Posted:
Sorry guys, I didn't particularly want to do this and I know Lux ji is being rightly slammed big time today but seriously cannot control and if this doesn't get out, I can't sleep! Oh and I should have waited till tomorrow but again, that means getting high BP so here goes.
Updated on 16/10/2015- I have edited this to be Part 1 now as am going to engage in more ranting and turn these into a host of letters Sanskaar writes to various people. This was Part 1, to Lakshya. Part will be coming up shortly:) Thank you for your patience and support if you read!
Part 2:
Dearest Lucky
Despite myself, I am compelled to write this today. I want to be brief but bear with me if you think I elaborate on points that should be obvious because in your case, there seems to be a huge difference between what SHOULD be and what actually IS.
For instance, it SHOULD have been a given that you trusted Swara those months ago when this whole unholy mess began. Oh, I know- it was all Ragini. She did it all and I helped her too so it was all her fault and at that time mine, but mine has been mitigated for you to some extent so now let's just pin it all on Ragini. I know the drill.
But Lucky, introspection truly is a fine thing. You should try it sometime. I did, genuinely and hopefully even you can see the effect it had on me. Oh you magnanimously conceded that I admitted my mistakes so I am merely better than Ragini, but you and I SHOULD both know it is more than that. I changed, truly, deeply, madly changed and with an open heart, tried to redeem myself. Whether I succeeded or not I can't say- that is for others to decide but my conscience is finally clear.
What about you though, dear brother? Ever think of your own role in this? The Ragini monster I helped create came later, before then was my sweet innocent "dupattewaali dost" and I genuinely felt for that girl. You had gotten engaged to her, broke up with her, then publicly engaged once again (for me!) and then decided to ditch her once more for good measure. But the second time round, you capped that by declaring undying love for her half sister. Way to go! Did you ever feel remorse? I don't mean a superficial- "I am a victim but I will enhance that status by a token gesture of saying sorry for something I MAY have done". No- I mean the sort of regret that eats your insides up and makes you want to drown yourself, not the sorry you feel when your foot slips and you fall in like a clumsy oaf. Sorry, that was uncalled for.
Anyway, back to Ragini- you were taken in by her masterful act and you were a victim. However, you decided at that point that Swara was the devil and your wife the angel. A lot of pretty compelling evidence was shown to you along the way, many times. I can't detail it here or this will be too long and frankly, it exhausts me to even think about the stupidity you exhibited so many times. However, you CHOSE not to believe any of it. It was easier to childishly lash out- it was far easier for you to blame, bemoan and well, effectively ask "dhokebaaz to wed dhokebaaz". Then when they obliged, you weren't satisfied, you decided to repeatedly test their togetherness in an effort to humiliate and divert from your own unhappiness. So the marriage drama was repeated twice more and in case I forget, you were an equal participant in that with Ragini?
Oh, and I need to say- I am sorry I had you kidnapped. Actually, scrap that, I am not. It seemed that you deserved the kicking you got by those goons. Plus, the slip and trip incident was clearly the catalyst for activating your brain cells. If only there had been the slightest indication of such phenomena, I would have pushed you in there a long time ago and saved us all a lot of heartache.
You then proceeded to finally "take charge", something the whole family gives you credit for. Well done Lucky- you are the hero- am proud of you. You hatched the plan we all executed and your once much loved best friend unravelled at the thought of your death. Then you carried out the big reveal with aplomb.
Ding Dong, the wicked witch is dead- we can all rejoice. Great- its Navratri- we SHOULD have all done a dance but I thought it was still an immensely sad and anti climatic moment. I an NOT justifying Ragini in the slightest- she went way beyond what can be countenanced but surely, it gives food for thought- how someone who was once the Ragini we knew, came to that thing that we all looked at with revulsion?
Once again though, I underestimated you. Superhuman reactions and reflexes are clearly your forte. Ragini was not yet metaphorically cold in her grave yet, that you decided to move on well and truly. I mean, it's not like you have made a terrible mistake like this before, have you? You clearly have no comparator to remind you what happened the last time you went careening off the deep end and decided to instantly react rather than THINK about your own actions, and then give the appropriate reaction, do you? After all, those things are for adults. Lakshya Maheshwari- the darling of the Maheshwari clan, everyone's beloved Lucky has always had what he wanted, before he even knew he craved it. A punching bag from his elder brother- why, here you go junior- you have it. A bengali fiancee- the same reason the elder brother got banished in a brutal fashion- oh, well Badi Ma can work her magic on Bade Papa but Lucky should not go without his favourite toy of that time. Similarly, knee jerk reaction wedding to Ragini- if Lucky decides, it must be so. I am sure I missed many out but you get the picture. But once more I digress.
So then, here we are. Oh but, it isn't about Ragini is it? That's all done and dusted. Let's talk about the real prize here- your reward for having been a spectacular fool! Of course you want Swara now- I mean you always loved her, even when you hated her and called her names, and oh, yeah- minor detail, insulted her character too. All those actions were totally justifiable. You can now gaze meaningfully at her in a way that would make Shahrukh Khan applaud and you will make it all ok.
Never mind me. After all, we were forced to get married, right? So it must stand to reason that I will be entirely fine about the whole changed circumstances and in fact, I SHOULD be happy to let it all end right? Oh, we forgot one tiny little eensy weensy detail. There was a certain night where I got roaringly drunk and literally set our little circus stall lives ablaze- I said something to Swara then. Do you remember? You SHOULD- even if I say so myself, it was quite memorable. But of course, you don't have the time or inclination to think about good old me. Why wouldn't I let you have Swara? You want her, you should get her.
It doesn't matter that when I see you make cow eyes at her I want to smack you- hard and repeatedly. It doesn't have any importance that when people bandy the word divorce around like talking about what to make for dinner tomorrow, I want to this time set fire to the mansion we call home. My heart ripping into pieces is so painful, everyone SHOULD hear the screams of agony but of course no one does. I don't want thanks for my trust of Swara, the loyalty I will show her till the day I die, the hundreds of humiliations I suffered just as she did including the fake molestation charges your one time friend and soon to be ex wife drummed up (or for that matter the multiple face washes you all gave me). It was all no more than what my love deserved and I would do all of it and more again if I could.
But some respect- oh, sorry too much to ask- common human decency SHOULD not be too much to expect maybe? However it seems instead that you want to ask me to now revert to being your big bro again, forgetting all the above and way more, and then ensure Swara comes to meet you so you can apologise. Fair enough as far as apologies are concerned, but of course you cannot stop at an apology can you? Oh no, a full on love declaration is so appropriate at this point, how can you pass up on the chance. Let's all already plan what we do the same day Swara and I, and you and Ragini get divorced. Oh, I know, nothing like a wedding to lift those flagging spirits. So what if that means the planning stage has to be done with your current BHABHI, the forever ever after type love of the man you have now again started conveniently calling BHAI? Reuniting with one's lost love (lost out of monumental stupidly and total lack of trust is still lost) is all important after all.
I could go on but I just realised that despite myself, this has become very long. I do apologise. I also now wonder why I am writing all this as there is of course no point whatsoever in trying to get you to read any of this and SHOULD you by any chance read, there is zero chances of any of it actually sinking in. That space is already occupied by love- the love you have for yourself.
So, forget it. I think I will now simply burn this letter and stand by, watching you wreak havoc once more in all our lives. Never fear- everyone will still love you, you are your true namesake Lucky.
You on again off again Bhai.
Sanskaar
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
Sensational South
Bigg Boss 19
