Heal Me- A SwaSan OS

Hey guys,

I am back with an OS- it's a light and fluffy one- well, relatively for my writing! Just something I kept feeling and it is certainly what I would like to see, more in the vein of Swara's growing feelings but as usual, exploring what Sanskaar feels too.

I hope you enjoy it and if you do or don't, please leave me feedback! Thank you!

HEAL ME

Sanskaar entered the bedroom, feeling weariness threaten again. He had been feeling unwell since yesterday and getting through his day today had been a real struggle. His head was now pounding, his throat was dry and eyes itchy. He really hoped he was not coming down with something- it would mark a milestone in a month full of many such, none of which the sort that one would want to notch up ever. He looked longingly at the bed but decided it was best not to give in to that temptation, and sank down on the couch instead, leaning his head back in exhaustion. He could not fully relax still, as along with the muscle fatigue and headache; he was inwardly coiled, knowing that Swara would probably come in soon too.

Swara- it was getting harder by the day to live this lie, and yet contrarily easier too. He had genuinely turned into a human emotional yo-yo, some days brought him deep joy just being around her, playing their part as friends and others marked the nadir of despair and frustration. He had always prided himself for his ability to control his feelings in recent years but of course all that was now a thing of the past, as since Swara had entered his life, he had felt a spectrum of emotions he would have never thought possible. At the moment, especially, it was almost impossible to exercise balanced reactions, with his heart so deeply bound. He therefore took refuge in pretence, something he was good at out of necessity. After all, he had little choice but to play along with Swara in the latest charade, where their new roles were to enact best friends and ignore the glaring fact of their marriage. Friends- a word that should be so inoffensive and innocuous, but in his case signified his biggest dilemma.

He had after all grasped at the lifeline a friendship offered him to ensure he could put her at ease with him amidst the drama that seemed to endlessly unfold in their lives. Not that he was not her friend and she his. But what he wanted was so much more than just the friendship he could have. It was the equal of offering a parched man a mere drop- it only inflamed the thirst and yet, he could not reject that measly dribble, as it still kept him alive. He still remembered the agony he had felt when she was totally at outs with him, having rejected even his friendship at protest of his unwanted love. He had been angry with her then, but regardless, he could never pay her back in kind, as his tragedy was that he was bound to her for life, in whichever capacity destiny and Swara herself dictated for them. When they had come full circle and she had willingly again acknowledged, and even sought, his friendship after she came back to the house, he had resigned himself to the role she seemed to be able to accept him in. For her part, she had again given him her friendship in return, with her usual innocence- not stinting in her affection and trust.

It was also trust that had been tested, not hers, but his for her. And he had passed the test- how could he not when his very soul felt the purity of hers, knowing deep within himself that she could never do something degrading or unethical. When the disgusting photos of her had surfaced and he had robustly defended her, unquestioning in his faith in her innocence, something intangible but very substantial had changed between them. She had been different with him in some unfathomable way that he was not sure even she understood yet. She had been accepting of them. She was not grieving anymore about their marriage, she seemed oddly at peace with whatever their relationship could be described as, and was no longer visibly traumatised like she had been when they had first been forced to marry. Her smile flashed at him often, he could not stop himself basking in its warmth, her pull had always been magnetic to him and he was powerless to resist her. Oh he put on a good facade- but even his mastery was tested when she was so warm and innocently trusting, no sign of reserve marring the friendly affection that she had no qualms in now expressing. She laughed and joked with him and if she got sad thinking about Ragini as well as her recent traumas culminating with the gross episode with the misleading photos, he was able to very quickly snap her out of her melancholy. In response, she seemed very attuned to his mercurial mood swings too, but thankfully not guessing the reason for it fully. For his part, he endlessly vacillated between feeling carefree and trying to grasp the light relief being around her could offer, to becoming almost morose and sometimes monosyllabic when the constraints of their situation hit him, as it often did. There were in addition, the endless complications of his impossible cousin's pursuit of her, which he would not be dissuaded from, despite the clear protests Swara seemed to repeat, as well as having to monitor Ragini closely.

Just then, his beautiful but frustratingly unattainable wife, cum best friend, entered the room, smiling as she saw him, a cup of steaming tea in her hand.

"Sanskaar- tum aagaye? Yeh lo, chai pee lo."

He had slowly sat up, his heart lightening at the sight of her, drinking in her glowing face and lovely smile, momentarily forgetting all his aches and pains.

"Thanks Swara."

His voice must have sounded a bit heavy or maybe it was his wan face, which raised her antenna.

"Kya hua Sanskaar? Tum aaj bahut thake hue lag rahe ho? Office mein sabh theek hai?" she was asking with a slight frown marring her smooth forehead.

Tiredly, running a hand briefly over his eyes, Sanskaar reassured her,

"Haan, sabh theek hai Swara. Bass thoda sa sarr dard hai, aur aaj saara dinn bahut meetings bhi thi."

"Sarr mein dard hai? Yeh lo, chai peelo aur main headache ki goliyan bhi nikaal deti hoon. Tumhe jaldi aana chahiye tha naa? Meetings phir kabhi bhi toh ho sakti hai?" she was gently scolding.

He gave her a slight smile, "Itna kuch serious nahi hai", but gratefully accepting the tea, a slight frisson of awareness felt by them both at the very modest accidental brush of their fingers.

However, despite his bravado, by dinner time, Sanskaar was feeling far worse. He was now running a high temperature and kept alternating between feeling hot and cold at regular intervals. Sujata was of course at her dramatic best and Swara busied herself bringing him his food in a tray. All the attention this attracted, forced him to of course take the bed and when he tried to settle down with his laptop, Swara suddenly switched from concerned friend to nagging wife mode almost instantly. She grabbed the laptop off him, calling upon Sujata to intervene when he tried to protest, and was not in the least fazed by the sudden flash of temper he could not suppress at the womanly fussing around him. She simply stared at him resolutely, effectively making him feel like a heel for snapping at her, and with a slight grimace, continued to confiscate both his phone and laptop. The family wanted to call their doctor but Sanskaar flatly refused; he was sure it was a passing virus and he would feel better after a good nights rest. Swara was given various instructions by Annapurna and especially Sujata but eventually, they all finally left to leave the patient blessedly alone to rest, with a promise from Swara to wake them if needed. Alone that was, except for his solicitous wife/ friend.

As the evening wore into the night, Sanskaar's fever seemed to heighten; he was also coughing at intervals and now had bright flags of colour on his cheekbones. He truly felt awful. Swara who had totally dismissed his protests about taking the couch for a change, was instantly up and ready with water and medicine constantly. When a rather vicious bout of coughing shook him, she sat by him, offering him water and then with genuine consternation now in her eyes, suddenly placed a cool hand on his burning brow. He abruptly stilled, the coughing dying away. Her hand was so soothing and felt good against his hot forehead. She was frowning,

"Sanskaar- tumhe bahut bukhaar hai. Humme doctor ko bulana chahiye, main Mom aur Dad ko bolti hoon", making as if to get up.

He caught her hand, stopping her as she stood. "Swara, please- iski zaroorat nahi hai. Itni toh medicines khayi hai, time to do assar honeka. Itni raat ko sabh ko jagakar Doctor ayenge toh woh bhi yahin kahenge. Waise bhi, mujhe rest karna hai, I am sure kaal subha kuch theek lagega."

She was clearly reluctant, torn between her worry for him and the desire to let him rest, recognising the logic of what he was saying about the medicines needing time. Finally she begrudgingly relented,

"Ok, kuch deir aur dekhte hai, lekin abh tumhe meri eik baat maanni hogi."

He looked at her quizzically but she left the room quickly, puzzling him even further. She was not gone long though. He had laid his head back and was trying to doze off, ignoring the fever racking his body, when he heard her come back. She had a small tray in her arms, with a bowl full of water and a few clean linen strips, as well as an empty bowl.

"Yeh sabh kya hai Swara?"

"Doctor Swara ke nuske", she said smilingly, worry still lingering in her beautiful eyes. "Dida yehin karti thi jabh mujhe bahut bukhar hota tha." Stilling the protest he was about to make,

"Aur dekho Sanskaar, behaz matt karo, yeh hai, ya phir Doctor.. choose karlo."

Smiling at her sweetness despite the multiple ills plaguing him, he acquiesced,

"Toh phir Doctor Swara ki zidd ke saamne phir se bechara mein jukk jaata hoon!"

Rolling her eyes and slightly huffing at this, she settled down to sit on the bed near him again, placing the tray with its implements on the side, in easy reach. She then proceeded to bathe his forehead with the linen soaked in cold water, the residue of which she squeezed out in the empty bowl; a fairly old fashioned but effective remedy to cool down fevered bodies. Sanskaar could not help but relax, letting himself give in to the pleasure of having her applying the cold compresses gently, and breathing in her jasmine scent, despite the congestion making him so uncomfortable. He began to gently drift off into a much-needed slumber.

Swara looked at him fondly, still fretting, but happy he seemed to be finally able to rest. He looked so tired, she thought with a pang. His face was shadowed with slight stubble by now and his eyelashes fanned his cheek, making him look oddly vulnerable. Her heart smote, she seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time nowadays thinking about him and all he had done for her. She was reminded again of how unfair she had been with him and how he had rewarded her, instead of punishing her as she deserved, with his care and understanding and most importantly, his unquestioning acceptance and faith in her. His face now seemed so familiar and yet oddly interesting to her. It was like she had somehow known him forever, but he was new- this Sanskaar had a strange fascination for her. She wanted to talk to him, looked forward to him coming back from work each day and giving her his smile that had always warmed her, but now caused an odd sort of flutter in her heart too. She had to squash these inconvenient thoughts but she was unable to keep a distance from him. She didn't want to- after all they had been through, she felt somehow right being around him. She tried not to think how things would change again soon enough but for now, there was inevitability in this burgeoning relationship she forcibly referred to as friendship, still frightened to label it anything else.

Eventually, her hands stilled. She was careful she did not get water all around him, having kept squeezing the cloths out before gently placing them on his hot forehead. Finally, putting them away, she again gently placed her hand on his forehead, relieved that it seemed cooler, although she knew this would probably change again in the night. Almost absently, she let her fingers gently stroke the soft hair of his temples, sub consciously enjoying the softness against her fingers. He seemed to relax even further, a sigh of contentment escaping him and his face softening noticeably. He mumbled something incoherent, stalling her fingers, but he just slightly shifted, slightly smiling in his hard-won sleep. Her heart seemed to still for a second, and then suddenly striking up a frenetic beat. She could not understand what was happening to her. Odd waves of emotion were cascading through her, and she felt tenderness well up within her- so powerful, that it rocked her with its sheer force. Without thinking, almost as if in a trance where only her senses were in control, she leaned over gently and brushed her lips over his forehead. It was the lightest of contacts, like the feel of an ethereal butterfly brushing its wings over your face, momentary and soft. She almost immediately pulled back, shocked at what she had done. Thankfully he was still fast asleep, she thought, blushing fiercely. "What on earth am I doing- this is madness?" she thought panicked and hurriedly getting up, but still careful not to disturb him.

She moved to the window to stare out, trying to calm the turmoil in her heart. She therefore had no idea that a pair of tired but dazed eyes, full of wonderment, had gently opened and followed her longingly as she walked away. Sanskaar's heart was now pounding and his body burning in a way that had nothing to do with the fever he was fighting. He had no idea what to make of this but all he knew was, that there was an explosion of pure unadulterated joy bursting from him. He was blissfully smiling as he closed his eyes again, allowing himself to be claimed by a much more restful sleep than he had enjoyed in months.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things: The Bible (English Standard Version)- Corinthians 13:7