OS - Karma - Page 2

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JazzyM

@JazzyM

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

#11

Originally posted by: Sakura24

It worked miraculously! I was thinking all through who could it be... Swara going to Sanskar or Ragini going to forgive Lakshya...once or twice in the middle suspected it was Swara, but still the curiosity was intact. Good job really. ⭐️

Saku, you write wonderful thrillers...I'm always hooked on your updates; haven't read Phoenix updates yet (Part 6 & 7)..Saving it till later tonight once I have consistent access and am lounging comfortably in my hotel room sofa. Need to savour each word...

For me to be able to keep you guessing, I'm smiling like an idiot...really am happy!!!!

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isha

@ishanita

Navigator

Posted: 9 years ago

#12

loved it seriously very different from other ss/ff/os i have read

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JazzyM

@JazzyM

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

#13

Originally posted by: hp_2006
Really awesome OS yaar 👏

I enjoyed reading it..😃

3 years they spent separated with each other..Poor Swasan😭

But the ending was very romantic☺️

Yaar...there was drama in the 3 interim years...the whole family disintegrated! Seriously, I didn't have any plot line to fill in the intervening years...zilt!

I just wanted to show the yearning of a person whom we have missed a lot, whom we thought we might never meet, whose presence would change our world but we aren't able to reach the person...then, the opportunity presents itself...it's like ending years of tapasya / waiting...so, the meeting needs to be yummy...a small attempt! 😉

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Tapathi

@Tapathi

Sparkler

Posted: 9 years ago

#14

Nice os...y they separated yaar?suspence hai kya?superb1 I liked it...

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JazzyM

@JazzyM

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

#15

Originally posted by: ishanita
loved it seriously very different from other ss/ff/os i have read

Thank you for liking it... Seriously...I have been away from home for nearly 1 month...the yearning to meet your loved ones...brought this OS out, especially when you are stuck in the airlines lounge with nothing to do but stare at space...

No plots...just nostalgia...

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medha

@ToujoursPur

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#16

Hey Jazz---

Hardly visit the forum nowadays...decided to pursue CFA alongside job--and hence madly busy with studies and work.😕

I was pleasantly surprised to see your pm an added bonus of your very first work--in this forum.

I expected you to write well, one can always say exactly how good a writer the person opposite will be, just by the thoughts and the language of their expression--even in daily conversation. Your replies and our shuttle of comments made me understand that.😳

I have never seen the places you have written about--but you have made them quite a nice little image in my mind now. Good job doing that.

the last bit was my favourite for obvious reasons😉---but I even liked the sparse and to-the-point descriptions.Like the sanskaar in your story, no nonsense.

The longing, and the ultimate fulfillment and a bit of suspense thrown in. I was unsure whether you were writing about ragini and laksh at first and then I settled on swasan.😃

and swasan did not disappoint me----no idhar udhar ki baatey..staright to business.😉

👏👏.

love--

Medha.

PS: thank you for the mention: it pleased me no end. I was like mujhe praise mil gaya!!😆

Edited by medhasankar - 9 years ago

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-Ros-

@-Ros-

Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

#17

Such an intriguing piece... I was sooo tempted to just skip to the last few paragraphs to figure out who he and she were. I'd initially thought it was Swara.. just the way you talked about him being the reason for her sanity. Then I changed my mind to Ragini when the aim of the journey was revealed- to find closure for all her heart ache- I thought she was going to finally give it to him and leave forever. I was still rooting for the man to be Laksh until you started describing him.. his style & preferences.. especially the classiness of the apartment.. Sanskaar! So, I switched back to Swara and even did a mini victory dance when all my jasoosi paid off.😆

Loved that Swasan hardly said anything to each other and just got on with their business. ☺️

Seriously, awesome work! The detailed, meticulous descriptions were..!!

Loved this style of writing. ⭐️

EDIT: Do write more! 😳

Edited by -Ros- - 9 years ago

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jess_27

@jess_27

Explorer

Posted: 9 years ago

#18

Originally posted by: JazzyM

Great that you liked it! Writing stories is not my forte...just like to dabble at it once in a while...😉

oh... but you must try a hand more than once in a while.. coz i truly loved your style of writing..😃

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tootiefrootie11

@tootiefrootie11

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#19

Jazzy! I am so not going to let you off not writing more after this! The descriptive elements in your piece were superlative.

For example, and there are many more but to illustrate my point only, reading " Narry a cloud blemished the bliss-blue complexion and the sun was like the glowing medallion pinned to a sheet of white paper. HE stood in the midst of nature's Jerusalem. Man and Nature were attuned to each other." is so evocative- beautiful.

Also not been to Paris for many years but the description made it come alive and evoked such a quaint Paris. Just overall, the whole sequence flowed and was kept me hooked. I am so impressed! Lovely work Jazz. Please write more x

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JazzyM

@JazzyM

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

#20

Originally posted by: Tapathi
Nice os...y they separated yaar?suspence hai kya?superb1 I liked it...

Seriously, they had to part from each other; only then, I could write about the yearning. After all when such an incident like the kidnapping occurs and your spouse tries to eliminate you, there is no possibility of the relationship to continue. In my opinion, when there are 2 siblings involved, if 1 gets impacted, the other too will be hurt. So, the whole family becomes fragmented. Separation occurs.

So, the patching up...the moment of the 1st meeting after years being away, is my story.

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