Menka was filing her nails and frowning as her brain
struggled to cope with two tasks simultaneously: Menka was also
thinking. After a few minutes, she turned to Rags, who was sitting
beside her reading a fashion magazine, and said, "Jiji. .."
"Shut up, Menka," Rags said automatically, annoyed at the interruption.
"But jiji, I was thinking about Yuvraj bhaiyya," Menka continued. "Koi garbar hai. I mean, maybe he doesn't like girls. .."
"What nonsense you talk, Menka. Have you forgotten Soumya? Yuvraj fell
in love with Soumya. Plus all those girls used to be around. .."
"But jiji, think. There was no-one serious. And when we worked so hard
to get him and Soumya together, he rejected her. He seemed happier with
Suhani jiji, and we all know they never. .."
Rags' eyes turned into slits as she thought about what Menka had just
said. It was true that Yuvraj seemed almost happy with that Suhani,
he'd even gone against dadi when the smartass showoff had returned to
Birla House and dadi had thrown out her bags. That had worried her then
too. But no, it couldn't be. She'd have noticed something.
"Shut up, Menka. It's just that Yuvraj has all these silly principles.
Once that girl is gone, we'll find him someone suitable."
"Par jiji, isn't it odd? Yuvraj doesn't hate Suhani jiji--he likes her.
Our husbands don't even like us, but we have normal marriages."
"Speak for yourself, you idiot! Anuj maynot like you, but Saurabh will
dance to my tune if I just give him a little bhav." But Menka had a
point, Rags thought. She was all for Yuvraj staying as far as possible
from that hair-stealer, but he was a guy--why was he not fooling around
elsewhere?Why didn't he dump that miss pure and mighty and find some
girl to his taste? She would have to talk to dadi. They better marry him
off again as soon as possible. The Birlas would not stand for any smear
on their good name.
*****
"What are you saying, Rags, I don't understand. " Dadi
tried to wrinkle her nose and glared with irritation as Rags tried to
delicately put across her doubts.
"Aaah, jiji, you're such a cheater," jumped in Menka. "Dadi, this was my idea! Mein itni intelligent jo hun. "
"But what are you saying, you foolish girls? I can't understand you."
Rags and Menka looked at each other. As Rags tried to frame her words,
the ditzy Menka blabbed, "Dadi, maybe Yuvraj likes boys."
*****
Suhani heard the trio's conversation, and could barely
stop herself guffawing with laughter. She hurried away and went to look
for Yuvraj.
"WHAT? " Yuvraj exclaimed.
"They think you. .."
"I heard you. No need to find it so very amusing. But," he paused and thought a while. "Maybe we can use this. .."
"Use it how?"
"You know dadi is modern only in superficial ways. You remember the
shuddhikaran nonsense? To people like them, gay is a dirty word. If dadi
thinks there's any chance that I am not strictly hetero, you will
begin to look much better to her. "
"Why should I look better? They think we're divorced, and we will be
soon. They'll just marry you to some white-skinned rich girl."
"Not again! I'm not going through that again. It's time to tell dadi
we're not divorced after all. And this time I'll play up and refuse to
get a divorce."
"Don't you think you should ask me first?" Suhani said sternly. "Maybe I don't want to play these games. I want a divorce."
"Oh come on, Suhani, you know you'll do it. Catch you leaving me to stew in this alone."
"You won't be alone," Suhani replied, smiling wickedly. "Your boyfriend
Ashutosh will be with you. Time for a guest at Birla House, Yuvraj!"
"I'll phone him right away," said Yuvraj.
*****
Dadi was furious when Yuvraj refused the idea of a second
marriage and broke the news that he and Suhani were not divorced after
all. Apparently there had been some glitch in the filing and everyone
had been too scared to tell her. Or so Yuvraj said. He also said that he
was okay with it, not interested in marrying anyone anyway. But Suhani
did want a divorce, he told her, and was talking of leaving, but he'd
persuaded her to stay for now. Dadi shuddered in horror. Could those
girls be right? Were her choices to be between an Unnatural Relationship
and That Girl staying?
*****
When Yuvraj's friend Ashutosh came to stay at Birla
House,because his home was supposedly being renovated, dadi's antenna
went right up. She was cold with him, and it was just as well that
Yuvraj had briefed him of their agenda. The trio were given a number of
incidents that made their doubts grow: Yuvraj disappeared with
Ashutosh, they went to each other's room and locked the door, Ashutosh
was naturally touchy-feely and often hugged Yuvraj or patted him, and
Yuvraj did his best to play along.
Ashutosh was proverbially tall, dark and handsome, a
software engineer, easy-going and fun-loving. It had been difficult to
explain to Ashutosh why they even needed to play games such as these
when Yuvraj was married, so they had to finally tell him he and Suhani
had had a rocky start and never actually begun their married life.
Sharad had been his usual annoying self, with insinuations about
Yuvraj's blindness and stupidity.
Ashutosh and Suhani got along famously. When they all went
out, Yuvraj leaving with Ashutosh and Suhani apparently going elsewhere
with Sharad, Ashutosh and Suhani chattered together like best buds,
had much in common, and you could see they really liked each other. At
first Yuvraj was pleased, proud of Suhani, happy that Ashutosh liked
her. But as time went by, he felt less pleased. It irritated him when
Suhani teased Ashutosh or when she laughed at something he said. When
Ashutosh praised Suhani or turned to speak specifically to her or looked
at her fondly, Yuvraj bristled. Sharad noticed it too, and was
concerned. It had never been part of the plan that these two bonded
quite so well.
*****
Yuvraj was getting antsy. It had been a bad idea, another
stupid plan. What if Suhani felt Ashutosh was better than him? "Not that
I care," he tried to tell himself, but he did. She was HIS wife, after
all. "But you just kept her hanging," said the annoying voice in his
head. "I was taking it slow," he mumbled to himself. "It doesn't mean
koi aake mera patta kaatt jaye."
"Karo khud se baat, Guru, tum yahan baith ke, aur woh dono garden mein yeh raatein, yeh mausam ka mazaa le rahe hain."
"Shut up, Sharad! Just leave me alone. Aur aane do is
Ashutosh ko andar. Uska boriya-bistar yahan se baahar nahi kiya, toh
mera naam Yuvraj nahi."
"And what will you say?"
"That he's fooling around with my wife."
"Arre, kahan ki 'wife', Guru! You yourself have told him that tumhara aisa koi rishta nahi hai."
"So? He just swoops in? And why does Suhani encourage
him? She should be more distant, less friendly. She should keep him at
arm's length, not stroll with him in my garden at night."
"Maybe Suhani bhabhi is tired of waiting, Guru. She
already told you she intends to get a divorce. She calls you her
friend, not her husband, not anymore. Then why is it unimaginable that
she should see your friend as more than a friend?
"It's all your fault," Sharad continued. "Makkhi maarte
baitho, aur yeh sasura Suhani bhabhi ko tumhari bhabhi banake
dikhaega."
"SHARAD! Muh sambhaal ke. Don't you DARE."
"Why, Guru? Why shouldn't I dare? Why are you looking at
me like you'll kill me? Why does it disturb you if your friend finds
your other 'friend' attractive? How can you blame either of them?"
*****
As these matters fermented in one section of the house, in
another Yuvraj's idea was actually bearing fruit. Dadi was beginning to
think that if Yuvraj refused to marry again and if he had some strange
thing going with this Ashutosh, it was better that That Girl and he
reconciled, at least on the face of it. What would her friends say if
they learnt her grandson was. ..wasn't normal. Much against her will,
she would have to manipulate matters so that that girl stayed married to
Yuvraj. She didn't care what kind of non-relationship they had, just
as long as she provided an adequate cover for her--for Yuvraj.
*****
Yuvraj went looking for Suhani the next morning. He hadn't
seen her or Ashutosh the previous night, and he was feeling unsettled,
worried and, he had to admit, jealous. It just wasn't fair. He was
finally able to admit that he had serious issues at the thought of
Suhani with anyone other than himself. He no longer felt the assurance
he had earlier, when he was sure he knew her well enough to believe she
could never love anyone else.
A nagging thought made him feel somewhat ashamed. Hadn't he
been so reluctant to face how he felt or to accept Suhani because he
had thought he was too good for her? Or, rather, that she was not good
enough for Yuvraj Birla? That seeing how his friends thought she was
great, particularly seeing Ashutosh as a threat, made him see her
differently? Was he just being a dog in the manger? While he was
congratulating himself on not misleading her by giving in to his
attraction towards her, had he eroded her patience enough to actually
no longer be the guy she'd loved madly?
So what did he feel? He hated the thought of losing her. It
made his heart seem to go dead. He wanted to move ahead with her, but
he didn't know how. He'd become stuck in the rut of showing her he cared
in ambiguous ways, but did she understand that? But hadn't he loved
Soumya too? "No," said a voice in his head. "I never knew Soumya, and I
should thank her for running away, or I'd be living my brothers' lives.
I really know Suhani, for all our differences, there are a hundred
things I like or love or admire about her, she's the closest to me than
anyone's been, I want to pull her into my room and tell her she cannot
look at anyone else, and then pull her onto our bed. .." He ducked his
head in embarrassment at his thoughts. And realized that he still found
it hard to say the words even to himself: he had been spoiled by being
in a position of power while she loved him and he merely accepted her
love. Now if he admitted he...y'know, loved her, he would be the
supplicant.
*****
He found her sitting with his mother. He smiled at his mother and frowned at Suhani. "Come with me, will you?" he asked.
"Why, what's happened that you've got your sadu face on?"
He felt irritated in spite of himself. She was always ragging him,
always making fun of him. Always arguing, always sure she was right.
Why couldn't she admire him more, look starry-eyed at him, and just
sometimes do what he wanted?
"Will you, for ONCE, just once, Suhani, do as I ask?"
"Oh, hoity-toity," she began, but Pratima interrupted. "Go, Suhani, beta, tumhe bula raha hai toh chali jao."
"Okay, tell me," she said, once he'd led her into his room. "What have I done this time?"
He took in her posture, arms akimbo, combative. She looked indignant,
her hair was flying, and her eyes were sparkling--no doubt at the
thought of fighting with him. She really was something...he brushed away
the thought as he thought of her and bloody Ashutosh strolling in the
garden. At night. Did he touch her? Did she let him?
"Where were you last night? " he asked.
"Ashutosh took me for a drive--you know, Yuvraj, there's this great dhaba, and by the way, Ashu loves that kind of food. .."
His mind stuck on the three things she'd just said, as she continued
talking. Not only strolling in their garden, where she used to meet
HIM, but going on drives. Calling him Ashu--was he calling her Su in
private? Eating at her rubbishy joints with her, sucking up. ..
"You're not to see him alone," he blurted out, knowing it was stupid, knowing she would roast him.
"Kya? Tum hukum chale ho kya hum pe?" She laughed sarcastically. "By what right? "
"Look, you don't know guys, he looks at you a little too..."
"How, Yuvraj? Does he look at me like you do before you look away and
pretend it never happened? Why do you think I don't know how guys
operate? Do you think that because I don't meet your standards I'm
unlovable, that no man has or could want me? "
He didn't know what to say. She was right, he HAD thought that, though
he didn't now. And if she saw Ashutosh had his eye on her and still
went out with him alone at night, what did this mean?
"Talk to me when you have something sensible to say," she said, before turning to go.
He stepped in front of her and caught her by the shoulders. "You just
like thinking the worst of me! You don't see that I'm bothered
because..." The words he needed would not come. In frustration he shook
her a little, then backed off and banged his fist against the wall.
Bloody hell, that hurt! He shot a glance at Suhani, and sure enough,
she looked concerned. "It hurts," he said pathetically, looking at her
sadly.
"Show me. What did you do that for?" She sat him down in the chair, and went to fetch a wet napkin for his bruised hand.
"Because I'm an idiot and I don't know how to tell you what I want to.
I'm dying when I see you with that Ashutosh. Or when both of you are out
of my sight together. I'm scared you no longer love me. I'm scared
you'll leave me. I'm scared that even if I tell you," he gulped, but
carried on, "Even I tell you I love you, you'll have decided that what
you have to put up with in this house isn't worth it. " He was staring
at the floor as he spoke, a part of his mind wondering how she'd react,
another part thinking, "Well, at least Sharad will shut up now."
He looked at her. She was patting his hand with the napkin, blowing on it, seeming unaffected by his outburst. "Suhani."
She looked at him. She didn't seem wildly happy, and his heart sank.
"I don't know if you will understand what I'm going to say. I'm not
involved with your friend--I wouldn't do that. I love you, but I want to
leave you anyway. You're still not sure, are you? You need time, and
so do I. Do you love me or are you reacting like a man whose possession
is threatened? Do I love you or is it just a habit I can't shake while
I'm around you? When have we ever had time with each other alone?"
"You want me to woo you? I don't think I'll be great at it, but I'll try." He got up and put his arms around her.
She smiled and returned the hug, then said, "Let's see how you deal
with this, Yuvraj Birla," as she reached and put her arms around his
neck and chastely kissed his cheek.
"Oh, big mistake, Suhani devi," he said. "That's no longer going to be enough!"
"And what will you say to dadi," she asked, "If Ashutosh is out of the picture?"
"Oh I'll just tell her you reformed me. She'll probably come to your
papa's to order you to come back before some other guy catches my eye."
Cricket
Anupamaa
