*From & To Sathish* - Thread 4 - Page 69

Jannal Oram 355

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” Robert A. Heinlein

Jeeva opened the door and left with Raman's eyes on it and her and as she shut the door leaving him alone it opened and Kavita entered and shut the door again and she looked lonelier than him.

She walked towards him, taking the first steps in a hurry and then the next few steps in slow motion speed and then stopped, gazed on him and then nearly flew to his side.

Raman patted the space on the bed and she sat by his right side and asked ' How are you doing?'

' I am okay. Much ado about nothing. Who told you about me being here in the hospital?'

' Jeeva. who else? the kind soul and gentle soul that she is, called me last night and informed me so that I would not worry and also told me that she and the whole family were here and that it was okay if I came to see you today morning.'

' But you came last night and have been here with my family. Thank you.'

He looked at her reddish tinged eyes ' how is your dad doing?'

' he is okay. conscious but still weak of both body and mind.'

Raman closed his eyes ' It is not easy to lose a child and it hurts more when the child is taken at a very young age.'

Kavita slowly reached for his hands and held it in hers ' He knows that it was you who did the final rites for Vijay and he asked me to convey his gratitude to you and requested your presence when you find the time.'

Both sat drowned in silence and Kavita felt that even those few minutes of silence were the most beautiful moments that she had ever experienced.

Then she looked at him remembering something and Raman asked her what it was and Kavita said ' The Chief minister called me last night when I was in the hospital and said that the coming bye-elections in K.K. Nagar were going to be discussed in a high-level party meeting later today at the headquarters and has asked me to be present there.'

She pouted and blew a strand of hair that had fallen on her left eye and said ' I am not sure whether this is the time to be attending to party matters when I am still mourning the loss of my brother and am taking care of my ailing father.'

Raman's right-hand fingers slowly wrapped themselves around hers in a gentle but powerful grip ' you should go Kavita for it is not only about you but also about Vijay, your father and the party that your family has been working for and last but least go for your own sake and for the late Amma's legacy.'

Kavita stared at him for a few moments and then turned away as tears threatened to fill her eyes and soul and after waiting for a few moments for her to regain her composure, Raman tugged on her hand and asked ' why are you crying now?'

Kavita wiping her eyes slowly turned towards him and replied ' I was just wondering if my life too will be like AMMA'S was and if I too will spend my days in solitude, surrounded by people who are after money and power.'

' No. You will never be lonely for you will always have all of us with you, watching over you and protecting you and that is a promise.'

Their conversation was brought to an end as the door opened and Jeeva entered with Shaktivel, Valliammai, Mani, and Kamakshi and with them came Commissioner Vishwanathan and V.K.Singh and Kavita slowly stood up and stepped away from Raman and receded to the background.

But, she did not stand alone for more than a few seconds for Jeeva came to her side and both stood watching Raman as he exchanged greetings with the new entrants.

Police Commissioner looked at Raman ' God, I wish you had been a cop' and to which V.k.singh added ' I too wish you had been an army officer' and Kavita looked at Jeeva and murmured softly ' I only wish he was our Chief Minister and better still our Prime Minister for then the world would have been a better place with a person like him leading us all.'

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. The winners are:

1. Coffee (N.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (V.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (V.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (Adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (Adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (V.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (N.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (N.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (N.), a rapidly receding hairline.

12. Rectitude (N.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (N), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (N.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (N.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (N.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

1. Bozone (N.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (V): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (N.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (N): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (N): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (V): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (N): Terminal coolness.

9. Karmageddon (N): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?

10. Decafalon (N.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (V): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (N): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (N.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (N.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (N.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

Hello. I wish you all a beautiful day. All the best.

The dark overcast skies lay overhead

neither bringing rain nor making way for light

like life and our fate plays with us

even after maybe even god has wished us well

saami varam kuduthalum

poosari thadupaan

Still early in the morning and I stood wondering

whether to just give up and go to the gym

the beach dogs fed and now lay in their cool

soft and sandy beds and lay dozing

with one ear cocked and moving

and tracking my movements like the beam

from the lighthouse

I felt a strange malaise fill my being

and felt it reflected in the skies overhead

even the pigeons seemed lazy and lethargic

and i sighed and placing my mobile back into my pocket

I headed towards the car to hit the gym

I felt a soft caress on my head and neck

and heard the soft whispers in my soul

and stopped and slowly turned

and saw that the heavens were on fire

and the clouds were a burning orange

every sunrise and every golden dawn

is a diwali up in the heavens

just no smoke and pollution

but light and heat

for all those who live here on earth

and for all filled with malaise and malady

from the west a white arrow streaked towards the rising sun

and i thought ' an arrow against rama from ravana's bow

and as it was then the arrow was swallowed and lost

in the gold and fire

eyes opened, lips parted and

the doors shut on souls

gave way and I stood waiting

and waiting while all around me

the birds flocked and flew

in all kinds of mad formations

singing and dancing

and I too joined them

these are some of my favorite songs that I listen to when I am blue and out of energy and generally am just moping around doing nothing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJnhlMMhmds

Don't cry sister cry, it'll be alright in the morning

Don't cry sister cry, everything'll be just fine

Don't cry sister cry, it'll be alright, I tell you no lie

Don't cry sister cry, don't do it, don't do it

When Old Man Trouble knocks on your door

Don't give him no key, he just wants more

He'll turn your life to misery

Kick you down, just like me

Don't cry sister cry, it'll be alright, it'll be alright

Don't cry sister cry, everything'll be just fine

Woke downhearted and you feel so bad

Somebody wants something of nothing you had

Love don't come too easy, you see

A little bit of you and a little bit of me

Don't cry sister cry, it'll be alright, it'll be alright

Don't cry sister cry, everything'll be just fine

Everything'll be just fine

Everything'll be just fine

Don't cry sister cry, don't do it, don't do it

Don't cry sister cry, don't do it, don't do it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAi8-BS_6dE

Don't take her for granted, she has a hard time

Don't misunderstand her or play with her mind

Treat her so gently, it will pay you in time

You've got to know she's the sensitive kind

Tell her you love her, each and every night

And you will discover she will treat you right

If you believe, I know you will find

There ain't nothing like the sensitive kind

She gets lonely waiting for you

You are the only thing to help her through

Don't take her for granted, she has a hard time

You've got to know she's the sensitive kind

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_82Dtdjf8mQ

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong and carry on

'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Would you hold my hand

If I saw you in heaven?

Would you help me stand

If I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way through night and day

'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees

Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure

And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong and carry on

'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oGqVVoPOCA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMbjW_I7Nhc

Winter has come for me, can't carry on

The chains to my life are strong

But soon they'll be gone

I'll spread my wings one more time

Is it a dream?

All the ones I have loved calling out my name

The sun warms my face

All the days of my life, I see them passing me by

In my heart I know I can let go

In the end I will find some peace inside

New wings are growing tonight

Is it a dream?

All the ones I have loved calling out my name

The sun warms my face

All the days of my life, I see them passing me by

As I am soaring I'm one with the wind

I am longing to see you again, it's been so long

We will be together again

Is it a dream?

All the ones I have loved calling out my name

The sun warms my face

All the days of my life, I see them passing me by

Getti melam

In ancient Vedic times it was more like " avalum nokinaal, avanum nokkinal" and thus a marriage was created without any fuss or chaos. For, in those ancient days, the choice was left to the daughter.

With one of the five elements as a witness, a man and woman came together as one and most probably lived happily after.

Obviously, that is not possible today for there are too many elements in today's modern world and to make my thought clear, I would like to share this seriously weird guy who went live on facebook with his first night scene.

Facebook and live first night action aside, people commit suicides and stream them live and out into the world and it only makes you wonder how desperate one can get that he or she needs to die to get likes and for them to be seen.

I myself have been fighting a largely losing battle with being on social platforms and immediately recognize the rather gigantic elephant in the room with me and unlike those five blind men, I recognized that elephant as my own Ego and desperate need to be seen, liked and accepted and most importantly approved off.

This is the plague that has been plaguing this current phase of Kali-yuga.

It has become such a burden this constant struggle between my conscience and consciousness that I have deactivated and gotten out of facebook a hundred times or more and in desperate situations blocked and deleted many an unwanted and unnecessary facebook friend and yes I mean exactly that and all those I met on facebook.

What I write, the pics that I post, pics from my cine work and film world and all of them weigh me down and make me ponder and wonder hard about what the heck is going on and why I am feeling thus.

One part of my soul pops up and say " sat, two-thirds done with. so live out the rest in full sight and knowledge and let the journey be inside and not outside.'

Another part pops up and drills into my mind and heart " listen, make every moment count. Enjoy, and just do what you feel like doing. Just make sure that your actions don't hurt any other soul.'

Another part preaches ' one life mister Satish and are you going to waste it on what you want and like or what you must do and really need.'

Like a tightrope walker balanced high up in the air, I manage to cross each day, all the while struggling with my ego, needs and journeying inward ( hopefully).

I started this thought with marriage and it was with that I will end my ramblings and moanings.

Prem was the associate director of the tv serial Roja that started back in 2003 and ended in 2007 although he left the project along with the director Balaji at the end of 2003 itself and Arunthava raja took over.

That Balaji hung himself is a much flogged topic and I will not broach it.

Prem called me and informed me of his daughters wedding and I promised that I would be there.

Weddings yes but receptions is a no, no.

Weddings, I mean thali kattrathu is always done in the mornings and since I am a sun baby and feel active at those wee hours, I went and sat through for two hour and once the getti melam was called and the man tied the noose around the woman and made three knots just to see if the noose was strong and would not come undone, I made my exit.

Between 6.30 am to 8.00 am, the man will wed the woman. Of course, it was not written like that and more on the lines of Subamuhurtham, etc.

Dressed in my uniform that is a kurta and pajama I sneaked into the wedding hall and quietly sat in one of the many empty chairs and sat with my arms folded around my chest like AVM Saravanan sir.

Prem came with full of prem and josh and we caught up on old times and then caught up on the film he was working on as co-director and for the very one that I had lit one of the wicks of the lamp as a chief guest.

He shook his head in despair and said ' director had some ego problem with me and so I walked out.'

His turn and he asked me ' Thalaivar padam enna aachu?' and I blinked and answered honestly ' I have no clue as to what is happening or when it will happen and have stopped thinking about it and am busy with television.'

We looked at each other and sighed and then he left to take part in the rituals where feet are washed, the bridegroom walks away in mock anger ( I wonder if it is a practice session for the future when he or she might walk away).

Hold on, I really mean it, hold on for I am finally coming to the heart of the matter.

A young girl shyly offered me the plate of petals and turmeric tainted rice and I looked at her and wondered what the heck she was offering and it was my turn to be shy and look at the floor like a girl is supposed to do. Thank god she only asked me for selfies and not my number for then I would have laughed like a jackass or wait, more like a Hyena.

I looked at my watch and the hands were nearing 12 and 8 and I groaned and spoke to nobody in general ' o..a, appo ettunu poda vendiyathu thaane. 7.50 kku vanthuttu 8.05 odi poiruppene.'

I sat in the sparsely occupied hall and stared at the mandapam where the whole jing bang was happening and cursed loudly all the photographers and cameramen that had their backs towards us and with their white umbrellas and lights blocking the view of the bride and groom.

Yes, see, I know bloody well that each and every one of you have sat in a wedding hall and stared at these baboons bums as they click and shoot videos of the occasion.

o..a idhu vera. with so many cameras in your face it is more like a CCTV atmosphere and you better not be caught digging your nose or scratching whatever or wherever it suddenly itches.

Now, you stand up with your palm full of rice and rose petals and all the time wondering where and how to throw this and bless the newly bedded, sorry wedded couple.

A picture came to my mind of me stoning to death all those photo and videographers and wishing it was stones and boulders in my hands rather than rice and flowers, I just chucked it in the general direction and vicinity of the couple.

The moment the thali was tied, I heard chairs move, scatter and rudely flung aside and again I stood alone for everyone had run up and yeah, you guessed right for lunch.

o..a, sevenukku breakfast saaptu, ettukku luncha. ungallukku ellam ezharai thaan.

well, that's it. be seeing you soon.

Jannal Oram 356

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”

Dhanraj Malik aka Jamun sat by the still dark-colored earth that lay differently around the earth around it. He sat quietly and all that he felt was a dark abyss where his heart should have been. He sat in his usual lotus yoga pose and stared at the dark patch of the earth in front of him and his mind wandered and wondered.

' Gulab, baby, is that you buried under this earth. Dead and gone and lost to me.'

He looked up at the sky and screamed his pain and madness and then began to claw at the earth like a mad animal and soon reached her body that he had wrapped in plastic sheets and then stopped for even through the sheets her flesh felt funny.

' of course, rigor is gone and the flesh has become soft and supple again and decomposition has set in' he whispered and then felt the smell of Gulab's spoilt flesh hit his nostril and he howled like a caged beast.

He stood up with clenched fists and gazed down at the still beautiful form of his ward, prodigy, his love and who would have been the mother to his child.

' All gone. All lost now and I am lonely once again.'

His anger burnt through his veins and bones like acid on skin and not knowing how to cope with it he jumped into the pit and on to her dead body and sitting on top of her began to slap her face ' Stupid woman. You foolish child. I warned you repeatedly and warned you not to go into it alone. See now and see for yourself. You are dead and out of my reach and the only way that we can be one again is by me dying.'

He began to fill the shallow grave with soil and muttered ' Not before I have killed him and his family and all his friends.'

His training and senses slowly kicking back into action, Jamun composed himself and expertly covered the grave with the same soil that lay around it and then scattered some dry leaves and rocks on it to better camouflage the burial site and spoke to Gulab.

' Goodbye baby. I am not sure if we will be one in flesh again for I will fall dead somewhere far from here and from your arms. But, I promise that we will be one in spirit again and soon. There is nothing left in this world without you in it and I don't intend to spend too much time in it myself. Just, enough time to kill and kill and die killing.'

Jamun walked away from the thick and dense vegetation and slowly made his way towards his car that was parked on the shoulder of the bypass.

Gone were the dirty and muddied clothes and he walked dressed in formal attire and getting into his car headed towards Chennai.

The bed in which Raman was in had been raised and so he now sat leaning against it in a Semi-Fowler's position and looking at Police Commissioner Vishwanathan asked ' Any news or clues about the man?'

Police Commissioner Vishwanathan shook his head and looked at General V.K.Singh, Additional secretary, office of joint operation, RAW who too shook his head negatively.

Raman's face reddened with anger and frustration ' state and central and yet both of you are here shaking your heads in defeat.'

Jeeva, Kavita, Shaktivel, Valli, Kamakshi, and mani all looked panic-stricken for it is not every day that a civilian gets to talk down to police commissioner and to another central government officer who was ranked higher than the commissioner himself.

If all of them gathered there had thought that Raman was done with a single outburst, then they thought wrong for he looked at V.K.Singh with sarcasm in his voice and face and asked sweetly ' Where is that faithful but ill-mannered dog of yours, sir? He is not to be seen today. Maybe the work was too heavy and dangerous for him and so he must have gone back to wherever it was he came from.'

General V.K.Singh replied ' No, he and a few others are on their way to Europe and have just landed in Belgium.'

Raman understood what had been just said ' Santoshi Lal right. The Brigadier has gone after the master so that he may help in tracking down his rabid dog.'

Jamun's phone rang and all he said was ' yes' and his master spoke slowly and clearly ' Malik, I think they are on to me and I am not sure how much time I have left before I am taken or worse, killed on the spot.

Jamun growled like an animal ' they have come for you so that you can tell them where I am. Foolish people for little do they know that you know nothing about me or my movements.'

Santoshi was on the verge of breaking down for he had always kept himself far away from all the transactions that he had carried out and brokered for those in power and who lived in high places.

' Malik, I am not sure that I will hold out too long under any kind of torture and will break down and spill my guts.'

Jamun laughed ' it matters not Bhai. I will be gone too soon and so maybe it is time that you decided what you are going to do with yourself. Bye.'

' Malik suno na' Santoshi yelled into his phone and then realizing that Malik was not there disconnected the call and immediately his phone rang and he answered it and listened calmly as the voice spoke ' Mr.Santoshi, they have landed and since Belgium and India are partners in the fight against Terrorism, there is nothing more I can do in this matter.'

Santoshi calming himself ' How much time do I have left before they reach me?'

' A few hours at the most and there are already plainclothes police near your house who are watching you and have been watching you for the past few days.'

' Thank you, Mr. Hans and that will be all.'

Good morning. I wish you a beautiful day. All the best.

Various tints and shades of Orange and Gold and a calmer self of its raging nuclear fire. I sometimes hear people debate about Nuclear waste, radiation, and harmful rays and laugh to myself and whisper to the sun.

" Boss, Kalpakkam nuclear station is just an atom in size when compared to you, and the energy that you put out, and you are the true creator and nourisher of all life and all that is not life, in your family called the Solar system."

Yesterday morning on my way to Marina Beach, I stopped to buy biscuits for my furry boys and girls who make their home there and happened to hear two youngsters talking about life and emptiness.

As I headed towards Marina, I thought to myself ' Sati, maybe it is not about finding answers or clues to this voyage called life but maybe truly about questioning the whole existence.'

It is rather a frustrating exercise when you question and question, probe and ponder and derive no proper answer or explanation and maybe that is the whole point of it all.

Seek, knock and throw your beseeching arms up to the heavens and maybe, just maybe .......

There are times when we know our strength is inadequate to face the adversities and Googlies that life throws at us. Then, the question is, do we retreat, do we lie down and give up or do we forge on regardless of the end result. But wait, there is another way and that is, ask your dearest and nearest for their perspectives and take the hand given to you in good faith.

For, in times of peril who else can we turn to if not our loved ones and closest friends. The minute you open up and talk about that which is haunting your grave is the minute from when you can breathe more freely and be rid of the burden, hopefully for at least a little time. Sometimes, taking a timeout for a breather is all that is required to carry on the good fight called life and living it. Call them with the names you wish while I will call them an oasis.

Yes, for they are like the sweet water that gushes out from the burning desert floor, and yes, friends are just that, water sent to quench and soothe your thirst and pain. It is, as if mother earth herself, understands, and recognizes your struggles to make sense of it all and she sends timely help in the form of friends and family.

But look, open your eyes wide and look again for you have words, quotes, and proverbs from great men, wise men who have said it all for you, for me, and for everybody to read and ponder and they have done it for thousands of years, and a precious few still do.

And they asked him:

Why do you sing?

And he answered:

I sing because I sing...

And they searched his chest

But could only find his heart

And they searched his heart

But could only find his people

And they searched his voice

But could only find his grief

And they searched his grief

But could only find his prison

And they searched his prison

But could only see themselves in chains

Earth poem by Mahmoud Darwish

Good morning. I wish you a beautiful day. All the best.

"When you're socially awkward, you're isolated more than usual, and when you're isolated more than usual, your creativity is less compromised by what has already been said and done. All your hope in life starts to depend on your craft, so you try to perfect it. One reason I stay isolated more than the average person is to keep my creativity as fierce as possible. Being the odd one out may have its temporary disadvantages, but more importantly, it has its permanent advantages." Criss Jami

What is mine and what is yours ? what did I bring but my wails and feeble body as I sprang forth from my luggage compartment.I am just a baggage as are you.some small,some big and we go on carving and craving insignificant needs and space.Is it possible for a soul to live totally for its own means and purposes and just its own and only selfish needs.All actions good,great,bad and evil are but footnotes once the soul is gone and the baggage disposed of.Is there more to life than all this I wonder. One step at a time, and eventually the goal will be met or the end will be met.

To grow up in india is to grow up with mythical figures and legends from epics.There are many who study one thing, and then do something else which is totally irrelevant to their education.But there are some stories and heroes we never get to out grow and they travel with you till your very end.

Ram, Laxman,Hanuman,Arjun,Bheem ,and most importantly Abhimanyu.From the very first time we start listening to stories about them through Ramayana,Mahabaharata,Bhagwatham and Bhagwad Gita, we invariably try imbibe their qualities and knowingly or unknowingly they become our gurus.Today I can only faintly recollect the mughal dynasty,Sher shah suri and Hemu but I know pretty well the events that took place in ramayana and mahabharata.Some of us become Rama,some become the loving lakshmana and very few become Hanuman,the friend,follower and totally devoted soul to one goal and whcih for him was Rama.There are times when I see my reflection in the mirror and see Ram,Laxman,Hanuman and importantly Ravan too staring back at me.I smile and they smile saying heaven and hell are right there in your soul. Rama or Ravana are right there in your choices.But, these tough choices are painfulalthough they are the yardsticks with which we can and should judge our daily lives.To be Ravana is to listen to your body,Hormones and chemicals but to be Rama is to listen to the whispers of your soul where the ultimate judge sits watching and judging your every move.

Pity that the whispers of rama often get drowned by the screams and roars of Ravana,the rakshasa

"Isn't it funny how the memories you cherish before a breakup can become your worst enemies afterwards? The thoughts you loved to think about, the memories you wanted to hold up to the light and view from every angle--it suddenly seems a lot safer to lock them in a box, far from the light of day and throw away the key. It's not an act of bitterness. It's an act if self-preservation. It's not always a bad idea to stay behind the window and look out at life instead, is it?"

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” Henri J.M. Nouwen