Originally posted by: shruthiravi
@DD I am very happy at 22 years you got this wisdom. Because that wisdom will help us to see every situation in a positive light. And I would say 20's are the right time to get those wisdom, because you are going to spread your wings. And if you have the right wisdom you will reach greater heights. I had taken certain actions, without understanding the logic at your age. Because as you said no one understood me or my decisions. Even I didn't. But a situation came in my life where I had to make a choice. Choice for which I needed guidance, a kind of choice which I couldn't go with majority view, but needed absolute surety I am taking the right decision or not. And I turned to the only person whom I could trust completely to help me out in the situation. Lord Krishna. I still remember standing in front of Lord Krishna's photo and crying, asking him to show me the way, as I am tired fighting and I can t fight anymore. That was 2012.
And yes he showed me the way. Incidentally my journey in IF also started in 2012 analyzing a show DABH. As I wrote problems popped up in front of me and I went on correcting. And in 2013 when SP MB started and Krishna started talking I felt it was as if he was answering me. My prayer. As the larger connections evolved slowly but surely. Today 2016 I write, I draw parallels it is because of the knowledge my journey had taught me. The mistakes I had corrected. And yes he absolutely proved to me my choice was right and liberating. And when I watch SKR it feels as if a journey is reaching the culmination.
Shruthi am sorry am replying this late... I didn't knew what to say.. I still don't know what to type.. But best with my incoherence...
You know am pretty much petrified of the words 'wisdom' and 'decision'.
I had a tough childhood...I was timid,introvert,insecure and what not... I always felt I lacked something as a person. When I looked around I found kids of my age so exuberant, full of life... I wish the circumstances were better. Despite adversities my dad made it a point to educate me in a top school... I made it to the school.. Years passed. I was a good student... The board exams came and I was diagnosed with a typical orthopedic condition of hand which wouldn't allow me to write... My vein was swollen it would pain and I couldn't write properly. In this whole scene I lost my handwriting... It wasn't legible.. But again I had to go thru this test.. Where everyone was expecting me to get 95% I landed on 85%. It hurted a lot... As if someone had pierced a knife in my heart.. I didn't flinch.. Instead I said 'Matti daalo', but that was the day I lost faith in hard work and luck... I still believed slightly in hardwork as that was what had gotten me those 85%. I lost faith in luck, God, prayers and destiny...
In 12th again during the boards my concern was my writing... What to do? As my hand's fatigue was not over. I found a way- write with left. And I did that within 15 days... Its been 4.5 yrs that I write with left...
Again a decision point came.. Which course to take? Engg was always the ultimate option... Though I was also good with biology... I had made it to a clg in pune.. My dad refused to pay a heavy fee as it was an autonomous institute. I tried to convince that I would take loan. But still things didn't work out and I had to settle, rather compromise... I didn't like the atmosphere here... I tried to find happiness but no use... I didn't enjoy clg, not even lectures... An year passed by, there was some function and the ppl were hunting for a person who would give a speech.. They called me.. I went.. I didn't knew if I could speak.. I was good in writing but had never anchored or spoke on stage.. It went well and I anchored subsequent events for 2 yrs. I had got an opportunity outside also. That also went well...
A tragedy once again knocked at my door and I lost one year... I was home when I was supposed to be in the last year...
But again I began something that I thot I never would.. I started a blog.. I joined theatre ( which I left in 1.5 months as am not fluent with Marathi even if its my mother tongue). I did a photoshoot... In short I found solace that I can do these things if I wish to, if I try.. My life doesnt end if I fail at one thing...
Again 2015-16 is my last yr of clg.. This was a turbulent year... I got opportunities for pg but I lost them coz of my health... Still am unaffected... Not because it didn't sadden me, because from my past, I know one thing, I'll find a way out... That had been writing with left or taking up different activities...
The result of all the struggles I endured after 12th is that I have lost interest in my field.. I see my dad pestering me to apply here, go there, visit the site.. I don't feel like...
I believe while doing smthn, u may either lose interest or develop interest.. My case is divided.. I lost interest in what I was doing and developed an interest in what I took later...
As I said I have kept an opportunity of pg on hold with family's support I again find myself on the brink of taking a decision...
I don't know what shall I decide... Its unpredictable... What if tomorrow I fall apart once again?
When I c around I find ppl running a race.. And am not a race person at all... I find it funny when ppl run for something they want to attain... On the contrary, I don't run, I simply sit and find different ways that can help me đ. This may sound wisdom philosophically but practically what should I earn and eat? đ
So am that person who's torn in between practical and philosophical... I might have earned wisdom through my trials but I still am clueless what will I do...
And gaining wisdom has been possible as I watched my father work relentlessly and endlessly with justice... My family staunchly believes in karma.. They have brought me and my brother this way..we'll always help ppl, do good.. But u know nobody helps us when we need the most... I can't even lie to anyone... A small mistake and am guilt stricken...
And I believe that the best teacher you can ever have is yourself... Make yourself learn... That's the only way one can I get wisdom...
I have penned it so long, coz I wanna say carve a path for urself.. Find a way in the tym of adversities... If one thing doesn't work, make other things work... You'll never find me praying or going to temples with my problems ( again its a personal choice. Of one finds solace he/she should go). I rather search it inside me and make a new way with a new opportunity.. If u c my present field of study and my ways are not at all connected.. And this is where ppl ridicule me always... They find it insane...
Am quite this jumpy person... U'll find me one day here and the other day there...
"Decision" and "wisdom" are two tough things for me...
Maybe wisdom hasn't taught me what to do... It has definitely taught me what not to do...
I guess I find this in SKR... Every scene replete with messages and hints... And you may never know if I stick to this thread till the end of the show ( am mostly on off on other forums. Once I lose interest I walk away) , I may think of a pg course in mythology...
So again I have both sides - practical and philosophical in watching SKR...
P.S- I don't know why I posted so long... I ges got carried away... đ