*From & To Sathish* - Thread 4 - Page 68

I,me, self,mine

from needs to emotions to wants to tears and to grief

I wrote,thought, felt and was driven

But, when I opened my heart and all my senses

I saw that others too cried, some visible and some invisible

Now, I see more and more and feel and think less of myself

only when you stop crying and your eyes are clear of salt

can you see the eyes of others and maybe wipe and comfort

some of them

It is a beautiful expression, tears for they flow with joy

and they flow with pleasure and they erupt and flood

when the heart is overwhelmed with pain and sorrow

It is a sign, a signal telling people their state

of mind and body and the level of their grief

The time at the dawn is on me

an empty canvas, a white notepad beckons

wooden easel not rather a dull black Acer monitor

bucket in one hand and palette in the other

abstract or starkly sketched

splash or lines

Gogh or Laxman

prose or poetry

or a mix of both

to be or not to be

Kurazhlum aval

Kuralum aval

kannum aval

paarvaiyum aval

sollum aval

seiya solbathum aval

azahgu enbathu aval

azhagendra sollukum artham aval

silaiyum aval

silayaga enna nirka seivathum aval

silaiyai rasikka sonnathum aval

aval,aval,aval

kalangalil aval vasantham

kalaigalile oviyam

madhangalil aval maargazhi

malargalile aval malligai

When I was young

all the air filled my lungs

I was always on fire and

running around like a cab on hire

I saw the sun and its light

vainly and blindly reached for it

When I was a kid,growing up

I wanted to see, learn about everything

Grazed, caressed and so shallow

and thus my vision and thoughts were so narrow

I am older now and rather let the air

rush into my lungs and then slip away

I now am conscious of every breath

and savor nearly every moment of it

and also thank the air as it comes and goes

Every breath is like a wave rushing in

I exhale and the air rushes out

like the retreating wave

I see the sun and have no need to grab it

for I am wiser and also aware

that the sun is in me

and that it fills me with its light

Less of seeing, learning and

less of knowledge about all things varied

and it is more of understanding now

I saw so much back then

so many colors and yet only saw them

But now I see and I realize

that all colors like all souls

have their own meanings

and sometimes we change and exchange colors

I am older now

and rather than fill my lungs with air

I fill the air with my lungs

and inhale and exhale

words and whispers

songs and requests

wishes and prayers for friends

and love that lingers unsung

untold and untarnished

Action and reaction

reflection of action

or just reaction

smile and you get a smile

sometimes you get a snarl

or worse a smirk

share, lay your mind bare

people thing you are playing

truth or dare

and so it is back to the closet

and another bout of schizophrenia

You peep through the glass

of your closet, hiding called your life

your soul and your understanding

and realize everyone else too

suffers the same and play the same game

Good morning. I wish you a beautiful day and a great weekend.

Flowers don't worry about how they're going to bloom. They just open up and turn toward the light and that makes them beautiful. Jim Carrey

Flowers, blooming in yellow, pink and red

safe in their earthy and dependable bed

sometimes, I do stand, linger and wonder

about these other lives

green lives, with green leaves

blooming and swaying in the wind

with heads of yellows, oranges, and reds

many a time I have imagined us human's

in our black, brown, pink and whites

and what we have to be so uptight

when compared to the green and colors of many flowers

that stay in sight and out of sight

and go about their delicately beautiful lives

what color would my flower, my head be or I want it to be?

Red, Pink, Yellow, orange, Blue but I think not

for I will go for white, color of the blinding light

color of a mothers blood as it runs out of her

and into her child's body.

Small stagnant pools of water. Small ponds, dirty and muddied. Yet, a pink lily and her family of other lilies bloom on the water and in the light of day, they seem like pink and red rubies on a dusky woman's body and neck.

Flowers at birth. Flowers in death. Flowers for God and pooja. Flowers when in love and when parting. Flowers during weddings, in the bed of love and when in bed with death. Flowers all around and for every occasion.

Maybe Kannadasan was slightly wrong and maybe he forgot flowers when he was high on some flower with limbs when he penned the song

வீடுவரை உறவு

வீதி வரை மனைவி

காடு வரை பிள்ளை

கடைசி வரை யாரோ?

You, me and all of us know and have seen and followed the tracks of flowers left in a departing souls wake.

Roses in reds and pinks and their petals lay a carpet as the man exits his home and departs the nearby garden or oven and so it is flowers, beautiful flowers who we began our journey and they were there at the end and at the endgame.

Jannal Oram 349

Burn him not up, nor quite consume him, Agni: let not his body or his skin be scattered,

O all possessing Fire, when thou hast matured him, then send him on his way unto the Fathers.

When thou hast made him ready, all possessing Fire, then do thou give him over to the Fathers,

When he attains unto the life that waits him, he shall become subject to the will of gods.

The Sun receive thine eye, the Wind thy Prana (life-principle, breathe);

go, as thy merit is, to earth or heaven.

Go, if it be thy lot, unto the waters;

go, make thine home in plants with all thy members.—Rigveda 10.16

The dead one could have been their only child. The dead one could have been one of their group member's mate. The dead one could have been a brother or sister or someone who had been loved and considered a leader. Flowers were laid over the body and then buried and rocks laid on the site so that animals would not be able to scavenge on the remains of the dead one.

Funeral rites are as old as human culture itself, pre-dating modern Homo sapiens and dated to at least 300,000 years ago. For example, in the Shanidar Cave in Iraq, in Pontnewydd Cave in Wales and at other sites across Europe and the Near East, archaeologists have discovered Neanderthal skeletons with a characteristic layer of flower pollen and dried flowers and petals.

Author talks

Flowers, Mohan's funeral and well the chapter drifted away with my thoughts as my souls flew back 300,000 years ago to the point where I placed myself in that place where one or more of our ancestors( Human ancestors) were placing flowers or some other food items near the body of their dead one.

Flowers, for as then and as it is now are Gods most beautiful creations. Colorful and full of fragrance and what better as a gift, even when it is in parting or departing. Fruits, maybe in hope that the dead one is just really fast asleep and maybe might need sustenance when he or she awakes and is hungry, in this life or the next.

Then, the flowers bloomed and the chapter of Jannal Oram was forgotten and instead today's morning post was created. I have understood this facet of mine that is otherwise well known as empathy and it fascinates me that I can travel back with a feeling of melancholy, romance, and sadness and imagine what ancient man would have felt 300,000 years back when he was faced with the death of a loved one.

Shock, sadness, crying, a sense of doom maybe and now, here in the crematorium that is in Anna Nagar, Raman stood with Mohan's parents and his own family and they stood in silent grief and bid his soul goodbye and peace. ( like our ancestors did 300,000 years ago.

Everyone there knew who Kavita was but only Raman knew her much better than all of them and she was still relatively new to the others. Jeeva could visibly see Kavita struggling with her emotions for it had been only the previous day that she had wished her brother a final goodbye and here she was again attending another funeral and that must have taken a lot of courage and which went to show what a kind and decent person she was, though Jeeva to herself and slowly stepped back and stood next to Kavita.

Kavita looked up with eyes full of grief and memories.

Jeeva slowly reached out and took Kavita's hand in hers and holding it gently, said ' You and Raman would have made a wonderful couple.'

Kavita recoiled felt as if she had been hit by a bolt of lightning and Jeeva clenched her hand ' relax Kavita. I am your friend and I meant what I said and I stress on the word would for it is not so.'

Bewildered, Kavita looked at her and Jeeva said ' We will talk later for both of us know that it is imperative to talk about this issue openly and without holding anything back and the sooner it is done, the better.'

Both of them saw Raman turn slightly and look at both of them and both of them looked at him and flashed smiles to convey that they were okay and everything was cool.

Raman had only casually looked back and yet his lingering gaze on Jeeva and Kavita had not missed them holding hands and he wondered what both the women were going on about and decided that it was something to do with them and so better to leave it to them to sort it out.

Unless or until they broached the topic and sought his counsel.

The ritual was over and Mohan's body was taken away inside where Fire waited for his remains and Thulasi his mother finally broke down and began to yell and scream.

Being around the body of a loved one, our strange soul, psyche, emotions seem to have a fix, a point on which to focus the pain and which is the dead body itself and somehow we vaguely comfort ourselves into imagining that they are still around and only sleeping and that the moment will pass and they will wake up.

Only, when the body is taken away from our possession for cremation or when it is lowered into the ground and soil is thrown over it or over a coffin, does it strike us that we are never going to see that person again.

A photo is a photo. A video is just that, a video. But a body even in death still is that person, regardless of the dead and decomposing flesh.

Thulasi wailed ' my baby. my baby.please don't take my child away for he has many more years to live. please, the fire will hurt him and ruin his body.'

She screamed at Venu, her husband ' bring him back. please bring him back for the poor child is scared silly of fire. That is why we don't celebrate Diwali with crackers for it hurts his ears and soul. How is he going to react now when fire surrounds him and what do we do if he calls out for help and calls for me, his mother?'

Raman closed his eyes and tilted his head up for each and every word of the poor mother was like someone hitting him with a hammer on his body and bones.

He slowly stumbled and placed his head against a wall and stood there with his back turned against the world and Shaktivel stopped all those who thought of going to comfort him and told Jeeva ' leave him be.'

Jeeva looked at him ' Appa, I cannot bear the sight of him in so much pain.'

Valliammai looked at Jeeva ' shakti is right da, chellam. leave him be for he is not only drowning in pain but in anger and sometimes his anger can be very terrible. That's why it is better to let him process his emotions and loss for, in the end, we all have to process it by our means and ends and in solitude.'

Jannal Oram 350

All the love, compassion and understanding in the world can only go so far because ultimately you can’t take someone’s pain away. I wish you could but it’s just not possible. The best you can do is let them know that you care and keep enough of an emotional connection that they can reach out to you when they need you but not so close that you risk getting dragged under with them. You’re not invulnerable; especially when it comes to someone you care about, so remember to step back a little when it’s getting too much. After all, you can’t save someone who’s drowning if you’re not strong enough to swim.

Raman opened his eyes to hushed voices conversing and saw that it was Kavita talking to her police team's head and saw him leave and stood up and went to her.

' Is everything ok, Kavita?'

' Yes. Mother just called to tell me that dad is awake, and is asking for me.'

She looked at him ' I have to leave now Raman. I hope it is okay for I really would have stayed until the ashes were immersed.'

Raman hushed her gently 'It's okay. nee po for your dad is more important and he will need your presence and strength, now more than ever.'

' When will you come to see dad, Ram. He will be very happy to see you and it will be like a morale booster for him if you are by his side.'

Jeeva, Shaktivel, Valliammai, and Kamakshi joined them both leaving Manigandan to console Mohan's parents Venu and srinivasan and Jeeva asked ' Is something wrong' and looked at both of them.

' Nothing is wrong, Jeeva. Appa has regained consciousness and is asking for me. So, I have to get going now.'

Jeeva's smile lit up her face and her whole body ' That is fantastic news Kavita. Please convey our regards and wishes to him and your mother and tell them that we will drop in when it is okay for him to have visitors.'

All of them watched as Raman suddenly lifted both his palms and raised it towards Kavita and she and the others saw some bloodstains on his palms and fingers and she and Jeeva reacted at the same time ' blood, are you hurt? what happened and how did you get hurt?'

Raman looked at Kavita ' touch it. Touch these blood stains and hear my words.'

Jeeva panicked and quickly turned and looked at Shaktivel and then at vVlli in confusion and both shook their heads and with their eyes told her to remain calm.

Kavita touched his palms and the bloodstains in both of them although it was his right palm that had more of it and then she noticed that even his right shirt cuff had been stained with blood.

He looked at her ' I have a gift for you and your parents. The one who took Vijay's life is dead. I killed her. This is her blood, the blood of the woman who murdered Vijay and that innocent girl, Poornima.'

His fingers slowly wrapped themselves around that of Kavita's and he turned and looked at all of them and then went back to Kavita and said ' also tell your father that Vaidyanathan won't be a problem anymore for he too is dead.'

“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” Carl Jung

We are all souls who live in the dark looking for light when we are lights ourselves. We are all heaven and we all are hell itself. Kadavul paathi.Mirugam paathi.

If there was a boy who went into the dark and came back with light, then, there is a boy who went into the light and came back with darkness.

Jannal Oram 351

Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.— Walter Anderson

They stood like priests around an idol. They stood like pallbearers around a coffin. They stood like trees around a mound. They stood in stunned silence and they all stood looking at Raman.

Kavita did not know how to respond, for her senses were overloaded and all she could manage was ' when did this happen? How did Vaidyanathan die? did you kill him too with these hands?'

Raman looked at her and then at his bloodstained palms and smiled cynically and replied ' I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill the man who destroyed our lives and was the cause of such loss to all of us and yet he willingly sacrificed his life to save me and another by taking the bullets that were meant for me.'

He continued to stare at his stained palms with such interest that it left them all very disconcerted and prompted Shaktivel to edge closer to his son.

' Iyaa.Don't you think it is better now to wash your hands clean of all these stains?'

Raman shook his head and then suddenly he raised his palms and bringing it closer to all of them asked ' do you see any differences?'

Jeeva confusedly and also beginning to worry for Raman's mental health clutched his hands ' baby, what difference are you talking about? please, come with me and lets find a tap to wash these stains away.'

Raman smiled ' I am all right Jeeva and trust me there is nothing wrong in my head.'

Looking at all of them ' I just wanted to know if you saw any differences in the blood of a killer and a man who died saving me. It looks the same and yet so different.'

Looking defiantly at all of them ' I can wash away these blood stains but I doubt if I will ever be able to wash away the stains from my soul.'

Kavita looked at tenderly ' Raman, why do you judge yourself so harshly when there is no blame or fault on your part. You did not set out to hunt or kill anyone and all the killing and violence on your part was forced on you by others and all that you have done is protect and defend your family from harm and have stood for what is right.'

Valliammai threw her arms around her son ' Ram, it is not easy and you knew it was not going to be easy.'

She looked into his eyes ' but ask yourself this as to why God has blessed you with so much strength of both body and mind.It is for a reason and for a purpose.'

Removing her hands from around his waist, she then took his palms in hers and said with a sad smile ' of course there is no difference in these bloodstains my beautiful child. But then you are not God for if he had been here, then he might have pointed out the differences between the killer's blood and that of the minister. But you saw for yourself what the differences were in each of their actions before they died and is that enough.'

Raman looked at his mother and Valliammai continued ' one died trying to kill you and one died trying to protect you and in his last conscious act tried to redeem himself to god and to life. There is the difference that you are looking for and you were looking at the wrong places and at the wrong things. These bloodstains are nothing when compared to the actions and words of humans and if that is true then you are true for all your words and actions have always stood for what is right and truth.'

Kavita wiping her tears thanked Raman and then slowly hugged him and he hugged her back and then saying a soft goodbye, walked away towards her car.

Jeeva, Kamakshi, and Valliammai took turns staring at Raman and it was his mother who broached the topic ' ram, are you aware that Kavita is in love with you and worships the ground you walk and the air that you breathe?'

Raman nodded ' I know amma and have known it for a few months now.'

Valliammai looked at Jeeva who smiled ' this dumb guy has known it only for a few months although the poor thing has been in love with him from the day she met him.'

Shaktivel sighed and groaned ' poor thing. imagine what she must be going through every time she meets our son for god only knows how she is coping with such heartbreak.'

Raman smiled ' enna dad, talking from your own experiences.'

Shaktivel blushed and hurriedly protested ' chee, chee, nothing like that.'

Valliammai shoved an elbow into her husband's ribs ' poi solla koodathu en kadhala. poi sonnallum neeye innum en kaadhalan thaan.'

Jeeva made a mocking face as if she was scandalized and shocked and remarked ' enga kudumbatha vida mosamairukkeenga.'

Raman started smiling and then controlling himself ' Romba seriousa pesa start panne. But, you turned the whole thing around and made me into a sort of standup comedian. Honestly, I sometimes wonder about all your sanity or rightly put insanity.'

Jeeva looked at him ' baby, in all this madness and chaos, it is okay to laugh and not take things so seriously for otherwise, life becomes too hard to live let alone survive.'

Shaktivel in a more serious tone ' Iyaa, enna aachunga. How did minister Vaidyanathan die?'

Raman slowly began explaining what had taken place and time passed them by and at the same time, the mobile phone of Malik aka Jamun rang and he answered it on the first ring for he had been waiting for it anxiously.

' Sorry malik, she is dead. Just got the confirmation from the Government hospital where a post mortem of her body was done.'

Jamun heard the voice and also heard the sadness in Santoshi Lal's tone and in a menacing tone asked ' what is it? I know you are hiding something?'

' I am sorry Malik. The post mortem report stated that she was pregnant.'

Jamun heard it and screamed ' say that again, what did you say? say it again please.'

' She was about pregnant and nearly two months into it.'

Jamun screamed his pain and far away in Belgium, the screams sent shivers and chills up Santoshi's spine for he knew that the game had just begun and that Malik would not stop until Raman and his family were totally wiped out from the face of this earth.'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBOglV5c_U4

Why don’t Indians spit in the Delhi Metro?

by Manu Joseph, Mint, 9 September, 2019

Observe the guy who has been driving like a moron and has finally crashed—he is stunned. It is the same expression on the man who is driving on the wrong side of the national highway and sees a truck coming at him—he is baffled.

Only the cow, which crosses the road like an Indian, is not surprised by things. Human Indians, on the other hand, are constantly startled by the most natural outcome of their actions. In fact, the national emotion of India is surprise. A few days ago, when the government finally increased fines for traffic violations by many times, Indians were, again, baffled.

The move to make fines hefty is an excellent idea. Union transport minister Nitin Gadkari justified the high fines by saying he wants Indians to fear the law. This is part of an on-going reformation of Indians. Keep the nation clean, pay taxes and don’t drive like a moron. But Gadkari missed an important step between threatening Indians and getting them to do the right things.

First, let me invoke a national mystery: Why is it that Indians do not spit or litter when they are in the Delhi Metro system? The same people who have no notions of civic respect, who in fact demonstrate a conscious disrespect for public spaces, surrender their feral freedoms on the Delhi Metro. This phenomenon holds across all filthy cities that are building or expanding modern Metro systems.

I believe that we can understand civic order in the Delhi Metro without the hilarious hypothesis of the sweet conscientious Indian.

When Delhi Metro opened its shutters, it was an extraordinary service and unprecedented in a nation that had until then viewed good design and air-conditioning as too much of a luxury for the majority. (Even the private sector had that view. Once, a top executive of a call centre in Gurgaon told me: “The swanky office is to impress the foreign client. Some of our people who work inside, I know they would be happy in a cowshed.")

Initially, the poor among commuters were mildly intimidated by the Delhi Metro. It was the first time that they had been allowed entry into a space that had escalators, automatic doors and clear instructions pasted everywhere. Yet, they were not in a swanky mall, they were not trespassers trying to steal cool air or glimpses of the rich. Those days, labourers and maids were so overwhelmed that they whispered instead of speaking aloud. Now, they have got used to the service.

The Delhi Metro was, and still is, the anti-matter of India. Trains arrived when the electronic board said they would, even when the time displayed was not divisible by five or 10. As the Delhi Metro was excellent at most things it did, commuters took seriously its threat of heavy fines for spitting and throwing garbage. The system conveyed that if it can run such a good service, it also knows how to fine.

The nature of stature is that it is something people grant and then they are awestruck by the very thing they themselves have granted. Delhi Metro has stature. Also, the trains and the platforms are so well designed that commuters have very little reason to violate its codes.

Of course, there are moments when India triumphs over the Delhi Metro, but

most of the time the Metro prevails. Because it first created all the facilities,

and then tutored, pleaded, threatened and implemented its threats.

Indian roads, on the other hand, are poorly designed and managed. Most countries in plain sight look richer than they really are. Indian roads make India look much poorer than what it is.

I live in Gurugram, where traffic signals hide behind trees, most roads do not have markers for pedestrians to cross and, like most Indians, they never really cross the road; rather, they flee death with that sheepish expression of being encroachers in their own city. And, the face of the government, the cops, elicit no respect, not only because of their reputation, but also because of how they look, their cheap uniforms and how they wear those uniforms, and how they place barricades squeezing dense traffic into zig-zag formations, India’s definition of “security", and how they sit on the roadside on plastic chairs, their large paunches like babies on their laps; and how six of them hide under flyovers to pounce on motorists in the great game that is the Indian daily life.

What India’s traffic system has not learned from Delhi Metro is that for a threat of fines to be effective, you should first win the respect of those you threaten.

This is exactly the reason why the Swachh Bharat movement, too, has had very little success. Why Mahatma Gandhi failed in this matter is very different from why Narendra Modi might. Gandhi commanded immense respect, but he failed because the greatest ambassador of political disruption and civic disorder cannot simultaneously be an icon of order. And cleanliness is entirely about order. Modi is a far more influential icon of order, but his cleanliness project may yet be doomed because its agencies have not won the respect of Indians through the excellence of their services.

Order makes Indians unhappy. They will use any ruse to romanticize and pursue chaos. If the government does not build its stature, its high fines will not control the wizards of chaos. The same incompetence of the system that designs bad roads will ensure that the market forces of bribery will enable cops and motorists to arrive at a happy equilibrium.

The roads taken by Satish

One path diverged into three

and my soul diverged inside me

" Walk on me, take me and be free"

whispered each one and

I stood, confused, and watched as

the paths each ran away into unknown territories

I stepped foot on the first and felt calm

and memories flashed of pain and nails

and of a God on a cross

and of third eye glaring at me, watching my every movement

Scared witless I jumped back

and crossed over to the third path

leaving visions of the cross and angry gods behind me

and stepped foot on it

voices crooned lullabies and welcomed me

pleasure reached out to me with their ghostly fingers

Pleasures of the body and heart

pleasures of stomach and tongue

pleasures of wealth and power

and yet the darkness that hovered inside the path

was terrible to behold and more painful

than the god on the cross and

the angry blue god on the mountain

I jumped back in a mighty hurry

and tentatively set my foot

on the middle path

heaven and hell erupted in me

I was neither light nor dark

No angel and no demon

no beast and no human

I was all that and very common

mundane and cliched soul

neither upper class

nor lower class

but stuck in between the middle class

I hate to bribe but I will bribe

I hate being judged but will judge others

I hate myself and also hate all other

and I will never take a stand on anything

but instead crib, whine, moan and groan

and do nothing

middle-class mentality in all matters

and always walk the middle path

and sit like the proverbial cat on the wall

balancing and walking the line

so I walked the line and screamed

Kadavul paathi mirugam paathi

kalanthu seitha manithan naan

Jannal Oram 352

I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for? Stephanie Lennox

The door behind the curtain opened and the chief minister of Tamil Nadu entered and all of them stood up and greeted him with respect. Commissioner Vishwanathan saluted him. Raman folded his hands and greeted him with a simple " Vanakkam." V.K.Singh shook hands with him and the ever-smiling Edappadi Palaniswamy sat down behind the desk with a beaming smile and then slowly his eyes turned towards Raman who was staring at the large photo on the wall behind the chief minister.

' Sir, she was truly a legend and a remarkable woman. For me and for most of our cabinet and party members, it is like she has not left us but still continues to guide us with her courage and wisdom.'

" Very true sir. The lady was truly a great person. Pity, that she left us all so soon. But sir, please accept my congratulations and best wishes for doing a great job as not only the chief minister but also as the party leader these past three years. trust me, sir, when I say that a lot of people are on your side and that in their eyes, you have risen in stature and acceptance.'

Chief minister EPS was moved by these words and folded his hands humbly and thanked Raman ' Thank you very much and believe me, it has not been easy without Amma for she was the party and she was the Government. Sadly, things became messy and confusing with all the cases against her and then things took a worse turn with her health and she left not only a vacuum in our souls but also a vacuum in our party leadership. But things are getting better now and somehow with Gods grace, we have managed to cross this water scarcity issues and are trying to do a better job in all departments concerned.'

Leaning forward, he place both his hands on the table and looked at Raman ' sir, thank you for accepting my call and being here and the reason for me asking you here is to know what exactly happened with our elder brother Home Minister Vaidyanathan.You were there when it all happened and you were there when he died, I believe in your arms.'

With great concern in his eyes and also tinged with sadness, he asked Raman ' Enna sir aachu.'

' Sir, if you or anybody else had asked me the same question just yesterday, my reply would have been that he got what he deserved.'

Chief minister EPS furrowed his eyebrows in a question ' why? what changed from yesterday and what do you think of the same minister today?'

' sir, today I would say that he redeemed himself in his death and even if it was during his last moments, it still was an act of redemption and which I am sure had started a few days earlier than this.'

Chief Minister Edappadi Palaniswamy, Commissioner Vishwanathan and V.K.Singh all looked at him great interest and it was EPS who with a smile said ' please excuse me for a moment' and picked up the intercom and whispered ' Please see that I am not disturbed until I say so. Hold all calls and visitors until further notice.'

' Sorry, please continue now for I am sure that there is a great story behind all these happenings.'

Raman closed his eyes for a second, not to power up his memories but to compose himself and to control his emotions for what he was going to say and talk about was going to be very painful.

' It all started many years when I was in college and Vijay and Kavita were one year my juniors. I was just about to leave the library when both of them came running in with nearly half a dozen men chasing them and were all carrying deadly weapons and I am sure that they had come with the intention of using them.'

Chief Minister Edappadi Palaniswamy sighed sadly and Raman nodded ' yes, the men were there to kill Durai Pandi Arumugam's children and they had been sent by Vaidyanathan.'

Chief Minister Edappadi Palaniswamy Looked at Raman with wide-open eyes ' So, it was you, you were that student who risked his life for them and put all those men in hospital.'

Slowly, he leaned back against his chair and whispered ' Amma was the one who put her foot down and ordered that Vaidyanathan cease all his aggression against Durai anna or else face the consequences.'

Raman smiled sarcastically ' well sir, Amma is not here anymore now, is she?'

Chief Minister Edappadi Palaniswamy shrugging his shoulders ' But we will do our best and yet our best is nothing when compared to Vaidyanathan anna's power and reach with his district and within the party.'

Raman gave him a look of understanding and continued ' then our paths crossed again in a case that I am handling right now and the problems began and they began in deadly earnest.

Raman explained the circumstances of Bharats case and him being attacked by Periya Karuppan, his confrontation with the thugs in Citi center,how Suja had been forced to kill herself, Mohan's accident, Periya Karuppans dying confession, Vijay's death, the attacks in Vijaya hospital and how it had all ended in Taj Connemara.

Chief Minister Edappadi Palaniswamy slowly lowered his head into his hands and stayed like that for a few moments and then looked up at Raman ' all of us in the party knew what a tough and dangerous cookie Vaidyanathan anna was but it looks like we knew very little of his real activities.'

He looked at Raman ' who then killed all those men who attacked and killed Periya Karuppan?'

Raman replied with an expressionless face ' God only know sir but I am sure the culprits will soon be apprehended.'

Chief Minister Edappadi Palaniswamy with the same expressionless face replied ' it does not matter now, does it, Raman? and looking at his police commissioner ' does it sir?'

Commissioner Vishwanathan ' in my humble opinion, the criminals got what they deserved and I think we should thank the person who did it. what do you think Raman?'

Chief minister EPS looked at Raman with greater respect ' Raman sir, I cannot begin to thank you for all that you have done for this state and city and for my party by helping Durai Murugan anna's family and also by helping the central Governments Intelligence team for I had the prime minister himself on the phone telling me to co-operate with Singh sir here and his men and from what I see, it is you who has been helping them all the way while we seem have to done nothing at all.'

In a soft voice ' I, my party and this Government are in your debt. Tell me sir, is there anything I can do for you? please ask and it will be done.'

Raman leaned forward ' promise sir.'

Chief minister EPS put out his hand and said ' place your hand in mine and let's shake hands over the promise' and do not forget that we have two witnesses here with us.'

Raman shook hands with the chief minister and said ' Make Vaidyanathan, a hero in all of this. Let the public remember him by his last act of redemption and let people remember his bravery. speak and talk and spread the news in such a manner that this party's stature will increase in the public's eyes and will stand good in the coming elections.'

Chief minister EPS ' are you sure sir and what about you and your family and your redemption?'

Raman answered the question ' That is done and it is also something for me to handle on my own.'

Chief minister EPS ' I promised that I would do anything you ask of me and yet your first request is for another and a wish that only helps me and my party.'

Raman with a sad smile ' I am not finished. My second request is that Vijay should be honored by the state and that his kindness and grace be remembered and never forgotten.'

' again, another request but not for yourself.'

' My third and final request is that people like Kavita be given more recognition in the party and a much higher post then the AIADMK women's wing secretary.'

Chief minister EPS remained calm and with a smile playing on his lips and he said ' Raman sir, just before your arrival here, Durai Pandi Anna called me and requested that you and your family be protected and well taken care of.'

He paused and continued ' He said one thing which was very right and that was ' Raman is one of his kind and truly a great soul.' Like him, I too firmly believe that great people should be nurtured and cherished and encouraged in all ways.'

He looked at Raman ' I promise that I will fulfill all your requests and wishes and the first one starts now and that is I will talk to the other cabinet members and tomorrow it will be announced that Kavita is going to be the New home minster and that she will also contest the vacant MLA seat in k.k.nagar.'

Raman's eyes filled with tears ' sir, awesome sir. I am absolutely sure Kavita will do all of us very proud.'

The joyous moment was crashed on by the sudden arrival of the chief secretary who came barging in and apologized to the glaring Chief minister.

' Very sorry sir, but there has been a bomb blast at the General hospital.'

Raman gripped commissioner Vishwanathan's arm ' Where did you take the body of that woman?'

' It was taken to the Govt General Hospital.'

Raman looked at him ' the other one, the partner. He has gone there for her body.'

Far, far away, Malik aka Jamun slowly placed Gulab's body into the pit and stood looking down at her face and then whispered ' An eye for an eye will not do baby. A life, for your life, will not be enough. A life, for our baby, is not going to bring you back and so, I will come to you dragging all of them and Raman and I will gift his child that his woman carries in her womb. I promise you Gulab.'

He sat down slowly by her side and gently stroked her cold face that was beginning to stiffen in rigor and gently kissed her lips and lay by her side ' It is okay baby. It is okay for I am here now and soon we will be one in hell or in heaven.'

Jannal Oram 353

Look to this day,

for it is life, the very breath of life.

In its brief course lie

all the realities of your existence;

the bliss of growth,

the glory of action,

the splendor of beauty.

For yesterday is only a dream,

and tomorrow is but a vision.

But today, well-lived,

makes every yesterday a dream of happiness,

and every tomorrow

a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day.

(Ancient Sanskrit)

The PA of the Chief Minister knocked just once and rushed in and at the same time as Commissioner Vishwanathan's mobile phone rang and he picked it up and looked with worry at EPS ' sir, not one but three blasts sir and a few are confirmed as dead.'

Chief Minister Edappadi Palaniswamy stood up ' commissioner sir, hunt this animal down and put an end to this. You have my full support and co-operation on this.'

He folded his hands and bid farewell to Raman ' Sir, When all this is over, if you have the time, please drop in for we have a lot more things to talk about.'

Turning to the Chief secretary ' give Raman sir my personal number and your number and take down his number too.'

Commissioner Vishwanathan saluted the chief minister who returned the salute and wished them all goodbye and left in a hurry to meet his cabinet ministers and inform them about the bomb blasts.

General V.K.Singh, Additional secretary, office of joint operation, RAW had remained silent stood up and looked at Raman ' why has the killer attacked a government hospital and that too for a dead body?'

Raman looked at him with irritation ' surely, you are not testing my intelligence. Not now and not at this desperate hour.'

V.K.Singh smiled calmly ' people are always dying, being killed by petty and hardcore criminals and by terrorists. This killing business is never going to stop and it will go on. But, answer my question, for it might be helpful in putting an end to this mysterious other person and his killing spree.'

Raman was about to answer when the Commissioner's phone rang and both he and V.K.Singh watched him as he listened and replied ' I am on my way and should be there in 20 minutes.'

He looked at both Raman and V.K.Singh ' gentlemen, do you want to ride with me?' to which they both nodded and quickly got into his car.

The blue beacon on the Commissioners car flashed and its light scattered the commuters out of the vehicles way and the car sped towards the General Hospital opposite Central railway station that was now called Puratchi Thalaivar Dr. M G Ramachandran Central Railway Station.

Both the senior officers looked at Raman who smiled ' the answer is love. The woman I killed must have been either his wife, partner or sister and must have been really close to him. That is why he has gone to the extent of using bombs.'

Commissioner Vishwanathan looked at Raman in confusion ' But why three bombs? why go to that extent Ram?'

' That is why I said, the dead woman must have been very precious to this remaining killer and if he has gone to this extent then he will not stop until he reaches me and my family.'

V.K.Singh ' But the woman is dead and it makes no sense at all for this killer to resort to such tactics.'

Raman looked out of the tinted window ' that is why I use the word " love" again for only love can drive a man to such an extent and make him risk everything.'

He looked at both of them ' but the real answer is that he came not just to see her but to take her dead body away and give her a proper cremation which he must be doing somewhere right now and not very far away from here and from our reach.'

Raman paused and said in a sad voice ' Gentlemen, it also means that I, my family and all my friends are in grave danger and I am sure that this remaining killer will launch an attack at a time of his choosing and will not stop until I am dead or he is dead.'

The car came to a halt just outside the gate of the hospital and all three of them got out and were immediately surrounded by fully armed police commandos and were ushered into the hospital.

Raman remained calm and said nothing for the next fifteen minutes as both he and V.k.Singh followed the commissioner who was taken to the three places where the bombs had exploded.

A Deputy Commissioner from the crime branch gave a brief report ' sir, five have been confirmed dead. The first bomb blast took place near the entrance of the parking lot and the second one near the rear parking lot of the Hospital and the third one near the garbage dump of the hospital.'

The bomb disposal team leader arrived and saluted the commissioner and reported ' sir, we have found no more bombs sir and for safety reasons we are requesting evacuation of the entire hospital so that we can do a thorough check on all the five floors of the hospital and I confess it is not going to be easy and will take time.'

Raman cleared his throat and Commissioner Vishwanathan turned to him ' Yes, anything on your mind, Raman?'

' Sir, I am absolutely sure that there are no more bombs here for the man came and got what he wanted.'

He pointed to the hospital's layout and then traced the bomb blasts with his finger ' all the bomb blasts had a time interval of five minutes and this was because he wanted the mortuary and pathology area to be free of people and security. That is why the first blast took place at the entrance and it was for shock value and also to draw in the security towards that place and away from the area to which he was headed. The second and third blasts were for more effect and diversion and to clear the mortuary area completely for it is obvious that it is the least protected place as it is obvious that the hospital staff and security would be more interested in saving their own lives than stand guard over dead and decomposing bodies.'

The Chief medical officer was hovering in the background and was well known to the commissioner and he came forward and introduced himself to the others.

Raman looked at him ' sir, could you please take us to the mortuary and specifically to where today's arrivals were being kept.'

The Chief medical officer led all of them towards the mortuary and as they passed the Pathology department, he stopped and yelled ' please, bring me all the reports from today's autopsies and the one that was done on the young woman who came in late in the afternoon as a high priority case.'

The report was brought in and taking it, The Chief medical officer handed it over to Commissioner Vishwanathan who quickly scanned it and then looked up with eyes full of shock and panic and whispered ' She was nearly two months pregnant.'

An ominous silence covered all of them in the eerie area of the dead and it was shattered by Raman's mobile phone and all of them looked at him and he looked at all of them and slowly placed a finger on his lips.

Commissioner Vishwanathan nodded in understanding and asked everybody to leave and those who remained to stay absolutely silent.

Raman took out his mobile phone and nodded at V.k.Singh who returned his nod and answered the call and at the same time pressed the speaker button.

A deep and calm voice came out of the speaker ' Good Evening Mr.Raman. I am calling you now because I thought it was time that we spoke to each other. I know you and I also know that you know or at least are aware of who I am. So, forgive me if I skip the silly introductions and dive straight into the matter between us.'

The speaker fell silent and all of them knew that the call had been cut deliberately so as to avoid being traced to its origin and location.

Raman's phone rang again and the voice spoke again ' forgive me for I had to cut the call before it could be tracked. Raman, I have just buried the woman that I was going to marry soon and also who was going to be the mother of our child. But, it is not to be for you killed her. I am sure that if I had been in your place that I would have done the same thing.'

The call was cut and Raman's phone rang again but after nearly five minutes and the voice spoke again ' All that is left now is to settle the matters of revenge and also justice for my unborn child. So, we will meet again soon and we will meet face to face and settle our problems as men have always done. Mano a mano.'

All of them expected the call to get cut but the voice continued and it now growled ' I have a welcoming gift for you. From what little I have seen of you, I have come to greatly respect you and your mind and if I am right then you are right there to receive my welcoming gift or maybe my parting gift.'

Everyone present there were veteran police officers and much older than Raman and all of them would remember that moment and talk and sing about it until their last moments for Raman moved.

He moved, defying time, and he moved with a superhuman speed that none of them had ever witnessed or would ever witness again.

Raman turned and spreading both his arms like Jesus on the cross, and threw himself on all those who had stood behind him and took all of them down to the ground and at the same time screamed " BOMB."

The pathology department's doors flew open with a tremendous bang as the bomb inside exploded and it rained flame, smoke, debris along with limbs of dead people and drenched and cloaked all of them with blood and flesh and fear.

Jannal Oram 354

“It doesn't make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who's dead.” ― joseph heller

Raman sat by a grave watching a man whose back was turned to him digging a grave. He had no idea as to who the man was or for whom he was digging a grave that looked more like an abyss.

Raman thought it was better to stay quiet but could not help himself and said ' Excuse, I am sorry to interrupt you, but do you need help in digging the grave.'

The man began to cry and Raman felt shivers run up and down his body for he knew the voice and it said ' no thanks. This is my hell and I have to do this by myself.'

' But sir, why such a deep grave? I thought six feet was the norm.'

The man turned around and looked up from the darkness and dropping the shovel, began to use his fingers to claw up from below and Raman stood up to give him a hand and saw that the grave was much deeper than he had thought and it looked more like twenty feet to his eyes.

Raman unable to take all this suspense yelled into the pit out of which the man was clawing his way out ' this grave looks like it is nearly twenty feet deep and not just six? why so deep?'

The man's hands first came out of the pit and then his head popped out and Raman's blood froze in their paths for he was looking at himself and the face whispered ' twenty feet. I doubt if it will do. But, I am tired now and want to go home and sleep it off.'

Raman spoke to Raman ' but where are the dead bodies?'

The other Raman smiled and vanished into the nearby bushes and came back dragging a few bodies behind him and Raman's heart began to beat faster and faster for it was his dad and mother and they were dead, shot in the head and he watched with eyes and mouth wide open as they were dropped into the deep pit and again the other Raman went away and came back with Jeeva's parents and dropped them into the pit.

Finally, he came back dragging Jeeva's body and whispered ' A life for a life and baby for a baby' and dropped her into the pit.

Raman screamed loudly and woke to machines beeping loudly, screaming warnings that he the heart rate was too high and then he felt her hands and lips on him and opened his eyes and saw Jeeva sitting next to him.

' What? what is going on? are you okay? where am I ?'

Jeeva placed her hands on his chest and gently rubbed it and said ' Baby, you are here in the very hospital where you saved nearly ten people's lives but you were injured in the process. You got hit by flying debris and have suffered a severe concussion and some minor injuries apart from a few bruised ribs, twisted ligaments, and joints.'

The duty nurse and doctor came rushing in and began to check his vitals and monitored his heart rate which began to steady by dropping from where it had just been.

The doctor requested Jeeva not to trouble Raman by making him talk for longer than required and asked her to let him rest.

She looked at Raman " Hero, right now you are under my watch and care and if you don't rest then I will have to sedate you.'

Raman smiled and thanked her and after she left, looked at Jeeva ' how long have I been away?'

' The whole night for it is the next day and about 6.30 in the morning.'

Raman cursed and then raised himself on his elbows and looked around and Jeeva with a smile, pushed him gently back to the bed ' they are all outside and have been here from last night.'

Groaning frustratedly, he protested and gently chided her ' what baby, why all this fuss and that too for such simple scratches and bruises?'

Raman saw her staring at him angrily and silently and then she gently bent into him and kissed him on his lips and gently bit his lip and he kissed her back, whispering into her mouth ' I don't mind getting injured like this a thousand times for kisses like this.'

She used her fingers to shut him up and shaking her head ' Please, don't ever say that again. Even a simple scratch on your body feels like a tear and hole in my heart and I will bravely bear that if it means saving you and protecting you from the slightest scratch or the tiniest of injuries.'

Jeeva began to get up and he held her and told her not to go.

' She has been here all night, without eating or sleeping and just to see you. I think I will send her in first and then we will all come back together after that.'

Raman's face filled with irritation and confusion ' No, I think it is better that you all come together along with Kavita.'

Jeeva looked at him ' you fool of a man. I am not sending her in with the love that she has for you in mind but with great respect and understanding as to the purity of that love.'

Raman did not how to react to this rather strange and unique situation and thought that it was better to stay calm and silent and then the door opened and Kavita entered and walked slowly towards Raman.

Outside, all four of the parents looked at her and it was Valliammai who spoke first ' Jeeva, don't you think that you are taking it a bit too far?'

Jeeva smiled ' No amma. Not in the least. It is not only love and passion that Kavita has for Ram but more and much more than all that basic stuff.'

She looked at all of them ' if push comes to shove she will not hesitate to sacrifice her life for his sake and maybe for our sakes too. That kind of love is not only rare but very pure and is hard to come by in one's life.'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiFre0FK-s0

The Power of Love

The whispers in the morning

Of lovers sleeping tight

Are rolling by like thunder now

As I look in your eyes

I hold on to your body

And feel each move you make

Your voice is warm and tender

A love that I could not forsake

'Cause I'm your lady

And you are my man

Whenever you reach for me

I'll do all that I can

Even though there may be times

It seems I'm far away

Well, never wonder where I am

'Cause I am always by your side

'Cause I'm your lady

And you are my man

Whenever you reach for me

I'll do all that I can

We're heading for something

Somewhere I've never been

Sometimes I am frightened

But I'm ready to learn

Of the power of love

The sound of your heart beating

Made it clear suddenly

The feeling that I can't go on

Is light years away

'Cause I'm your lady

And you are my man

Whenever you reach for me

I'm gonna do all that I can

We're heading for something

Somewhere I've never been

Sometimes I am frightened

But I'm ready to learn

Of the power of love

Ooh, the power of love