Yuvraj: Unrealization - Page 4

Originally posted by: anita_m

Guys, this is not a fun post in line with yesterday's. It is an attempt to decipher or make sense of Yuvi's feelings or non-feelings, just in case the cvs suddenly hit us with a Yuvi-loves Su track, which just doesn't appear too viable to me at this point.

I wake up when I please, and usually there is a glass of juice at my bedside. Suhani is so efficient in some ways. Anyhoo, I drink my juice, wash and change and go for a jog. I am very big on fitness. I am very particular about what I eat. Suhani cooks too much heavy food. I don't like such food at all. Though Suhani is hardly my dream girl, I must admit she makes me quite tasty health foods.

I take a shower after my return and chillax in my room. I've spent the past few years doing whatever I was told to for the Birla companies, listening to music, and buying assorted jackets to go with my one pair of jeans. If I feel up to it, I take a drive in my car, meet some friends, check out new gadgets. But I'm home a lot, most often here in my room with my Gameboy or mobile. You should see my Candy Crush scores. At some point Suhani comes in to make her usual mess and I have to scold her like a harpy.These days she's staying in mom's room, and it's very quiet here. I like it, but... I do wish Suhani would stop moping around and things would go back to normal. I said this to Sharad, who asked me what I meant by 'normal'. Normal means when Suhani laughed like an idiot half the time, was usually cheerful and smiling, and ragged me mercilessly. It's not only that I miss that Suhani, more that I feel uncomfortable and guilty about her current state.

It's not my fault, right? I never lied to her. If she loves me, it's not that I encouraged her or was dishonest. Or not ACTUALLY dishonest; it was just a lie--lies--of omission. I was very careful never to give in to the slightest degree, even when I felt... no, I didn't, I didn't. I never felt anything. It was just my muscles cramping all those times I felt a tingle when holding her, either when we were forced into proximity at some dance-shance or due to her pathological tendency to fall in my vicinity. It's not that she's that bad-looking, she's quite...well, she's rather...no, I am Yuvraj Birla, and Beauty is my birthright.🤢 Suhani does not fit the parameters of beauty for me. She's nice, good figure, wish she wouldn't wear those long kurtas, but what's that to do with me --no, I don't notice her in That way. At all. She has nice eyes. Lovely smile. She's smart too. But she's not who I imagined ending up with. Mom loves her. My brothers love her. Those conniving witches who are my sisters-in-law trouble her, but she can handle it. I wish dadi wasn't so mean to her. It upsets me, but we have been taught to never answer back, because it only means mom bearing the brunt with a string of insults.

I walk Snoopy with Sharad sometimes. You know, he got lost due to that psycho friend of Suhani's, and we were all frantic; we searched all over, but no luck; I thought he was gone for good. But Suhani found him--I was so happy, I couldn't stop myself hugging her in gratitude. It felt nice, but not like Sharad implied. I don't have Those feelings for her. I just like her. These days I feel less hesitant around her, because now she knows I don't love her. Sharad says I never miss a chance to touch her these days, which is all the most arrant nonsense. Look at me, I'm such a dude. Suhani is...well, middle-class, no raving beauty, and a bit difficult, really, though I admire her for standing up for what she believes in; these days she's lost that fire. I want that back. Why? Why, because I'm a nice guy, I guess.

Not that I care for Suhani in That way or anything, just--I don't know. I keep trying to act normal and make her smile again, but it's hard work. She's unhappy, and it gets to me. I'm not used to putting myself out; I already did my month's work during that FOTY event. My plan to reform Psycho Soumya is really more to keep Suhani in the house and interacting with me. Plus I really want to get back at her for what she did to us. Why? What's with all these questions--it's very irritating. Well, it's my duty, right? I married the girl. We're friends. Sharad asked me if I intend to keep her here as a 'friend' her whole life so she can look after my mom, me, and the house. I felt all hot and bothered. Sharad should shut up. It disturbs my mental peace when he asks me stupid questions. We Birlas can afford 10 servants--I don't need Suhani to do all that. But I like her attention, I admit. That doesn't mean anything. She's not my type (well, I don't know my type anymore, since I once thought Psycho Soumya was it). We're totally different.

I don't know what next, okay? Can't we just live in the moment? We're good friends, bas. No, not like That, not 'good friends' good friends. This Suhani and even talking about her just disturbs me. I can see her in the garden; I better go out, because she's bound to slip and fall in the mud.