from holding onto her dignity and gathering her splintering heart and soul.
"So that's why?" Ragini gave the man a steady all seeing look.
He met her eyes and suddenly felt discomfort in the deep recesses of his heart seeing the look in those eyes that look hurt yet were so calm and seeing through him.
"What?" He stammered.
"That's why you offered me your hand of friendship. You want to be friends with Swara. But there were talks in the college that she thwarted you. So you have decided to befriend her close friend and neighbour i.e me; to try again and win friendship of Swara through me. That is it. Isn't it?"
Damn it! He cursed under his breath. THAT was his exact plan. And it is disconcerting to see that this girl could see through him so easily. And she barely knows him. But then again this girl is special. So different from others. It has been just a week since he is beginning to know her but that week time was enough for him to see that this one is like no one he knows. So he really shouldn't be surprised that beneath that innocent smile and face lies a deeply perceptive and intelligent mind.
He could have fibbed his way out like he always does when confronted with uncomfortable situation but something in him was telling him loud and clear that honesty is the only way to go about it when it comes to the girl standing in front of him.
And the look in her eyes.
She is hurt at his deception. And he is not liking being the reason of that hurt. Actually at that moment he was hating it.
He lowered his eyes.
"I am sorry!" and before she could say anything he blurted out what he truly meant at that moment. "But I really want to be friends with you. I admit I didn't think like this earlier but I do now. I really really do. Believe me Ragini."
Ragini took a deep breath. And looked at the man for a long moment.
So this is how you feel when your heart and soul are torn into two opposing varied emotions. Pulling and tearing you into two different directions.
One part of hers is truly touched and happy that Laksh wants to be friends with her. She could see and feel the sincerity in his words and eyes.
And other part is mourning that he wants to be only friends with her while he likes someone else.
So what is Ragini going to do?
Well she will do what she always does. Take on the situation and life with a smile in her heart and live every moment as it comes.
"Deal then!" She gave a beautiful smile.
He was too stunned to react for a moment and then he gave her genuinely happy grin.
"Friends!" He forwarded his palm to her this time with true feelings untouched by any hidden agendas or motives.
"Friends!" She shook his hand.
And they smiled at each other; both knowing that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship that is for keeps. For a lifetime.
"So!" Ragini chimed brightly. "You want to impress Swara hu! I can help you with that."
Are you crazy Ragini? Or you are a masochist? Why would you want to help' him about that. Him impressing other girl! Why? When you like him so much. Why would you want to willingly give him up for any other girl? A voice inside her wailed.
She sighed deeply.
That's because he is my friend. And he feels nothing more than that for me. And I don't want to be the selfish one in any relationship. I don't want to hold onto something that is not mine. He is not mine. He never shall be. But he is my friend. And as a friend I'll help him and support him in any and all ways that I can. When I make a promise to uphold a relation I do that with my whole heart. I am going to be his best friend. And best friends are never selfish. They are sad when you are. And their happiness lies with you. I am that kind of friend.
Even if what you are going to do will hurt you? The voice asked softl.
Yes! Ragini replied silently. Even if it kills me.
I admit I am not being mahaan or anything. I am just trying to be normal girl who values all relationships. And that includes this beautiful bond of friendship.
Hu! Laksh was looking at her as if she has lost it. Which in hindsight probably she had. Ragini mused self deprecatingly.
After the stunt he had pulled any other girl would have chased him with her sandals and here this one is not only accepted his friendship but is being his true friend. She is precious!
Laksh grinned at her.
"You know you are awesome."
Ragini laughed softly.
"Flattery will get you nowhere sir. You need to slog it to win it. So first thing you need to do in your mission is..." she paused. "learn music."
Laksh looked at her as she suggested him to join belly dancing course.
"Learn WHAT?"
"Music!" She replied calmly. "Swara loves music. And I have this really bright idea even if I say so myself: the best way to impress her would be singing in the upcoming musical fest of the college."
He looked at her for a long moment as if she is speaking alien and then he laughed. And laughed.
"Ragini! My best buddy. Me and music. Let me tell you something about myself. I wanted to learn guitar to up my khool' quotient. After 4-5 broken guitars and 6-7 music teachers who bailed out on teaching me and mind you the last one even prostrated in front of me and begged me to quote him stop molesting music' I finally made peace with the fact that I and music are parallel tracks of train; the ones which don't meet. So nopes; nahi; nada; nayyy; so singing winging for me."
Ragini had to laugh at his narration and he was charmed by the sight. He really could see her smiling and laughter for hours and still be charmed by the beautiful sight.
"Gave up so soon Mr. Laksh Maheshwari? Not on my watch. I'll personally tutor you for the song that YOU are going to sing in the fest." She declared with a glint in her eyes.
Woah! And he thought the girl is such a softie. The girl could be a veritable force when she has set her mind upon something. Well she as his tutor? Sounds actually ummm.. good. Would be fun! Let's see if she could handle his singing talent.
"Deal!"
They shook hands again and grinned with a new found sense of camaraderie and partnership.
**********************************
And he wasn't kidding. He really does molests music'. Ragini tried not to cringe when he sang.
She sighed. Gonna be a really tough and long way ahead.
And so a new journey began for them.
Since her house is out of bounds due to daadi and his house too since he would fail to explain to his family as to why he has started his mission impossible i.e learning music again; they chose a secluded spot near the college campus. A serene rocky mountain outcrop where they would practice for hours.
He sang and she would correct his tones.
And when she sang he would watch her feeling mesmerized.
And one day when she said he has really improved and then he could really impress the girl he wants he for a moment couldn't figure out what she is talking about. Then remembered his old mission. And couldn't care anymore for it.
All he wanted to do was to spend the time with this girl; his best friend; the one who didn't give up on him despite him murdering her precious music on daily basis; supported him; cheered him on; celebrated even the smallest victory and smiled at his words; laughed at his silliest jokes; heard everything he spoke and sometimes the words he didn't even speak.
He loved the pani puri that they would share after the sessions of music is over. Though admittedly first time she had to drag him to eat that stuff he would be formerly thumb his nose at for the hygiene and health value.
The cup of chai that they would split into two and share when the evenings got colder.
Her perfume on his jacket that he would loan her while driving on the bike though she would still sit so primly avoiding touching him even a tiny bit.
Her smiles, her laughter; her voice.
The way her eyes goes wide and reproaching when he says something outrageous.
The way her face lights up if he gets the notes of music right.
Her every little thing.
Just her.
And Ragini felt just the same.
The way his face goes boyishly charming if he wants her to take it easy on him.
The way he crunches his nose while eating that unhealthy pani puri.
The way he makes sure to give her more portion of chai that she likes.
The way he makes sure she stays warm and comfortable during that bike ride even toning down his crazy speed need.
The way he ruffles his hair.
The way he looks at her.
The way he makes her smile, laugh and let go.
The way he smiles, laughs and makes her heart go.. hummm..
His every little thing.
Just him.
****************************
Ragini always knew she is just one step away from falling in love with the one so forbidden for her. Laksh.
But the glorious time that they spent together; their friendship; that beautiful bond made sure she took that fatal step too.
Wish she could pin point that one moment where she fell in love with this man. It could be one of those one million and one moments she spent with him. Or it could be the first moment that she fell in love with him and other moments simply added more love to that love.
She should be appalled, terrified and mournful that she fell in love with someone who won't love her back. Yet she just felt.. liberated. It is indeed a glorious feeling to be in love with your best friend. So what of that friend doesn't share the same feelings. Your feelings are so overwhelming, so intense and so magical that they are enough for you.
But what about Laksh?
"Why do you spend so much of time with that behenji?" One of his friend among his friends gang asked him. The tone dripping with disdain at the last word.
Laskh looked at the other guy in confusion.
"Who?"
"The Gadodia chick!" The derision again.
And that's the moment Laksh saw red. How dare anyone use such tone for Ragini. HIS Ragini.
Before he knew what hit him the friend was slammed against the wall with full force Laksh grabbing his throat in a stranglehold.
Laksh hissed in a dangerous tone tightening his grip on the scared man.
"RAGINI! Her name is Ragini and next time you say her name make sure you take it with respect. Or I'll make sure you will never be able to speak another word in your life."
Laksh tossed aside the whimpering man and took deep calming breaths.
And then he looked up and saw Ragini; a little distance away from him. His face lit up and a happy smile broke on his face. And then it got wiped off immediately. He saw other guy walking towards Ragini and talking with her. Both of them smiling and shaking hands and walking off together.
He felt murderous. All he wanted to do was to go and pound that other guy for daring to talk with HIS; Laksh's Ragini; smile with her and be with her. HOW DARE HE?
Though Laksh knows that the other guy is a nerd of the class who probably was requesting notes from Ragini or discussing about subjects he hated the fact that his best friend could be friends with someone else too.
And that's when he saw for himself what he started feeling for the girl.
That she is no longer her best friend only. She is more than that. Much much more.
He has fallen in love with Ragini. His best friend.
Wish he could pin point that one moment where he fell in love with this girl. It could be one of those one million and one moments he spent with her. Or it could be the first moment that he fell in love with her and other moments simply added more love to that love.
He should be appalled, terrified and mournful that he fell in love with someone who thinks of him as just friend. Yet he just felt.. liberated. It is indeed a glorious feeling to be in love with your best friend. So what of that friend doesn't share the same feelings? Your feelings are so overwhelming, so intense and so magical that they are enough for you.
But what about Ragini? Could she learn to love him? Even a little bit? Could this be possible? Could this really happen? Or he is wishing for a miracle? He would hate to lose his lose his best friend? He could live without her love.. but not without HER.
So what is he going to do?
Laksh suddenly smiled like a warrior who realized how exactly he is going to win his war.
Yes! That is exactly what he is going to do. And he is going to give it all. Because this time.. he is doing it for Ragini. His love.
*******************************
Tenu itna main pyar kara
Ik pal vich sau baar kara
Tu jaave je mainu chhad ke
Maut da intezaar kara
Ke tere liye duniyan chhod di hain
Tujhpe hi saans aake ruke
Main tujhko kitna chahta ho
Ye tu kabhi soch na ske
Kuch bhi nahi hai yeh jahaan
Tu hain toh hain isme zindagi
Ab mujhko jaana hain kahaan
Ke tu hi safar hai aakhiri
Ke tere bina jeena mumkin nahi
Na dena kabhi mujhko tu faasley
Main tujhko kitna chahta hoon
Ye tu kabhi soch na sake
Ke Tere liye duniyan chhod di hain
Tujhpe hi saans aake ruke
Main tujhko kitna chahta ho
Ye tu kabhi soch na sake
And he sang his heart out.
College music fest; center stage; hundreds of eyes watching him and yet all her felt was ..her. He could see just her; the people surrounding her blurred into nothingness. And feel his love for her; the love which seeped into his entire being.
She is him.
And he is her.
The love which begins with him and ends at her.
The one which starts at her and finishes at him.
Endless, boundless... true.
And when the song ended all he could see is her smile; the sheen of tears in her beautiful eyes; the proud look that she gave him and that glorious smile.
And he walked towards her as if he is in trance. It was a herculean task meandering through thronging human mass backslapping him, congratulating him; hugging him.
And he finally managed to reach her and then they were all alone.
"That was beautiful." Ragini spoke through choked voice.
It was indeed beautiful. He sang the song with his heart and soul.
"And that was for you." He whispered.
She looked stunned. What did he just say?
Laksh gently clasped her hands. They felt cold. He could sense her bewilderment and myriad emotions.
Now or never. You can't lose this war Laksh. This is war of your lifetime. You won't survive losing this girl. Go for it.
He took a deep breath.
"I love you Ragini. I swear I wrote down an entire paragraph of why I love you; when I fell in love you; how much I love you.. but right now all I could say is... I love you. Truly; madly and deeply."
Ragini's felt her heart stopping for a moment.
What is happening? Is this really happening? This gloriously impossible dream? This is even beautiful than the most beautiful of her dreams.
And all she could say is..
"I don't understand." Struggling very hard not to cry at the sheer beauty of the moment
He gave a wry self deprecating smile.
"I don't either. I really am an idiot to not see what I should have seen a long time back. That you are the one for me.
To sense what I should have felt a long time back. You and I belong together.
To understand what I feel for you. That I am irrevocably and absolutely in love with you."
And that why her tears rolled over.
And she started swatting him.
"What.Took.You.So.Long?" She smacked him and he grinned mischievously and gently grabbed her arms and held her close and cuddled her.
She hugged him back and nestled her face against his neck.
Dare he hope? Had he been granted this miracle?
"Do I take it as yes?" He asked a little note of heartbreaking vulnerability entering his voice.
Ragini leaned back a little still holding onto him.
"Ofcourse you idiot! I have been in love with you for ages. It took you so long to love me back."
He could feel his heart and soul hum with sheer happiness.
"Sorry about that best friend. But I assure you; you truly hold my heart."
"Debatable! You own my heart." Ragini had to challenge him.
"No problem. We have a life time to argue. Between the music lessons, sharing chai, pani puri, ride on my bike, smiling together, laughing and loving and living. What say?" Laksh smiled at her with his entire love shining in his eyes. For her.
"I say sounds perfect." Ragini smiled her beautiful smile at him; her heart and soul singing in that smile.
To new beginnings.
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